I think I have a problem

[Katrinka]

So I had taken a break from dressing up as I like to call it for 9 years. I never purged. I kept all my clothes shoes jewelry makeup under garments etc. I even moved with me to a new house. This year I got to know my female side again and I have been out of control. I have bought 2 new dresses 2 new sexy robes one lace and one feather trimmed ( a new thing I like ) 4 pairs of thigh highs (that?s also a new fetish) 4 new garter belts ( another new one) 8 that?s EIGHT new pairs of lace thong panties 4 pairs of earrings a name necklace I?m Katrina Chanel pearls and earrings and a Chanel purse (fake dh gate. So handy) a real pair of black lubuiton heels and 3 other pair of heels. I will not even mention all the lipstick and lip liner and eyeshadow pallets I have ordered. I dress up more now than I ever did in the pasts what is going on with me?? I also bought 2 new wigs of which I only wear one lol. HELP!

[AmeeJo]

The pink fog tends to run in cycles for me too and I'm right in the middle of a thick bank! The best help I can offer is there are a number of great sales going on right now!

[Sandi Beech]

Sometimes when the pink fog slaps me around, I think it is my way of taking a break from all the stresses of life - a total escape from reality. I know it was hitting me particularly hard 5 years ago when I was looking at a job change which is stressful in itself. The ironic part is that crossdressing induces its own stresses, from which I need to escape. So it builds up with me until I hit the reset button and slow it down - or in some cases my wife hit my reset button.

That is just my own experience, others have different takes on it.

Sandi

[JulieC]

I'm quite surprised you didn't dress for 9 years! I am also impressed you didn't purge.

I wouldn't worry about your purchases unless your finances can't support them. If that's the case, you really need to bring yourself up short and focus on priorities...which don't include killing your finances for a pair of killer heels. Otherwise, congrats on the pink fog :) Enjoy it! It's awesome!

[Kris Burton]

Sounds like you're making up for lost time. I agree with Julie however,as long as your finances can support it, no cause for concern. Enjoy the ride, and maybe share some pics!

[Crissy 107]

No you do not have a problem, you were just on pause. I have taken longer breaks then that and back then not knowing better I purged, not once but at least twice.
Thanks to this site and other similar sites I used to be on I now know to never purge and that the pink fog will return.
I also finally accepted myself 8 years ago and now know I truly love this side of me.

[Karren H]

The only problem I see is you may have kept your makeup for 9 years! Hopefully you did not use it and you pitched it.... bought all new?

[Heather76]

"What is going on with me?" Maybe it's just your inner woman speaking and wanting to be recognized. I can relate to your wanting to make all these purchases as I have found myself having to make a concerted effort NOT to stop by a few stores to go shopping.

[MonicaPVD]

So long as you can afford to indulge and it isn't causing turmoil with a loved one, what you have is no problem. Enjoy!

[Sabine Janus]

What help do you need, suggestions on places to get great stuff?

Enjoy the cycle while it lasts.

[kimdl93]

Can you set yourself a budget and stick to it?

[GretchenM]

Obviously you feel something is not right with you and buying more clothes and feminine items is not helping. That is called Gender Dysphoria. All of us sometimes experience that to some extent or other and we call it Pink Fog. But ideally there should be no dysphoria at all. You have a fairly severe case of dysphoria. It is curable and you are not going crazy.

Most of the time you should have a sense of comfort and smooth flowing of your sense of self. A happiness with who you are, whatever that may be. In your current volatile state I think you should try to identify a combination out of all the wild variations that makes you feel the most comfortable even though it may not actually be completely comfortable. A combination that produces kind of a smooth flow rather than a flow like you are running a big rapid in a river in an inner tube and getting thrown around all over the place and at risk of drowning. Your brain is searching for a comfortable combination and you can help it find that by not feeding the need by wildly buying more things, but creating from what you have a style and look that makes you comfortable as a person.

There is probably a sweet spot in the blend of your male-like and female-like sides where you feel natural - a bit of a happiness with who you are. It may be a 50/50 combination or 95/5 combination of male/female or anything in between and in either direction, but there is always a place where things go much more smoothly. That is where you need to go and develop more stability there. Seek the place where the pink fog is less pronounced. Being dysphoric all the time can be dangerous because you feel you can never find a place where you can just sit down, close your eyes, and feel a strong happiness come over you and then open your eyes and continue with life in a state where a deep need to search is not there. It may take a while to find that combination and it might also need the help of a gender therapist, but it is achievable. And when you find it, you will know it because it is so comfortable and you can function like a "normal" person because you have found the Normal for you even though it may be quite different from what most people call normal. You are different; everybody is different; the right way is, for you, your way of living who you are. It may change with time, but you always adapt to the changes and stay in that comfortable zone. Everybody has their own normal.

[Stephanie47]

"What is going on with me?"

I suppose none of us will known the reason you ceased wearing women's attire for nine years; then decided to resume. In prior postings you indicated you're a gay man in a gay relationship. I don't known if that has any bearing on the situation. I got the sense it is not an issue of acceptance of self. As to the amassing of clothes, that is not a problem if you have the funds. Frankly, after taking nine years off, the amount of new clothes does not seem excessive.

[alwayshave]

I guess my question is, would you have purchased at least that amount over the last 9 years. If yes, not a problem.

[sometimes_miss]

Ah. 9 years. Sounds about right. For me it was about 10. Maybe it was 9+ or something.
As boys we are told that to be girly in any way, be a 'sissy', is the worst possible thing we can ever be. So at some point,our minds can repress any of what we feel are stereotypical female feelings, way back into the inner recesses of our minds, into our subconscious, so we can pretend that we aren't like that at all, we are 'all man, all the time, masculine from womb to tomb.
And it works; to a point. If anything else in our life becomes too much for our minds to handle, along with doing all that work repressing those fem feelings, something's got to give, and the crossdressing desires awaken from their dormant slumber, with a vengeance. Once again, we become flooded with all those forbidden 'feminine' thoughts going through our minds, and it seems we can think of nothing else, as those desires take over our conscious thoughts until we satisfy everything that the female genie inside us wants us to do.
Crossdressing can provide the sensory feedback to us that makes us think that we are actually female; we can make that feeling even stronger, by behaving and trying to 'think' like what we feel females do, indulging in what our subconscious feels are strictly female activities such as putting on make up, shopping for 'girl stuff' either in person, clandestinely or outright ignoring the dangers and going right out into the world into the lands of women's shops, all to satisfy whatever it is in our minds that wants us to accept that we are female.
Whether this is just an escape of the mind from the 'all male' jail that it is in the rest of the time, or an excuse for even having forbidden feminine feelings like nurturing, caring, loving, experiencing things in life that girls do but boys have been told that we must simply avoid at all costs 'because it's girly', is something that only you can decide.
As always, YMMV.
Some men subconsciously feel that female feelings are so very forbidden, that they feel the need to create a whole other female persona to attribute them to, referring to themselves in a different name when they dare to cross the gender divide, and referring to themselves in third person in order to distance themselves as much as possible from anything like being female in any way. It is, after all, just a reaction to having been told since we were self aware, that female is less, female is not as important, female is worse than male in every way. So it's no surprise at all, that our minds rebel from it, in order to deny that it's actually US in that dress, holding a baby, helping an injured potential competitor when we should be destroying him.

[Katrinka]

The only problem I see is you may have kept your makeup for 9 years! Hopefully you did not use it and you pitched it.... bought all new?

Haha no I have new makeup that I use lol

- - - Updated - - -

My bills are paid and I do try to look for sales and such. I guess I just have the itch right now lol

[RADER]

Your just making up for all those lost years. You have a lot to catch up on.
Good luck and be happy in your work.

[docrobbysherry]

I read your post, Kat. U sound like a CD with the time, money, and inclination to dress.:battingeyelashes:

Now, what's the problem?:straightface:

[CynthiaD]

Katrina:

I’ve read your post over two or three times, but I still can’t figure out what the problem is. You sound perfectly normal to me. :)

[Kelli_cd]

I don't have a problem, I have a collection!
328 Soma panties
54 Soma bras

I'm proud of my collection.

[Cheryl T]

So what exactly do you need help with?
Is it coordination of your outfits, your overall look, closet space??

Sounds like you have things well in hand.