Unique Office Situation

[Heisthebride]

I have been going into my office twice a week for most of the COVID situation. I work in IT and need access to a lab for some testing and need to sometimes physically touch the equipment. I have noticed I am one of maybe 10 cars in a 4 story building, and I see maybe two or three other people over the course of a day. I work for a large corporation with a very progressive inclusion and harassment policy. While the company has made a move to bring people back to the office I haven?t seen a difference in my building, mainly because there has been talk about closing that office and everyone has been also been relocated to another office space. But the lab remains in the old space for now.

I am pretty open about dressing in public but I have never dressed to go to work. I think it would be a fun bucket list thing to spend an entire day as my femme self at work. Attending my normal work meetings, tapping away at my computer, maybe even going out for lunch. I could probably find an office on another floor to work in for that day versus my normal desk and avoid the two people I might see regularly. Not that I would expect them to panic if they saw me.

What would you do in my situation? I?m not sure how much longer I have to debate the question or act on it. They could permanently close the space in a month or it might stay open for another year.

[Terrihoney]

Given company policy, I'd say go for it. A slim chance you might be seen anyway. Even if, is there a huge downside? Of course, concentrating on work while dressed might be a challenge.

Hugs, Terri

[Brenda Freeman]

If you go to work enfemme and are recognized that could change how you are viewed and maybe stir a lot of conversations downside or upside? I often wondered before I retired what would happen if I went to work dressed enfemme and probably should have at least my last day but never got the nerve. Could have been a great moment? It definitely would have stirred up conversations. I am comfortable going out today and have no problem talking about where I used to work. I worked closely with a lot of construction contractors and maintenance staff and based on many comments made over the years I think I would have become isolated. I saw a few people transition in businesses in our buildings over the years and heard some negative comments from staff. I guess I will never know. It sounds like your work environment sounds open, and with few staff on site maybe a great opportunity. Upside? good luck! Love to here about your experience if you do.

[Natalie5004]

This entire idea is entirely up to you. You may find one day like I did and say, just do it to see how much nerve you have.

The first time I ventured out of my home dressed I went to a grocery store. I must have looked ridiculous. I spent $100 filling up my cart with the weeks worth of food.

Would I do that now? I think yes but in these past 2 years I am better at dressing than back then.

If you look fantastic and your Avatar shows a very pretty woman. I would feel free enough to do it when the Pink Fog hits and I say. I am doing it.

[Heisthebride]

The avatar is me but with a few caveats. It was 14 years ago, I had the benefit of a professional make up artist and the magic of photography. Not photoshop, just a good pose and the photographer saying lift your chin, turn a bit to the left, etc. but I understand how the pink fog can overcome some of our doubts. I do go out in public on a semi regular basis, just never to work before.

[Shelly Preston]

I think you need to have a talk with the HR department first.

At least if you make them aware of what you intend to do, it wont be a shock to them, and it could make things easier

[Debra Russell]

If you can own it and be comfortable enough show yourself - do it, it would be a very self-affirming thing to do ... go ahead, good luck and let us know how it went..........................Debra

[Maid_Marion]

I switched over to Size 2/XS/petite female clothes for the office. They fit perfectly. Much better than trying to find age appropriate guy clothes.
I grew out my hair so it reaches the middle of my back. I wear nail polish and heels.

My office has had openly gay middle managers for decades. They often sit together at company outings.

Marion

[mbmeen12]

I think you need to have a talk with the HR department first.


Absolutely....

[Rachelakld]

HR department, make sure they have your back.
When my work mate came out, she had HR on her side, luckily most of the managers recognized we needed her skill.
Unfortunately there were co-workers who didn't understand her situation and she decided to quit (and got a better job elsewhere)

[franlee]

The key to ,my answer is simple you said a bucket list item to do. If you want to do it on your last day or 2 and not worry about it as you walk out the door. Just me and my thoughts.

[alwayshave]

Rebecca, What is your direct manager's opinion. HR can have your back, but if your manager wants to get rid of you, he or she will contrive another reason.

[Krisi]

I would say it's a bad idea to mix crossdressing with your job or career. Lots of bad things could happen.

Think long and hard before letting your co-workers and/or boss know that you like to run around dressed as a woman.

[Pumped]

I would be a bit cautious too. just because the written company policy is fairly open and accepting that doesn't mean the employees are.

I worked for a company that has warm fuzzy stuff written in to the company employee policies. The bosses were pretty quiet about it, and I never saw it tested in the time I was there, but half the employees were the worst homophobic bunch I had ever seen. If showed up in a dress and it freaked the other's out, who would be leaving? 20 and 30 year employees? Or the one guy in a dress?

Keep in mind, if you have one person stirring up a bunch of of the employees they can figure out a way to let you go.

I certainly would not just pop into work dressed and see if no one notices, or if they do, I would not want to be the person to test the employee policies!

[April Rose]

I can tell you from life experience that what Jamie says is valid. I worked for a major corporation that had a progressive HR policy. But the HR dept. was states away and we were in a smaller branch with only a few employees on site. I watched in somewhat horrified awe at the devious and clever ways our branch manager manipulated the situation until employees who he was at odds with either quit or were fired.

That said, it really is up to you. In the fifty plus years of my working life I benefited greatly by being fired several times. Not always though. The question is; how important is the job to you, relatively speaking.

[Debbie Denier]

The skulduggery that goes on behind closed doors is unbelievable in most companies. You are in the minority. The majority always seem to get their way over an individual that does not tow the company party line .I would beware if I was you as the others have pointed out.

[docrobbysherry]

Unless you're planning on coming out, Heist? My vote is "No"!:thumbsdn:

U can NEVER put the toothpaste back in the tube after it's out!:doh:

[Billie]

Rebecca, What is your direct manager's opinion. HR can have your back, but if your manager wants to get rid of you, he or she will contrive another reason.

Exactly!!!!

And it's not that hard if they are looking for something.

[Heisthebride]

I hear and understand what everyone is saying. I would prefer not to bring it to HR for the sole reason that I'm not planning to transition on a permanent basis. I don't want to advertise it or make a production out of it.

A few items in defense of the company

1. There was a person in my building who openly transitioned, male to female, about seven years ago. They worked in the company for over five years before they made a career change of their own choice. So there is historical acceptance.
2. My direct boss works remotely in another state. I am highly unlikely of encountering anyone on my team. I am also unlikely to encounter anyone at all, but never say never.
3. I work in the same city as corporate HR, just in a different building.
4. There has been a huge push for inclusion and diversity going up to the highest levels of the company over the last year.

None of this means I would necessarily follow through, I do understand everyones concerns. But I keep coming back to one point. How can we advocate for change if we hide at home?

[JulieC]

It's hard to advocate for change if we're at home, I agree.

For me, the crux of the issue is how important is this job to me, and how might losing the job affect me and those depending on me? Further, if I lose the job under contrived, negative circumstances, will this affect my employability moving forward?

For my part, I would never do this while I have people depending on my income. I'm planning on retiring in 7-8 years, and I am dreaming of going into work the last week dressed en femme every day. At that point, what can they do to hurt me? Nothing. Until then, I have too many people depending on me having this job. I don't have the luxury of potentially torpedoing it. Your mileage may vary, of course :)

[Pumped]

None of this means I would necessarily follow through, I do understand everyones concerns. But I keep coming back to one point. How can we advocate for change if we hide at home?

Trust me, I agree, but just be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. Just make sure you have thought it all out.

The way you explain it you might go in dressed as a drag queen and nobody might be the wiser, but with my luck my boss would decide to pop in that day for a visit!

I also wonder to the degree you dress. You could show up in skinny jeans a nice top and chunky heel ankle boots in a somewhat male mode and perhaps have zero issues. But once you strap on the boobs and wig you are committed!

I remember late in the evening,wearing high heels at work a couple times, and then one evening as I was in my pickup getting ready to drive out of the warehouse on on my coworkers comes walking in. 15 seconds earlier he would have caught me running around in heels. That was the end of that!

[Heather76]

But I keep coming back to one point. How can we advocate for change if we hide at home?
Honestly, with my job and livelihood possibly on the line, I wouldn't try using my workplace as a location to advocate for change. Change generally happens slowly and it could be a long, painful road to take. Rather, if advocating for change is what I wanted to do, I think I'd be better off leaving home en femme every time I walked out the door of my house on MY time and not on company time.

[Amy Lynn3]

Similar topics have been on this site a number of times. What I gained from them is to keep your private life private. However, as others have said you must make up your mind, but do count the cost first.

[Linda K.]

Rebecca,

There is one unanswered question you need to consider that hasn't been brought up yet. You said they were closing up the building and relocating the employees to another office space, I would imagine that is more affordable to the company. It doesn't sound feasible for them to keep the lab there and they would likely relocate that as well. So the question is this. Is your job secure with the company during this transition to another location? If yes, then finding another desk to work at for a couple of days while you are alone. That may be a good idea if you are eventually moved with everyone else. If God forbid no, then who cares? But keep one thing in mind, if the company is making a "huge push for inclusion," then you have HR on your side if there is any type of harassment against you. Is this a 100% yes I can do this with no repercussions situation? Only you can decide that. But from all the information you provided so far, it seems like a good opportunity to take this step. Also remember the first time you went out in public as Rebecca and how nervous you were. How did you overcome that fear to step across the threshold to the outdoors? That was your first step to advocate for change, is this an opportunity for your second step? Good luck in making your decision and let us know what happens. You know, we are all behind you on this!

Hugs,

Linda

[Jessicajane]

Going to work as a woman is the best.
I love deciding on my outfit the night before dependant on wether its a client meeting …small heels …smart pants …classy blouse or just around the office days where I get a little more adventurous!usually trying a style that I can go on to use as client facing if it works
It doesnt distract at all but I often do think thank goodness this is now my life.
We rarely regret things we do especially under careful consideration and not impulsive!however I have regretted heaps were I just couldnt find the courage.
In this day and age it really isnt that big a deal xxx

[Heisthebride]

I want to thank everyone for sharing their thoughts on this subject. I appreciate everyone who was thinking of my safety and job security. I have seen comments both for and against and I took both into account. My first thought was about what I meant in a previous comment I made by being an advocate for change. Was I thinking about doing this just for myself? Well, of course I was. But was I also thinking of societal acceptance, making things better for our community, at least better in my opinion. If my goal was to go in the office dressed and then hide then it would only be for my own personal enjoyment. Not that it would be a bad thing, but somewhat selfish. I also took into account the job safety aspect. I have been with the company for a long time so I think I have a good grasp on what would be acceptable or not. There is always a chance of a bad outcome but that could be said of going out dressed up in the general public too. I do feel safe in this work environment and honestly would I want to work somewhere I don't feel safe. I have also found that as I get older I am becoming more revolutionary. I have gone out in public fully en femme. I spent an entire week long vacation including flying en femme I didn't even pack anything male to bring with me. I have no thoughts of transitioning, I don't think I pass. I also will present non-binary sometimes, wearing a skirt with my male top and no makeup. Basically I just want to wear what I want to on any given day.

That being said, I decided to go into the office yesterday in a non binary style. No makeup, a polo shirt, no bra or forms and I matched that to a business appropriate skirt. I carried in my heels because it was 34 degrees walking in, but I changed into them at my desk. I also decided that I shouldn't hide, just own it. I felt that if I encountered anyone I should just be like it was the most normal thing in the world. Which is probably good advice in any situation. Because there is nothing wrong about how you present. I saw two guards at the security desk, they said nothing and may not have even noticed. From 9a to 5p I only saw two other people and they paid me no mind, again maybe they didn't even notice me. I sat at my desk, did my job, I made my lunch in the break room, I made short excursion to the printer or to throw out some confidential papers in the shredding bin. No issues at all. One could argue that if I'm so confident about this, why not do it at a building that actually has a normal population of employees. Its a valid argument, but baby steps. This was just another small step forward.

I took a couple of pictures. I hope this inspires some people, but only if they want to go out dressed. It is everyones choice to do what they are comfortable with doing.

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[junetv]

Hi Rebecca,
I got permission from my immediate manager to work as June in the office, even though I had no plans of transitioning. This was right before we had the COVID lockdowns (January 2020). Like you, I work in IT. My company is also progressive and my regional director and his boss were cool with it. So I have been coming to work routinely as June....I dress at the office, since because DADT with my wife.

The COVID lockdowns gave me courage to explore working as June. Now that everyone is coming back to the office, I still work en femme, but not all the time since I occasionally have to make visits with my clients. I usually document my looks on Instagram/Facebook. It helps me to critique myself... sometimes I look back and wonder why I went out dressed like that - lol.

You look great! Hopefully, you will continue to be your true self at work and beyond!

June

[Linda K.]

It is so great to see you decided to go ahead with your plan and that it wasn't as earth shattering as you may have thought. It looks as if you were enjoying your day. Will you do it again? I also wonder if you did, would you go fully dressed next time?

I think we worry about how people are going to react to us and are shocked when they don't react the way we anticipated. As a thought, could it be that getting no reaction from strangers is because they don't know the real us and are indifferent to those like us that want to be able to dress this way? Yet for some of us, the shock from those who do know us when they find out, is it because it is something they never expected to hear about us? :thinking:

[Beverley Sims]

Try it if you must, although I prefer to keep my private life seperate from the office.

There is a possibility it could go pear shaped even if it appears good for now.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Your new wife may prefer that you not risk your income by taking risk of dressing at work. Many wives are fearful of lost income, loss of friends, or subtle signs of dissatisfaction that impact on her station in life.

[Jane G]

It's been so many years. I may be looking back through rose tinted glasses. but I remember with fondness a time when I used to work late at the office dressed. I was never out though. So half the fun was getting away with it. There were only four of us engineers and a secretary in that office though. So very unlikely any one else was going to return when I was working late. Life a a crossdresser has always been such fun.

[Heisthebride]

I finally did it. I appreciate everyone’s advice and trying to keep my job safe, but I decided to forge my own path. So following a trip to Las Vegas where I had a full set of nail extensions done, I decided to go full on femme at work today. I ran into people while I made my lunch in the break room and no one said a word. One person did randomly pass by my office and said hi as they looked and walked past, but that was it. It was a fun day and I think I might even do it again before they close the office permanently.

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[Debbie Denier]

Wow Rebecca you look brilliant. Love the outfit , make up and is that a red bow in your hair.? You look so different to your original photos on this thread.

[Natalie5004]

Good for you. I dress for work almost every day too.
I work from home. I do not have the nerve to dress for the zoom meetings. I am all talk.
But I am not shy. I go out shopping at least 2x a week.
But my last week at work I could blow everyone's mind and dress for my zoom meetings. I am 66 and still working because I like to blow money.

[Jenn A116]

Very nice office look!

[MiniRock]

You look amazing en femme Rebecca. And I guess if the office is so sparsely populated, anyone that saw you would just assume you were an employee they had never seen before.

For me, work time belongs to my employer. They pay me for it and I wouldn't be there if they didn't. So I don't do anything to make it a home from home. I don't care whether HR want me to feel nice. Because I don't care what they feel like. The clothes I wear for work - usually a suit - never get worn outside work. Even having my own mug is something I could never do. So playing dressing up games - which is my own approach to cross dressing - would be out of the question. Nevertheless, I applaud you for doing your particular thing Rebecca.

Mini

[JulieC]

Heisthebride; congrats on being dressed at work! I'm really happy for you :)


But my last week at work I could blow everyone's mind and dress for my zoom meetings.

I have considered doing exactly this for my last week or two of work when retirement comes. I work at a place with >1000 employees. HR's policies are non-discriminatory against anyone in gender or gender presentation. Yet, of all of my coworkers, I have never seen (at least to my knowledge) anyone crossdressed while at work. Not ONCE in all the years there. I do see quite a few of my coworkers. Probably in a given year I'll see 3-400 of them. I don't feel like my work environment is hostile towards crossdressers, but I don't get the sense that it is welcoming either. So, my last week or two will be a statement, and likely one that I will make verbally as well as in presentation. That's years off yet, so we'll see.

[Kitty Sue]

I would be weary TBH. However, you know your workmates and employer better than I do. Whatever you decide I wish you the best.

[abby054]

Not worth the risk. Sure, then company has policies that prohibit any harassment, but that does not stop anyone from forming an opinion. They just must be creative about acting on that opinion.

In my cases I often work with high voltage. I find CDing distracting. Even underdressing is distracting. Being distracted near high voltage is not a good combination.