Purging

[Crissy 107]

I have noticed a good amount of new members here recently and thought I would bring up Purging.
Just do not do it! Through the years so many of us have purged so many beautiful things, many of which cannot ever be replaced.
We all have/had our own reasons but guilt and shame come to mind for me. I really thought I could dump my collection and maybe that would end my interest in crossdressing, well that did not work. All that I accomplished was to feel sorry about it at some point.
Please just do not do it!

[Mermaiden]

I agree, Crissy, the drive to CD never really goes away. It may wax and wane, but always comes back. Better off accepting that rather than fighting it. But there is room for donating the clothes that don?t fit or look right; things that stay on the hanger and don?t get worn.

[GretchenM]

I completely agree. Over the 60 years that I have been doing this off and on, purging has never worked. I suppose for a few it does work, but in my view this behavior is most likely a large part of your identity and is rarely just a hobby. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," might well apply here. Of course getting rid of some of the volume we sometimes accumulate is not purging - everybody does that once in awhile. Our female things are a representation of something we experience much more deeply. Purging is like trying to throw away an important part of your personality and that will leave a hole that is not easily filled with something else.

[kimdl93]

Good advice

[ziggie]

I am in total agreement! It is one thing to cull the items that are worn, outdated, and no longer fit, but you will regret a true purge.

[alwayshave]

Crissy, Could not agree more. You will always regret it.

[Kris Burton]

An excellent PSA announcement. Maybe a banner all new members should receive.

[Debbie Denier]

I agree Chrissy the urge never goes away . I have purged many times and it always comes back . I think you have to take into account circumstances. As my wife is not accepting, my last purge was the worst.My mother was accepting but she passed away in Sept 2020: We cleared her house last year. I had to dump the entire contents of the feminine wardrobe I kept there. It was heartbreaking. Back into the closet for me and underdressing or my marriage would be over. 2 grown up daughters still at home.Wife working from home means opportunities virtually zero . But hey ho.

[Angela Marie]

I purged twice. Huge mistake. This resulted from guilt feelings regarding my crossdressing. When I finally accepted that I was transgender the guilt lifted and I have not had the inclination nor desire to purge again. Coming to grips with who you are does wonders.

[Kelli_cd]

Crissy, you're so right. I've done the same in the past. So many beautiful pieces that can't be replaced. And eventually the desire to dress always comes back. So now I've accepted who I am, and have not felt that need to purge.

[Erin77]

Oh the dreaded purge. Bane of a crossdressers existence! Purged too many times growing up... Wish I never had. So many things I wish I had back!! I like the PSA banner idea too! Do some soul searching before you decide to purge and as others have stated realize the urge does not go away.

[NancySue]

Crissy, you are totally correct. Period. I, occasionally go through my things with the thought of purging, but I always find tops, skirts, dresses, I forgot about. Fun.

[Beverley Sims]

Purge,
I do it regularly to thin my wardrobe out.

Who needs a hundred bras and fifty skirts to dress in?

The secret is stash it somewhere for 6 months and then look at it again.

If you grow out of it just think, you may grow into it again.

I was a fourteen but I am now a size sixteen in a teen size.

[Crissy 107]

Thanks for all the responses so far

I think thinning of the herd to get rid of items that are worn out or out of whatever style you like is not purging. That is just making room for some nice new things :)

[DanielleCD]

I have purged numerous times in my life. Never again... it's like denying who you are and nothing good will come of it.

[Stephanie47]

I totally agree. My intense self loathing, self hatred period was when I was a teenager. During that time I wore my mother's undergarments. I had not yet started to acquire my own clothing. In the beginning of my journey I did not know anything about women's sizing. There were some dresses which did not fit properly at all. Those got donated. I should start weeding out past purchases that no longer fit me, but, I seem to have an affection for many of the garments. I still wear a pink peignoir my wife and I purchased for me in 1972.

Many times purging seems to be the outcome of a discussion with a wife. That's the time for a sit down and serious discussion of your inner self rather than some attempt to deny your inner self. You end up making promises you cannot keep, and, if you are able to deny yourself, what is the cost? Purging is not the answer.

[Maria 60]

Don't I know it. I did it once and let go of some amazing vintage slips that I can't find anymore. Regret,regret,regret.

[Gillian Gigs]

My last purge was over 20 years ago. Stopping the purges was one of the best moves I ever made. Purging only costs money out of pocket, such a waste.

[Ricky Rayne]

I agree with Crissy. Don't do it!! And making room for new things is not really purging. If you ever feel the need to purge, just pack the stuff away and store it somewhere. It won't be long and you will be unpacking it all. I have been there sooo many times.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Always a pack rat. Never purged. I'm not sure I even though about it.

I got caught red handed by my wife once as I was packing for a business trip with "a few extras". I expected to be gone a month and I expected that she would go on a search and destroy and purge for me. Before I went out of town, I collected most of my clothes and rented a storage locker. I left some incriminating evidence around so that if she did go on a search and destroy mission, she would find some things and think she got it all. I don't think she went on a search but certainly didn't go on a destroy.

[Wendy-Lyn]

Purging - I've done it in the past.
But never again. I've lost a lot of lovely things, some of which I've never been able to replace.
Now, I only get rid of stuff which is worn-out or no longer fits me.

[Marissa Q]

I think the advantage of starting my CD journey later in life is that the personal acceptance and adjustment is stronger, and that's a very helpful thing as it relates to purging; at least for me at this stage of my life, I can't see myself ever purging. Of course, like most older CD's who never (or very rarely) dressed in the past, I wish I would have explored it when I was younger. But I also know that younger-me would have been much too conflicted, frightened and bound up in the conventional social order to feel free enough to express myself; as a result, I know I would have had many painful, guilt-ridden purges. And I would have been the worse for it.

Simple advice: don't purge. You'll only feel worse.

[Geena75]

Now repeat after me: "I solemnly promise to never get rid of clothing or items unless they don't fit, are damaged, or look bad on me. I will store carefully rather than purge." I really miss a couple dresses, a pair of shoes, and a bra I used to have. Just pack and stow away rather than purge.

[JenniferMBlack]

Good advice. Loosing things due to age and sizing changes is bad enough. Then add the just need more room in the closet. Thays more then enough to loose. To just get rid of them thinking I will never dress again. I can't imagine that one personally.

[CynthiaD]

I’ve purged and totally given up crossdressing many times. At the moment, I’m wearing amid-calf black and white dress, long blonde wig, red lipstick and sparkly nail polish. Oh, and breastforms. I guess it didn’t work. They’re your clothes. Don’t throw them away.

[Jenni6521]

Wow! It is amazing how the purge has touched each of us in some part of our lives. It saddens me to hear those that have had conflicts with spouses over their things and then ended up purging. We enjoy the fog so well. Then somewhere down the road comes the other terrible feelings that conflict us. Then all of a sudden everything goes. I love the advice given in this thread. Just DONT do it. The feelings will always return and then you will have lost some great things that you loved. I recently went through my stuff and donated some shoes that did not fit well or a few other things I just did not care for. Nothing wrong with that at all.

[SuzyZahn]

OMG,,,What a waste of nice clothes and heels over the decades. Luckily I`ve only purged twice. Last one in 1985,,,swore i`ll never ever do again and haven`t. Be strong sisters!

[Emleeboy]

I've purged a few times in my life and vow never again. It's a huge loss to get rid of clothes but honestly my biggest purge regret are photos.. I've taken so many over the years and i totally wish I could see and share those somehow. I'm not the same person today physically and mentally, but those times when I took the pictures where special.

[Rachelakld]

I've just purged.
moved from a 3 bedroom home with big wardrobes, down into my converted garage (1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 1 kitchen, 1 living room and a tiny wardrobe).
Now wife has more dresses than me :(

[Lacey New]

Guilty. Due to several moves, downsizing and trying to transport my stash, I have purged multiple times and have gotten rid of some wonderful things. Who knew that tou would never be able to find a nice white garter belt and gartered stocking in Macys again? Or a lovely size 42A soft cup Glamorise bra from Catherine?s?

[Veronica Lacey]

Indeed, the regrettable purge. Thankfully I stopped purging long ago when the purges involved small wardrobes that could be easily stuffed into half a garbage bag. To do so today would involve, well, let's say "a few more" than one bag and likely instigate a serious angst-riddled long-term sadness both emotionally and financially.

For many years now when I pare down my wardrobe via sizing or loss of interest I donate to a second hand store a few blocks away. Brings a smile to my face imagining another cd discovering some nice items in a size larger than petite.

[ziggie]

I did a substantial purge just yesterday. Closet space was getting tight and I had a bunch of male clothes that I no longer wear, so out they went.:)

[Crissy 107]

Ziggie, Now that is the sort of purge that is ok :)

[Leslie Mary S]

Well I now have two 33 Gal bags ready to go out. One bag has six sets of worn/tight shoes. The rest of the outfits were given to me by my GG friend with the comment "because of your size and age, this is what you should wear." (some size 24 and up). Either ,I don't like them, or they don't fit. No busted seams or zippers.
Still have 8 more tubs to sort out and then I will tackle the over-stuffed closet. There are a few formals that will have to go. I rarely wear them and do not see the need for them in the foreseeable future except for one cruise next Oct. Hope to be down to 180 from 208 by then.

[Judy-Somthing]

I remember back in my younger days on the roller coaster ride of self loathing.
I would cut everything in half so I couldn't change my mine.
Then I would have to go through all the time and risk of getting caught buying more girly things in my size.

[Crissy 107]

Thanks to everyone who has posted, I think we have made a good point to our newer members that purging out of guilt, shame and self loathing is something they will regret

[Jean 103]

It serves a purpose.

I've done it a few times, with an attempt to save my marriage ,didn't work, for the obvious reasons.

Sounded like the right thing to do at the time.

Now I'm getting ready to purge for another reason. I'm out of room in my closet. I guess we could call it spring cleaning. To make room for a few new things for spring.

Whatever the reason I typically end up regretting it.

Love Jean

[SexyKerri]

I only had one total purge and that was approx 15 yrs ago after I told my second wife and was divorced within.a year. Kept Kerri locked away for 98% of the time since. Now that she has re-emerged I am regretting some of my lost pieces. Especially a wig that I loved and the perfect pair of heels for me. The fit, style, the height and they way they made me feel. So sexy. I wish I had 1/2 of my wardrobe from back then.
But on a different note, then it was really just about the clothes and how they made me feel Now I want to be able to go out in public and not look like a guy in a wig and dress. Not I?m looking more into Light makeup. But, hip and breast forms as well as tucking. But for now spending money on things I basically threw away purging

[Wendy-Lyn]

Losing this lovely dress is what convinced me to never purge again.

326527

[Kelli_cd]

Wendy-Lyn, oh, hon, I'm so sorry you no longer have that dress. It's lovely! And it has my most favorite colors in the print.

[Sandi Beech]

I did not lose that much when I did my big purge 30 years ago. Most of the items were not that special, did not cost that much, and similar items would be easy to obtain.

Fast forward to today and it is a completely different story. I have a number of really nice things, and I would never find anything just like them again. The interesting thing for me is that I feel some level of emotional attachment to items I have worn in public and have fond memories of. The crochet blouse in my profile is one I would have a hard time tossing as I have had some great outings wearing it. Even if I never wore it again, I would want to keep it because of that. I would feel like I am throwing part of me away.

Sandi

[Kerry Michaels]

My SO and I have a great relationship, but for the cross dressing. She?s not a fan. That said, I don?t hide it but I don?t rub her face in it either. Never purged, never will. My dresses hang next to my suits.

[DaniellaUK]

Oh wow, this thread brings back painful memories. Six years since my last 'purge' it never worked previous times it didn't work six years ago.

Finally I understand that Daniella is as much a part of me as my male side. She is never going away she is who I am and she will never throw away another item from her wardrobe!

If you are thinking of purging don't, please, please don't x

[Raychel]

I will chime in here, In the past, and you really have to turn on the way back machine
I did purge several time, guilt and shame driven purges.

Once when my then girlfriend, later became wife found my stash.

Fast forward many years, I disclosed my dressing to my wife. we got thru that and I was able to accept just who I was
and how I preferred to dress. Since I have split up from my wife.
And now I have totally accepted Raychel is part of my life
When I travel, which is very often, Raychel has a suitcase as well.

I would not guess how much purging has cost me over the years, Money wise and mental health wise.
Now she is here to stay, and I totally accept that.

SO I will voice what many others have said, If you feel the need to purge, Don't do it.
Accept who you are.
If you are in that position of guilt or shame, Come forward with the truth,
In the long run, it will be for the best
Those that love you won't care, and those that judge you, well I will let you make your own decision there :thinking:

[Janette]

I agree 100% with Crissy. Purging is not going to magically make you not want to crossdress. I purged a couple times when I was younger and regret both times to this day. I just wish there was a fantastic forum like this back then. It was a lot harder crossdressing in the pre-internet days. Back then there was no one to talk to.

[Kelli_cd]

I agree, Janette. I thought I was such an outcast because I wanted to wear panties and pretty lingerie. Now I know better, but I lost almost 40 years of opportunity.

[Leslie Mary S]

I knew something was not right at the age of 9. but it was 56 years later before I really started to bud out and 5 more years before I really started to bloom, if you want to call a61 year old rose as blooming or just a wrinkly old dried flower. (grin)

I don't know how to tell this.
My first experience was at the age of nine. Then I went for 56 years just taking an occasional chance at dressing, using what ever excuse to do it. In my older years (for 39 years) I was in skits with fellow Square Dancers were they needed a mail dressed in female attire. I would always work my way into that position. Then in 2008, I came out like a raging idiot. I think of myself as a dried up rose because of my age. I also think of myself, because of my weight, as a hippo. Here is a recent photo of the drying Rose.

326585

[Joanne108]

Purging; the last time purged. I did partly because my wardrobe was mostly borrowed or rescued and not new. I ditched it all. Three months later I was buying my own stuff. In reflection the big reason I purged was to develop my own style. Of course I didn't realize that until afterwards. The reason I purged is then was that I promised my wife that I would never wear her stuff again. Now the wardrobe is mine and I picked out everything and I have kept that promise.

[Alice Dore]

Yes, i have done it a couple of times. Donated some dresses and skirts, which I really loved. Huge mistake! Now I vowed to donate or throw out only clothes that I really not using of old/thorn or otherwise unusable girly clothes. If anything, both self loathing and purging is wrong. I learned more or less to accept my girly side.

[ShelbyDawn]

All purging has ever done for me, is make me miss that cute polka dot poodle skirt, or that really nice wig I splurge for, or those C cup breast forms that fit just right, or...

I have since learned the difference between purge and cull...

I agree with OP, Just don't Do It!!!

[Leslie Mary S]

I like that word Culling. I will continue my culling my closets/collection this week. One of my CD friends is culling her collection too.

[DestinyJ]

Last purge was 4 years ago. I?ve since gotten a storage unit and I have a female friend that knows, so I keep things at her place. Purging is an absolutely expensive regret.

[CharlotteCD]

I've actually had a massive clean out in the last month, which feels very much like purges of years gone by - I'm now down to 4 sets of bottoms, 4 tops, 2 pairs of shoes, and 2 cardigans. Also have underwear and tights naturally.

Everything that I own now, I could step outside and blend in with. Everything that went to charity or textiles recycling was unsuitable for going out or didn't fit me well enough.

I actually feel way better having gotten rid of so much, and it's been good from a financial point of view for me to see how much money I have wasted on clothing that's imperfect.

[Jessica Secret]

I would never purge - I would only get rid of something if I literally couldn't wear it anymore because it was ripped/torn/etc. or it was something I simply had no interest in wearing anymore but wouldn't toss anything out of guilt or shame.

[AmeeJo]

Wow! This really hit me. I have purged any times through the years. I had some really nice Victoria Secrets bustiers at one time. I would really like to have them back, they might not fit though...

[AnelineM]

Geesh, I've lost track of how many times I've purged my entire wardrobe thinking that "This time I really mean it, I'm quitting!" And absolutely yes, I always regret it later.

There is just one positive thing about purging, which is that I have a really hard time throwing anything girly away. Like shoes that make my feet turn funny colors, dresses that not even Mom would like, and a wool skirt that made me itch every time I put it on. Gone. Thanks to purging.

So, if you really think you're going to quit for good this time, put everything in a box in deep storage. If time passes and you can't remember what you did with your CD stuff, pat yourself on the back, you did it! Celebrate by buying a new outfit! Oops, I did not say that.

[josie_S]

I also can't count how many times I've purged by now. Still not cured, and still think a lot about all the cute clothes and shoes and so on that I wish I still had. I think once I decided to stop purging, I started to accept myself a little bit more, and that led me to be a little kinder to myself. Sometimes you need to "purge' clothes that don't fit or shoes that hurt your feet (and that itchy wool skirt that Aneline mentioned--I had one of those too!), but I have never managed to purge myself, and i think that's what that purging represented for me.

Don't purge! You're beautiful!

[Crissy 107]

Thanks everyone for helping to get the message out to our newer members to not purge, it is such a terrible thing and it is inevitable that you feel bad later.
As we know the desire to crossdress WILL be back

[Zuzana]

I did that sooo many times too. I think I will never do it again. I don't feel such horrible feelings I used to. Something definately changed in me and yes, I am kinder to myself. There is still some inner struggle tho. I actually sometimes feel really bad when I have urges and can't focus on things and spend so much time looking on clothes or buying something impulsively or just daydreaming and then when it passes I am sometimes wondering why did I do this and that it was not wise. Also I am not proud about dressing privately for sexual/fetishistic reasons. I feel like it is ok to dress because you have femine persona who just wants to be express herself, but I feel like it is emberassing when dressing is part of autoerotics too. It somehow feels less legitimate. Sometimes I am scared what if I am just some pervert. Also I am sometimes thinking about those times when I was quite happy with being just my male me for some time and it was more simple. I am wondering that maybe if I didn't try this and that, I could have lived kind of happily as man maybe. I hope if I will find some balance in the future between my male and female parts it will not be like that. I think it makes sense that some part which was supressed for so long can overtake. Maybe it is all about some balance. I really need to find balance and harmony. I was sometimes wondering how it would be if we all were able to freely express it since early age without any bad feelings about it. Maybe there would be no such urges, because both parts would have space they need. I don't know... I am wondering if I will be happy for it one day.
I was was watching some video on youtube some time ago about so called two-spirited people. It is term connected with native americans. They believed that some people are borned with two spirits: male and female. It is told that it was considered a gift because those people could see woruld thru eyes of both genders. And those people were very valued in their society for that. There was no shame when boy decided to take female role (or both male and female roles). I am wondering why there is such shame in our society connected with crossdressing and overaly being feminine male or just having feminine part and why I felt that shame too. It does not make any sense to me and I sometimes feel like we are maybe living in really weird and crazy society and it is just so difficult to see it because for most of us, it is all we know. Um... I hope it was not too off topic. I don't have the best mood today, but I felt like it might be helpful for someone if I will just express it without censoring my thoughts.

[Marsha Louise]

In my case, I've never purged my wardrobe, however I must admit that right now it sure could use a good thinning! Over the years I've purchased many items purely on impulse, and never worn them.
I'm much more selective now, and am getting better at not acquiring doubles and triples of the same things.
I have a much better understanding of what works for me, and tend to focus more on wardrobe items that actually fit and look good.
I absolutely agree that purging is a drastic and costly mistake, and would discourage other CDs from doing so.

[StephanieLake]

I'm too cheap to ever consider purging. I'm just starting to expand my wardrobe since the wife has just recently given permission to wear outer clothing. Even buying off the clearance rack, it would be unthinkable. If you could see the drab side of my closet, you would understand. LOL

[Leslie Mary S]

As am about done refining my collection. I did something different. I bought a dress pattern with 3 different styles and the material to make them from. Since the material is prints, I bought some spools of transparent thread (thing very fine mono-filament fishing line). Now I have to cut sew, fit, adjust etc. the pattern is a 1960s era design. One material has a white background. The other is a Dark Blue background. the pattern is a size 16 thru 24. both dresses will be mid-calf.

[helenejo]

Dont dont do it...if i could turn back time I would never have got rid of my black velvet strapless cocktail dress with the three layered skirt of taffeta ruffles...sigh