Will I ever transition?

[Kimberly]

So I've been dressing for a few years... I've always wanted to be a girl/woman. Deep down, but not enough for me to take steps to get there - yet. I've come out to a few people that are okay about my dressing, and my parents deal with it. (More on that if you look through the posts I've made.)

I suppose the problem comes with what I want and what other people are expectant of me. My mum put it best when she said, "I'm not worried about me, or your dad... I'm just worried about you and your career, more than anything." My career, even though it will be in quite a liberal setting, the theatre, I don't think that transgendered individuals are held in the same revere as homosexuals are. Theatre is a traditional establishment for camp and gay individuals, but not many real transgendered individuals. This could discriminate against me if I'm an open CDer or even TS. This fear, but some desire to transition is quite a hard thing to balance.

What confuses me most is that I don't know if I truly want to transition. The thought kinda scares me - no going back etc. And I've kinda thought that transition is something that I would get round to later on in life. The thought, and the want has always been there deep down, even at an incredibly young age, (telling some friends I wanted to be a girl not a boy.) But I can live pkay as a guy, and this is the way I have been born - so why risk loosing what is an okay life and an okay male body.

It might depend on circumstance, and looking into transexuality, it appears that full SRS is only really done by the most hard-core of transexuals. Most go through a transition with hormone therapy and that's it. So that could be an option - but I always wonder, and desire, what it feels like to have breasts, the need to wear a bra, etc (rather than it just being something to complete the look when I crossdress.

What would be cool is some of your own experiences through your years of being transgendered, and also any advice you might have for me.

Thanks xx

[Tamara Croft]

We have a member here who is actually having GRS in June. She has been living as a woman now for over a year and I think she could possibly a good person to talk to about transitioning. Her name is Rachel_740, she's an absolutely wonderful lady. I know her personally and I'm sure she wouldn't mind talking to you. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling, but if you ever want to just chat, feel free to PM me :hugs:

[Amelie]

I don't know the exact situation with your employment but I don't think that you will have any problems at your line of work. If you are a straight male and you have no problems with the people you work for then I see no difference in the future. I don't know your whole situation at work, but being in the UK should give you some level of job saftey.

As far as transistioning, this is difficult to answer, only you know how you feel on the inside of yourself. You say deep down you always felt that you are a woman but you still have doubts or questions. These questions should be answered before you do anything serious or life changing. When the time comes you will have the answers and then you will know what you will do in your life. Take your time, find out how life will be as a woman. Try and go out dressed for a week, OK, maybe not to work, but go shopping, go do other business, like going into gov't buildings, offices, waiting on lines, this type of stuff, clubbing is too easy, try to do day to day stuff as a woman. Yes people will read you and comment about you. But you will gain strength that will be needed if you do transition, Because even if you look like a female after transition, you will still feel that people are reading you, this fear may still be inside of you. But if you strengthen yourself up now, by going out like a woman, this will help build your confidence.

Me,,,, When I was younger, I managed to go through long periods of time as a woman. The sticky part was the shaving, there was always a point that I had to go inside and shave or hide until I shaved. I wanted to transistion(still do), but financial reasons stopped me and I don't think that I am mentally balanced correctly for the OK to transition. I have other mental problems that stop me. Like you will have, I had a tough time in the begining, people would always hassel me, but as time went on it became less and less, and the ones that did comment, I was able to block them out.

What I just said is the facing society part of wanting to be a woman. There is also the mental troubles. Can you handle it inside your head, will you be able to control your emotions with out exploding or crying every day. Your mind has to be in 100% agreement with the transition. When your mind is ready, every thing else will fall into place.

I hope this wasn't confusing Kim, if you have any questions, I will try to help.

Amelie
xxx

[Kimberley]

Hi Kimberly,
Only you know for sure, but I think that those of us who have hit the wall know deep down that transitioning is the answer. It is a burning desire that wont go away no matter what.
In my case, I still live with it despite my choice to not transition. I hope to someday have the kind of choice Gypsy Karen has made.
I wish you the best.

Kimberley.

[joanlynn28]

I relate to how you must feel, I just feel the need to have to transition. My future exwife can't stand the thought of me transitioning knowing that she has lost me forever as a husband and companion. But even if I did not transition she would not except me as I am. It is comforting to know that my parents who are in thier seventies are supportive of me not matter what direction I go. Talking with other TS's I have learned that the most important aspects are to have a strong support system and family and friends who are there for you 100%. And that it is very difficult not to fight the urge to change. Also need to know if your employer will be accepting of you transitioning while still working, in California where I live we as transexuals are protected by law from discrimination in employment practices. The one thing that has been keeping me from seeking SRS was being in a commited relationship, I know, I promised myself that I would fight off who I am because of my marriage vow to my wife. But now that she is out of the picture there is nothing to prevent me from getting what I need and want. I am still the same man she married, she just didn't know what she was getting. A tip to others out there that my be in a deep relationship, be honest and truthful and tell them what you really are, it will avoid the pain and mistrust that is going to occur later on done the road when the secret gets out.

[Katrina]

...As far as transistioning, this is difficult to answer, only you know how you feel on the inside of yourself. You say deep down you always felt that you are a woman but you still have doubts or questions. These questions should be answered before you do anything serious or life changing. When the time comes you will have the answers and then you will know what you will do in your life. Take your time, find out how life will be as a woman. Try and go out dressed for a week, OK, maybe not to work, but go shopping, go do other business, like going into gov't buildings, offices, waiting on lines, this type of stuff, clubbing is too easy, try to do day to day stuff as a woman. Yes people will read you and comment about you. But you will gain strength that will be needed if you do transition, Because even if you look like a female after transition, you will still feel that people are reading you, this fear may still be inside of you. But if you strengthen yourself up now, by going out like a woman, this will help build your confidence.


Amelie, thank you for that - those are GREAT ideas! I'm dealing with the transition/no transition demons right now and I think that type of thing will help me with that decision.

[Caitlintgsd]

I know that prior to Estrogen I was on an emotional rollercoaster. I'd be euphoric and 15 minutes later crying my eyes out. It was like that everyday and it was horrible.
I've never looked back and wished that I hadn't started. Granted now there are clothes I can't wear as my caboose and chest have, uhm, been remodeled a bit but I truly enjoy what I'm doing. I'm more content than I used to be and frankly I enjoy not having to use forms.

[Sarahgurl371]

Same question I ask myself all the time. I tell myself that if I were not married, and society would just leave me alone, that yes I would. But I know that if I were divorced, which is still very possible, that I would not have the courage to just be me. For me, what others think about me is soooo important. It has become apparant during therapy that I have this need for others approval. I know that just as the "me" that others see everyday, I can't satisfy everybody, or have them approve of me. But it seems to become critical when I think about transitioning. Even the living for a week thing, absolutely a wonderful thought in my head, but realisticly, I would have to move. Where I live...no way.

So I seem to be struck in a rut, knowing something must change but being afraid of making it happen. I just say maybe tomorrow...

[Jodi Lynn]

Hi Kimberly,
I have knowen this one girl for the past five years. She has been living full time as a woman for 4 of them. I don't know what it is with her but for some reason she has canciled her surgery 3 times. I know I would have a fear to do it myself. I also know another that had surgery 15 years ago, just recently she told me that at times she still wishes that she hadn't did it.