Sometimes it is difficult...

[Heather76]

...to not say what you want to say.

Yesterday my wife and I made a quick trip to the beach for a family photo op. When we arrived, the first person we both see is a young (20s - early 30s) gal with a great figure sporting a nice black bikini. My wife gave me a hard time for looking at her (a guy would have to be blind not to be looking). Anyway, I told her I was really just looking at the bikini to get some fashion ideas. What I wanted to say was I look at most every woman trying to understand women's fashions a bit better so I can do a better job of dressing.

On the way home from the beach (only a 5 minute drive) she mentioned a couple of friends with whom she wanted to call to arrange a girls' shopping trip. My instant thought was I ask if I could join them so they could help me pick out some items. Again, I kept that though to myself. I envy those girls with partners who encourage and support their CD activities.

[TAG]

Best not to ask because if they wanted to include you they would ask.
I found that out the hard way.

[Shelly Preston]

Unless your wife and the other women know. Its not a good idea to ask to go shopping with them.

[Kris Burton]

What I wanted to say was I look at most every woman trying to understand women's fashions a bit better so I can do a better job of dressing.

Actually Heather, I think this would have been OK to say. If I recall correctly, your arrangement is not DADT and this would have gone a long way to explaining your gazing. More important would be to make sure you are subtle as you do .

- - - Updated - - -


. My instant thought was I ask if I could join them so they could help me pick out some items. Again, I kept that though to myself.

Good move. Keep this one to yourself. If they want to include you, let your wife and friends be the ones to ask.

[Leslie Mary S]

Few people like people who try to invite themselves. If the SO said it in your presents and she wanted you along she would have asked you, or asked her GG friends if it was OK for you to come IF they know about and are accepting of Heather.

[Pumped]

My wife understands me better than this. If there was a good looking woman in a bikini nearby and I didn't notice she would be concerned!

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My wife has a very simple rule with regards to looking at other women.

If I'm not looking, I must be "buying".

My response is "I'm married, not dead."

[Geena75]

I know the feeling, even more from being closeted. When we watch the local news I often see the weather girls wearing a dress that I could picture on me, and wonder where I could get one. The most I can say is "That's a cute outfit" and find that the spouses tastes and mine are different.

[Karren H]

Change Sometimes to Always, select All, click Engage.

[Heather76]

My wife gave me a hard time for looking at her (a guy would have to be blind not to be looking). Anyway, I told her I was really just looking at the bikini to get some fashion ideas. What I wanted to say was I look at most every woman trying to understand women's fashions a bit better so I can do a better job of dressing.

My subtle humor was apparently lost on some folks. Of course my wife knew I was looking at this gal. The comment about "getting some fashion ideas" was an obvious ruse to her. She's not stupid nor am I. We banter back and forth a LOT in our daily lives. I also would never suggest I go shopping with her and her friends for my CD wardrobe. At least not at this stage of the journey. I was simply commenting (in both instances) about the thoughts that cross the mind of this cross dresser and maybe the minds of others.

[kimdl93]

You were polite enough to not mention that your wife must have also noticed the shapley young woman too, otherwise she would not have noticed that you noticed.

[Cheryl T]

We have had this discussion more than once.
I have always told my wife that I look at other women, always have, always will. It's not because I have a roaming eye, it's because I look for fashion ideas. I analyze her outfit. Does it fit properly, is it flattering, does the color work for her. Then I look at it from my viewpoint. Would I like that on me, would it fit me properly, is the color right for me, what would I change about it.
If she were to say a shopping trip was being planned I would ask if I could go. I would mention what I'd wear and such, but it would all be in jest and she knows that. I don't interject myself in her gal pal outings as they are unaware and we prefer it that way.

[Stephanie47]

Many times my wife will comment on some of the female newscasters or weather girls on the television. Usually, the comment is about the tightness of the dresses some of the women wear. I will agree with her some are so tight the dresses almost seem wrinkled. My wife notices the immodesty of some of the low cut dresses; the boobs are almost falling out. Sometimes I will open my mouth and comment AFTER her comment. As it has been already stated, "I am not dead!"

I will never try to include myself into any outing my wife schedules with friends. Frankly, I would think most women would view a husband trailing along on a girls' outing to buy clothes as totally weird. If I want to get a sense of women's fashion all I have to do is scroll through various stores' on-line catalogues. I watch "Wheel of Fortune" every night; I will make an effort NOT to miss Vanna White coming out at the beginning of the show, as I want to see what she is wearing. This old guy loves to watch her walk across the letter board. She knows people are watching her. Why the heck does she maximize the distance necessary to reveal the letters? There's a reason she commands $10 million a year.

[Veronica Lacey]

...to not say what you want to say.


I hear you 20/20, Heather. Sounds as if you'd never actually utter the words but it must confuse the lips to constantly not heed the heart so as to respect the mind. I have experienced similar moments where I have easily held back - but with disappointment - what I would say had the air been free to say what I wanted without my wife politely groaning as a response.

Wife's Question: What are you wearing to the wedding?
Desired Response: This lovely spring floral dress with some exciting light lingerie
Actual Response: The usual *yawn*

Wife's Question: Want to cozy up and watch a movie?
Desired Response: Sure! Let me slip into some soft satin pajamas
Actual Response: Just sits down and says ok, what are we watching?

Wife's Question: Would you like anything special for your birthday?
Desired Response: Well, there's this blouse, skirt and pair of heels online that I've been daydreaming about...
Actual Response: Dinner with your parents would be lovely

I'm rather sincere about that last one as my in-laws are stellar but I imagine you get the point. Perhaps we can continue to believe the "never say never" notion...

[Heather76]

Veronica, you understand me completely. Great examples of what I was saying.

[JulieC]

Veronica, you're hysterical :)

The first two "actual response"s are classical guy responses. I find myself saying similar at times, though my wife wouldn't be phased if I said the desired response instead. Sometimes it just feels awkward.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Heather :hugs:, Quick, Read line #4 in my Signature, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[JennyMay]

I?m reminded of the classic short story by Irwin Shaw, ‘The girls in their summer dresses.’

https://www.classicshorts.com/stories/dresses.html

[DianeT]

JennyMay, what a wonderful piece, so insightful and brilliantly written. Thanks for letting me discover it for the first time.
Now the question will haunt me: as men, do we really want the women we look at?

[Leslie Mary S]

Here is an add on.


Wife's Question:. . . . . Have you seen my diamond cascade earrings and necklace?
Desired Response:. . . I thought you didn't like them anymore so I put them in my jewelry box after I wore them last night.
Actual Response: . . . . Let me help you look for them.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife used to catch me looking all the time and tease me about it. This was way before I was looking for fashion tips. But, I figured out countermeasures. I would watch her eyes to see when she wa looking at me. Whenever she was looking at me, I would either look back at her or just scan all around. When she wasn't looking at me, I would stare at the other girl, with one eye watching my wife so I could look back at her when she looked at me. Then, she would tease me for "missing" the cute girl.

[Leslie Mary S]

I never got my eye balls to look two different direction at once, but I do have a real medical problem commonly called a "Wandering eye". That is part of the reason I wear glasses. It is why I also normally read with my right eye closed. Grin.

[alwayshave]

My wife while accepting is rather clingy, so I'd actually love for her to go out so I could have time to myself.