Too Old

[Glenda58]

Went to dinner with my wife. She was sitting across from me looking at my eyes. She said are you wearing mascara? I said no because I know you don't like it and we were going out. She said I was doing something to my eyes and that I'm getting too old for this. I'm 74 and been doing this for over 70 years and I don't plan on stopping.

I told her before we got married that I Cross Dress and she didn't say anything. So, I assumed she was OK with it she was not. She knows I have cloths but won't go near them.

So, if anyone is thinking of getting married or getting into a relationship, PLEASE PLEASE make sure that they know that this is you and it won't change. You need to live your life the way you what and you don't want to hurt anyone you love.

[Donna St. Marten]

Sometimes I wonder if women have amnesia or do that they think we do.

[kimdl93]

I am curious what she thought you could be doing with your eyes that could be mistaken for mascara. Did she elaborate?

[Di]

Sometimes they love you and think it is just a phase or kink.
Some CDs just hint about it ( as if a wife understands….roll my eyes)
Both need to COMPLETELY work this out before marriage as both many times end up miserable if you do not.
I appreciate you writing this as we have many young CDs join every day. They might not join in but they read.
I am sorry….I wish for things to improve .
There is always hope, many here have wives that soften, compromise. I hope for the best .

[Barbara Jo]

I am also 74 years old and never looked so feminine when dressed... with or without a medical mask
Although a mask really emboldens me in public.

It has been said that when males and female get older, they start to look a bit gender neutral.
In other words, females start to look a bit masculine and males start to look a bit feminine.

At my age it's now or never to live as my real self as much as I can .

[Geena75]

There seems to be a number of spouses that think this is "just a phase" and that we will grow out of it. Go figure.

[NancySue]

Glenda, I couldn?t agree with you more. Telling her, pre- nuptial, was the toughest thing I?ve ever done. Fortunately, after many conversations, discussions, questions, and her reading, she realized it was here to stay. She appreciated my courage and honesty. It?s wonderful having a supportive wife. She?s been a great help, especially with makeup. She?s fascinated with what we call the Pink Fog. Neither of us understand the how?s, why?s, or what, but we know it?s part of me and part of us.

[Wendy-Lyn]

If/when I meet someone, it will be put on the table thus: 'I cross-dress, and I'm not going to stop, but am open to reasonable compromise. If you are OK with that, great. If not, there's the door, sorry it didn't work out'.
I won't tolerate not being allowed to dress at all, and I will not tolerate DADT.
I'd rather be alone, even though the loneliness is killing me.

[Debbie Denier]

You are never too old . But you cant turn back the clock if you did not tell your partner before marriage. There is always the possibility of compromise.

[Heather76]

Glenda, I appreciate the advice to tell your SO up front that one is a cross dresser. However, my problem is I didn't really know I would be a CD. I was 38 when we married and she was 26. I was in my early teens when I used to put on my mom's lingerie. I had also put on my 1st wife's pantyhose on just a few occasions. It wasn't until a bit less than 2 years ago at age 74 that the crossdressing fire ignited with a vengeance inside me. It took me only a few months of wearing panties before I told her. But, I have kept her informed as I've progressed in my dressing. While not supportive at this point, she is accepting. With 20/20 hindsight, I wish I had been a CD all those many years ago as I would have certainly been honest about it from the start.

[AngelaYVR]

I think the hope is that you will age out of it, that once you have succumbed to the wrinkles etc then the desire will go away.

[RADER]

I agree, I told my then future wife that I liked wearing woman's clothes on our 2 ND date.
She was OK with it as long as I did not go outside. I would never pass anyway.

[alwayshave]

Glenda, I think this falls under the old axiom, Women get married hoping to change their husband and men get married hoping their wife will never change.

[Karren H]

The moral is, do not make assumptions about women. You are always wrong! At least that is my assumption.

[Connie D50]

Glenda, I don't know how you did it back in the 70's telling her. I couldn't I didn't understand it myself; I might have given her small hints but never told her. I did tell her the first year we were married I know that doesn't count. For that I to this day still beat myself up for not telling her. However, after 44 years together she by now has to know it's not going away lol. She still runs hot and cold and has never completely excepted it. Connie

[GretchenM]

I completely agree with the rule of early disclosure. However, for me I was in a multi-year lull during the time we met and got married. I thought it was completely gone. It was about 5 years after we married that it came back and I fought it mightily. We met in graduate school and then I went into the Navy during Viet Nam.

It was after the Navy when I was finishing my graduate degree that it came back with a vengence and by then we had two little kids. "Yikes, now what do I do?" I resisted the urges and needs except during long very private spells. I developed a kind of double personality and identity and a deep depression. I am now 76, came out 11 years ago which went really hard for us, but in a month we will celebrate our 53 anniversary.

For us it was a matter of finding comfortable compromises for each of us. Now I do some partial, mild non-binary style of attire which works now even though 8 years ago it was horrible because I wanted the full dressing most of the time. I changed, she changed and now all is in the acceptable to good range.

What happened was that about 6 years ago I developed a fairly strong female-like personality in terms of values and thinking which only needs minimal outward expression. I still enjoy getting dolled up in private times, but it is a pretty rare event and creates its own kind of dysphoria. That is, my dysphoria appears when I get too male-like or very strongly female-like. So I try to stay somewhere in between and it works fine with little dysphoria and pink fog and my dear wife is good with it. Worked for me, but we are all different and I believe that for many that doesn't work very well.

The full message here is that wherever you are now it probably will shift. Behaviors can change within limits established very early in your life and consistent with your fundamental genetic nature and that occurs because of brain plasticity which allows us to learn, remember, and try new combinations to see how they work. We reject that which is uncomfortable and move toward the comfortable bit by bit. But the bottom line is that with this as with any human behaviors, we are all unique. And most other animals do that as well even though the range of variation may be tiny. Most all multi-cellular living creatures adapt and change and become unique. We just do it a lot more than most. Intelligence allows us to do that.

[Alice92]

And since when a woman stops dressing as a woman after she turns 74?

[Kris Burton]

There seems to be a number of spouses that think this is "just a phase" and that we will grow out of it. Go figure.

And some of us age INTO it!

[Cheryl T]

You are not too old.
Old is a mental condition, not and number.

[EllieOPKS]

I know this will be contraversial, but my advice would be don't get married. For some crazy reason once you are married, your spouse assumes they have a right to control what you do on multiple levels, including things like your desires to cross dress. You can have a loving partner without signing a contract. And without a contract both parties seem to work harder at pleasing each other.
Life is to short to live in an oppressive atmosphere.

[Brianne_bc]

Im too old and ugly to ever put on makeup and go out. But I underdress daily with the help of my wife and I make the best of life as it is.

[Maria 60]

For some reason women think once they marry the man is going to change into there Prince Charming. My daughter had some serious boyfriends and when my daughter would ask me what I thought of a certain one, I would answer what you see is probably what your going to get. People mature but people don't change, the Italians have a saying " A wolf will change its fur but it will never changes its habits or instincts". If he drinks or cheats now he probably going to do the same afterwards and don't think there going to change because of a ring on a finger or becoming a father.
I'm sure you know my history that I told my wife a few weeks back from our honeymoon when I realized this was real. Years later she asked me what if she wasn't OK with it what I would have did, I told her I probably would have had to let her go if we didn't find some form of negotiation because this wasn't going anywhere it's in me. I told her I would have been ok without her seeing it but if she demanded me to stop, it wasn't going to happen.
When my wife asked if I wanted to be a women or if I was gay and most of all she asked me if living with this and be happy in the closet would be enough for me. I thought she drew a fair line in the sand that I was able to live with especially back then I was only into slips and pantyhose. I have respected that line but have crossed it now and then but I'm jumping the line in front of her making sure we are both happy with where we are.
Marriage is a two way street that both should sacrifice or make an effort for the other, but women try to make it a one way street and they want to decide which way we can drive.
I can really feel the anger or resentment in your writing that even at your age not that I'm saying your old but she just can't give in or even give it a chance. It brings me pain that we didn't ask for this, we were delt with these cards and we have to play them, but we drop the cards and show the four 2s and hope that maybe someone will be fair and let us win one hand.

[Aka_Donna]

You can have a loving partner without signing a contract. And without a contract both parties seem to work harder at pleasing each other. Life is to short to live in an oppressive atmosphere.

If you view life arrangement as a contract, it's doomed to dissolving at a whim. Marriage is not a contract. The state just calls it a contract as their minds explode over the idea that the state and legal system is not the ultimate truth in the universe. Marriage is a blending and both continually giving up some of individual selves to gain the larger power of two working as one. We aren't vulcans and can't mind melt, so we need to constantly check in to see where we are at. A living marriage grows and evolves with time and after decades of fine tuning it's a wonder to behold and the next generation will use it as a role model of what can be. A legal contract is a skelton of the real thing. All the "marriage license" does is affirm the bond between two halves.

A strong marriage relationship will adjust to the advent of cross dressing and in differing ways incorporate it into the dynamic wholeness. I have seen way too many "non-contract" oppressive relationships poisoned by lack of maturity and fear of stepping to the unknown of a deeper wholeness.

Just food for thought, if any can hear.

[TamT]

She said I was doing something to my eyes and that I'm getting too old for this.

I'm in a DADT relationship, but frequently she asks me if I did something to my eyes. I always say "no" because it's true. I haven't do eye makeup in many years, because she likes to look at people to their eyes and she would notice if I did it, but something is happening that she keeps asking me that same question.

[Aka_Donna]

Maybe try a different response. This may be an attempt to slightly talk about it.

I'm not DADT but do get strange questions from time to time:
-- are you taking something to make boobs bigger?
-- are you wearing makeup?
-- that can't all be a bra...
-- what do you look like without shaved legs?

.....

[Stephanie47]

There seems to be a number of spouses that think this is "just a phase" and that we will grow out of it. Go figure.

Heck, I thought it was just a phase! It will be "phased out" when I am dead.

[Janette]

Glenda I agree. I have been married for 45 years, showing my age here, and my wife has been accepting and has known for 25 years now. I am very lucky but I wish I had told her before we were married. I have no more secrets and life is so much better. We were very young when we got married and I always thought I would grow out of this but we all know how that goes. There was no one to talk to back then and no forums or internet to ask questions. Things could have turned out way worse for me if my wife wasn't such a wonderful caring person.

[julia.bowie]

Donna, "Sometimes I wonder if women have amnesia or do that they think we do." - women can't remember they suffer from amnesia.