Laundry in a DADT relationship?

[TamT]

If you are in a strict DADT relationship, how do you wash your clothes and underwear?

My SO don't want to see me dressed and she trash my things when she finds then unattended. Laundry is an issue for me.

[Kris Burton]

In 40 years of marriage, my wife and I have never mixed our laundry. I do mine, she does hers. We're not DADT, but I could load my hamper with panties and bras and it wouldn't matter. If you can slide into that arrangement without too many questions, that should solve the problem immediately. If laundry has been your wife's chore up till now, picking up a bit of it yourself might actually be appreciated.

[Geena75]

For a couple years I had two regular days a week when the kids were all at school and the spouse was working, so I enjoyed a lot of dress up time. I also took on the laundry duties at that time, and rather enjoyed it dressed up -- except for going up and down stairs in heels. It also gave me an opportunity to launder my special things under the radar. I still wash my own clothes, and sneak in a few personal items as needed.

[alwayshave]

My wife knows of my hobby and is supporting. I just toss things in the laundry and they magically appear in my drawer a few days later. With my ex-wife, she never knew of my hobby nor did she do my laundry. So I just washed my own stuff with girl stuff added in.

[RADER]

If laundry is a big problem, Take it out to a coin laundry.

[Karren H]

Your supposed to wash them?? Damn.... I just buy new ones when they get to dirty! lol

[Pixie_94]

I'm not in a relationship, but I can say that this exactly is sometimes the bane of my CDing. What I do is that I wait for a moment when there's no one else at home, I fill a bucket with water and detergent, then I also keep a bar of soap near in case there's any sort of stain or part of a garment that may need some more scrubbing and cleaning. Then when it came to let stuff dry, I use a small space behind a big closet in my room, trying to be sure that it won't be seen from the side closer to the room's door. Still sometimes not too effective and I have been looking for other ways.

[LIKETODRESS2]

My gf is great I throw the sutff in the laundry and either i wash it or she does.

[DianeT]

I do hand washing in the bathroom and put a nuclear hazard sign on the door for my wife while the clothes are hanging (the tub curtain helps controlling damage in case she forgets). Dry cleaning works too.

[Helen_Highwater]

I'm fortunate to get a few home alone hours several days each week. So a quick wash cycle and tumble dryer take care of most things. As in a post I made only a few days ago, those things that can't be tumble dried find their way onto radiators and/or hung somewhere out of sight to air.

Things like hose tend to get washed in the shower, dried in a towel and aired over radiators in a room my SO rarely goes in to.

[Vikky]

Although I am in a DADT situation my SO is willing to do my femme washing and put it all away when dry.
Vikky

[NancyJ]

Obviously, there are different levels of DADT. I have worn only panties for over 30 years, so they just go in the laundry with everything else. Your wife entitling herself to trash your things is extremely hostile and disrespectful. I don?t think I would call that DADT as that term implies a certain level of tolerance of private behavior that is mutually known even if not discussed. I would be furious if my wife threw away something of mine, and I would never entitle myself to take or destroy something of hers. Seems like if you have underwear to wash and you respect her wish not to see it, go ahead and do your wash when she is not around. Are not there ever times when you are in the house alone?

[MonicaPVD]

I live in a city that has multiple laundromats where you can simply drop off your clothes and pick them up washed and neatly folded. Inexpensive, convenient, out of sight out of mind.

[Bruce64]

A long time ago I use to hand wash my panties and shirt and use a close hanger to dry them together, works really well, I hang the panty onto the hanger and put the shirt over it, hard to tell there was a panty under the shirt.

[Victoria1]

We have two washers and dryers. The top of the line front loaders are in the house and are what my wife uses to wash our everyday laundry. I have a separate washer and dryer in my work shop that I use for my personal laundry. We have separate his and hers laundry baskets in our closet. My underwear and nighties and so on go in my laundry basket. Everything else goes in the other one. I wash my delicates in my own washer and hang them to dry on a drying rack. Nothing is ever said. The arrangement has worked for years. Occasionally, like when we are traveling, our laundry will get mixed and a pair of my panties will end up in the wrong pile of clothes in the laundry room. Sometimes they get washed and sometimes they get put aside for me to retrieve and wash myself. Depends on how she is feeling on any given day I guess. My regular clothes get washed and folded and are usually placed on top of my dresser for me to put away. She will not open any of my dresser drawers. It's a delicate balance but it seems to work.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Hiding it was worse. Omg did i leave something out? Did i leave something in the machine? Did sonething drop while putting it away? Led to several return trips home after leaving bc i was freaking out.

[Stephanie47]

My wife goes out every Tuesday for the entire day which gives me time to wash and dry my lingerie. Also iron any garment that needs it.

[Krisi]

I am always surprised when I read or hear about family members doing seperate laundry. It seems wasteful of detergent and water. But, I suppose if you are hiding things from other family members, it's either that or take them to a laundromat (still wasteful).

My wife knows Krisi and at least tolerates her and her clothes so laundry is not a problem. Whites go in one basket and colored (are we still allowed to use that word?) clothes go in the other.

I should add that I wear panties every day so there are rarely any "tightie whities" in the laundry.

[Debbie Denier]

Hand wash the delicates when everyone is out. Nylons are disposed of if no time to wash . Same with some other clothing.

[nancy58]

I do a lot of the laundry. My wife has learned to bite her tongue if she is washing clothes and comes across some of my items. Trashing each other's possessions is strictly out of bounds, and if my wife did that to me, we would have words, and I would insist on marriage counseling, maybe leave. It's not so much the value of the possessions as it is a matter of mutual respect. Each partner has some attributes or behaviors that the other sees as flaws, and it's important to figure out what can be tolerated and what is a deal-breaker. Ideally, this is done before the proposal, but our brains are in a fog during courtship thanks to evolution's need to propagate the species. I wish you peace and happiness -- together.

[Glenda58]

I wash mine and sometimes hers but never the other way round. She would toss anything of mine if she found them.

[abby054]

Unfortunately, I cannot help you. The laundry is where my wife noticed I began dressing again in 1997. I had taken a 16 year hiatus. She noticed that the wash machine seemed to have been used and put two and two together. I had told her in 1980. She went ballistic. But with that long away from it, she still remembered and figured it out with minimal evidence.

[Sometimes Steffi]

It's not always what's in the laundry, but what's not.

There was a while when I was wearing panties every day. Every day that I wore a pair of panties, I would hide the dirty panties in my closet and throw a clean pair of tighty whities into the laundry basket. I couldn't bee seen as going commando.

My boy dirty laundry was kept separate from hers, but in separate baskets in the laundry room. I usually did my own mail wash and she did hers. But sometimes if mine was piling up, she would throw mine in for me. If she did mine, she might fold it, but would usually throw it in a pile for me to fold. I don't think that she has ever put my clothes back in my dresser.

I would try to find time when she wasn't around to wash my panties, but always had trouble finding a couple of hours when I knew that she would be gone. Once my daughter moved home, there was never enough guaranteed alone time. For a while, I'd go to Target and buy another 6-pack of cotton panties, but it just got too stressful. I'm back into tighty whities unless I'm going out dressed.

[Jane G]

It's DADT just put your clothes in the wash. There should be no further ramifications, than your wife knows you wash your female clothing and are clean and tidy in that respect. That said I try to wash my female clothing when my wife won't see them. But I don't worry about her noticing the odd item in the wash. That would be daft. She knows plenty about Jane after all these years and I know she is not about to freak out over finding a pair of my knickers in the washing pile.:heehee:

[BobbiKay]

My wife doesn't like to do the basement stairs so much, so I've volunteered to do her laundry as well as mine. I usually do her unders separately from mine to avoid having to sort them by size afterward. Sometimes I do get confused on the T shirts, though.

[Jenni6521]

Hiding it was worse. Omg did i leave something out? Did i leave something in the machine? Did sonething drop while putting it away? Led to several return trips home after leaving bc i was freaking out. I also have similar concerns with did I leave something out, did it drop between something, or get left in one of the machines. I wear panties most days under drab while working. When I come home from work I change into male underwear and have a spot for dirty panties in my dresser. I wear the male undies to the gym in the morning and toss them into the clothes hamper. My wife works a lot of Saturdays, so I just get up early and throw mine stuff in the wash with a load of other things out of the hamper. I would not just wash my stuff alone it is not enough and a bit of a waste.

[Kelly DeWinter]

this is the one thing that upsets me. Trashing someone's things. its disrespectful. Id go out and immediately replace them. and have a talk.

[Wendy-Lyn]

@Kelly DeWinter;

So would I - and it's not all I'd be replacing.

There's no excuse for the wilful destruction of my things, no matter who does it or why.

[Brynna M]

If i've had any time to dress at all (a rare wish) I do laundry when ever I know I have 3 ish hours with my wife out. The cheap hosery I just replace periodically its not like I'm working out in them. The rest I deal with the consequences of the dryer on low. Its a not perfect but divorce isn't either.

[Raychel]

For the time I was DADT. I did laundry when my wife was gone shopping on the weekends. Later in our arrangement I always washed my clothes separately. So it wasn't an issue. Now we have been separated for 4 years. I have my own house. Wash what I want when I want

[TamT]

Obviously, there are different levels of DADT. ... Your wife entitling herself to trash your things is extremely hostile and disrespectful. I don?t think I would call that DADT as that term implies a certain level of tolerance of private behavior that is mutually known even if not discussed. I would be furious if my wife threw away something of mine, and I would never entitle myself to take or destroy something of hers.


Trashing each other's possessions is strictly out of bounds, and if my wife did that to me, we would have words, and I would insist on marriage counseling, maybe leave. It's not so much the value of the possessions as it is a matter of mutual respect. Each partner has some attributes or behaviors that the other sees as flaws, and it's important to figure out what can be tolerated and what is a deal-breaker. Ideally, this is done before the proposal, but our brains are in a fog during courtship thanks to evolution's need to propagate the species.

I'm in the club that thought that I'd be "cured" when I married, so I never told her. Later I found that I couldn't manage it very well. When she found my hidden things, we had "the talk", but she hated all about CD. We almost broke the relationship, but we continued, and then it was almost impossible to end with my CDing. Later, a therapyst suggested DADT, but my wife run away, she didn't want to hear a word about this. Since then, every time she finds Tam's stuff that I forgot or didn't hide very well, she trash it. When she is upset about something I did, she searches for Tam's stuff and also trashes them. That is how she deals with it!!! She can't tolerate this.

Trashing her things as a revenge would only start a nonsense war. I prefer to say "I don't touch your things" (which I previously did after every purge).


Seems like if you have underwear to wash and you respect her wish not to see it, go ahead and do your wash when she is not around. Are not there ever times when you are in the house alone?

Before she knew, she travelled for a couple of days some times a year, so I had some time to do my laundry. She stopped those regular trips after she descovered Tam. Since then I could do my laundry just few times. Now, we have children, and she wouldn't let me do anything that it could damage them. But the small appartment is 100% full all the time. No time for dressing, no time for laundry.


I live in a city that has multiple laundromats where you can simply drop off your clothes and pick them up washed and neatly folded. Inexpensive, convenient, out of sight out of mind.

Laundromats aren't inexpensive here. It's cheaper to buy a new set of panties.


It's not always what's in the laundry, but what's not. There was a while when I was wearing panties every day. Every day that I wore a pair of panties, I would hide the dirty panties in my closet and throw a clean pair of tighty whities into the laundry basket. I couldn't bee seen as going commando.

Ha, ha, ha! I do the same.



I wish you peace and happiness -- together.

We are trying... at least I do. Thanks!

[NancyJ]

Tam, This is a horrible situation. I certainly am not suggesting revenge. I don?t believe in retaliation. Hopefully, she will mature out of this. I encourage you to stand up for yourself. This isn?t going away (as you now obviously realize). I get how much this hurts. My wife is the one person in the world, beyond anyone else, who I wish would accept me fully. Good luck, Nancy