Are We Really That Easy to Read?

[Geena75]

I have been noting posts recounting comments both positive and negative we have received when out dressed. I have to wonder if we are that easy to spot, and what are the give-aways? For myself, I know my size would catch a little attention, and my posture isn't the best, and my walk needs improving, and etc.

I can only think of two times I have encountered a cross dresser in public. On each occasion, the individual was very clearly a man doing only a little -- one wore a wig, blouse, flats, and a sour expression, and the other was just sporting over the top eye makeup and lipstick. On the other hand, I find myself wondering about GG's I have seen out who have some male attributes. I saw a lady today at the bank who was tall, strong build, large hands, and chiseled features but was clearly a woman. I'm just curious, I suppose.

[RADER]

I know that because of my size, and disability, I could never pass. I see others who do pass,
and I envy them. At my age, ( 74 ) you can pass as a Grandmother very easily. But you have
to have a starting point. That is something I do not have. So I just dress at home, and dream.

[NjJamie]

Geena, I will be back on later but my understanding is that if we can get close to the norm for whatever environment we join and ARE CONFIDENT in our persona, 99.5% of the time it will go extremely well. We will never be simply mistaken for a GG as our hands, faces, shoulders and other parts are simply larger in general and ratio.

With careful makeup and clothing we can be 90-95% but the remaining percents depend on our gait, mannerisms, expressions, etc. At 5'11" and 260lbs I have wandered through Kohls, Walmart, CVS, JCP, malls, etc. and most often not had any second glances as long as I acted the part and was just a larger, older woman doing the expected things. I wrote about the CD I saw the other day, what gave me the first clue was her gait, as if it was her first time in heels, followed by her hesitation and then some nervous glances while seated. No one else was as well dressed and no one else was showing any lack of confidence in her appearance or goals, make sense?

Go watch the videos by Heidi Phox, her wife had a scavenger trip and the full video is stunning, she is an 11 on a 10 point scale but some of that is her confidence in her persona, we all need that and thank God, society seems to be too busy to notice or care what we do!

[Sandi Beech]

Jamie is on track here. I have never had anyone say to me they thought I was a real woman, but who cares if they treat me like one. If you go to some effort to look attractive and add to that some confidence, the acceptance can be quite amazing.

Sandi

[AngelaYVR]

It’s so much simpler when you accept that you aren’t necessarily fooling anyone but are just simply being treated [in the vast majority of cases] as a human being.

[Karren H]

I always assume that everyone knows I am male and just carry on! It's more of an attitude thing, owning the look no mater what others think.

[Linda K.]

Geena - I am not ready myself to step out in the public eye as Linda just yet. I am quite sure that if I did at this point in my journey I would get a lot of stares and WTF's! My goal is to look my best when I am ready, not to pass or be stared at, but to enjoy the experience of being Linda while presenting in public. I don't care how great you look, there will always be a good chance that negative comments will come our way. It is what we discussed in the threads "I don't know why I let someone hurt me with 1 word, and "A walk outside, new outfits, and a unfortunate "sir"." In these two threads, you will see two very different reactions to two different encounters and how each person was affected in those situations. I guess what I am trying to say here is there will be negative comments but it is how you react to it. In guy mode, how do you react to a negative comment about your looks? Why should it be any different in Geena mode? I'll give you the same advice I gave in the other thread, "Don't let anyone live inside your head rent free!" Show off your best and enjoy the journey! :o

[Princess29]

I have seen a number of M2f people in the supermarket across the road from where I live, over the years ranging from a MIAD look to someone who seems to be full time and various levels in between. Most of the people I have seen around them just don't seem to care and that's pretty much the case in general. Most people seem to try and walk straight through me at the shops, no matter how I am dress. They are caught up in their own little worlds but as others have said, most of us will look like what we are, men in dresses but if we can walk in and own the room, we will have less problems from those who might cause problems.
Those who want to pick on you, will do so no matter how you are dressed

[Stephanie47]

The question is "Are we really that easy to read?" not whether we care or not. If you read her, then she was easy to read. It's the ones who pass unnoticed that you do not read. Me? I'm six foot and 200 lbs; large male frame. I've been out for evening strolls and I always make sure I am wearing a knee length dress, hosiery and heels. I've seen two CD-ers in my area; one twice. The one I saw twice made an obvious attempt to be noticed. Her attire was totally inappropriate for the time and place. To me, it was an obvious attempt to be an exhibitionist. The other one I saw in a Wal-Mart. She was unshaven and hairy all over. Her gait was overly masculine. She held her pocketbook like a lunch pail. No attempt to hide male mannerism or project female mannerisms. I had the sense neither cared what others thought.

[dawnmarrie1961]

I never had a problem with passing until I opened up my big mouth and spoke.
Then the cat jumped out of the proverbial bag!
This usually earned me a few double takes. Proceeded by the usual verbal lashing of the uneducated.
Funny how some people feel threatened by another person's existence?
I'm 6'1 and 185lbs. I'm in very good physical condition for my age. I cycle and roller blade often.
But still there is always going to be some knuckle head who want to try and measure their masculinity with me.
I just laugh. "Are you serious?"
My veins don't bulge out of my arms because I'm soft and squishy. They come from years of hard work.
Some people just have to learn the hard way.
Be ye crossdresser or trans there are only going to be certain things you can change about your body. You have to work with what you've got.
I never want to give up a major asset like my health.
Being female doesn't mean being a victim. If it did I'd say "Count me out of this."
Some people get a rush out of putting themselves in compromising positions. That's kinda dangerous just to get an emotional high .
I could go on but let me end this ranting with the appropriate...
"Nuff said".

[Kris Burton]

I think that unless it is really obvious, either because they are overdressed or just not caring, most people are too caught up in their own lives to read someone else. I know I never noticed anyone when I was just in a shopping mall, train station or whatever, I was never looking. In fact, I never looked for a CD until recently, as I considered venturing out myself. I still haven't seen anyone obvious.

Then again, if you are well dressed and you know you are passing, and someone reads you anyway, they could well be standing WAY too close. Call mall security.

[Helen_Highwater]

As is said here so often, very very few of us truly pass. For the vast majority of us it's how we'll we blend.

I feel it pays to keep certain things in mind, one of which is I my case, there are lots of GG's who are the same clothing size as me. I tend to take an 18 in blouses/dresses and 16 in skirts. Blouses fit me as they should. No tightness in the shoulders or arms, even the sleeve length is good.

So it the clothes of a woman fit me, why should it be surprising that if I wear things appropriate to the time and place I'm able to merge into the crowd. Yes you have to get the mannerisms right. If you walk like John Wayne you'll stand out. Add to that how you carry your bag, move your arms, all the little things, get them right and it's relatively easy to go unnoticed.

Things like a decent wig and modest makeup add to the picture but I know that close up, once in conversation, I'm going to be read and I'm fine with that.

I treat the person I'm talking to in the same fashion a GG would. Polite, engaging, confident.

I am what I am. I do what I can to show people I'm nothing they should fear, that I'm human and a decent, polite person and hopefully folks will respond as so many already do and not care, just get on with their day, same as me.

I will add that one thing I've learned is not to keep looking at others to see if they're looking at me. Be like the rest and just go about your business. You look, they look back so don't look.

[Liz Jones]

Hi,
Having " read" a number of C/D's in our shopping centre I noted one common thing nobody has mentioned--- Their CLOTHES ! The clothes are ( for the most part ) brand new or little used while GG clothes are clean but bare marks of use, so its the Charity shops for clothes....... !

[Debbie Denier]

Some more easily than others. I was much more confident when younger. Not so much now. I certainly would not venture outside.I have read CDS in the shops where I live but not seen anyone recently. Most people just go about their business.

[MonicaPVD]

If anyone pays close attention for more than an instant, yes, we are all easy to read. Even the beautiful and petite among us. There is no substitute for the decades of social and emotional conditioning thst makes a woman behave like a woman. Never mind the many physical attributes that we may bring to the table. Period. Therefore, the objective should not be to "pass" or to consume ourselves with successfully fooling people into assuming that we are cis gender women. The objective should be to accept ourselves for who we are and live that gender expression to the fullest extent.

[Mermaiden]

A lot of common sense and good advice in this thread. Thanks to all.

[Shiny]

The main culprits in being "read" for a CD is his tall height, large hands, and deep voice. You can add stronger-more angular facial features, thicker facial skin with larger features and the nearly ever present 5 o'clock shadow no matter how well covered. I'd love to "blend" and to pass effortlessly. The ones that can pass and blend into a crowd have the look for it and have worked for years on the gestures and moves and soft voice. They also dress as other contemporary women and don't stand out. But today's women don't wear dresses or hose or heels, they don't have their hair done and rarely wear makeup and rarely tend to their nails. And yes, the new looking clothes that may be date inappropriate are a problem. And the over-the-top RuPaul look won't work for heading to the store for milk, bread and butter. It's a fine line. In the late 50's and early 60's dress codes between men and women were much different, today it's all flip-flops, shorts, T-shirts and hoodies or the dreaded sweat pants and this is for every one now. I tend to dress like a June Cleaver, sadly now decades out of time and for those who venture out to "blend" the clothing choice you have to incorporate holds no interest to me. I cannot pass and in going out the way you'd have to today holds little point for me. Another interest in CDing, look at your shoes. They have very little or no street wear after being worn almost exclusively at home and indoors. There is no real wear, no scuffs and no walking on concrete or tile floors to wear the bottom of the shoes.

[Connie D50]

I have never thought I passed, the best I can hope for is blend in. I do my best to dress nice and appropriately for where I'm going (shopping, movies) We all have items we would love to chance, hand, broad shoulders, my walk (that is getting better). I often find myself check out those beautiful women at the mall or church who is as tall and with broad shoulders it helps me feel better when I'm out that maybe I'm just one of those ladies lol.

[Aunt Kelly]

A genetic male has many, many physical traits that will trigger our hard-wired "male or female" assessment. A post-pubescent male voice, coming from someone presenting as a woman will virtually always trip that trigger, of course, but height, build, facial structure also add to the picture once attention has been called to the subject.
Mannerisms and general comportment are, typically, different between males and females.
As has been said before, "passing" is a myth. Once that assessment has been triggered in an observer, it is impossible for most genetic males to "pass", because all of those physical cues will be almost subconsciously assessed. Yes, we can "blend", by rendering our appearance and behavior to be something that would be appropriate for a female typically found in a given environment, but it should still be no shock when we are clocked.

[Geena75]

I've always known I would not pass. Anyone giving me a second look could probably tell, but not very many give that second look. From the perspective of being dressed up, I primarily dress to please myself and feel confident. Since I can't control what someone else will think, I can only try to not look offensive, otherwise that's their problem.

My interest was more of an onlooker perspective. Either there are very few cross dressers out and about in my area or I am terrible at noticing.

[AngelaYVR]

If you think how few of us there are and the chances anyone is out at a particular time, it is pretty incredible we ever see another! Over the last 7 years I average two a year but I would be certain I did not notice more. Do a decent job and people will not look too closely; catch their eye and all bets are off. Even at 6 feet I glide past most who are just looking down/at phone/talking.

[Leslie Mary S]

Since I dress because women clothes feel better to me tan male, I don't worry if I pass.
I know I never will, not even as an old grandmother. 78 year old Grand Mother.

[WomanAtHeart4]

Genna75, I hope all is well. To your question; Are we really that easy to read? Generally I think we are. There are a few M2F that are stunningly feminine and would pass 100% - just their features; thin, chin, neck, hands, build, ect. But for most of the rest of us - not as lucky. But.... I do think being read is not automatic depending on a lot of variables; one's build, size, attire, makeup, and... ability to act feminine. I've gone out efeme some GG's actually thought initially I was a woman. But there were other people who read me quickly. To me, its not about being read or not but being true to myself. I can be read by others and have a great time with them - its how I think, respond, and believe. To me, a big part of going efem is acting and thinking as a woman. When I do that I am better accepted as a CD. I hope this helps. Love Stephanie

[MonicaPVD]

Shiny,
There is a 20 something trans woman who lived near me and worked at my favorite coffee shop. She was about 5'4", maybe weighed 100 lbs, had small hands and feet and a quite lovely face. She was, standing still, a very beautiful young woman. Seriously. Yet, all you had to do was watch her in action, pay attention, for more than a minute to realize that she was definitely not cisgender. There's no substitute for decades of conditioning and practice. Therefore, there's no need for the rest of us to lose any sleep over hand size, etc. We are who we are.

[abby054]

Yes, we are. Each of us shows the better part of a hundred clues, though each displays a different set of clues. Our hard work can often minimize clues to the point that a close look is necessary. Our advantage is that few of those we encounter know what to look for if we do our homework well and even fewer care to look closely.

[StephanieCLT]

I think we have a grown filter through which we look at ourselves and other cd's. That filter unconsciously pulls out a lot of the things that others see that make us. In other words, we see what WE want and not necessarily what the world sees. Does that mean that none of us ever pass? Absolutely not. But I suspect very few of us do. The saving grace for us is that the world is not out there "looking for cd's." Most people are wrapped up in their own worlds to even notice. So, if we try to blend, we'll have much more success (and peace of mind) being out and about. Blending means a lot of things which this thread isn't about, but I suspect that should be the goal for most of us.

[Cheryl T]

Firstly remember that anything that is not ordinary stands out to people.
Too tall, too short, too skinny, too fat. Over dressed for where you are, under dressed (think WalMartians). Heels that are sky high, hair that is a flamboyant color.
I remember years ago I was at a bowling alley with friends in the summer. Along comes the local college women's volleyball team all in short shorts and tank tops and all over 6' tall. Yes, they got everyone's attention.
Too much makeup, too little makeup. Anything "different" attracts attention so just be prepared to be scrutinized if you are not the youthful, appropriately dressed, average height and weight lady who's walking by.

Just hold your head up, be confident in who you are and carry yourself in a manner that shows you belong there.

[TheHiddenMe]

Blame it on Darwin.

Given our home sapient past, our minds instinctively look for something out of the ordinary, to protect us from the lions or other wild things that were going to devour us in our prehistoric past. Our minds spot something and recognize something doesn’t quite fit.

We go anywhere and our minds immediately judge woman versus man. As much as we can try, our proportions set off bells and whistles.

I always assume people know I'm a guy in a dress. However, they don’t know it's ME in the dress--and I want to make sure it’s a pretty dress.

[Stephanie47]

I have to totally agree with Monica (#24). There is also the added fact that women are built differently than men to assist in bearing children. You can put on all the padding you want, if you walk, you're clocked. I've walked behind many nicely apportioned rear ends with a nice little wiggle and it's never been anyone but a woman. If a MtF cross dresser has to think about doing the mannerisms then it becomes so obvious. As a little chuckle, over my seven decades I have seen many women totally absentmindedly raising their dresses/skirts to adjust their hosiery. The other movement is adjusting a bra strap without any thought given to who may be watching. It's just a learned female trait that ends up having no conscious thought.

Of course, if you try to emulate the mannerisms of a woman, then even in male attire you get glances. Once my daughter asked if I shaved my legs. Nope, my dna gave me no hair follicles on my legs and underarms. Hadn't she ever noticed before? My wife said it "was wasted on a guy." All my wife does is complain about shaving her legs and underarms. Grrrr!, she says. And, my daughter once asked why I sit with one leg crossed over the other at the knee which tilts the body. Guys are suppose to splay ttheir legs in front of them and trip everyone as they go by. Simple answer. A physical therapist suggested that way of sitting to open up the spine on the side I lost all that shock absorbing material at a particular disk.

I does come down to a person observing due to some habit or just so self absorbed he or she does not notice squat. How many times have you had to brake to a stop in a parking lot because someone has their nose into a cell phone. Happens every week. On the other hand, some like me, because of military experience subconsciously scan the surroundings for anything out of the norm. If something is out of place, it registers in the brain.

[Sabine Janus]

I would be read by a blind man who had one to many drinks. . . .

[HollyGreene]

I've had a few looks and stares, but most of the time they seem to be trying to work out if I'm a guy, rather than showing that they know.
Having said that, I'd estimate that over 95% of the time I pass people by unnoticed. I never go out over-dressed, usually wear flats to compensate for my height.
It's been said many times before on here that if you dress to blend in, you're less likely to be noticed.
I have quite broad shoulders, which I am very conscious of, but there are a few outfits I own which tend to have a narrowing effect, or at least hide the problem.
When I wear those, I tend to be spotted less.

[kimdl93]

I would like to say no, but experience has taught me to celebrate those occasions when I seem to have passed and accept and celebrate those times (much more often) when I am read but welcomed or at least tolerated.