Hair Growing Harassment

[Julie MA]

Been growing mine out for just over a year. Wife keeps harassing me about it, probably because she doesn’t want me to have anything feminine, as she is against my dressing. She would never admit that if asked. Keeps saying it’s because she just likes my hair shorter, which I believe. I don’t think I am asking that much to just let me be.

Julie

[Kris Burton]

IMHO ... those that can...should!

[Ricky Rayne]

Maybe she will be more accepting if you grow it to help cancer patients for wigs.. of course this means you have to start over every couple of years. But it could be a win/win

[Julie MA]

I have even mentioned wanting to donate it. She is still not accepting. Just wants control

[Majella St Gerard]

Your body, your choice. Do you tell her how to style her hair?

[Julie MA]

I agree. I do not tell her what to do with hers.

I am saddest because it seems to be part of a larger intolerance, here in my home, and in our nation. Not trying to be dramatic. Some groups are seeing increased acceptance I know.

[Stephanie47]

IMHO ... those that can...should!

With Covid-19 I did not get a haircut for over 18 months. Barber shops were closed down. My wife's friend who cut our hair was not allowed in our home, along with everyone else. Of course, suffering from male pattern baldness the effect of not getting a haircut was totally lost on me. Where I am one up on you is the fact my genetic pool has blessed me with no hair follicles on my legs and underarms. Sparse on the chest. My wife says the lack of hair on a guy's legs and underarms is wasted.

[AngelaYVR]

Growing your hair out is an obvious step towards transitioning. Or that is probably how your wife sees it.

[Di]

Sorry you are getting grief over growing your hair.
What about a mans pony ? Not sure of the term - but no layers pulled back in a lower pony. Lots of guys wear them and from the front you cannot tell really for guy mode. In girl mode the sky is the limit .
All kinda guys wear their hair like that .

Sher cut hers reluctantly for her daughters wedding but the upside wigs fit better .

If she will not compromise think of it that way .

I get it …. Long hair feels more like you but to put a positive spin on it.

[Christie ann]

I agree that it is all about control. I get the evil eye if my fingernails get too long. Hair would be an issue if I had any. Anything vaguely feminine gets ridiculed, I guess thinking I’ll stop this nonsense if she makes it an issue. It has only been over 40 years. I am not going away.

[Connie D50]

I have been growing my hair out but only about 7 months, I'm so torn wheather to keep going or not. My wife knows I'll chicken out and cut it that is the only reason she hasn't said anything. I would love to go the a hair salon and ask for a women style that I could maybe hide (wet it down comb it back) in male mode.

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Sorry to read that you're getting grief over your hair length Julie.

I'm currently growing my hair long and I have already been getting grief from my Dad about it. My Wife has made a few comments about the length but she's not yet suggested that I should get it cut. After forty plus years of short hair I have no intention of getting it cut even if my Wife demands that I do so.

I tried growing my hair out twice previously but gave in and had it cut as it approached the awkward stage but I won't be making the same mistake a third time. I'm hoping to have a feminine style eventually.

I think the problem with men growing their long later in life is that it can look unkempt, especially if your hair has lost it's colour. I think that's why our Wifes would probably prefer their husbands have short hair, so that it doesn't look scruffy. I'm aware that people may think my hair looks scruffy as it gets longer so I've started dyeing it to tone down the gray and I use hair care products to keep it looking healthy and shiny.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror and I see a middle aged man looking back at me with hair that's fast approaching the awkward stage, I realise that's what others around me see and I question myself. It's the feminine side in me that drives me to keep going and be single minded, it's that image of my femme side with long flowing hair. Of course in reality I'd probably be better cutting it all off and opting to use wigs when dressing but I'm on a journey now and there's no stopping me.

I wonder if your Wife sees you with long hair and worries how others perceive you? Also, I would have to agree that men do look better with short hair. It's a tricky one really but I guess it all boils down to how determined you are to keep it long. I'm expecting more grief as mine gets longer but I'm not backing down.

Good luck going forward.

[Mermaiden]

Longer hair is not an unreasonable choice, and it?s your body, your life - your choice, and you are right on wanting to be accepted by your wife for who you are. But doesn?t sound promising and acceptance is her choice.

Guess you have to ask yourself is the tiff over hair length worth it to you?

However long your hair, everyone here thinks you look great.

[crobeson96]

The times I've let my hair grow I've found my wife loves it but I give in as I tire of the extra time it takes to deal with it. I love playing with it (sometimes) but don't always have the time or interest.
By now we've done this several times and she knows I'll chicken out.

[Krisi]

A sucessful marriage is full of compromises. You say she wants "control", but is this a battle you really want to fight? Perhaps she really does like your hair short and "manly". Perhaps she is concerned about what family and friends will think or say.

Short hair and a wig works for me. Consider it.

As far as "it seems to be part of a larger intolerance, here in my home, and in our nation.", I seriously doubt it. And at least in my part of the country, "tolerance" seems to be the norm. Read a history book and you wil see that the change is dramatic.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Julie,

I feel your pain. It's been nearly 2 years since I got the "manly corporate cut." I was considering growing it out for a number of reasons (my femme side was just one) when Covid came. Once the pandemic subsided a bit, wifey was not too thrilled with me keeping it long. She says she prefers the corporate look. My hair is currently shoulder length and I wear it in a ponytail. She doesn't mind the ponytail and has not said anything me cutting it in a while.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Julie,
I had long hair for about 10 years and it was wonderful??but it was horrible. The maintenance needed was exorbitant ( coming from mostly having short hair). I work in a machine shop and the hazards along with oil just made it a mess. Of course , I only had the long hair as I was in bands and wasn?t being honest about this part of my life. Would it look more natural if grown out and styled? Sure. I feel like wigs give me more options.But to me , there are just times I couldn?t deal with the long hair. My wife never says a word no matter how long I?ve let it go. This is just my 2 cents. I wish you the best of luck .

[Julie MA]

Ladies, thanks for all the support. Just what I needed. Got really down last night. I just want to be me. Even when she does not say anything, I can see her crafting an insult inside, and showing embarrassment. Really? It is just hair. The pretend liberal hypocrisy is saddening. Julie

[char GG]

I think Charlotte Sparkle has a good point. Many men and women that I see with long hair do not have it styled or even get the ends trimmed.

As Di pointed out, ponys or buns are a good, neat look.

[Natalie5004]

Well, Julie. My augment for long hair is that I never had long hair. My dad was a police officer back in the day of the hippies and he would not let me grow it out back then. Then all those years later i was working in shops and management. Long hair was not an option.

Now that I am working from home all the time and I work phones and zoom meetings I am growing my hair. Tell her it is just an experiment. You will cut it when you are ready.

It helps that my wife turned me on to her hairdresser and we color my hair and I can now curl it up with a heated wand thing. I get the ends trimmed to remove any layering. It is shoulder length now. Just do it, you will love the fem looks you can make out of your hair.

[April Rose]

Back in they day, over 40 but still had hair on the top of my head, I decided to grow it out again. I was still working in a somewhat conservative industry, so to avoid blowback , I kept a regular appointment every six weeks with a hairdresser to trim the split ends and keep it neat. I enjoyed going to the hairdresser, and, perhaps counter intuitively, it seemed to grow faster that way.

[Maid_Marion]

I've been growing out my hair for years. I trim off the split hairs. It wasn't until a week ago that I cut the bottom inch off as tiny trim.

Marion

[Julie MA]

She especially dislikes the ponytail. Which is what I like alot. Have not had any split ends. Not much wildness since the awkward stage.

[Dutchess]

I know that you may not understand this but from someone with experience , she wants control alright,but not of you . She is trying to maintain control of her life as she knows it or thought it was . You really have no clue what this is like for some SOs. If it were just clothes then yeah but it's a whole lot more stuff than that goes along with it . Everything changes.
If you dislike her as much as it seems from this thread then maybe you should let her be free to go with someone else . Its not liberal hypocrisy to be fine with whatever others want to do even if you yourself could not tolerate EVERYTHING . Everyone has boundries at some point . Mine personally ,I have to have men who have long hair and alot of body art otherwise I know we wont be on the same page , but still , I do have certain boundaries of what I can deal with in people. Hair is just not one of my issues .

[DeeDee67]

Get a short hair cut and a female glam

[Charlotte Sparkle]

She especially dislikes the ponytail. Which is what I like alot. Have not had any split ends. Not much wildness since the awkward stage.

My Wife says older men with ponytails looks silly and I would suspect that many women would be in agreement with her. That's why I'm looking to get my hair styled in a feminine style so I don't have to resort to wearing my hair in a ponytail every day. I'm not sure she'll approve but it may be more acceptable to her than a ponytail.

[Leslie Mary S]

I wear a pony tail most every day.
If I don't, then my extra-fine hair goes everywhere including in my mouth.
I am 78

[Debbie Denier]

It can depend whether your hair is straight or Curley. Mine is straight. When younger and grown long it was similar to Tom Petty s hairstyle. If I was to grow it long now there would be a bald spot on top and a style more like Francis Rossi(Status Quo) or Willie Nelson.Which a wife would see as ridiculous. If you can do it and pull it off regularly trimming the split ends should keep it tidy.

[southerngirl]

I thought my coworkers might look at my long hair with condescension, but their reaction has been unreal to me. They regularly comment that I should get my hair cut. They tell me that I look like a hippie. It's always some comment. I just ignore it, but I, for the life of me, cannot understand why they care. It riles them up, though.

Natalie

[Julie MA]

Dutchess, I understand all of what you say. Except the part about not liking her. I reread all my comments. I do not see that. Just looking for tolerance and equal understanding. Julie

[Dutchess]

If it didn't look that way I woudn't say it ... I was hoping you didn't mean it as it appears . I'm very glad you don't . She's just trying to keep some sort of control over what she probably sees as her life spinning out of control , not of you personally . I know it seems that way but its not .
I see so many threads with people just hating on their wives . No one is forced to stay but as well sometimes the people here just get completely off the hook about things.

[Julie MA]

It goes both ways about still loving someone, even if you do not like all of their behaviors.

[Bianca Fay]

Growing out your hair just takes a bit of patience. I remember the exact moment when I decided to grow my hair long and it had absolutely nothing to do with looking feminine. In fact it was the polar opposite...

When I was in my early 20s I was on a date and we went to see the movie "Legends of the Fall". When Brad Pitt appeared in his first scene, every woman in the theater lost their minds (including my date)! It was then and there that I said goodbye to barbershops.

I've kept my hair shoulder-length virtually ever since, with the front and sides reaching my collarbone. Contrary to some opinions, I've discovered that many women quite like a man with his hair tied back.

[DianeT]

So, a woman not wanting her husband to grow his hair long, that is control? To me it's just like Julie initially said, wife likes her husband's hair short. If a husband can't please his wife in the way he dresses or gets a haircut then what is she entitled to ask exactly? When I met my wife and she suggested that I get rid of a nasty little mustache, I did it pronto and the word "control" never came up... I just wanted to please her! When my wife wears pantyhose she does it primarily because she knows it pleases me, not because this is the most convenient garment for doing trips to the bathroom!
Couples do these things, right? Because they love each other and want to please each other.

Also, I don't want to be tacky but I couldn't help noticing either that many dressers want to grow their hair long (or use a long wig) to look more feminine. Which is fine. But... the corollary of that logic is that short hair looks masculine*. So why should a CD husband be surprised that his hetero wife wants his hair short?

* Which is wrong of course, and examples abound, here's one: https://images.app.goo.gl/DWRZp6hREDogCS7w7

[Julie MA]

The give and take also goes both ways. I really do not ask for much of her, or of anything.

[Heather76]

Due to a recent move from one state to another, I ended up going about 8 weeks without a haircut. I normally go 6 weeks between haircuts. Anyway, one day before getting a haircut I mentioned to my wife I thought I should forget haircuts for a while and go for a "man bun." She said I should go for it. I didn't and don't really care to; but, I thought her response was interesting.

[alwayshave]

Julie, My wife would be happy if I grew my hair longer. However, I have had basically the same haircut since boot camp in 1980. Prior to that it was shoulder length and I could put it in a pony tail. But that was the style back then.

[Julie MA]

Wife and 18 year old daughter, home from college, absolutely attacked over this last night. I think I made rational points and my daughter got it. Not sure about wife. It was an ugly scene. I stressed that I?m donating the hair, if I ever get that far. They seemed to understand that motive. But it all hurt overall

[Sandi Beech]

Julie,

I have not tried to grow my hair out, but I did grow my nails quite long and I got the same 3rd degree that you got over the hair. In the end, I can get a similar effect with false nails, so I decided it just was not worth arguing over. I understand how we can get our minds focused on being able to do something, but sometimes the down side offsets the benefits. It seems your wife is similar to mine. Mine just can not deal with it. The one thing I did learn from this site is that it is not her fault. She is not able to adapt to the change. I do not fault her. It is just the way things are.

Anyhow, now that it has escalated, it will be difficult to grow it out without her resentment. You just have to ask yourself how important the hair length really is. I was almost in tears when I cut my nails as they were so nice looking at the time, but they were not worth my marriage. Just something to think about, but I do understand the hurt. Sorry for your troubles.

Sandi

[Maria 60]

For myself I love women having long hair, it's like my wife goes out of her way to cut it short on despite. I grew a goat tee once and because I have a very oily complexion I started getting pimples. Having a bad acne problem in my youth and I didn't want to go down that road again I shaved it off and it took me a while to get my skin back to normal. My wife liked it and automatically assumed I didn't want to grow it because of my fem side and I'm was just making excuses. I will be honest I thought it looked ok on me but my biggest issue was I didn't like the maintenance, it needed trimming and it didn't match any of my dresses. Lol

[Billie]

I am on the slowly growing my hair out trip. I go once a month for a trim to keep it looking presentable. I don't want it looking too shaggy, it's now about chin length in the front and stacked in the back.

I figure if ever is going to be the time to grow your hair out, it's now. Between waves of COVID and employers looking for employees, a well kept mop shouldn't be much of an issue. Though I wish I had started at the first lock-down, I might have some better length.

[Krisi]

Wife and 18 year old daughter, home from college, absolutely attacked over this last night. I think I made rational points and my daughter got it. Not sure about wife. It was an ugly scene. I stressed that I?m donating the hair, if I ever get that far. They seemed to understand that motive. But it all hurt overall

I asked above if this was a battle you are willing to fight, and apparently, it is. Are you willing to risk your marriage over growing your hair out? Are you willing to put up with the tension and unhappiness this brings?

Be careful, you may be ending your marriage.

[CynthiaD]

When I met my wife, I had long beautiful hair half way down my back. She hated it, so I got it cut short. The things we do for love. Sigh.

[Julie MA]

A marriage that ends over hair cannot be a good one.

[JenniferMBlack]

I got grief from almost everyone. I let it go and did me. And couldn't be happier. Of course I wasn't married so I didn't have to worry about a spouses opinion in any way.

[Wendy me]

I cant remember my last short hair cut my hair is 3/4 of the way down my back blonde with silver streaks thick and curly no hair cuts for this girl

[DianeT]

A marriage that ends over hair cannot be a good one. Question is: who ends the marriage? The wife refusing to have a husband with long hair or the husband considering that long hair means more to him than his marriage?

[KarenCD334]

I have not had a "real" haircut since August 2017. I have only twice had an inch and a half trimmed to remove split ends. I retired in 2019 so I had long hair even in the corporate environment. I have had a good bit of harassment from people - mostly family members about my long hair. My wife doesn't like it and routinely jabs me for it but she recognizes it is a personal choice just as her hair style is. She will not bow to a hair style choice for me. So, my hair style choice is mine and mine alone also. To those that harass, I have let them know in no-uncertain-terms that it is not up for them to dictate or to vote. And I have felt the need to get nasty with only a few over it if they don't relent. I simply will not tolerate their harassment or attempts to control. My wife knows I will not tolerate harassment over it or anything else and she therefore avoids the conflict.

I enjoy ponytails. My hair is down below the bottom of my shoulder blades and is very curly and sometimes frizzy. I sometimes part my hair in different ways and sometimes put it up in a bun. But most that know me also know I am willing to discuss my hair. But they also know not to cross the line demanding control or suggesting it is offensive or derogatory to my person or gender.

My hair style is not a mater for dictatorial styling, debate or voting. If they don't like it, they can look somewhere else.

[DeeDee67]

@ KarenCD334
I'm certainly with you on that! I can sport a ponytail or man bun easily and when Dee Dee comes around, I love curling my hair as well and also do curls in man mode no problem! I did get some flack in the beginning but all is well now. I usually get more complaints from women about my hair style! Keep rocking!

[ziggie]

I've been growing my hair out since about April of last year (8 or 9 months). As it is quite curly it tends to be more "shoulder width" than "shoulder length. My wife suggested cutting it in June or July of last year but I simply told her that I was going to grow it out. I'm looking forward to getting it long enough to put in a pony tail or braid, but it isn't there yet. Interestingly, I have not received any negative comments but several people have yelled across parking lots "I like your hair!". Go figure.

[KristyPa]

Julie,
Let it grow let it grow let it grow. Merry Christmas.

I feel everyone has to do what may work for them I never expect anyone to except most things I do, good or considered bad. Once again you have to do what works for you and the people you deal with.

I've been in corporate management for 30 years, I could never let my hair grow. Dealing with covid has let a lot of use do things we never did before. I've let my hair grow now for something like two years and I get highlights every eight weeks. I have been getting highlights for twenty years now to help hide my graying hair.

Before Ive let it get really long now, like to my shoulders I still had longer hair to below my ears which at work was considered long. One day as I was walking thorough our work cafeteria with my hair not near as long as it is now a guy I didn't know or ever talked to commented to me "I'd never let my hair get like that even if I could", I didn't say anything, got my lunch and went to my office.
I ran into this guy a couple times after that and started talking with him. He turned out to be a really nice guy and was simply joking with me, by the way he's bald, ha ha and that was part of the reason he was teasing me he was also making fun of himself.

Now my hair is to my shoulders I get compliments from women and stares from some guys. In my daily life I don't feel I look feminine just a guy with long hair. If my hair being long would be an issue with work I would have no problem cutting it shorter, once again I don't expect others to except anything I do. If it would be an issue at work they pay for me to represent them and if my hair was an issue I would have no issue in cutting it.

Back to you Julie, do what works for you. I'll throw this out there, I have a girlfriend that doesn't know I dress. She didn't initially like my hair this long but just told me today she likes it long like this and not to get it cut?

[Julie MA]

Kristy, Thanks. Glad you are accepted for who you are. Julie