is what we do an obsession, habit or are we born this way?

[angelinamillar]

My girlfriend seems to be trying her very best 2 understand what i do and why. I feel i was born this way and no experiences i have been through have made me do what i/we do. She has it in her head that we do what we do as it is obsessive behaviour or habit and I would like this to be your chance to have your say as to what you think and set her right. Please I would love 4 her 2 understand and not have these ideas of why i do what i do.

Oh and apparently i can shave my body as much as i want and will always just look like a shaved guy. pah... I think my legs are more feminine than many women i have seen, ggrrrr

hugs,

Angelina

[Joy Carter]

Get her into the GG section and educate herself it's about the best advice I can give. "A Mind Is A Tearable Thing To Waste ". Still I am shy about asking mine because I know how she is about CD-ing. :( :( :( :(

[Sophia Rearen]

I vote, all of the above.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Angelina

I dont think we are born this way.
However I think we are born with the potential to be the way we are.
There must be something which makes us want to dress. The thing I have discovered is that we are all different, We may be similar but there is a whole spectrum of "girls " here.
Some are transgendered others are crossdressers.

Angelina you will find posts here about the numerous people who have tried to give up at one time or other. It does not seem to work as they keep coming back.

The why is only one part of the question as you have to decide where you go from here.

I suggest you ask her to join this forum and speak with the GG's (genetic girls) it is probably the best way to chat with someone who is in the same position as her.

Best Wishes

[michellecd9999]

I struggle with this also. Is this something I had in my genes or learned (at an early age) or is it just somthing that gives me sexual satisfaction and has become an obsession. Sometimes I wish I could stop. Other times I feel that even if I could take a magic pill and stop, would I really take it - probably not, I love doing it too much and love the feeling of the clothing and how I feel when I do dress.
Michelle

[Wendy me]

you know i spent way too much time doing all the things that i thought i should to try to pleaseall the people that i thought i should please.... and the one thing i learned from all this is do what pleases you if you like to dress for what ever reason be it a obsession or be it being born this way ... just embrace the shear joy of doing something just for you ... no reason need be given just because you want to ......

[Sam-antha]

Angelina, I cannot anwser for other than me, latent born perhaps but more likely a development as part (?) of growing up (?). that is not really explainable to me myself tho. I settle for a development, a desire for change, possible private change at first and then finding that I liked the product.
I liked it enough to want to take it out and have a life of its own. Her own really.
That pleases her, after all a closet is really a small place, even if it extends sometimes to the rest of the house.
It is so nice to please oneself and not others at least some of the time.
Transgender does not come into it form, although there were some such thoughts mid-very-early on.
Angelina, there are so many people here with so much differenct experiences that you sill surely find th eanswer to your own personal change.
It might take a wee time to get around the blocks in this place.
Samm
Ps You do have nice legs.
Sam

[Marla S]

There are other girls here that are able to give a more profound answer, but from my point of view CDing is "obsessive" in a way like communication with other people, or to be loved, or to be accepted. You are able to quit communication, you can stand being without love, you can stand being a stranger for a while, but if it lasts to long you'll become sick.

An obsessive behavior is usually something you feel bad while doing. While CDing you usually feel good. You might feel bad afterwards or before, but I would account this to the real contradiction of what you are and what you are supposed to be.

[Donna Delite]

Although I belive that your enviroment and life experiences helped to make you the person you are I think that you would have ended up the same as you are no matter what life brings you. I believe this is something you are born with and that your basic course is pre-determined.

[Ms. Donna]

My girlfriend seems to be trying her very best 2 understand what i do and why. I feel i was born this way and no experiences i have been through have made me do what i/we do.

Hi Angelina,

I have commented on this before. Thaks a look at my post to the thread Born with this?.... (http://crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=374948)

In short, it's not so much that we were born 'like this' as it is that we were never given the opportunity to develop in a way which resonates for us. Unfortunately, the net effect is about the same.

Your girlfriend would do well to open her mind a bit and try and understand our unique view of the world - if she's so inclined.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Janelle Young]

I can only speak for myself. I think I was born this way, sort of pre wired to have a feminine side and that manifests itself in my dressing in the clothing of women. I think anything one does for a long period of time becomes or is a habit or an obsession, like fishing or golf. You could also call it a hobby, or just something you like to do. It is more of a need for me as opposed to something I like to do.

[Megan_Renee]

I, unlike the vast majority of the planet, believe in the essense of free will. Determinism (that we are some how programmed) or predestination (that we have a destiny to fullfill) both have legitimate points, but I believe that we choose to be who we are.

Which is why Sartre and Kierkegaard are my favorite philosophers, because they look at this idea of free will as a general a priori establishment. But, free will creates a problem for most people because then you must accept the consequences of your actions. I love tight skirts and having shaved legs. These are things I like; I do not choose to like them, I just do. This is where the inheritance comes in.

I have inherited (from some undescribable source) this desire to be effeminate, as well as a desire to be as lady-like as possible. Just as some people have a desire to shoot at pigeons with BB guns, I find my desire very strong, and have no real reason that I should not succumb to this desire. But I choose to succumb.

Some people like eating icecream. They eat so much icecream that the develop physical problems such as diabetes ad obesity. They *can* control this problem, but the desire is strong so they do not choose to control it.

Generally, I suppose I could sum it all up like this: It's an inborn desire that we choose to allow. At the end of the day you choose what you do.

Megan

PS I choose to wear brown 4" heels while cleaning.

[MsEva]

For me, as stated in earlier posts, I think that I might have a genetic predisposition towards it...I have been looking into Kleinfelter Syndrome..the so calle forty seventh chromosome. I have never had the Karyotyping testing done, but if I had to bet, I think I might be a KS mosaic..with a percentage of cells with xxy with a majority of cells xy. There have been some events that might have affected my gender clarity, but I have some of the characteristics of KS.

[Emily1]

I personally dont think you have any choice in the matter - you are a girlie and no matter what it aint gonna change . youre girlfriend should embrace this unusualness as a particularly wonderful experience to be savoured over time .... and to get used to it cos baby - he aint going to change. :p

[cata]

It certainly is obssessive! Only because it's in our nature denied! That we are in that not quite defined gender area, flipping between male and female. I sure sense my dual nature, only crying out to experience the feminine from time to time, yet also enjoying my male aspect!
...catarhina

[Julie Avery]

Words are loaded. They have their denotation, or literal meaning, and they have their connotation, or emotional resonance.

When a thing is described as a compulsion or an addiction, the connotation is bad.

I would say, "I enjoy crossdressing the same way I enjoy drinking water when I'm thirsty. Now let's talk about how I relate to water."

[carol ann]

I don't think we are born that way but I do believe that something in our envirenment turns us that way at an early age. Psychiatrists would probably point to some insecurities in our childhood wih our relationships with mother, father or some other relative pushing us in a certain way.

[Teresa Amina]

Born to it! But consider how Fate and Free Will actually create each other-- Fate provides the choices available, but You make the choice. Now once the path is chosen the other options fade and are usually (not always) gone forever. The choices yet to come are determined by your choices today. Habit? My choice of Expression may over time become habit; the comfortable usually reinforces itself! Obsession? Only if I'm actually hiding from something else and using it as a shield. You have to explore these things in your own soul.

[Kimberley]

Angelina,
I agree with you. I feel I was born this way. I have always had these feelings but when a child, unable to express them, then forced to hide them while the guilt and shame were heaped on. Now my problem is to recognize them again and learn to live with who I really am. This is something I am trying to figure out.

Kimberley.

[Stephanie]

I tend to believe that crossdressing seems to be a little of each of those things at different times and in different ways. Although it seems less threatening to describe crossdressing as a "hobby" to our significant others, there DOES seem, at least for me, to be an "obsessive" component to crossdressing that sets it apart from other "typical" hobbies like sewing, sports, movies, reading, etc. At times, crossdressing seems to be the only thing on my mind and the urge to do it feels overwhelming and I have noticed that I start feeling "cranky" and "frustrated" when I don't have an opportunity to do it for whatever reason. However, sometimes, I get so busy and wrapped up in other things, I don't think about it quite as much, although it is usually on my mind to some degree most of the time, especially since I am a regular visitor to this site and the MHB board. I am hard-pressed to think of another "hobby" that I enjoy that I start feeling the same way about, especially when I can't participate in it. It's strange that the seemingly "simple" act of dressing up in womens clothing and presenting ourselves as women brings us a sense of pleasure, relief, personal satisfaction, etc. but it does. Given the nature of our crossdressing, it definitely does seem to become an ingrained part of our personality that is extremely difficult, if not impossible to suppress. I myself, like probably many other members on this board, fell victim to the idea that I would be able to just "give it up" permanently. Although I managed to "suppress" the behavior for roughly 4-5 years, when I look back on that time period, I recall feeling "empty" all of the time and could never exactly figure out why until after I resumed my crossdressing last year. I have come to accept the fact that I will never be able to completely give it up and that my own happiness and sense of being would likely feel threatened if I were asked to do so. I sometimes wish I understood this part of my personality better, however even if I DID it would NOT change my desire to do it and, frankly, there's not really any GOOD reason(s) why we simply can't enjoy it for what it's worth.
0.02

[Cathy Anderson]

I feel i was born this way
Which way? I'm not being flip. I think it's essential to pin down exactly what you mean, as all CDs are different.

> She has it in her head that we do what we do as it is obsessive
> behaviour or habit

For a lot of CDs I think that's pretty obviously the case.

I think basically that we're born a little different than other men. And that difference can express itself in various ways. And unfortunately, a lot of times it turns into a habit and obsession.

So in a sense this really isn't an either-or proposition.

Cathy

[cindycd]

I think that pretty much covers it

[angelinamillar]

WOW :) What can I say, Thank you all so much for all the replies to my thread, So nice that you have all spent time to have your say, now the ball is firmly in her court. I just hope this helps as I so wish for her to understand me. Thanks everyone :)

Hugs,

Angelina x

[Nlenro-nu2]

Hi I'm Nlenro-nu2 I guess I'm one of the lucky ones I don't have to shave my legs at all there's no hair on them! I crossdress for comfort. Crossdressing comes from this: the brain is says the sex yet when the person was born the body didn't get the proper signals. Psychologists and Psychiatrists call this a chemical imbalance and they prescribe things like seroquel, risperdol or chloropromozene.. which nulifies the sex receptors in the brain and makes one like the walking dead.. that like living in a hell.. Society may be happy but the person sure isn't. I'd rather be a crossdresser than the walking dead!

[Melora]

It was my MOM for me.., My mom gave my girly things to play with when I was VERY young, Such as Pantyhose (quite an enigma to a young kid), as well as a few dresses, and I have been fascinated with these ever since!:happy: " Thanks mom I hope she NEVER READS THIS = LOL!). But I THINK that My mom wanted to have a daughter, AND I TRULLY BELIEVE that what the mom has in mind CAN HAVE an influence upon a childs mind, BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER BIRTH. I have always been told that I was supposed to be named Michelle and therefore I name myself Rachelle in moste other forums except this one because there are too many Rachells so therefore I call myself MELORE "My Wiccan name, SO MOTE IT BE...

[Laura Jane]

OK, my clumsy attempt at explaining it all!

I guess we all recognise that Nature uses Pleasure to encourage certain benificial behaviours and even though we perhaps have developed beyond being creatures of instincts, we are still subject to desire to repeat things we find pleasurable. The extent we go to get these pleasures may lead obessive behaviour.

A common theme in many CDer's stories is that they started pretty young and thus with the brain still developing the pathways in the brain that develop through pleasurable experiences grow stronger and the desire to repeat the pleasurable experiences grow. This becomes a very ingrained habit, something which makes us unhappy when we forced to give it up for any time.

None of this explains why we first think of trying on female clothing, but i suspect that we are a group of people who are highly stimulated by things visually and we have an ability to see things as we want rather than as they are. We put on a dress and we are women, rather than boys or men in dresses. This does not mean we don't enjoy the feeling of the different materials and the novelty of straps and catches etc. But everything tends to revolve around looking at yourself in a mirror. In a lot of us this is pre-puberty and not linked to masturbation, but soon it becomes so and goes a long way to defining who we are as sexually mature adult.

I wonder if there are any Blind CDers out there?

[Marla S]

I wonder if there are any Blind CDers out there?
Very interesting question !!! Never thought about it.

[susancheerleader]

I'm going to have to say for me it is an obsession. I'm not sure how to translate the obsession into words but a lot of my fantasies involve s cheerleaders of some kind. The only way to play with the obsession is for me to wear a uniform since I don't have a wife or gf to "play" with me.
That is what got me started, but I also like to wear pleated skirts and panties also.... Again with the obsession (See the theme? Its the skirts!)

On a side note: Skirts are soooo comfortable! I wish we men were allowed to wear them without prejudice. I'd have one on all the time.

[Wombat]

Laura might have a point in what she says, but it clashes a little with my experience. As a youngster (8 maybe), I dreamt of ways to become a girl, would do so in my day dreams. I envied girls who were able to wear pretty clothes. Didn't get to try anything until well into my teens, or didn't think of trying or something. From there, she may be right about the pleasure training bit, but it doesn't explain my earlier desires ... and no, I am not even close to being transexual (another story there - just a common or garden type cross dresser, that's me)

Wombat

[Denise Blue]

I know that for myself, there was no "defining moment". I can remember being both drawn to and in denial of my desire to dress since at least the age of 10. I would have to say that we are born this way. The feel of feminine clothing and the scent and feel of makeup has always made me feel special and comfortable.

[Missy]

Ok I was not born a crossdresser I grow up this way! As a way for others to except me I would be more girl like for I felt that as a boy no one wanted me.

When we are born your minds are like a pc sort form the basic operational programs as we grow up and learn then we just get into our very own life styles. we make ourselfs the way we are.

Sorry to pop our ballon.

Missy :)