Mothers acceptance

[Debbie Denier]

There have been many threads about wives and SOs acceptance of CD but have not seen many if any of mothers acceptance of CD. I would be interested to know of others that received their mothers acceptance or indeed fathers acceptance and to share their stories. My mother was brilliant when I came out to her in 2011 after my wife discovered my stash of clothing . My wife did not accept but my mum allowed me to dress at her home where I kept a wardrobe.I used to visit at least once every week did her shopping , had lunch and of course dressed.She bought underwear and tights as gifts for me and laundered them . She showed unconditional non judgemental love and support at a time in my life when I needed it most..Sadly she passed away in 2020 which curtailed my CD activities. I have great memories of growing up as her son and later being her daughter for a few hours each week.

[Cheryl T]

I have a feeling my mother knew but never said anything about it.
Sadly she passed a few years before I came out fully to my wife. Had she been alive I would have told her privately. I don't think I would have wanted my father to know.
The closest my folks came to knowing was one Halloween. My wife agreed to let me dress and she borrowed an outfit from a friend. We showed the pictures to my parents. My mom saw them first and said to my dad "do you want to see what your daughter would have looked like had we had her?". Little did they know ... or did she?

[Mary Loo]

My mother is still around, but my wife is the only person (besides this forum) that I have ever talked to about CDing. However, as you stated, it wouldn’t surprise me if my Mom suspects. From my adolescent years that is, not for anything now.

[AmeeJo]

I'm pretty sure my mom would accept it without too much drama. I know she saw me once in one of her bras when I was a teenager. I was, ahem, "busy" at the time and I barely noticed the door closing ever so slowly after she saw me. She was the only one home at the time so I know it was her. She never mentioned it.

[kimdl93]

As a teenager, many decades ago , I had injudiciously put a pair of pantyhose under my pillow. My mom turned down my bed and discovered them. I know this only because they were missing when I went to bed that night. I was mortified.

Nothing was ever said. I don?t know what her reaction was, but I have always feel a tinge of guilt when I imagine how she might have felt in the moment of discovery.

[LIKETODRESS2]

When i was around 20 at my moms house and she seen the panties showing, She was not accepted at all I tried to explain how i felt she did not want to talk about it. And said do not ever bring this up again

[Marissa Q]

Your Mom is a true jewel, Debbie, and you are, too. Although acceptance by an SO is very much sought after, I think it might be just a bit eclipsed by a mother's. I think there's nothing like it in the world.

I'm very close with my Mom and was pretty close to my father who passed some years ago as well; there isn't a day that drifts by without us communicating via phone/facetime/etc. However, while I believe my Mom would be mildly accepting, I still think she's too bound up in the conventional social order to see it in any way other than something to "worry about". To be fair, though, I think that over time, she would become comfortable with it. Your very positive post is making me mull over the possibilities!

[Jane G]

Hard question to answer for me. For sure my farther never did and never would have accepted my crossdressing. My mother was a business woman, as much as a mother and always loyal to him. They both knew I cross-dressed. I left home for the navy at a young age and it was never discussed again after that. I kept the extent of it from them for their entire lives as a result. My mothers second husband, after my farther passed, was a lovely man, but his views on GLBT where obvious from a few comments on the subject, so even after my father passed I never felt ok to discuss it again with my mum. I like to think mum would have accepted my female side, but alas, I will never know.

[missjoann49]

Basically it was my mother that started me off dressing as a girl. I was an only child, and my mother had always wanted a girl, so when I was around 3 or 4 yrs old she started dressing me as a girl whenever my dad wasn't home. When I started in school, as soon as I got home she had cloths already for me to change into. This continued into my first or second year of high school, I have to admit that there were times when I didn't know what I was supposed to be, a boy or a girl. I did love and still do the feeling of the female cloths against my skin. Long story short this is who I am today and very happy with my life now

[Christie ann]

Ya, there was no acceptancefrom either parent. I did the usual stupid things as a pre teen and would get caught and then did the unthinkable and asked my parents if the could let me be their daughter on a short summer trip. They were not abusive but did make it clear that any male wanting to dress as a female was sick and that perhaps a visit to a doctor would be in order.

I learned that day to hide this side of me. Just typical 1960’s parents in a mostly happy loving household.

[JulieC]

My mom was a single mother from when I was 2 and on. I had an older brother at home. I think she felt an enormous responsibility towards both of us, and tried very, very hard to be the best mother ever. She was truly amazing in just about all aspects, except for my crossdressing.

When I was 13, she discovered my pairs of pantyhose stupidly hidden underneath my mattress. We had a talk. Rather, I sat and listened and she lectured me for a long time. This was in the 70s. I think she was terrified of something happening where someone found out and her kids would be taken from her. She was, I think, very worried about the massive impact this would have on my brother and I. In retrospect, her lecture was an act of love, but I most emphatically didn't see it that way at the time. I barely said a word during this lecture. It didn't stop me from crossdressing though. The lecture taught me to never say anything to her about it and to do a far better job of hiding my stash. She never found my stash again, and we never spoke about it again.

I count myself very, very blessed for the amazing mother that I had. I wish she would have been more accepting, but if that's the only complaint I have I am extremely fortunate.

[britskye]

i'm guessing my mother had a clue that i tried on some of her clothes when i was younger. i don't believe she'd be accepting of knowing the full truth

[alwayshave]

My mother knows, as she asked me about it around 15 years ago. Not a deep conversation. She just asked me if I still crossdress, I said yes. That was it.

[Heather76]

My mother passed 26 years ago and long before I gave even a hint about crossdressing. However, knowing my mother as I did, I suspect if she were alive today and I told her how much I enjoyed this part of my life, she would encourage me to go for it. After all, it was her lingerie that first tempted me in my childhood.

[Rachelakld]

I was 18 and came home from base.
I'm used to doing my own washing, but my mum went through my kit bag and did the washing for me.
Including stockings, undies, bra, swimsuit, skirt and top.
She washed and folded everything
She asked whose they were and I said mine
She replied - don't tell dad.

Decades later, my mum had passed, but when helping dad to move home, I wore leggings and a pretty red shoe string top.
He asked about it and I said they made me feel comfortable and he said "okay good"

Being English, being brought up on Benny Hill and now you have a few other series where males dress as females (I've a photo of my dad and a friend as young boys, posing wearing a bra at the beach - for fun), I suppose it's always been part of the English culture - remember boys played the parts of females in theater because women weren't allowed to be actors.

[kayegirl]

My Mother knew for sure, and I believe that my Father was also aware, but I was never caught, and nothing was ever said. I suspect that was for two reasons. First of all my Mother came from a large family, 7 siblings, and her father was an unpleasant violent man, as a consequence Mum would do anything to avoid conflict at home. The second, and probably most important reason was that I never used, or even thought about using any of her clothes. I had an older sister, and it was from her wardrobe that I found my apparel.

[Melissa73]

I came out to my mother about a year after my wife found out and we separated. When I came out to my mother as I was telling her she's she was like oh I know. And ever since then he is 100% supported me until she died a few years later she was asking questions like where I got my clothes. And about going out she always wanted me to be careful. Made me wonder if I shouldn't have come out to her earlier we could have got shopping or something

[SaraLin]

I'm pretty sure my mother knew something was up before I told her. I remember coming home from a visit to her (I lived out of state), only to find that I'd forgotten and left a nightie there.
The next visit, I found it washed, folded, and sitting on the dresser.

When I DID tell her - her only comment was "Oh. I thought you were going to tell me you were gay." That was it. No big deal. No fireworks, drama, or rejection. I might as well have said "The sky is blue."
And to think I'd agonized over whether or not to tell her for SUCH a long time.

My father? No way would I have ever let him know.
My mom's second husband was not someone I could have told either. He was very much the "manly man" type.

[josie_S]

I'm pretty certain my mom at least suspected, and I think she was worried about me being gay--which to her would have been the same thing. She would never have accepted then, or now. Our relationship is strained, but not because of this. I have not come out to her nor would I; I'm pretty certain that would only do more damage to her and me.

[JustJennifer]

I never told my mother directly, and when I was a kid I imagined I was far too careful for her to ever figure out that I was wearing her clothes and makeup when she was out of the house. However, I also kept a diary detailing all my dressing up and my feelings about wanting to be a girl, and I know she found where I was hiding it. Whether she read it, I'll never know, but I can't imagine she didn't.

Before the diary thing, my mother would occasionally talk about how she had wanted a girl, and actually raised me as a girl for the first few years of my life. Afterwards, I don't think she ever mentioned it again.

Unfortunately, she's long gone now, so it's not possible to have that talk with her. Whether she would have accepted this side of me never really mattered, but I would want her to know that I'm okay with who I am.

[Pumped]

Acceptance from my mom? Never!

We were sitting and visiting at her home one day and she always has the TV on. There was a documentary that came on that showed some CD'ers. The channel was changed in about one second and she kept ranting and raving about how disgusting that was and they should be locked up somewhere. I had to finally tell her that it was enough, we got the point and went on to say as long as they are not hurting anyone else I don't see the issue. The glare I got from her was something else. I have never seen her with so much hate in her eyes. That was the end of the discussion! When my wife and I left we talked about it and my wife said, Well, now you know how she feels about CD'ers! It might be best not to bring that subject up again!"

I find it funny how something will just "set off" a person, but in the mean time they are doing things that are definitely not acceptable by many. Years ago my mom and dad got divorced and lets just say she was playing the field. I heard some comments from people that she was messing around with married guys and more. So I guess screwing around is ok, but just don't wear a dress if you are male!:hmph:

[Marsha Louise]

Hi Pumped,
Your closing statement brings to mind:
"What were once vices are now habits"
The Doobie Brothers, 1974.
How things have, and continue to change.

[Judy-Somthing]

My mother caught me when I was around 16.
She said she didn't mind me wearing the clothes she kept in the attic and just to put them back the way I found them.
I don't think she told dad but, she told my older sisters that I was going through a phase that boys go through.

[Helena]

When I was young the house we rented had some ball gowns left in one of the unused rooms. I used to dress up in them till one day I got the "boys don't do that" talk, not harshly or angrily, and they disappeared.

Fast forward a few years. I would be surprised if I didn't leave some clue that she spotted, as in something not exactly the way she left it.

In my early forties I was desperate to tell her and was just working up courage when she unexpectedly died. It is one of my biggest regrets that I didn't manage to tell her.

I think she would have been fine, as she cared for everyone.

[Prazia]

When I was little, she asked me several times to dress up as a girl once but I always refused and pretended to get upset even though I so wanted to do it. I guess my parents just wanted to see how I would have looked as their daughter once. They wanted another child but couldn't have another one, so I was one and only. A few times I was also confused for a girl when I was little especially if my hair were covered by a winter hat or a hood. I missed more opportunities throughout elementary and middle school to dress up as a female character. I always ran away from the opportunities because I thought something was wrong with me wanting to dress like a girl secretly.

On a vacation from college early in my twenties, I offered my mom that I would dress up in her dress once to fulfill her request. She didn't like the idea and said it was different when I was little. I never brought it up again and I wouldn't again. I had several moments when she almost caught me dressing in her clothes growing up, but I narrowly escaped each time. I don't think she ever suspected.

[JulieC]

Prazia, my situation was a bit like yours. I was the last of several brothers. I was my mom's "last hope" for a girl. She never dressed me up as a girl, but she did make comments from time to time (not derisive) about wishing I'd been a girl. She did allow my hair to grow longer, and she especially liked the loose curls it would generate as it got longer. I split my lip open in the middle of elementary school, and had to go to the hospital with an ice pack covering half my face. The nurse asked my mother, "How old is she?" I demanded a hair cut after that, and never got mistaken for a girl again. I had only just barely begun crossdressing at the time, and had no understanding of who I was. I thought being mistaken for a girl was a horrible, embarrassing thing. Now I can only dream of being mistaken as such :) As I previously noted in this thread, she was very, very upset when she found out some years later that I was crossdressing. <sigh>

[Mackem Sue]

Mums know, and they know you better than anyone. And many just keep their mouths shut.

That's no matter how much you scrunch their hosiery after wearing it.

Sue

[Angela Marie]

My mother died several years ago at 96. She was quite open minded for a woman of her generation. I think she would have been surprised, perhaps even shocked. But I really believe she would have accepted my female side. She always said she wanted a girl lol.

[Crystal120]

My mom knew I wore here stockings and slips when I was young from about 9 years old on. She would leave the stockings in my room that she got runs in to keep me from ruining hers lol.

[Rosemary+]

Hi Debbie
What a great thread.
My mother first caught me when I was 5, I would go into her wardrobe and put on the most beautiful dress she had I did this a couple of times before she said something to me in her calm and relaxed voice, about boys not wearing dresses. The next time she said something to me was when I was in my mid teens. The families ironing was kept in my bedroom and and at the bottom of the pile was a skirt belonging to my cousin, every night, I?d put the skirt on and read before I fell asleep. I?d take the skirt off before sleep and id replace it on the bottom of the pile, this went on for a couple of weeks. I then noticed that the skirt would be placed on top of the pile and be folded. My mother mentioned that if I go into the iron pile please don?t upset it too much.
The third time she said something to me I was in my late teens early 20?s I had a late night out drinking beers and I came home and I had a bra that I used to wear. I put the bra on and fell asleep in a drunken stupor, I woke next morning in my bra and she asked me why was I wearing a bra, I mumbled something about a bet with a girl or something, she rolled her eyes and laughed.
We never really discussed it, but I don?t think it would have worried her too much

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess that I was about 9 or 10. I was playing baseball with some friends in the back yard, and I came in for a drink of water.

My mom was painting her nails, and I guess that I must have just stood there enthralled by it all. She looked up at me and asked, "Do you want me to pain your nails?" I really did, but didn't want to admit it. I came over to her and held out my hand. She painted one nail. I must have had a panic attack. I pulled my hand away and wiped off the nail polish with a tissue before it was even dry. Then she cleaned it off completely with some nail polish remover.

I went back out to play ball with the guys. It turned out to be my only opportunity ever. She never asked again at a more opportune time.

I wa into her panty drawer many times, probably when I was older. I was very careful to put everything back exactly where I found it. But did I? My mom's panty draw was usually very neat and organized. One time I found it very messy, as if the panties had just been thrown in. I thought that is was a trap and that I would not be able to put everything back together correctly.

I just closed the drawer and went on to other pursuits. I found that she had put a lot of older clothes into an extra dresser in the basement. That became my pursuit for that night.

[Maria 60]

A few years back I was spending a lot of time with my parents and get close to my mom. For some reason I went through this phase that I wanted to tell my mom and look for some acceptance. My wife made a good point asking me why I wanted to do this now at her age and why I didn't do it when she was younger. I took her advice a left well alone.

[susanmichelle]

I opened up to my mother on the phone one night while my wife at the time was running her mouth in the background told her how long I?d been doing it and she said it was ok whatever I was doing so long as I was safe.

[sometimes_miss]

When I told my mother about my crossdressing and how it all started, she had this horrified look on her face. She wouldn't ever talk about it; the one time while visiting her, I picked up one of her clothing catalogs, and she responded in disgust, 'Are you still doing that?' and walked away. For the next 17 years, she would continue to use me as a handyman and driver when she wanted something. But that was all.
Sister responded similarly, and basically cut off communication other than one word responses to emails and phone calls; she never initiates contact.
Sometimes family is nice to have; other times, well, not so much.

[Beverley Sims]

I did well as my grandmother encouraged me to pass as a girl.

[`Kayla`]

I think mine had some type of idea because I've always been somewhat girly and never interested in much that guys usually are but I don't think much as ever shown on the outside. Short story - wife found a few pics and threatened to tell my family, I called my mom and got her to come over while I was living alone at the time and I told her myself, all the story. We had always been very close and I told her just about everything except that, so then she knew that part of me too. We spent a lot of time together after that and she bought me a lot of stuff and helped me a lot too, even did my makeup for me from time to time when I wanted it. We grew much, much closer after that ;)

[DianeT]

I stole a LOT of stuff (swimming suits and pantyhose) from my mother around 11 and when she found the hidden stash her reaction was "why did you take my things? I looked for them everywhere". She knew I had this curiosity towards female clothes since she found me with one of her pantyhose a while before. She asked again if I liked to dress as a girl and I lied once more, babbling some ludicrous excuse (I remember it, and oh my, it was really, really a silly excuse). She dropped the subject and just said "well, do not take my things anymore". And that was it. The subject was never brought up again. In retrospect she seemed only angry because of the stealing and vain searches. The crossdressing itself didn't seem to worry her much. Forward 40+ years. At times I think I should tell her the truth, I think she deserves it, but on the other hand she was never able to keep a secret and I am not ready to be outed to my other relatives, so, complicated. But she sure seemed to be understanding, and never chastised or teased me in any way about it.

[ShelbyDawn]

I'm pretty sure my mother knew but never said a word.
She caught me once sleeping in a pair of my sister's panties. Nothing was said, but that weekend all of my tighty-whitey briefs disappeared and were replaced with men's bikini briefs in various colors. Of course, I still borrowed my sisters panties. They were, well, panties after all.

[Raychel]

My then wife was in the hospital for a surgery, My mother was there for support.
We got involved in a conversation about my brother in-law that I found out at that point was a CDer
until that conversation I did not know that. I took my mother outside where we could be away from
people and continued the discussion.

I told her I was a CDer, and she had caught me years before. She said she did not remember that
and thought it was my brother. Lol, that brings up other questions for me.
At any rate, My mother was totally accepting, My brother in-law was a CDer, as well as my uncle (Her brother)

My mother was an amazing person. She had such a wonderful personality, EVERYONE loved her.
And such a wonderful mind. She was a very smart woman. Knew the answers for everything I ever threw at her.
And no matter what the great love of a mother was there. Even if her son was a CDer.

I am not sure she ever told my father, I suspect she did. They were extremely close and I am pretty
sure there was no secrets between them.

fast forward many years. Mom had passed.
I was separated from my wife. living 1000 miles from her.
Divorce was in process.
Dad was visiting me, and I got a call from her, Of course it was another huge fight
She put me on the spot and asked if my father new is was a CDer.
Knowing this woman the way she was.(EVIL) she would call my father and tell him.

I quickly determined now had to be the time to tell Dad
So I swallowed my pride and told him.
Wow that conversation totally surprised me.
He reaction was 1000% opposite from what I expected from him.

He was very calm, Said he knew my Uncle was a CDer
and one of his friends grandchildren was Intersexed.
We talked for maybe 5 minutes on the subject and that was it.
The relationship between him and I has not changed one bit.

He was the last one that I was concerned about finding out.
Now everyone that I care about knows. So if I happen to leave something out when anyone comes here, it wont be a total shock,