Hey all. New here, my story is a little different?

[Comfywithmyself]

Hey everybody, my name's Marc. I've been browsing here for awhile, and have seen nothing but support for everybody involved. I couldn't help but sign up.
I'm looking for some advice, this is my first time going public with any of this. I'm sure a very familiar position for everybody else here.

Everybody has their niche, and mine seems a little different, or at least maybe I just need to meet more people. To start, I'm a mid 30s male, in a very happy 5 year relationship with a wonderful woman, marriage probably coming within the next year. I don't do any dressing per se, but I like to create and wear my own set of breasts. Ive been doing it since college years, and have gotten pretty good at making them very convincing, very realistic feeling. I've held short of buying a form for myself, I'm happy with how I've been able to make them. The feel, the look, is pretty spot on. Maybe depending on the future I'll step up to a proper form.

Here's where I'm confused. I don't really have any interest in any women's clothes, any underwear, just about anything. The bras are only used for creating the feel and form, and I don't have any interest in wearing a bra, or anything else, outside of having a nice pair on my chest. I like how it feels, I like how they look. It's... comforting, relaxing. When I was single I would spend an entire day just doing hobbies, watching TV, just hanging out normally, except with a nice pair of boobs.
I'm very comfortable with my body. I have been over and through this for years, and with a therapist. I just like having boobs sometimes. I'm not gay, I don't have dismorphia, and have no thoughts of being trans. I have nothing against anybody else's path, but my path is just having boobs when i want. I have no feelings of being anything other than being the man I have become, except sometimes I have breasts. Not only do I enjoy them, but there's a ... yearning. It keeps calling me back. I haven't done anything since this relationship started,except very recently. The yearning is back. And I don't want any secrets.

Anybody else have this experience? I love all of the expressions here, and the support. Is this even dressing? I mean, im strapping on fake female body parts, just not the clothes on top. Does it even matter what its called ?

This is my little niche, and expanding it doesnt really interest me. I am comfortable in my own skin, have no feelings of being in the wrong body. No thoughts that i was ever sexually fluid. The most I've ever gone outside is nighttime walks in the winter or fall when I can wear a thick jacket. It's always been only in private.

Now, some advice needed. I want to tell my SO. She knows I'm a boob guy, I love hers to death, and I love her to death.
How do I tell her? This has been a private secret of mine for ...15 years now, nobody has ever seen or known anything. I'm seriously nervous about telling her, it's tough. It's been so private, and it's hard letting somebody in that close, all while being afraid of confusing the relationship. Again, I'm sure that feeling is very familiar here.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. I'm definitely going to hang it here alot more

[Kris Burton]

Fascinating post Marc, and multi-faceted. Not being a therapist I cannot comment on your "thing" for boobs, but it does sound like what is called a fetish...I'm sure you've heard that. From your description, it seems harmless, and fun. Maybe you have a side business in the works making your specially designed forms.:heehee: To me, the bigger issue is being upfront with your SO about it. If you love her as much as you say it doesn't seem like you would want to hide something like this from her any longer. Deception and lying by omission is dishonesty, and that is perhaps the hardest thing for a relationship to endure. If you hide it, you are always living a lie, always having to cover something up. WAY too much stress in my opinion. I suggest being upfront, and don't sell you SO short. You owe it to her, your relationship, and yourself.

[Comfywithmyself]

Thanks. Fetish has come to mind, but it doesn't effect any part of my "normal" life, as to that's what I would assume that would entail. I'm no therapist either though, but I did spend many years with a good one.
I don't make forms, it's more of a mix of some hand soap (the best viscosity) and some creative bra arrangements. Works for me, but definitely not marketable 😆

[Heather76]

The only thing I can offer is you have a couple of choices. I opt for telling her you like doing this and why. Should she find this behavior offensive, set up negotiated boundaries for when you can partake. Another option is to never mention it and risk being discovered. That will likely not work out well when she realizes you have been deceiving her. The last option, as I see it, is to never wear your boobs again. But, I think we all know that is unlikely to work.

[Comfywithmyself]

The last option, as I see it, is to never wear your boobs again. But, I think we all know that is unlikely to work.

You're not kidding... lol. It won't work. I've stopped fighting it. The next step is to allow somebody in. That's a big step though.

Thanks for the input

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Kris Burton nailed it. Honesty is the best approach for your own future and for the woman you may spend the remainder of your life with.

Yes, there is risk of rejection. However, the more important your unique boob fixation is to you, the more important it is for her to know and understand.

Most importantly, I believe that it is only fair that you share your well kept secret so that the decision to accept or reject, or something in between, is her decision.

I must confess that I am strongly bias about honesty in a marriage. Two weeks after meeting my wife I revealed my deeply kept secret. I have never, ever regretted doing that, nor has she. We have fun with it.

[docrobbysherry]

If u don't approach her by making this into a big deal? Like a relationship killer? It won't be, Comfy.:thumbsup:

Tell it like it's a humorous, personal, oddity to u. Like not shaving a goatee. Or wearing nothing when u sleep, etc.

Then, drop it until she asks questions about it!:thumbsup:

[Comfywithmyself]

I've been overstessing myself out alot lately. I could for sure frame it more lightly. Its something pretty emotional for me, but in all reality it isn't very serious.
Tha ks for the insight

[AngelaYVR]

I think that in the absence of any other dressing, enjoying the feeling of boobs is not much more than a quirk. A light touch by you and your gal will not think too much of it either.

[Karren H]

Welcome Marc! Very interesting dilemma. There is another option. Grow your own. You can pass it off as gynecomastia caused by a number of things. And There is a lot of genetic males that just want to have feminine breasts and have no interest in being fem. if you are not already on that forum, PM me when you get 10 posts and I will share. I post there and on the sister sight for females.

[Kimberly A.]

Hi Marc and welcome to the forum! I'm Kimberly, a crossdresser and I, myself wear Amazon-bought breast forms..... Now, I'm like you in the sense that I'm not gay, bi or trans, but I do love wearing women's clothes. Also, I'm not really one to give advice on how or when you should tell an SO about your situation. I can only say that, in my personal experience, telling an SO about my little fetish, (I'll admit, I have a fetish for pantyhose LOL) has NEVER ended well. My ex-wife hated it, other girls that I've dated didn't like it either. Now, that's not to say that when you tell your girlfriend about your boobs that it'll end badly..... I mean, it might not end bad at all, you just have to somehow tell her.

Now, with that said, I think it's totally awesome the kind of talent you have to make breast forms! If you haven't started it already, you could probably start a business with that and sell them! LOL
Anyway, just my two cents. :bs:

[Comfywithmyself]

Welcome Marc! Very interesting dilemma. There is another option. Grow your own. You can pass it off as gynecomastia caused by a number of things. And There is a lot of genetic males that just want to have feminine breasts and have no interest in being fem. if you are not already on that forum, PM me when you get 10 posts and I will share. I post there and on the sister sight for females.

I get it, but definitely not what I want. Fake and removable is perfect.



I think that in the absence of any other dressing, enjoying the feeling of boobs is not much more than a quirk. A light touch by you and your gal will not think too much of it either.

Thanks. That's what I'm hoping for once I get the courage.

[Kimberly A.]

Marc, I know you were talking to Karren Hutton, but I just saw your reply to her..... But, when you say "fake and removable is perfect", that's the way I feel about breast forms, so that's very relatable. I never want surgery, or take pills or whatever to grow my breasts bigger. I like to be able to quickly and easily remove my breast forms when needed. LOL

[Comfywithmyself]

For sure. It comes and goes with moods. Like my original post, I'm very comfortable with and in my body. It's just a fun hobby.
Sorry your situations didn't work out well. That's rough

[Pumped]

Marc, stick around here long enough and you will find there is no "normal". We all have various reasons to dress up. In your case you get some satisfaction from wearing boobs. There may be some deep down psychological thing going on in your head. Maybe your mom didn't breast feed you long enough! Who knows!

Many days I slip on a bra and forms, put on my male clothing and go mess up the shop, do some guy stuff, much like you. There have been days I slip on a small set of forms, a bra and go have lunch with my wife. Other times I dress up and try emulate a woman as close as I can. Some days a mix of male and female.

I do believe you need to talk to your bride to be and let her know of your boob thing. Down play it as much as you can, try to not make a big deal out of it. Just let her know you like to do this silly thing.

[JulieC]

I concur with Docrobbysherry and Pumped. Keep this light, and it will probably go easier in telling her.

The fact that this yearning hasn't gone away speaks to this being part of you. If isn't just a hobby, but more of a part of you, then it is something that I think you must tell your SO. Ok, there's a chance it won't go well. There's a chance it will go well too. There's no way to know.

What I do know is this; countless times it's been noted that SOs of crossdressers (of any kind) are far more upset at the dishonesty and deceit than they are in the crossdressing itself. You agree to marry someone, you should be welcoming them into your innermost you. No barriers, no hidden secrets, no behind the back thoughts. Total intimacy. It's typical for men to think that not lying means telling only the truth. It's typical for women to think that not lying means they are getting the whole truth, and not just being told the truth in what is said...the entire story has to come out. Yep, I'm stereotyping here, but it is quite often true.

I was in my 30s when I met my (now) wife. Like Kimberly A., I have a big thing for pantyhose. My crossdressing has grown to much more than that, but pantyhose is always central to my crossdressing. A few months into my relationship with my wife, before things started getting really, really serious, I told her about my crossdressing, and in particular my love of pantyhose. I was nervous as hell; I was pretty certain I wanted to marry her, but I had to accept that she might run for the hills. But, I didn't want to be in another relationship where my SO was unaccepting. I'd had accepting girlfriends before, but also unaccepting. I refused to accept a wife who wasn't going to accept all of me. My then-girlfriend-now-wife took it in stride, and a couple of days later bought me some pantyhose. It worked out well, and still does to this day. If she hadn't accepted, we would have broken up then and there. I would have kept dating, and kept telling. I eventually would have found another girlfriend who was accepting, and maybe even married her.

My point is your happiness is yours to control, not someone else's. Ok, your wonderful girlfriend might call it off. It's possible. But, given this is a yearning...not a hobby that you can dispense with...do you really want to spend the rest of your life living in shame, fear of her finding out, having to hide, wondering if your skin is still showing the telltale marks of having just worn a bra, and always wondering how she would react if she ever finds out? Is that the life you want to live? If it is, go for it. Me, I couldn't handle that and chose not to. It's up to you.

Regardless of your decision, I think we all embrace you. Good luck!

[bridget thronton]

Welcome to the forum

[SaraLin]

docrobbysherry, pumped, and JulieC have a point when they say to keep it light, but I'd like to add "- but not too light."

If you pass it off as just something that you like to to, then there is the very real chance that her response will be something like "Well, you're going to have to stop it." She's likely to think that it's something that you can leave behind, and won't understand that it's a vital part of who you are, something that you can't give up.

Personally, I've had fairly good luck with saying something like "I love you and want a future with you, but before we go any further, there's something about me that you should know..."

Sure, there is a risk in telling her, but the damage that can come from revealing this "secret" only gets worse the longer you wait - damage to both of you.

[Genifer Teal]

If you decide to tell her (which I think is a good idea) Keep it very light, casual, matter of fact. Almost like you're surprised anyone finds it strange. Lol Don't preface the conversation by saying something like we have to talk or there's something important I want to share with you. And certainly don't tell her in advance let's talk later. Giving her time to think will let her imagination run wild. Bring it up the moment you're ready to talk about it.
It's probably easier to explain what it is than it is to explain what it isn't and that this is all it is. Think about that before having the conversation. Think about how you want to assure her this is all it is. There's a fine line between this is how I feel now and who knows how I might feel later. You probably heard the joke what's the difference between a cross-dresser and someone who transitions? A few years. She will likely hear that at some point and keep it in the back of her mind as a concern. Think of how you can explain it so that doesn't become a concern later on.
Realize this is something of a "personal hobby" and you are excluding her by not inviting her to be a part of it. Why would you do this instead of having the real thing and spending more intimate time with her? (Suggesting this as how she might see it. )

[alwayshave]

Comfywithmyself, Welcome to the forum. I hope your discussion with your SO goes well.

[Ricky Rayne]

Letting your SO know these things about ourselves can be very stressful thing to do. But worth it. You will be able to set boundaries or even find out she is accepting of it. A weight will be lifted off of you by letting her know. Also let her know how special and important she is and how much you trust her in order for you to tell her. Let her ask her questions or have her time to think, be honest be truthful. Best wishes.

[Comfywithmyself]

Genifer, those are wise words, thank you. I am trying to figure out how to keep it lite but serious. I know my sexuality, it's not going anywhere, but I understand that question might not be as solid in her mind.

[rachelatshop]

Hi Marc, I would love to know how you make your breast, as I have experimented with making my own for some time now. DM me if you would like
Thanks

[nancy58]

You owe it to your SO -- and to yourself -- to clear the air before you propose, and the sooner you do it, the better. If it's a deal-breaker for her, the cost now will be hurt feelings and maybe a hit to your reputation if she shares your secret with the world, but it will pass. If you get married and things go really wrong, the cost of divorce will be a lot higher, especially if there are children involved. Or you may find yourself living with a secret desire that you cannot indulge. Good luck!

[DianeT]

Hi Comfy, you clearly are a crossboober.

About telling your SO: you'll find useful tips in the link in my signature.
Take care.

[Bobbi46]

Definately be up front and tell her now, if not the future could be not very nice.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Normally, I say this about full crossdressing, but I think it applies here... you fail to disclose at your own peril. You can read about the heartbreaking consequences of not telling before marriage all over this site.

On the other side of the coin, statistically speaking... she is NOT going to be happy about it. You might even lose her over it. But, not telling is not an option, the long term risks of not telling are too great.

[Micki_Finn]

Without being a psychiatrist, it sounds like you’re suffering from something called Body Dysmorphia. It’s often associated with trans people, but sometimes it has nothing to do with gender or sexuality. I would suggest talking to an actual therapist so you can understand yourself better before you try to explain it to the SO.

[Rachelakld]

Welcome to the forum
I got interested in SFX and made my own boobs in the early days of 486pc's with 20Mb hard drives and dial up modems.

Here's the thing about not telling your partner - 30 years down the line, after kids and houses, maybe your grandchild will find your boobs (kids are nosey little critters) - it's at this point lawyers get involved, house and family disappear and those decades are wasted.