How Does Your Wife/SO Relate to You While You Are a Girl?

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

To answer the question, I will go first. I asked my wife many times early in our marriage to tell me just how she honestly relates to me in her own mind when I am Teresa. I had nothing to complain about but wanted to know more about her reaction to Teresa that she might be keeping to herself, to show kindness to me.

She explained it this way. "I never forget that you are a handsome, hunk of a man that I love dearly, but when you are Teresa, I just tuck your male image to the back of my mind and pretend". She explained that when I am Teresa, she thinks of me as her "girlfriend" and enjoys doing so. She added, "When I was a little girl, I learned how to play pretend with my dolls along with my girlfriends".

Her reaction to Teresa is highly believable. I really do feel that she is treating Teresa as a woman, which is very exciting and pleasing to me.

How about you?

[BTWimRobin]

It's simple....she doesn't, period, end of story.

[Kris Burton]

Although my wife is well aware of and accepting of my alter ego,she does not view "Kris" and my male self as two separate persons . No animosity, we both prefer it that way. The few times we did interact while I was en femme was pretty much in the usual way, commenting on my clothes choice or makeup - which she has helped me with greatly -and the like. The only difference was in the clothes I was wearing .

[Debra Russell]

Likewise to what Kris says ...................................Debra

[Mary Loo]

Another Ditto to Kris and Debra.

My wife can NOT separate the two persons. Originally in our 30+ year relationship She only saw me in HER clothes which added a layer of awkwardness and it was extremely infrequent at that. Until only recently do I have a few of MY clothes (which she DID graciously help me shop for online and pick out and select sizing from helping take measurements.

When I got my clothes I got her feedback as to which to keep and which to send back and about the my first and only pair of heels she likewise helped me order. We kept it very analytical and I greatly appreciated her feedback and assistance. However, that was an image she can’t forget and can’t compartmentalize and made her quite uncomfortable. She has since gone to more of a DADT agreement and does NOT want to see me dressed again.

She was aware that I went to a wig shop (against her preference) and bought a wig, but she does NOT want to see me in it. Even last weekend when she knew I was upstairs “unwinding from the week” , when I was ready to go back to drab I yelled did she have any curiosity or desire to see me in the wig? The response was a fairly emphatic NO.

Point being she is accepting and understanding, but she is a LONG LONG way from your situation! Granted even though she was aware of my cross dressing activities from very early in our relationship, it technically has only been about 2+ months since I really have started to escalate my emulation/presentation. Let’s just say reading your posts makes me extremely jealous of your situation and the fun you had on your trip.

[NancySue]

I?m also in Kris?s corner. I?m not and don?t want to be a girl. I just enjoy dressing like one. My supportive wife has been so much help, especially with makeup, but, to her, I?m the same person. While I love to dress completely, I find there are days when I only wear two or three things.

[GaleWarning]

The clothes make no difference to who I am and the way my SO interacts with me.
They're just clothes.
We are the same people.

[Marsha Louise]

Robin: you took the words right out of my mouth!
While my SO is fairly tolerant of my dressing in my usual hybrid mode, even going so far as to say she thinks I look "cute", I know she has no interest in relating to me as another woman. She has her limits, and whenever I sense her discomfort about how I'm dressed, I take things down a notch or two.

[kimdl93]

Eh, she did not relate well to me at all, although she tried. It became too much for her. We have not spoken in six years.

[Valerie Louise]

Ditto for me from Marsha Louise's answer. I will say that she takes the time to critically judge things I buy and wear, sort of like a mother would a daughter. I guess that's still a good place. And Teresa ... yes, I am jealous of your situation. My catty side hopes your bra strap slides off all the time.

[Pumped]

My wife is very accepting of my dressing, but no mater what I wear I am the same person. I don't have a female persona, and don't feel the need for one.

[suzanne]

Teresa, I think your wife's way of compartmentalizing your two sides is perfect. It's just the way I would like my wife to relate to me

[Michelle Crossfire]

My wife is pretty supportive, even shops with me, and for me sometimes. I try to convince her that when i am dressed, i am still me, but she does not process that always. She likes to be affectionate, but cannot get affectionate with Michelle.

[Wendy-Lyn]

I do not have a wife or SO, but I do have a long-time GG friend who has known about my dressing for years. When she comes to visit, it doesn't bother her in the least if I'm dressed or semi-dressed - we sit and chat, watch Netflix, she works on her tapestries, and anyone would mistake us for an old married couple who are very comfortable with each-other's company. We often chat about clothes and makeup.
I probably should have married her decades ago (I did try for a relationship, unsuccessfully - almost 40 years ago), but she ended up marrying a loser and our lives went separate ways for a long time, although we remained close friends. She is one of only two GGs who know I dress, apart from my SIL.

[Brianne_bc]

Supportive, wants to see me model new things for her. helps me get dressed especially in the morning when im putting on my stockings and garters.

[Gi Gondin]

I believe this ?separation? of personas is more related to how someone processes information in general than his/her opinion regarding crossdressing or the feelings towards us.

In my relationship my girlfriend is 110% supportive, but she treats Gisele and my male persona as two separate persons that don?t know each other. Up to the point that she always mention that she never had any quarrel with Gi and she only have good memories of her.

This behavior resembles a lot the way she thinks about everything in her life - categorizing, dividing, theorizing about everything, from facts to behaviors, from shoes to movies. Not much room for changing plans, valuing a lot agreements and having a hard time improvising. Its just the way she sees things.

In my case, that?s not how I see the world. When eating a chicken nugget I never forget that this piece of meat was a living animal some weeks ago, and that doesn?t bother me at all. When fully dressed I don?t feel like another person, its only me, in heels and makeup having a great time.

This makes sense for anyone?

[alwayshave]

While my wife is accepting and encouraging, she calls me by my given name and uses male pronouns. I don't make a fuss, I'm glad she is accepting as she is and I know others are far worse of than me relationship wise.

[SaraLin]

The simple answer is "she doesn't."
She made it abundantly clear from the start that she does NOT want to see me all "girl'ed up" and other than finding a couple pictures of me, she hasn't.
I just don't dress if there is any danger of her seeing me, and since we're together pretty much 24/7 these days, my full-on Sara time is gone.

BUT - I do wear panties (always) and nighties (when appropriate) and she is OK with seeing me this way. But - she just doesn't see me as anything but her husband in feminine garb and has commented numerous times that she kinda forgets what I'm wearing, since it's just my "comfy clothes."

Lately, she HAS started jokingly calling me "Becky Home-Eccy" because I've taken over a lot of the housework. Funny though - she never seems to use that name when I'm in anything with a skirt (my nighties), only when I'm in my male jeans. Go figure.

[BLACK STOCKINGS]

My wife loves when I get dressed up. She likes to check out my outfits. Always complements me. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. I dress almost every night and when I do not she asks if I am getting dressed. She is a keeper

[VickieBonne]

She relates to me as me. Although, sometimes she says I'm part girl, I'm always her husband. She doesn't doubt my sexuality, I don't think she ever did. She has no doubt that the protective loving husband will appear in an instant no matter my style of dress. I'm a lucky one. If I could only get back to my dress size in my 20s... Perfection.

[prene]

Never had a SO who was accepting.

I have gone out with 2 gg's and they treat me just like anyother girl.
I like that a lot , wish they saw something in me as a SO but no.

I envy you that have accepting wife or SO

[BLACK STOCKINGS]

Vickie - yes age has taken it's toll - the dam belly gets in the way - the rest is still great. Nothing a good corset can not cure.



She relates to me as me. Although, sometimes she says I'm part girl, I'm always her husband. She doesn't doubt my sexuality, I don't think she ever did. She has no doubt that the protective loving husband will appear in an instant no matter my style of dress. I'm a lucky one. If I could only get back to my dress size in my 20s... Perfection.

[1Ladyjade]

My wife is pretty supportive, even shops with me, and for me sometimes. I try to convince her that when i am dressed, i am still me, but she does not process that always. She likes to be affectionate, but cannot get affectionate with Michelle.

This is how my lovely wife treats me/Jade. She can only see me as her manly man. So she does not want to see Jade. But she supports me in buying clothes for Jade either for or with me when I do. Yesterday we went to a flea market. There was a vendor selling vintage ladies clothes. She saw me eyeing the stuff and she dragged me away. But driving home we stopped at the DAV thrift store and let me loose there.

[Cheryl T]

The only time things change is when we are out in public.
That's the only time she calls me Cheryl and her attitude is different as she treats me like a girl friend. Actually I had to learn to treat her differently. When we first began going out together I'd still be the first to the door and hold it for her and she'd remind me girls don't do that for each other. It's things like that that changed.

[Paulie Birmingham]

I have no feminine side so she relates to me basically the same. Maybe a little more playful bc i probably look silly in some of my outfits

[Jenn A116]

My wife treats me pretty much the same no matter how I'm dressed. She will occasionally refer to Jennifer when I'm dressed. When we are out if she sees something in a store that she thinks Jennifer might like she will ask me if I think Jennifer would like it.
But otherwise, its the same no matter how I present.

[Brenda Freeman]

My wife is accepting she knows it makes me happy, but she prefers not to see me dressed. We do talk about clothes and make up and she has even borrowed pantyhose when she needed it. She has seen me dressed numerous times and does not seem bothered when it happens but I try to avoid it as I know it is her preference. It has worked out well, we are in a good place.

[Julia B]

She loves me no matter what I look like.
She likes her time with Julia or my male side.
She knows the person inside is the same person.
She treats me as a lady when I am dressed as one.

[Heather76]

She treats me the same regardless of how I'm dressed. She doesn't know I use the name Heather. I'm her man even when wearing lingerie and dresses.

[AmyJordan]

My gorgeous wife likes me dressed at all times at home and always calls me Amy but out and about I am her husband, on occasions she forgets herself and still calls me Amy which has led to some funny looks

[Sometimes Steffi]

It's simple....she doesn't, period, end of story.

Same here. If you're Robin, I must be superman.

Only Lois Lane makes the connection.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

[BustyOlivia]

My gorgeous wife likes me dressed at all times at home and always calls me Amy but out and about I am her husband, on occasions she forgets herself and still calls me Amy which has led to some funny looks

Wow you are living my dream girl! I wish I could be with my wife as Olivia! She knows of Olivia but only met her once and that was enough. She would flip if she saw me now with my full breastplate and wardrobe with heels might push her over the edge. So enjoy your awesome so amy

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

My wife after initial shock(we both had nervous breakdowns) is somewhat tolerant but i know
deep down she dies a little bit each time she she sees me dress which is not very often.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Thanks to all that commented on my post so far. I learned a great deal.

From the comments, it appears that most CD'ers have little or no interest in being treated as a woman by their wives. My guess is that most CD’ers would be quite happy for their wives to merely be accepting.

As I explained in my original post my wife is quite good at what I call "pretend roll playing" that Teresa is a “girlfriend”. I could have improved my original post by clarifying that neither my wife nor I ever believe that I am a woman. The fun girly treatment that I receive is strictly role play and pretend.

Again, thanks for sharing your situation, viewpoints and preferences.

[Krisi]

My wife treats me no differently when I am dressed as a woman than any other time.

I would rather she call me by a female name and act as if I were an actual female but I don't see it happening.

[char GG]

My SO and I were married a long time before CDing came on the scene. We don't treat each other any different when he is dressed. I have many girlfriends, but only one husband. So we don't pretend to be girlfriends.

[countrygirl]

I don't have a husband or a boyfriend so it doesn't matter to me. When I date a guy I will not hide this side of me though. My ex boyfriend and I broke up partly because of my need to express my female side.

[Katherine L.]

To start, my wife has never seen me fully dressed, although she has seen a picture of me dressed. That said, she has seen me numerous times in lingerie, especially bras, around the house. On these occasions she has always related to me as a male.

[JulieC]

My wife knows and supports my crossdressing. She treats and refers to me the same regardless of how I am dressed. I've never asked her to treat me differently, and never asked her what her thoughts were in that regard. Perhaps I'll ask now :)

Part of this goes to my own sense of self acceptance though. I don't think of myself as two identities inside one body. I'm not saying to do so is some form of schizophrenia. Rather, it took a good portion of my life to get to the point of accepting that I need to wear women's clothes at times to feel complete. I think of myself as one personae, one that enjoys wearing traditionally men's attire and also women's attire. I don't know that I would want to be referred to differently, as that would sort of undermine me as one person. Sort of flipping it around; I don't think of my wife as two personaes depending on whether she's wearing jeans and a t-shirt or a pretty dress. She's all her, in all her glory.

In one aspect it's different; my wife does refer to my pseudonym if we're out shopping and she finds something she thinks I might like. "Do you think this would look good on Julie?", for example. It's a convenient way to ask my opinion about women's clothes I might want in a public setting.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Ditto for me from Marsha Louise's answer. I will say that she takes the time to critically judge things I buy and wear, sort of like a mother would a daughter. I guess that's still a good place. And Teresa ... yes, I am jealous of your situation. My catty side hopes your bra strap slides off all the time.

Valerie:

You will be pleased to know that yesterday while out grocery shopping with my wife, my left bra strap not only slid off my shoulder, but it broke where it's attached at my bra. As my wife used a bobby pin to fix it in the ladies room, I told her about my I catty friend on CD.com. We both got a chuckle out of your great mystical powers to mess with bra straps of those CD'ers that enjoy fabulous, accepting wives.

Now, next time you are fully dressed in your favorite dress, feeling totally feminine in your pink cloud, you would be well advised to look down and check your panty hose. Yup, you will discover that you have a huge run in your hose. There, take that!!!! 😱🥱

Warm wishes to my funny friend with a great sense of humor,

Teresa

[Natalie5004]

My wife is not interested in meeting Natalie and it does bother me. She did state that I can at some point dress at home for her to see her though. That time has not come up yet.

[Jessica Secret]

I have a boyfriend so a bit of a different perspective in my situation. 99% of my CD wardrobe is romantic lingerie so when I'm in girl mode it's usually bedtime and thus my boyfriend and I are in bed enjoying intimacy and thus the conversation is much different than when I'm in guy mode. In guy mode we're best friends and talk about everything like couples do and he relates to me great, but in girl mode I'm definitely his girlfriend, he's definitely my boyfriend, and we relate to one another beautifully and on a much closer and more sensual/intimate level when I'm a girl and we're in bed together, especially right before we make love. Definitely feels more sensual and natural when I'm in girl mode with him.

[Jodi79]

I'm a bit jealous of all you with wives that like or are ok with you dressing. Enjoy it!

[Sharon budd]

I have to behave like one of her girlfriends. I'm not allowed to, for example, open doors or to carry heavy bags on my own. We have to share the driving and I have to use the wing mirrors instead of stretching my neck. I can't hog the remote control and we have to agree on programs that are mainly of female interest. I can't drink beer or red wine. There is no burping or farting allowed and the seat must remain down. She says it would be weird if any off her friends behaved differently and it's her way of coping. Shaz x

[franlee]

We tried the persona ID deal when we 1st got married and she used it in a not so loving manner to get the best of me in other personal matters. So that was immediately DC'ed. So now it's pretty much the same as any other time with the exception of Role-play.

[Beverley Sims]

When out clothes shopping we are two women together discussing how the particular garments fit.

We are completely at ease together.

Holidays are fun it is just that we have to discourage male attention.

After all we are two women sharing the same bed. :-)

[JennyMay]

I’m just me, I think.

[Jessax101]

No, doesn?t at all and I?m good with that..

[Bea_]

I?ve never felt like a girl nor pursued a feminine persona. It?s good that I?m not interested since I?m thinking that could start a downward spiral in my marriage. She compliments various outfits now, but I?m thinking she would die a little every time I presented as anything other than a MIAD.