Why I like MtF crossdressing so much

[Colleen Merryweather]

I was trying to explain this to a friend last night so now I am going to write it up in words on this forum. (I am a new to crossdressers dot com, but not new to admiring.) One thing particularly hard for me to explain is why I like cross dressing or transvestism (a man in women's clothes) but am indifferent to transexuality or transgenderism (a woman in a man's body).

There are two easy things to explain, so I'll start with those, the third I came up with after much thinking and searching. I hope I am able to explain it in a way that you do not find offensive ... I tried to use clinical rather than charged wording.

1. I am bisexual and a man in women's clothes gives me both at once.

2. Women's lingerie is sexy, anyone who is wearing lingerie is likely to look sexier than wearing nothing. Ultra femininity can be attractive to people who are sexually aroused by femininity, just like flowers are pretty to attract birds and bees.

3. I think crossdressing is a symbolic representation of the act of sexual intercourse iteself.
I am guessing that there is some kind of subliminal message when a man is in women's clothes it reminds my deep subconscious of a male being encased in the female or the male member being inside the female body during the act of human reproduction.
So maybe this is why people who are freaked out by MtF cross dressing have such a strong reaction - it looks like the walking talking sex act to their subconscious mind.

[Lauren Mitchell]

I will not go into the sexual aspects of being a Crossdresser. But I feel that Crossdressing is a matter of expressing your inner woman.

In each of us, exists both a male and female. Only society demands that the males supress the inner woman. We on the other hand desire to and do, embrace that softer side of our personnas. We adopt female names, we try to pass pass as females, we think and act as such, and even enjoy typical female activities like discussing hems and make up.

We even go as far as when dressed, to attempt to emulate females as much as possible in so many respects. Why? Because of that woman that is so deeply ingrained in each one of us.

We are a special section of society that is willing to shuck the tool belts and hard hats to slip into heels, as fasten a bra on our chests and become, even for a few short hours when the opportunity avails itself, a woman.

Is it really a sexual thing? I don't think so. Although many do find it sexy and wind up having sex. But I feel that it has to do more of our secret personna of the inner woman. Something that only a few of us can really understand.

But that is my opinion or my 2 cents. 0.02

[Amelie]

So maybe this is why people who are freaked out by MtF cross dressing have such a strong reaction - it looks like the walking talking sex act to their subconscious mind.

This last part is very interesting. I have heard people in the past make this statement. I heard people say that seeing a CD walk down the street gets the same response as if someone dressed like S&M would get, someone walking down the street on a dog chain. Both sort of wear their sexuality to the public.

I know this isn't everyone, I also know that CDing isn't sexual to some or even most. But I have heard people describe CDs in this way before. That Cding has it's sexual aspects. And we all know what most of puritan America thinks of things sexual.

This is why I think I don't have a tough time going out, I think people see a goth first and not a CD. While they may not like goths, they probably don't see goths as showing something sexual in front of them.

Again, I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I have heard people equate Cding as a sexual thrill and then going out in public is like showing off this sexual thrill. Again, not everyone thinks this way.

[Megan_Renee]

The media has done wonders to make it seem as if men in pretty pink panties is some sort of sexual deviance. Like, if you see a man in a dress, he's probably going to rape your daughter.

I heard something along the lines of this earlier in the week on a local radio station with respect to the undersecretary of homeland security pedophile thing.

It's partially because we're so closeted; we don't let people see us, so when someone is uncovered publically, it's usually for crimes committed...

that's my quarter... That and three bucks (and change) will get you a latte at some off-brand coffee shop.

Megan

[Julie Avery]

Colleen, what a fascinating post. I've never encountered a point of view like yours, and it's at once flattering to me, as a CD (that a gg would feel as you do toward CD's), and goes some way toward explaining other peoples' reaction to us, as Amelie also noted in her reply with the interesting note that being seen as a goth is less stigmatizing than being seen as a CD.

I take those mtf CD's who say that there is nothing sexual about their crossdressing at their word, on a provisional basis. Just based on projecting my own experience, though, I think there is an erotic element to it for typical mtf CD's (and I expect I'll hear about my use of the word "typical" here :p ). It's more when younger, less but still present when older. The way you've described general public reaction to it is an insightful interpretation of a mystery of rejection we CD's often ponder, that I've not thought of before.

I do think, on the other hand, that the range of application of your insight is limited by the considerable number of people who assume, "If you crossdress, you are gay". Presumably a gay person who crossdresses in public would not be "having sex with themself in public", but would be trying to attract another person who is attracted to men who look like women.

Just so's not to stigmatize CD's by my comments, I should add that in my experience as a biological male, there's an erotic thought involuntarily coming to mind practically every minute of the day, so to my (demented) mind the erotic component of crossdressing is more a male thing, than a CD thing, it just gets expressed differently by mtf CD's, than by vanilla males.

Thanks for this post, I look forward to reading more of your typing!

[Lauren Mitchell]

Megan:

You should view a survey that I conducted last year. It was very interesting. In short, like you pointed out, the media has done nothing but to portray us as freaks and sexual pervs.

I think that there has been only a few main stream TV shows that did us some justice, but not much.

[Colleen Merryweather]

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses to my post.

Being sexually aroused or not by one's own dressing up depends on the individual, so I'm not saying it IS something the cross dresser does not think it is. However, I am trying to explain why I personally find it so compellingly erotic to see. of course it is sexual for some and not for others. of course it is to attract men for some and not for others. of course it means different things to the different people who are doing it.

Understanding where the cross dressed individual is coming from effects my own feelings about it, too, case-by-case. Sometimes I find I have to remember that there are cross dressers out there who would rather date a male admirer than date me! So, it is ok feel aroused by their dressing and style, but not ok to try to start a flirtation.

Colleen in Las Vegas

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---- --- ---


selected bits I am responding to:


that a gg would feel as you do toward CD's

I take those mtf CD's who say that there is nothing sexual about their crossdressing at their word, on a provisional basis. Just based on projecting my own experience, though, I think there is an erotic element to it for typical mtf CD's (and I expect I'll hear about my use of the word "typical" here :p ).

the considerable number of people who assume, "If you crossdress, you are gay". Presumably a gay person who crossdresses in public would not be "having sex with themself in public", but would be trying to attract another person who is attracted to men who look like women.

[Joy Carter]

Thanks Colleen that was good of you to give us your insight. I think that their is a preseption that CD ing is sexual because that is the only modivation of the males mind right ! To some I must admit have that bend to them and they are the ones that pepetuate the myth. A four to twelve year old is not sexual but they are motivated to dress how come ? It just comes down to preseption and one's limited exposure to someone's life style that makes these incorrect assumtions. We need to be good representations of our life style so the public can look at as valuble contributing members of society. 0.02

[Kimberly]

A nice new theory to TVism. A good one, since TVism has sexual energy rooted in it.

Many who go into TGism feel there's something deeper within their psyche to describe why they do what they do. My mum put something by me today which made sense, even though I reprudiated it at the time: (you're dressing more now,) "because there's a lot going on at the moment that you can't control." - Failed Drama College applications for instance... and pending ones. :p

So dressing is now a destressing tool for me - it's just beginning to feel more natural and more sexy than anything I could ever wear in male mode... pity. :(

But I don't think, for me, it's only about destressing. Shall we say: a release of my femininity. And that's what i love about this community - the layers and spectrum of TGism, and how each person is individual in their activities.

xx

[Jennaie]

I'm just thrilled every time I read a post like yours Colleen. For some reason, it just makes me feel good to know that there are some people out there who are acutally attracted to crossdressers.

I am beginning to think that the best place to meet peope who are attracted to crossdressers is in lesbian clubs. I think that it would be a great idea for two crossdressers to go together to a lesbian club. They would seem "somewhat" natural together and afford the women a chance to get to know them.

As for my dressing, I try to dress down so that I will blend in as best I can. I don't want to make people uncomfortable when I am out.

[robinLynn]

^^^
i agrree

[Joy Carter]

[QUOTE=Kimberly]A nice new theory to TVism. A good one, since TVism has sexual energy rooted in it.

Am I wrong or is a CD one who dresses not out of sexual feelings And Is a TV one who dresses to attract men for sex ? I stated that "Cd-ing" in children of that age 4 yr to 12 yr has no sex attached to it. :Peace:

[Jesse69]

It's nice to know that there are women who like crossdressers, Colleen. I've only noticed very few of them here.

[Colleen Merryweather]

I am beginning to think that the best place to meet peope who are attracted to crossdressers is in lesbian clubs. I think that it would be a great idea for two crossdressers to go together to a lesbian club. They would seem "somewhat" natural together and afford the women a chance to get to know them.



My theory is that bisexuals rather than lesbians are most likely to be attracted to crossdressers because cross dressers represent both sexes at once.

Lesbian clubs open to all and frequented by bisexuals might be nice, but I am not sure what the lesbians would think. So, it would be best to know the social comfort level of the place you were going to and know that it was ok before you got there.

[Danielle]

I dress because I miss the feeling and the look.When I don't I'm angry and I wanna get home and throw on my high heels and pantyhose ;)

[cindycd]

I started when I was about six and there wasn't anyting sexual about it at that time. As I got older things changed a little bit but nothing drasticaly. I am 6'2" and 200 lbs. I love the vanity fair panties and the 18 or 20 so nighties and nightgowns that I own that only my old girl freind knows about and mabye a gay freind of mine. I love to where this stuff and alway's have.

[Nlenro-nu2]

Hi I'm Nlenro-nu2 I am afraid I have to tell you that You are absolutely wrong. I crossdress for comfort and nothing to do with sex matters. You are confusing sex and gender as if it's the samething. The brain tells us what our sex is. Sometimes the body doesn't get the correct signals during birth so that's why there's crossdressers. They want to be living their brain self. Psychologists and Psychiatrists do the opposite cause they call it a brain imbalance so they prescribe things like Chloropromozene, Seroquel, Risperdol.. which nulify the sex receptors in the brain. then one winds up being like the walking dead. It may please the society but that way of life is hell for the person! Those that insult are heartless. Those that use words like gay, queer or fag, are using words that use to mean something good or useful for something negative! Who turns could things into Negative things? The Devil or Evil of course. We should stear clear from all those words that the devil or Satan causes confusion with!
did you know that psychiatrists and psychologists estimate that over 66% possibly over 73% maybe even more crossdress yet only 37% or less dare to admit to crossdressing!

[Sophia Rearen]

did you know that psychiatrists and psychologists estimate that over 66% possibly over 73% maybe even more crossdress yet only 37% or less dare to admit to crossdressing!

Where did you get that statistic from? Highest number I ever saw was 10%

[sherri]

I am beginning to think that the best place to meet peope who are attracted to crossdressers is in lesbian clubs. I think that it would be a great idea for two crossdressers to go together to a lesbian club. They would seem "somewhat" natrual together and afford the women a chance to get to know them.
My experience at such a club is that two or three might smile and speak, maybe chat a bit; a few will point and make fun; most will ignore you. Your sense of commonality may not be reciprocated as much as you might think. But generally, it's a place you can go without fear of harassment.

I will mention this - whenever I go to the lesbian club on a busy night, as I'm making my way through the crowd around the bar looking for a table, I invariably get a pat on the bottom! Problem is, it's impossible to know who did it. :cheeky: Since there are always a few guys in the crowd, I assume it's one of them - but you never know.

[sherri]

Where did you get that statistic from? Highest number I ever saw was 10%
This actually came up a year or so ago. I think it was DonnaT who pointed us to a study that suggested a percentage above 50%. I too was incredulous and disputed it. Since then I've come to realize the figure is higher than I might have guessed, but I still have a hard time believing half the population.

[Colleen Merryweather]

Hi I'm Nlenro-nu2 I am afraid I have to tell you that You are absolutely wrong. I crossdress for comfort and nothing to do with sex matters. You are confusing sex and gender as if it's the samething. The brain tells us what our sex is. Sometimes the body doesn't get the correct signals during birth so that's why there's crossdressers. They want to be living their brain self. Psychologists and Psychiatrists do the opposite cause they call it a brain imbalance so they prescribe things like Chloropromozene, Seroquel, Risperdol.. which nulify the sex receptors in the brain. then one winds up being like the walking dead. It may please the society but that way of life is hell for the person! Those that insult are heartless. Those that use words like gay, queer or fag, are using words that use to mean something good or useful for something negative! Who turns could things into Negative things? The Devil or Evil of course. We should stear clear from all those words that the devil or Satan causes confusion with!
did you know that psychiatrists and psychologists estimate that over 66% possibly over 73% maybe even more crossdress yet only 37% or less dare to admit to crossdressing!


I'd like to know more of what you mean by cross dressing for comfort. Do you mean the clothes are more comfortable or that your emotions are comforted by wearing the clothes of the gender/sex you feel you are?

Did you understand that I am a GG and find it sexy when when men wear ladies's clothes and that I did NOT say everyone who wears the opposite sex's clothes is doing it for a sexual thrill? (I think message seven) Maybe I should have been more clear with the title of this thread, but it didn't occur to me that people might think I was not a GG, or that people would think I am talking about my own cross dressing of myself.

I am a selfish person. I am interested in figuring out why I am attracted to cross dressers, trying to come up with some kind of explanation, and so far as I have figured out is what I am posting about.

Please also try to understand how isolated and alone I feel about this. Very few women feel as I do. Most GGs range from rejecting to accepting MtF cross dressing and I am out there way beyond accepting into a range like craving, wanting, seeking.

These days, I tell men that try to flirt with or pick up or come on to me, "If you won't wear a skirt, don't bother me." I am not so harsh with lesbian and bisexual women. I do not consider transexuals or transgenderists as eligible sexual partners, but certainly possible good friends.

I agree with you in that I dont think any of the drugs you mention would help me with anything I feel I am going through. Maybe by some lucky miracle I will meet other women who like their male partners to cross dress for them and we can help each other understand ourselves the way the GG SOs here help each other understand their partners.

[joannethecd]

I find it interesting that when I dress as a man and check myself out in the mirror before going out, I mentally say, "OK, everything looks good and I'm ready to go."

When I dress as a woman and look at myself in the mirror, my reaction is always more, like, "You look terrific, JoAnne," or "Aren't you the sexy one!"

I think, in addition to all of the other valid reasons expressed for crossdressing, feeling sexy is important, and not just when I'm dressed in lingerie, but also when I'm in women's street clothes as well.

[Colleen Merryweather]

I think, in addition to all of the other valid reasons expressed for crossdressing, feeling sexy is important, and not just when I'm dressed in lingerie, but also when I'm in women's street clothes as well.

When you feel sexy then you probably act sexy and it's gotta be that sexy act that makes me take notice ... a good guess as to why I am not so jazzed up by transexuals/transgenderists ...

I think the transpeople are less concerned with being sexy and more concerned with their nature not being suppressed.

[joannejoanne]

Hi Colleen. I found your thread very interseting, though the replies were even more interesting. It proves that we crossdress for different reasons whether sexual or not, i myself have only once in 38 years questioned my sexuality and have regarded myself has hetrosexual hence a marraige of 32 years, nor has my wife derived any sexual satisfaction from me crossdressing and as been fully aware of what i do from almost the first week we met. though i have known friends in the past who are entirely different. And this web site site has proved the diversity and differences in opinions amongst us which can only be for the good and hopefully one day we will be fully accepted in society.

[dancinginthedark]

I only found out about my husband's CD a couple of months ago. I can't say I was getting much of a sexual thrill those first few times seeing him as a she. I was nervous as heck to be honest and still working on all the conflicting emotions that come from finding out after so many years of marriage, but things have settled more now.
So I have to admit I do love the way he looks when dressed and I do think it is how "she" presents as just that sexy. So while I cannot speak for the CD-er I can speak as a GG. Yeah, in part, at least for me it is sexual. DH seemed very okay with the fact I am turned on by the CD Because of that I feel like I moved closer to that place I would like to be, fully Okay with it all and not at all insecure. I know now he sees me as attractive even when he is in a she state of mind. [Still working on that one. Is it a state of mind? I know it is a part of him no different than say having brown eyes or being right handed but does he...sorry another thread for another day]
I do think it is interesting how your mind works. That maybe we sub-consciously see a CD-er as a visual representation of the sex act. Maybe it is a combination of things that come into play based on the clothing and mannerisms etc and any sexual energy they may be putting out there themselves, consciously or not. I never considered your POV but it does make a kind of sense to me. That how we perceive a CD-er is in large part sub-conscious. [an as side I am not saying or implying the CD-er is seeking or even trying to be seen this way. I am saying someone looking may see/feel it as such.]
Thanks for giving me something to think about.

[eileen1969]

I love your post! and simple and right to the piont!
I for one am out as a cd and love decking myself out
the whole 9 yards and do pass so long as I do my hair up is the only dead give away! and I too love making love to myself and just go wild and moan like a bat out hell when
I masterbate! I do refer myself as a cd and also bi-sexual
and I am 2 Spirited in my culture! lots of love and respect to you Eileen~Ronxoxo0.02 :cool: :p :cheeky:

[michelleD]

I cross dress for the sensation it creates. The silk and satiny lingerie, the image I display once dressed all get me very excited. Getting dressed and going out is the best, however at the end of it all I must have sexual fulfillment either with my wife or if need be by myself. ;)

[ashlee chiffon]

thanks for all your input on these matters and great to know you have attraction and affection for us...
as far as the clothes go, when i was younger, i was Really turned on the more i dressed and that was what turned me away from my female partners...i was more focused on myself and my clothes then them, and derived more sexual excitement when dressed then not...but..
... as i aged, i found a Need to be in my clothes...i derived comfort and a great sense of self, along with the enjoyment of becoming more fem...i just wish now i had someone to share it with, to dote on with, to dress and play with, and i don't, being single...and its harder now to meet ladies that will accept and involve and can be trusted with the cd side of me...
I think younger men tend to be more tv's *deriving enjoyment Just from the wearing of the clothes*, then, when aging and having worn clothes for a number of years, settle into the cd mode that i'm in now.
Don't get me wrong, though, as i still get excited over new clothes and wearing them, but moreso as a GG does when getting a great new dress! If there were someone i liked a lot about to help me...then the excitement would begin, for sure!

[Rikkicn]

Since I moved to the west coast I've meet several women (gg's) that adore men who cross dress. They find it hot and sexy and love having kinky sex with them. They are attraced to very femme men. Men in skirts, earrings, men wearing make up etc.
I think your just attracted to some combination of female/male energy. My partner is like that. When she first saw "Rocky Horror Show" at 18, she thought "sweet transvestites" were really cute and delicious looking and she wanted to meet one. She's over 40 now and still is attracted to gender variance in it's many forms. She has a special fondness for butch dykes too. I myself prefer the femmes

Perhaps you'll find this interesting
None of these women have ever heard of the term gg's
None of these women would consider themselves straight
All have tatoos
Non are republican
Ages are 18-55
None works in corporate world
All are bi-sexual
None have much money
Most are artists
Most are activists
Most are in the health and healing professions
Most don't wear make up
They all recycle
All are sex positive (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_positive)
All are spiritually motivated
All are very interesting with great life experiences and stories

These women live very open and authentic lives and create relationships with partners that lead their lives the same way. They usually choose partners that are "out" and live there lives out load. They all consider themselves part of the GLBT queer community

My partner and I live our lives in the queer community. All of our friends are queer, the communnity we live in is mostly queer, the places we shop have many queer employess. The GLBT community is a very interesting place. It's where many of us cross dressers can find a safe harbor.