So I don't chicken out

[Valerie Louise]

You would think, at my age, that I would not need to resort to peer pressure to do something I have always wanted to do, but let fear get in the way.
Within the last few months, a French sister on this site chronicled her preparations for a first shopping outing, and took some pics along the way during her time out. I'm following her example, and letting the forum know that tomorrow, I will go shopping en femme at a Kohls which is about forty minutes away. The phone app says that Tuesday mornings don't have too many people in the store.
I've been out walking in the day, done the gas station and ATM thing, and been to a meeting in Chicago with some wonderful girls like us. But the prospect of walking into a building as a woman, with all the trepidations the inevitable encounters will bring, has always daunted me. For many of you, this post is already ho hum. Just reading Teresa's three days out post that is going on now makes my effort pale. But, hopefully, this is a bucket list item checked off that will allow me to move forward to be out as a woman more frequently.
Before you say it ... I'll do my best to own it, to be confident, to smile, and enjoy it. I'll have a quick change to guy clothes with me.
I've attached two photos of the very, very simple outfit I'll have on, thinking blend. No make up or hip pads in these photos ... these were trials this afternoon to be absolutely certain it all came together. I'll do it all up in the morning. I wish my corseted waist could be more on display, but this time its about getting through this. Here in WI, the female uniform of the day is still a black quilted coat, and boots because of the cold weather. I'll fit in clothes wise.
I don't have the voice yet, although I've been at it for a while. I won't try to use it. My biggest worries are my gait (wife has been helping, but apparently I drift towards walking in an effeminine manner, not a feminine one ... hard to explain), and my wig getting blown out in the wind which is always prevalent here.
I know I have your support, and with this post its going to be hard not going through with it.
So there we go .. its in the air now.

[Mary Loo]

Best of luck. I hope it goes as you want. If it makes you feel any better, you are WAY ahead of me!

[Crystal120]

Oh I can't for the adventure story. Buy something sexy also.

[bridget thronton]

You look great and very likely to blend easily

[Kris Burton]

Big step Val, but you are there. Judging by the pics, you are blending nicely. You can do this, and we are all behind you, and it looks like your wife supports you too. Unlike so many, you are not alone...do it!

[Helen_Highwater]

While it won't be an anticlimax it's not going to live up to the noises those little gremlins make in your ear.

Folks won't point or laugh, no screaming mobs. Yes you'll be understandable nervous but if my experience is anything to go by those nerves quickly subside.

My top tip: shop for something. Have an item, a skirt, jewelry, hose, anything will do as it gives you focus. You'll not be wondering around like a lost soul, or shoplifter!

Also actually buy something. Engaging with an SA will be a good way to boost your confidence.

On my first outing, one store ended up being many. Every shop raised my confidence, lowered my nervousness. Stopping for a coffee and a bun is also something to think about.

I have every confidence things will go well. Now get out there.

[BrittanyB]

You will love it, Valerie! I still remember my the first several times walking in a store or a mall. "Deep breath, get out of the car, don't forget your purse", etc...as I walked through the doors I could hardly breath. Then...as Helen mentioned, no one looked, pointed, laughed. I focused on an area of the store to go to and walked there in a casual, but purposeful way.

The first store I ever went into, also a Kohls, had cash registers near the front of this exit so I walked past and continued to the women's section. No one stared, giggled, or otherwise noticed..."smaller steps, elbows in without walking like Frankenstein, keep a soft smile". I perused the women's dresses for a while and marveled at what I was doing. It felt so validating and exciting. I was on cloud 9.

Then over to the intimates section. I wanted to buy a full slip I stumbled upon in my size, but felt so self-conscious. "I'm not really going to actually buy something, am I??? If I do buy this, I need to buy that dress I really liked a few moments ago. It won't feel so 'fetishy' if I also buy the dress. Can I do this? Should I do this?"

With slip in hand I headed back to the women's section and snatched the dress from its hanger, knowing exactly which one was my size without looking again. "Deep breath, smile softly, just walk up to the register and do this."

The girl at the register was distracted at first...turned toward me and said, "Kohls charge, mam?" "Cash thank you", I replied softly and with a little higher pitch than my normal voice. She scanned the slip then as she scanned the dress she said, "oh this is pretty. I love this dress". I smiled, handed her the cash and walked out as she said, "have a nice day".

Walking back to the car, I didn't have to tell myself to walk slower, more feminine, keep a soft smile...I was glowing and walking on cloud 9. Such a simple task...go into a store and buy a dress and yet such an amazing rush of positive emotions.

Valerie, you are going to love your Kohls outing! Can't wait to hear all about it!!

[ziggie]

I'm not so brave, but it sounds like you've got this. Have a great time.

[Geena75]

You have got this. You look great -- no one would give you a second glance. SA's don't care, they want you to spend money and will be nice. Other shoppers are too absorbed in their shopping to bother. This is the way you want to look, so enjoy it. I have gone into stores with beat up bib overalls and a t shirt, also wearing a dress and nylons. Either way, I was good with the way I looked, and did my shopping. Great advice about shopping for something, too.

[kimdl93]

Good luck, Val. Glad to hear you have your wife supporting your efforts!

[Krisi]

I hope it all works out as you have planned.

You say "no hip pads today", I assume you will be wearing them when you do go out.

You say your wife has been helping you, why not ask your wife to go with you? She can do a lot of the talking and two women together will blend better than one woman alone.

Have fun!

[Valerie Louise]

Ok girlfriends, I?m leaving for the store I?ll post pics when I can.

[Marissa Q]

Valerie:

Go get 'em, girl! The trial-run pics you posted yesterday look wonderful; you have a plan, you're focused and now you're ready to enjoy yourself. Can't wait to hear about your adventure!

[RachelB.]

Looking for to reading about your adventures. Fair warning! what you are about to do is addictive and habit forming. Enjoy yourself

[Valerie Louise]

At the Parking lot. Game on!

- - - Updated - - -

And ? back in the car! It?s incredible. I don?t pass, my face is wrong and I need to do better beard cover (which I can now see in the strong light of the store). It?s obvious. But I passed other shoppers, male and female ? nothing, nada.
I hung out for a long while looking at lots of intimates ? no way I?m paying those prices for bras! This store is not stocked well so no dresses I had interest in. I did look over their fitting rooms ? very easy to access en femme.
I got some of the usual ?girl in the mirror by the bras? pics which I?ll post to prove I had the courage to be myself.
Whew!

[kimdl93]

Seems like a good start. Order some new beard cover and next time see if your wife wants join you!

[missjoann49]

Hi Val, judging by your photos I would say you will have no trouble fitting in anywhere
The first time out is always the hardest, after that you are going to say why did I wait so long
Enjoy, have a fun time and just be you

[Fiona_44]

So exciting to hear about the various stages of your shopping trip. Judging by your photos you looked great and blended in well.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like that's another notch in your lipstick case, Val!:thumbsup:

[Valerie Louise]

The outing went pretty much as planned until the end, which I'll cover in a second. Drove up to store, arranged myself and purse, and got out ... just as another car shows up and the driver can't help but see me. Just go. Walk to the door, into the store and ... absolutely nothing happens. I pass shoppers. Nothing. I'm looking at bras, with another woman on the other side of the stand of them ... no reaction. I really wanted to buy a specific maidenform bra, and I found it in my size, but I simply could not pay $44, even if there was 50% off the next one if I bought two. So, I wandered around, looking at dresses, and the clearance racks. Unfortunately this store appears to be restocking, maybe for spring, so not much merchandise to be had. In the course of all this I went by several others, with no reaction. I just don't get it. My jaw line is too pronounced and I'd think a double take by someone would happen. Maybe my outfit was so common that I didn't get a lookover from anyone. Maybe they all clocked me and got together after I left and yukked it up.
I strolled to the door, and there's a young guy trying to get in through the sliding door, but he confuses a fixed pane of glass for the door and almost starts to try to use it. He figures it out, which puts him right in line with ... me. We pass each other ... nothing.
I stroll out to the car and I'm elated! I pulled it off, and no Wisconsin brawny German heritage farm girl slammed me up against the wall, demanding that I turn in my bra.
The fun started next .. no big deal but it was off plan. The interstate is right next to the store, so I get on it and get lost in thought, trying to cement the events that just happened to me in my mind. It should be no surprise to you then, that when I thought my exit for home should be coming up, it didn't. And that shortly after, I passed an exit which clearly told me I was going in the wrong direction for home.
Pink fog ... oh yes, it can get very dense!
Turn around, but now I've got two problems, both fluid related. I haven't been to the bathroom since about 8, and its a bit after noon. And I won't have the gas to make it back home now. The thought of using a gas station bathroom just isn't working for me, but luckily a rest stop presents itself. Great, but really? I'm going to have to use the women's room. Not planned, but I’ve made sure I can use the facilities easily. So, into the rest stop, pass a couple of people, and there's the Great Choice ... Men or Women. Into the Women's room I go, no one in the open area but someone in one of the stalls, and I get into a stall --- in the Women's Room! Done, reassemble self, and launch out the stall and just keep going … until I come to the building exit door, where a father is wrangling a small child out the door and its a little chaos. The father looks at me, and holds the door open for me. Holy cow, “Thank you” softly, and back to the truck, and home.
Still processing. Some pics as evidence I was there will be in the next post.
Thanks for all the support girls!

- - - Updated - - -

In the car, and I'm not real happy with my look here.327680
At Kohls. 327681
327682

[Heather76]

Reading your account confirms I'd have my heart in my throat doing what you did. I applaud you for following thru. Remember, every guy has a girl inside him the world would like to meet. Yeah, I just made that up; but, who knows, it might be true.

[NjJamie]

Valerie, I can feel your excitement, so awesome!

The stunning lack of a reaction is quite surprising, I was out a few weeks ago, do not pass but I guess I blend well enough, shopping in the womens and intimates sections of a few big mall stores, tried on a few dresses and even stopped in the shoe department, with no reactions from the shoppers I was just 2-3 feet from. I know if I spoke it would have been too much, but it really seems that everyone, meaning those we don't know in a public setting, just don't seem to care.

Are we still crossdressing if no one really reacts? We know what we're doing and some might even know why but the reason we have so much focus on going "out in public" has to have a component that requires some kind of reaction. We always hope for an awesome acceptance and fear ridicule but does being ignored have an affect on how we see things? Things to ponder, looking forward to the pictures, you really went for it today!

[Helen_Highwater]

Valerie,

You blend as well as I guess I do. Your wig suits you to a tee. You're dressed like a lot of GG's dress, so I'm not surprised it was a non event in the recognition stakes.

If you're concerned about your foundation/makeup then that's your next trip sorted. Pick a makeup counter and get the SA to do your face for you. Etiquette sort of dictates that you'll need to buy a few things and that can run away with a few pennies but if it gets your makeup best suited for you, trust me, it's worth every cent. Knowing you Don't look like a clown boosts your confidence no end.

You've done the hard bit. It gets easier from here on in and more importantly, more enjoyable.

So, give yourself a big pat on the back. You're now officially a member of the Outandaboutery club. Congratulations.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Valerie:

Congratulations! You did it! You went out in public, shopped in stores for women's things and survived your own fears. Now, do it again...and again... and again. The best way to overcome that nervousness is to just going out as the woman you enjoy being on occasion.

BTW, your pictures show that you have little to fear. You look nice. You are dressed in outfits that most women wear for shopping. Your close up facial pictures shows me that you have little to worry about. Just keep charging and you will come to totally enjoy your outings. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will become.

Lastly, I want you to know that I was once as scared and nervous as you were. There were early years when the last thing I would do is go in to a store. I used to sit quietly in my car near a lake and just enjoy being out in my car completely dressed as a woman... at night I might add.

To go from dressing in the privacy of my home, locked in my bedroom, to spending a long weekend furniture shopping in NC took a lot of repeated attempts to be out in public. You too can be a woman out in pubic, doing what women do, and enjoy every minute of it, without fear.

Now, I hope you will continue to share your experiences with us all. We will enjoy your success as much as you do.

Oh, one more thing. Stop thinking about your femme appearance in negative ways. When you begin to do that, just stop and silently think, "I feel pretty, I feel pretty, I feel pretty". Just rub your forehead lightly and those negative thoughts will go away when you feel pretty and recognize that you are out in public, dressed like a woman, and enjoying what most women enjoy.... being seen and enjoying a day out of the house. CHARGE!!!!

Good luck,

Teresa

[Jenn A116]

Excellent adventure! You're adept at handling whatever gets thrown at you while you are out. Congratulations.

[Krisi]

You had a good time and that's what counts.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like u expected a lot more drama, Valerie? Maybe you'll choose a less blendy outfit next time and find some?:eek:

Personally, I hate stress and drama when out shopping. I go out dressed all the time. But, NOT to vanilla, day time, shopping and eating venues!:doh:

You're quite brave!:thumbsup:

[AngelaYVR]

This new thing with the eight billion lumen ultra white LED lighting in shops is truly horrible and I don't understand it, nobody looks good under that I avoid shops that use it but that is becoming harder and harder. Well done on that magical first outing and the beginning of a great adventure!

[Valerie Louise]

Thanks everyone! Teresa, I hope you are right that it gets easier. Time to work up for a Spring outing and that means no jacket to cover up shoulders and such. A dress? Skirt?
And I earned a reply from Doc ? now that?s another milestone! Thanks, Doc.

[Marissa Q]

You're the best, Val! Congratulations on a very successful outing and holding your head up high!

[Molly Wells]

Sounds like a great outing! This similar what I do when I get the chance. Get dressed to blend, go the the stores and browse. Perhaps try on a few things. Very enjoyable. And, if I'm really feeling confident I will go to enjoy a meal in a restaurant. When I have the time to plan I call a sister on this forum who lives in the area a usually go and invite her to lunch or dinner. Hmm, been a while, I need to give her a call!
Congrats on the outing.
Molly

[Sandi Beech]

I am happy for you that you went through with the outing. I think some of us who venture out a lot tend to forget how exciting and yet terrifying those first outings were for us. It definitely gets better the more you do it. What really brought me out of my shell is meeting people face to face. I never got past the fear until I experienced being treated well in a social setting, and that changed everything for me.

Keep going out and let us know how you progress with your confidence.

Sandi

[Frannie7]

Congratulations on this outing. You seemed to have achieved many milestones in one day.