Starting Over

[nicolegurl]

I am about to enter a new phase in my life that will allow me the freedom to dress whenever I wish. In the past dressing was primarily for me and only rarely was I with someone else while dressed.

That is something I would like to change so I can decide which direction I want to go. I would like to be with other cross dressers and those that like them socially. I don?t think I am really the bar type especially due to my age. Can anyone give me any guidance or the benefit of their experience.

[Rikidee]

Never too old. Go to a bar with a younger clientele. They are very accepting and lots of fun. You can be like a mom to the cute 20 somethings. Speaking from experience. So much fun!!

[Marissa Q]

If you're coming out of a long-time situation in which the opportunity to dress was rare, then this will really be a watershed moment for you. And if you've felt your femme side bottled up, it's likely you will feel unleashed and free. The upshot is that your newfound freedom might inevitably lead to what some might see as over-indulgence and even a mild obsession as you dive deeper and deeper into dressing. My immediate advice to you has nothing to do with tempering a potentially ever-growing need to dress; instead, I advocate that you free yourself from judgment. An increased desire and opportunity to dress might send your brain into analytical overdrive as you begin to continually seek core reasons for indulging that desire; again, my advice is to not bother too much with the "why". The real freedom when dressing is the freedom from internal judgment.

As far as finding and engaging with other like-minded CD's and CD-friendly people, I heartily endorse it. The need to express yourself to others who already understand much about you is liberating; you've taken the first step by reaching out in this forum.

[Debbie Denier]

It might be a good idea to attend a support group if one is available near you.

[nicolegurl]

Thanks to all that have responded so far.

A bit more about me?I am not one to spend a lot of time analyzing myself or one who is going to go ?wild? with my new found freedom. I have always been a bit more measured.

Even in the days of Craigslist I rarely ever met someone as I was exactly what they didn?t want. The ones I met didn?t mind a lot of communication and had a genuine interest in a person. Unfortunately, most were in large cities, not really for me. These long work assignments did give me a glimpse of how things could be as there were plenty of accepting places to go.

I really like being able to talk and get to know someone and maybe while not romantic, at least a caring about each other.

[GretchenM]

I also endorse the support group if one is available near enough to attend on a regular basis. It is a great place to meet others, learn a great deal about this phenomenon, and encounter the wide variety of people like us. They are wonderful places. Sadly many have gone dormant or disappeared or gone on-line thanks to Covid.

[Patricia A. Johnson]

I am also working on figuring out my direction in life and defining how I am going to be going forward. I do know that right now being and expressing all aspects of me has become more important in my life. I am looking at defining that aspect of me and where it fits in my daily spectrum.

[nicolegurl]

I would be interested in others experiences in dating and relationships with others that only knew you as a ?woman?. I am really much more into quieter venues where one can talk and get to know someone. There are not any places where I live that I would be comfortable doing that. I am not a big city girl but my best experiences were when I was temporarily working in a big city. I was determined to spend every minute not working as a woman. It was quite a bit of work but did end up dating a wonderful man. We could go out and do date things with hardly a second look.

[Sandi Beech]

Nicole,

Actually, I am older than you and I have been very well accepted in the bar and club scene. Of course some are filled with young people, but not all. Noisy clubs are good for dancing but not talking. I have met a lot of people in bars, and I used to never go to them when I was younger. The good thing is that if you meet someone who likes you as you are, it is much better than a potential let down.

I would get out there just to test the waters. Clubs with drag shows are pretty accepting if you ask me. Just my 2 cents worth.

Sandi

[nicolegurl]

Thanks ? I appreciate the 2 cents. I?ll see how it goes. It?s been kinda hard to get any real info on the one lesbian bar in town to get an idea of what it would be like for me.

[mykell]

it would help if we knew the area you are in.....but google local drag shows.....meet-up....find like interests.....go to some support venue, people with some experience may have some tips to share....if your looking for more than coffee and conversation be careful.....their are many admirers of folks like us and we have a place here in mid jersey thats popular.....whatever you do please be careful and stay safe.....

[Stephanie47]

Nicole, the big problem is finding a venue that actually fits the person you are. I was (am) in that boat. When my wife and I had the talk (circa 1983) we entered the DADT marital life. She did tell me if I wanted to join a support group that was fine with her. I looked, but nothing was to be found. Society was not very receptive to gays, lesbians and cross dressers. So, how does one continue on a journey that seems to never start? It would be nice to find that comfort zone. Forget the cross dressing issue for a minute. There is also a generational divide. As my wife and I have aged (74 & 70) we have less and less in common with our neighbors who have school age kids. We're seen as grandparents to everyone. Yes, pre-covid there was the invite to a neighborhood BBQ, but, little else. I can accept that, but, "throw on a dress?" I have hobbies and interests, but, "throwing on a dress?" How would that go over? Personally, I do not want to be viewed as a curiosity. I find I cannot build a relationship that is sustainable on one interest.

[Heather76]

Nicole, I know you started this thread about 2 months ago; but, I'm curious if you have taken any positive steps in meeting other crossdressers or finding a support group. The reason I'm curious is I have my first doctor's appointment on March 12th at the new VA facility I've been assigned to since our move. My doctor is a female. I will be underdressed (panties, bralette & silicone inserts) for this appointment to provide validity for my request to be referred to the VA's LGBTQ+ Care Program. I understand this program has group support meetings. I'm curious how others have fared in such settings. I'm not certain I could ever present myself in public; but, I might be able to do so in a group setting with other cross dressers. I figure no matter how UNpassable I might be, everyone has been at that point one time or another.

[Wendy-Lyn]

I have two major fears about being dressed in public: One is that I'll be seen by someone who knows me. The other is that some man will try to hit on me or pick me up. Neither would end well.
I am not into drag or the 'gay club' scene and have forgotten how to socialise anyway - all I really want (apart from an accepting SO) is simply to go about my business as a woman and be left alone to do so.

[nicolegurl]

Heather,

Sorry for the delay. I have made some slow progress but l haven?t really been rushing. Most everything around here is trans related. There is one cd support group but they only list a phone number and have no web presence. So far the calls have been unanswered so I am not sure they are still active.

I did go out one night to the ?lesbian? bar that has a quite diverse group of patrons. I had an ok time as it was my first time in such a setting. It was a bit loud and most everyone was much younger than myself.

So far the consensus here seems to be that personals are hit and miss, mostly miss. The journey continues and I hope everything goes well for you.

[mykell]

for heather, i guessed SC was carolina... https://nortonsafe.search.ask.com/web?omnisearch=yes&q=pflag+south+carolina

[Paulie Birmingham]

I have two major fears about being dressed in public: One is that I'll be seen by someone who knows me. The other is that some man will try to hit on me or pick me up. Neither would end well.
I am not into drag or the 'gay club' scene and have forgotten how to socialise anyway - all I really want (apart from an accepting SO) is simply to go about my business as a woman and be left alone to do so.

You dress like a women and surprised when a man hits on you?

Hmmm

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I have two major fears about being dressed in public: One is that I'll be seen by someone who knows me. The other is that some man will try to hit on me or pick me up. Neither would end well.
I am not into drag or the 'gay club' scene and have forgotten how to socialise anyway - all I really want (apart from an accepting SO) is simply to go about my business as a woman and be left alone to do so.

I too went on craigslist to be with other cd. But all the other cd just wanted to have sex with a other cd. Not what I was looking For.

[Rachelle77]

Great advice, I might take some of it personally.