Getting bolder

[Thatonegurl99]

So I recently decided to paint my toes and keep them painted, and not worry about if my wife sees. I'm 95% sure she will be accepting (she has no idea yet) but I've also decided that if she notices them, I will tell her.
I plan on telling her someday, but still very nervous about it. (I can be quite the over thinker at times).
What would be some advice when it does come time to tell her? How should I go about it?

[Billie]

Own it and hope she is OK with it. You really should have what you think you'll say figured out before she sees it and know that it's only a starting point in the conversation.

[1Ladyjade]

I'm lucky in this aspect. My wife treats me to mani/pedis all the time. So I don't have to worry about her. And as far as anyone else. If they ask why. I just say why not and who says only girls are allowed to have pretty nails.
When I first started painting my nails I was nervous about it. But you have to own it. The other thing the more you look the more men you will see have painted nails. I was watching Street Outlaws the other day. Sean aka Murder Nova if not in his fire suit is in shorts and flip flops. He has his toes painted. It's becoming more and more popular. Just think us gurls started the trend. LOL

[April Rose]

1Lady, of course he had his nails painted. He's a DRAG racer! :heehee:

[Thatonegurl99]

I think I have what I want to say figured out, but as always I do get nervous and overthink certain situations.

How did your significant other(s) handle if and when they came to know? Does anyone else close to you know?

[Kris Burton]

Thatonegurl...are you out otherwise? If so, the painted nails are probably not a big reveal, just show what you've done, even ask her opinion. If not, I always think full disclosure is the best bet before showing some aspect of your CDing, even if you think she will be receptive. You don't want to turn the inevitable surprise moment into a shock moment. As far as timing, you are right, don't overthink - any quiet moment will do - but the longer you wait the more it turns into a sneaky thing - and that never goes over well.

As for me, my wife is the only one in my family who knows, and the only one that needs to know, and that has been my gauge.

[ziggie]

My wife is actually the one who does my nails. I just asked her one time, she said okay and that was that. Of course, it depends on how agreeable your wife is to such things. From your initial post is sounds like she is not aware of your dressing but you believe she will be accepting. Painted nails might be a good ice breaker, whether you do them yourself or ask her.

[Thatonegurl99]

I am not out about any part of my CDing. I have asked her in the past how she would feel about if I did, but she never really gave me a solid answer.

[Heather76]

You mentioned in your first post "that if she notices them, I will tell her." I'm going to suggest if she notices them you won't have to tell her. If you never walk around the house bare footed, she may not notice. But, if you do go around your house bare footed on a somewhat regular basis she will either notice the toenails or she will notice you no longer go bare footed in the house. My suggestion (and I don't paint my nails, yet) is just tell her. If she has a major objection, ask her if she has nail polish remover you can use and you will remove it. Then, as difficult as it is, you may want to initiate the talk. You could end up with a very supportive wife or one who won't even tolerate a DADT situation. But, at least you will know where you stand.

Oddly enough, my wife has asked me in the past (before I started to cross dress) to get a pedi with her because "they feel so good." I never accepted the invitation. Of course, her suggestion was based on the assumption I would have clear polish put on my nails. She's probably afraid to ask me now for fear I'd get a bright red or pretty pink color on my nails.

[JulieC]

How did your significant other(s) handle if and when they came to know? Does anyone else close to you know?

I told my (now) wife when we'd been dating for a few months. I'd gotten to a point in my life where I had accepted myself enough that I wasn't going to accept a relationship with a woman who wasn't accepting. I'd told myself give it three months for her to get to know you, then let her know. If she runs for the hills, she runs for the hills. So, I told her. The next day, instead of running for the hills, she ran to Dillard's and bought me pantyhose. We've been married 20 years now.

Now, to you...

It is a bit unfortunate that your wife didn't know before you got married. But, you can't change that. Some things you need to know...

For many women it's not as much the CDing that is a problem, but the fact that they were lied to. A lot of men think that if they don't lie when they say something, they have told the truth. For most women, if you don't tell the full story you are lying by refusing to lay out everything of importance. Your wife may feel a sense of betrayal, possibly even a strong one. Be prepared for this.

Some wives are rightfully concerned about their husbands raiding their closets to try on their clothes. Don't do that, unless she gives you permission to do so (and I personally wouldn't ask). Have your own clothes and accessories. If she accepts, you'll likely find she raids your closet from time to time (my wife has absconded with a few things over the years, never to be seen on me again).

Do NOT overwhelm your wife. If she is accepting at any level at all, you can't start dressing in front of her full time when you're alone at home and expect her to go along with that. She married a man. She expects time with her man. Don't let this be like a dam breaking, and the resulting flood overwhelms her. Understand; she has NO one to turn to about this but you. Go slow.

I could go one for a bit, but I'm short on time. Perhaps some others here can fill in...

[kimdl93]

There is an old saying: There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots. Might want to consider that before making a faulty assumption and springing something on your wife

[Thatonegurl99]

Well, the reason my wife didn't know before we got married or even dated, was because it didn't cross my mind to dress but maybe once a year. I suppressed it for many years and didn't think twice. Recently (past year or so) I've had this overwhelming urge to dress frequently, and have become more accepting of it being "a part of who I am". I do have my own clothes that I purchased from a local good will, but at first I did use a little bit of her lingerie that I knew she didn't really wear ever.

My wife: she's an interesting individual, she loves to go to drag shows, and watch crossdressers and drag queens on various media platforms. We even talked about it before, and she knows as well as I do that all kinds and orientations of people do it, regardless of sexuality, and it doesn't necessarily change their own preference. She understands it's just a sort of hobby thing for some guys (and gals). There have been a couple times where I have jokingly said that Im going to become a drag queen and she replied saying that I wouldn't do it (as in I wouldn't be the type of guy to do it). I have even asked her what she would think if I started crossdressing, and she gave me her famous "I don't know", but it's not an aggressive or getting angry about it "I don't know", it's mostly and inquisitive one.

As for the painted toe nails: I'm mostly 50/50 when it comes to wearing socks, either I do or I don't, there's no routine for me to wear them. The only time I never wear socks is when I go to bed.

I don't plan on driving into the deep end after I eventually tell her, and full on dressing. I would rather see what she would be comfortable with and go from there.

[Shelly Preston]

Please read the link in my signature. "how to tell your partner"

It was written by an accepting woman. It has a lot of great advice.

[SexyKerri]

I am too, we go to a clothing optional resort occasionally so keeping hair shaved not a big deal. Originally just manscaped was enough but I did have a lot of hair so she started me keeping short w clippers. A couple days ago I shaved my legs. Was
Very short anyway. She wasn?t happy but I fell to an excuse I had
Prepared if she said anything and told her to take pictures of some of my skin spots and bumps to send to the dermatologist
Two weekends ago I had to work and she left in guest room with grandbabies I asked for one of the nightgowns, she was holding, to sleep in so I could feel closer yo her. I ended up not sleeping in it because some of the younger children wanted in our room but I did wear for a bit and loved the feel
Last week I went w her when she got her nails done and got a pedicure, no polish just pedicure
I am definitely getting bolder and wardrobe growing. Some things I can explain but not 5 pairs of boots and heels size 12. I am not ready to tell her but have become a little bolder as she seems accepting to this point for the most part. In the end she only seemed upset I shaved my legs because I cut them in several places.

[Di]

So I recently decided to paint my toes and keep them painted, and not worry about if my wife sees. I'm 95% sure she will be accepting (she has no idea yet) but I've also decided that if she notices them, I will tell her.
I plan on telling her someday, but still very nervous about it. (I can be quite the over thinker at times).
What would be some advice when it does come time to tell her? How should I go about it?

Yes read the post Shelly gave you the link to. It has everything in it that I would advise.
When you do tell her please say ( like you told us / I did not tell you before marriage because it was not a thing then for you. Also never say you will quit as many here will tell you they did that instead of getting her to understand. If you say you will quit ( you will not quit for long ) and when she finds out it will be alot worse because she will feel you lied.
Also please do not do the things SexyKerri is saying below :(
making excuses, having an excuse ready for everything she will remember all the excuses and lies making it worse in the long run.


A couple days ago I shaved my legs. Was
Very short anyway. She wasn?t happy but I fell to an excuse I had
Prepared if she said anything and told her to take pictures of some of my skin spots and bumps to send to the dermatologist
Two weekends ago I had to work and she left in guest room with grandbabies I asked for one of the nightgowns, she was holding, to sleep in so I could feel closer yo her. I ended up not sleeping in it because some of the younger children wanted in our room but I did wear for a bit and loved the feel
Last week I went w her when she got her nails done and got a pedicure, no polish just pedicure
I am definitely getting bolder and wardrobe growing. Some things I can explain but not 5 pairs of boots and heels size 12. I am not ready to tell her but have become a little bolder as she seems accepting to this point for the most part. In the end she only seemed upset I shaved my legs because I cut them in several places.

Please no games and excuses be real/ we GGs are not as dumb as you think and will remember /.oh when this happened they said some made up excuse. The excuse might get you through that moment without saying the truth but these things add up and when she catches you she will realize all the false things you said to get by. And most GGs are more upset and find it harder to get over the lies.

[char GG]

Please re-read Shelly's advice about where to find the "how to tell your partner", and Di's post.

Women aren't stupid. And they don't want to feel like they've "been played". Those tactics such as: excuses for the moment", will certainly make things worse in terms of eventual acceptance. Please rethink your strategy and have an honest conversation about what you are doing.

[NancySue]

My 2 cents, don?t assume anything. That 5% could be significant. Go slowly. Springing this on her out of the blue, will have it?s reactions, hopefully positive, but anticipate many questions. She?ll see them, because, I sense, you want her to, which will trigger your ?fessing up. Be prepared, especially an explanation of secrecy. Good luck.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I go to a salon to get my toenails painted. They have been painted continuously for about 6 months now. I wear my socks all the time, except when in the shower. I do not plan to tell my wife. She knows that I crossdress, but she wishes that I didn't. Deep DADT. If she fins out, I would treat it no differently than if she found a bra that I accidently left out.

Obviously, I'm in the minority here.