What are your thoughts about someone trying on your clothes

[char GG]

I often see people here write about their beginning in the cd world as a child by trying on their mothers, sisters, relatives, friends clothes. Some even tried on clothes where they babysat at someone else’s homes. It is understandable, as children, there is no other outlet for curiosity than to wear the clothes available in your homes.

What would any of you think about a child (your child, relative, friend’s child, neighbor child) secretly going into your room and private stash of clothes and trying them on? Would you tell them that it’s ok? Explain that it’s natural to be curious but not at your home? Be understanding? Be livid? Or other emotions?

[Claire81]

In that particular situation, I wouldn't be upset with a young child trying on my feminine clothing (it is what I did, after all). My response would vary quite a bit depending on whose child I am speaking to. As a general rule, I'd reassure them the best I could, but encourage them to restrict those activities to their home (and gently remind them that they shouldn't look through a person's private things). The challenge for me here would be the perception of the child. Having searched a man's dresser and finding a feminine wardrobe might cause some confusion at an early age, and their follow-up questions could be hard to answer.

[Cheryl T]

If I had a child who was secretly trying on my clothes first of all I would notice right away.
I say this because I'm very organized and learned very early in my crossdressing that things I wore had to be put away "exactly" as I found them so that it wouldn't be noticed. It would be quickly obvious to me that someone had been in my things.
As for what I would say, well first I would talk to them alone, not in a setting with others so that it would make things less awkward. Then I would ask them if they had been doing it and see their reaction. Once in the open, I would explain that it is perfectly natural to be curious about such things and that it is normal. It may not be something that everyone does, but it is normal. Then I would try to get them to discuss their feelings and their curiosity so that is in the open. I would explain that secrets always have a way of finding daylight and that it's best to be open about it. I would also tell them that in the future if they would like to dress in my things that they should ask first and that if they would like any assistance I would be there for them. I would do my best to make sure that they feel no guilt or shame about what they are doing, but also make them understand that while I am understanding, not everyone is and that they need to be cautious about who they express this part of themselves to.

[Jessica S]

I don't think I would have any issues. I believe it is part of growing up to have curiosity. I can't be the pot that calls the kettle black.

[Geena75]

After being amazed that they found my stuff, I'm afraid I would feel amused because everything would be so oversized. As far as trying on my things, I don't think I'd have an issue other than the privacy thing. Then they would have to learn how to keep a secret.

[kimdl93]

I would not be livid. Given my own history, it would be hard for me to be anything other than empathetic to a young person acting upon their curiosity. I would not tell them it is ok. I would suggest that the curiosity is ok, but getting into the personal items of another person is not?and ask how they might feel if the situation were reversed.

[Debbie Denier]

I would be a hypocrite if I became angry. I would listen patiently and sympathetically to the explanation. If the reason was for CD, I would help them and encourage them by buying clothes for their own use. If that?s what they want to do.If it was a GG they probably would not fit them.

[CharlotteCD]

I think it depends on the situation. For sure, my sister would have had every right to be angry at me if she'd found out I'd been wearing her lingerie. I doubt she'd ever be able to wear any of it again.

Would she be as mad if she found out I'd tried on one of her dresses? Probably way less mad. Probably not mad at all - she'd probably have bought me my own clothes.

If somebody wore my clothes, I wouldn't be bothered provided they weren't made dirty or damaged.

[Wendy-Lyn]

I think I'd be much like Cheryl on this one.

Calm, rational, non-judgmental.

Let them know that advice and support are there, and that if they have any questions
they're welcome to ask.

Set rules re 'borrowing' - and explain why.

And yes - keep it between me and them. No embarrassing scenes or unwanted 'outing'.

[alwayshave]

While I am a very private person who does not like people touching my things, I love really would be a hypocrite if I got mad.

[TheHiddenMe]

First of all, how would you explain the clothes were yours? If you're married (I am, and my girl clothes are in the same closet with my wife's clothes, but I have a lot more dresses than her!) then talking with the child would be ultimately outing myself. We have two adult sons, and I have told neither (one still lives with us).

That's the first obstacle.

No, I wouldn't be upset, because I'd be a hypocrite like some of the others have written. I would try to gently understand why the child was interested, but at that age they aren't likely to tell the truth (if I had been caught as a child I would have likely lied). I hope I would come across as sympathetic and understanding.

I have a high school friend and he and his wife have a 25 y/o daughter who has come out as non-binary and is currently presenting as a male (with a beard). They don't know about me--none of my guy me friends do--but I wonder if I should say, I understand a bit, because I'm in the Transgender spectrum too. I don't know the "daughter" well (uses the them/they pronouns), so I`m not sure how receptive they would be. But it's a question I've been asking myself.

As to sharing clothes with adults, I love it. I've tried on some clothes of a couple of my GG friends and one GG friend has borrowed my stuff to go out, and she looks a lot better in my clothes than I do.

[sometimes_miss]

As long as they wash them when they're done, and don't ruin them, I'd say, go ahead.
But it would bother me a bit, if they ruined one of my favorite outfits, though. But I wouldn't be angry, just disappointed that I likely wouldn't be able to replace it, since cute girl clothes for 6'4" 250 pound folks with giant hands and feet, are hard to come by.

[Karren H]

I would say, go for it! Just do not stretch out my favorite bra! lol

[Erin Lafleur]

That's a hard no for me and yes, I fully understand the hypocrisy of that statement. It doesn't change my answer.
Had my young son tried on some of my femme wear, I would have been as gentle with him as Mom was with me but there are obvious differences here.
First and foremost, I am not a woman and there was never female clothing around for my child to try on. So, not possible, in any way. Beyond that, I'm his father, not his mother.
An entirely different set of implications and really, it's not even remotely the same thing. A bit of an absurd comparison really...

[GretchenM]

Seventy years ago I would have likely done something like my mother did with me. 'you are a (girl or boy, whichever is the case) and you should not be wearing those clothes.' But it is not and we now know that doing the gentle but firm reprimand is not the right thing to do. We would have a talk and if they wished to wear the clothes and be like a person who is consistent with those style clothes we would head to the store to buy some of their desired clothes. Then set up times when dress-up is allowed and let them be who they are under moderately controlled conditions.

Basically, go to the New York Times edition of August 8, 2012. There is an article there about dealing with boys who want to wear a dress. Basically, support them, let them under controlled conditions, and see where it goes. No punishment; no denial of their identity. Most grow out of it. Some transition. But denial of their current identity exploration will likely cause identity difficulties for the rest of their life. Amen to that!

[April Rose]

If it was my kid I would do what Getchen said. I have no respect at all for patriarchal values so there is no way I would inflict them on someone else.

My kid actually did find my stash. But it wasn't an identity thing for him. He was a 14 year old skate punk looking for Pot.

[JustJennifer]

Since I don't have kids (and never will), this is a hard question to answer. I guess I would just firmly but politely tell the child that they shouldn't try on other people's clothes without asking, and then leave it at that. Obviously though, even at that age kids know they shouldn't be poking around in other people's closets and drawers -- I certainly knew it when I was young, yet it didn't stop me -- so I think just the shock of getting caught would be enough to put some sense in the child's head. While I'm obviously open-minded about this sort of exploration, it's not my place to guide another parent's child, nor would I wish to get anyone into trouble with their parents over such a thing.

Also, I'm fussy about my stuff. That's real silk, ya little monster!

[DianeT]

Char that is a very legitimate question, however I don't think we can answer it right as crossdressers. My wife asked me this question multiple times since she's still livid that I borrowed lingerie from her (especially stuff she could wear while being intimate). That was totally stupid on my part, but when asked the question "how would you feel if I borrowed your undies and clothes?", the only honest answer I can (and did) provide is: if it's you (wifey) borrowing it, I simply don't care one bit. And I suspect a lot of males, dressers or not, would answer in a similar way. As males we are simply not educated like you (genetic girls), and our intimacy isn't as much a subject of concern. So we can't really understand you, and you can't really understand us (at least that is true for my wife and me). So, yes, I was somewhat aware of doing something wrong, in the sense that I suspected that my wife (or mother before her) could be angry if she found out, but I never imagined it would disturb my wife to that level.
Also, I don't have children, but if a child was to borrow a male undie from me? I wouldn't care much I guess, children are generally not perverts, they're just experiencing. An adult stranger? Yeah, that would gross me.
But still, that is a very rhetorical question. No girl is going to steal my male undies. As far as I know only boys steal from ladies. So again, hard to walk in a female's shoes in that matter. We can provide honest answers that our wife will simply not believe (my situation).

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

There's a great gun safety ad out there where the kids are sword fighting with huge dildos, with a message that kids will find stuff, lock up the dangerous stuff. That ad, along with things I remember doing as a kid, have made me wonder if the grandkids or their friends will someday find my weirder clothes. I've always been rather anal about taking care of my stuff, and I've always had a problem with people damaging my stuff, whatever my stuff is, but as a father and now a grandfather I've gotten better at accepting that kids will destroy things. (my daughter and a friend destroyed my Star Trek Monopoly game once, I looked it up and it was worth about $100. That hurt but life continued.) SO, in answer to the question, I'll accept what happens and try to use it as an opportunity to talk to the kid honestly and fairly, and try hard not to get mad even if things are ruined. I've also considered that my secret could get out if such a thing were to happen, and I've decided that if it does it does and I'll be ok with it.

Of course it's easy to sit here with everything fine and say how I'll react, it's harder to actually deal with a situation in real life and real time.

On another note, my wife has not only tried on my clothes but has outright stolen them from me if she likes them. She's also given me the green light to try on anything of hers that I want to, except bras because she's afraid I'll stretch them out. I count this as multiple wins.

My daughter once borrowed a maxi skirt from me, while I wasn't home. I didn't see it again for months.