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View Full Version : "We Don't give S___T what you wear"



Bobbi46
12-23-2021, 07:16 PM
It seams such a long time ago when I think about it but reallity in fact only close to 4 years ago when I "came out" properly, losing some friends along the way, most valuable being some expats. An incredible time followed with an amazing amount of acceptance being found along the way. One couple who were very close friends were stunned and taken aback by my revalation and at that time I did feel a bit unwanted. Then the pandemic hit and nobody here could go anywhere, visit friends and so forth. This is the first Christmas since then that I have been able to do the rounds of my locals giving them each a small Christmas gift and card. One couple i visited just today, the husband, worked in Customs and excise in the UK around the time I was still working as a Police photographer;
One thing I vowed to do was to never enforce my dressing on anybody especially if they had been friends and were still, but still coming to terms with the " new me" having previously only seen the old "Bob". This couple only just this afternoon when i visited them with a gift and card, i had a lovely chat with them, had coffee laced with a shot of whisky "yummy" and spent maybe a couple of hours with them.
Afterwards I visited a couple more of my neighbours and came back home. Later in my inbox was a message from the expat couple,basically telling me " we don't give a shit what you wear, it was nice to chat with you again after such a long time, we enjoyed your company and you must visit again any time, dressed how you please"
Well what can one say!! a huge sigh of happiness has passed over me because they were the ones who helped me through my divorce and a whole pile of other things. So once again I have succceeded with something which often fails in other ways, except in this particular case, what i felt was not total acceptance has completely turned round and sort of reeled me back into the friendship so to speak.
In a way a very nice little Christmas gift, I am so happy.

Ricky Rayne
12-23-2021, 07:25 PM
They love you because of YOU. Not what you wear. Im happy for you and your true friendship!

kimdl93
12-23-2021, 10:44 PM
Thats as good a gift as you might hope for at christmas

Bobbi46
12-24-2021, 02:48 AM
Kim, you are right there, I never thought i might get this turn round from my friends but I have and right before Christmas too!!, so instead of me thinking I cannot go there dressed because they dont like it or cannot accept it I now know I can because they are in fact perfectly OK with how I need to live my life now. I am more than happy now

DianeT
12-24-2021, 03:41 AM
It's nice to read things like this. Merry Christmas Bobby.

Helen_Highwater
12-24-2021, 04:48 AM
Bobbi,

It seems they see the person and not the clothes. A book not judged by it's cover. Enjoy the rest of Christmas.

Jenni6521
12-24-2021, 05:53 AM
I agree with DianeT it is so nice to read these types of posts. Acceptance is a difficult part of our journey. When that happens unconditionally when we did not expect it, that makes it so much more worthwhile. So happy for you.

Linda K.
12-24-2021, 01:17 PM
I am in full agreement with Helen, they love the person, not the persona! Merry Christmas!!!

Debbie Denier
12-24-2021, 01:54 PM
A brilliant positive endorsement. They are genuine true friends. Merry Christmas to you.

ronny0
12-24-2021, 04:31 PM
True FRIENDS love all of you, so happy you have some great friends.

rachellegsep
12-24-2021, 06:29 PM
True friends will love and accept you warts and all for who you are, looking rather at the inner person than the external one. Btw Bobbi was the article printed and translated yet, and have you noticed any difference in peoples reactions towards you?

CeCe
12-25-2021, 07:17 AM
Thanks for sharing this positive story. I dress only behind closed curtains, so only a few friends know I dress. So far, the response has been mostly the same as with you, friends do not care how their friends dress -- at least not in private. They might feel different if I suggested we go to a ball game together, however.

Crissy 107
12-25-2021, 07:42 AM
Bobbi, I am so happy for you with this. You have found your true self and to have some old friends finally realize it is priceless. Merry Christmas to one of the best people I know!

Lana Mae
12-25-2021, 08:07 AM
Fantastic! Merry Christmas, Bobbi! Hugs Lana Mae

GretchenM
12-25-2021, 08:29 AM
What a beautiful story of acceptance. You have achieved what so many of us are reaching for and your words are so uplifting. Like Crissy, you are one of the finest people I know or have ever known. A merry Christmas, indeed. All bests to you.

Bobbi46
12-25-2021, 09:25 AM
I am still waiting to speak to the reporter for the newspaper article and hope all will go well but in connection with this thread what Steve and Gill told me was so uplifting as to be almost unbelievable, from thinking that they were not fully on board to hearing what they have just said is truly lovely.
Two more expat's that believe in me and accept me woohoo!

Carole
12-25-2021, 09:28 AM
Bobbi or Bob, you are the same person underneath, so why wouldn't they like the revamped you as they did your old self? Merry Christmas Bobbi and a safe and happy 2022!

Bobbi46
12-25-2021, 11:24 AM
The thing is amongst allof my friends before i came oiu it was the expats that could not get their heads round the new me. I lost 4 friends along the way. Gill and Steve, I now realise I misread them, whereas I now realise they are not hugely bothered by my change and my, new life. They were and I found I now realise are my best expat friends Steve coming from a similar wamlk of life to mine. So yes this is a big turn round to experience but a nice one as well

Brynna M
12-27-2021, 08:30 PM
I suspect not one actually gives a flying rats left *ut what anyone wears. It's all the assumptions that go with it. If you can get past the assumptions and the negative stereo types and get them to see the person I think that's the biggest hurdle. Your approach to talking to them and caring about their feelings and comfort probably did a lot to gain their acceptance.

alwayshave
12-27-2021, 08:55 PM
Bobbi, I'm glad you have accepting friends.