Can't let it go

[Maria 60]

Last night my wife asked me if I was going on my Friday drive, I told her I'm trying to cut it back and lay low for a while. She asked me if it had anything to do with what happened last week at the gas station with the girls who were filming me. She said when you fall off the horse you don't shoot it, you jump back on. She knows how much I enjoy that drive, almost like something to look forward to and an excuse to dress up and wear some new clothes. I told her I just want to cut it down a bit.
I couldn't believe my mind wouldn't let it go, I thought I'll go for an hour and bring my wife back dessert and then as it got later I thought I'll go for a little while and bring back my wife a coffee. My mind wouldn't stop looking for excuses to go for the drive, even this morning when I got up early my mind was contemplating if I should go for a drive before my wife wakes up. It's not going to stop until I go and it's not just with the drive. It's even when I want something for my fem self, it has to be done and if it isn't my mind won't rest until I do what I have to do. When it comes to my fem side my mind stubborn as hell.
It's driving me crazy that I can't control it.

[Elizabeth G]

I hear you Maria! It consumes me, especially since I figured out some time ago that for me it's not just about the clothes, it's far deeper. I don't at all want it to go away, I very much enjoy my fem side and wish it were my permanent state of being. That being said, I just wish I could calm my thoughts from time to time with respect to my dressing and gender expression.

[Glenda58]

Just go don't let that thing with the girls get in your way. I've have had pics of me stopped that the border to Canada.

[Debra Russell]

Please, go out - do more than a drive, in day light stop being afraid - get out and enjoy the thrill - your thoughts will calm down and you will be more satisfided .........................Debra

[Laura912]

Maria, this is meant with all possible kindness. You do not need to ask this group what to do. Your wife already told you.

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

If my memory serves me correctly you have, under the encouragement of your wife, been out and about in full public view a number of times. This is, as far as I can remember, the first time anything has gone even mildly astray. Who gives a fig about two silly, childish young girls who in all likelihood, have had the video uploaded to the cloud never to see the light of day again.

Just out of curiosity I went on FaceBook and searched things like "crossdresser petrol", "tranny petrol", crossdresser fuel". Trust me you're not there. Stop fretting and get out there.

[Raychel]

If your wife is totally on board with you going out dressed, and you enjoy it so much
then don't let the world spoil your party,
I totally understand why you are feeling they way you do.

but fact is, things happen in life that may set you back a bit..
You have to dust yourself off and get back out there

I remember years ago, I was riding a dirt bike.
I really loved that. and had an event happen that could have left me paralyzed or dead
Sure it scared the hell out of me. But I didn't let it stop me.
First off I was miles into the woods. and had to get home.
Like you at the Gas Station, You had to go home afterwards
But trust me, I did get back out there and had many more really fun years.
As you should too.

Get out and enjoy

And if you are anywhere near Bangor Maine, Call me,
I will go out with you, and be way more scared then you :heehee:

[alwayshave]

Maria, your dressing is not hurting anyone and your wife is on board with it. Go for it and let your mind rest.

[Stephanie47]

You have to know there are many of us on this forum who are TOTALLY ENVIOUS of your marriage; supportive and engaging wife. Do you really need an excuse to go for a drive? That does not mean you have to have a purpose or destination. I use to find driving to be relaxing. My kids would ask "Where are you going?" I say "I'm following the hood of the car!" If have angst with another gas station encounter make sure your gas tank is full before you start. You have minimal control in a gas station. My gas station has two pump island with four pumps each. What happens if a car pulls up at the same pump station? Some giggling girl or a half drunk guy may make a scene, I suspect the gas station is a way to get out of the car. When my wife would go out of state in the fall to visit our daughter I would wait for the evening darkness. If it was lightly raining that was great. Using an umbrella helped to obscure my six foot manly frame. I could pass people in the street without any confrontation. I could get one of those free newspapers. I could stroll down the street to return library books. Get a can of soda from a vending machine outside a store. Mail a letter. Plan your outing to scenarios that avoid interaction.