How to find the courage?

[BustyOlivia]

I see and read all these stories about you girls going out as yourselves and I dream of that!! The most I have done is a short drive, never on a busy road either! How did you get the nerve to be out dressed? I need some ways to empower me!


Olivia

[Helen_Highwater]

Olivia,

Most start as you have with going out in the car, usually at night. Personally I developed that by stopping somewhere quiet and initially, and I remember just how scary this was at the time, getting out and simply walking around the car. Sounds silly now but at the time it was a huge step.

That developed to walking away from the car. Over time the distances increased then one night it turned into a walk around the block. My presentation wasn't that great back then, wardrobe was awful but I did it.

First real human contact, a drive through Mac. I don't think the young lad behind the glass looked at me once. He could have been serving ET for all the notice he took of me.

Wardrobe got better, walks turned into evening window shopping once the stores had closed and fewer folks around.

I won't bore you with the details but eventually I got up the courage to go into a shop. What you learn from that experience is that, like the lad in the drive through, most people don't pay that much attention. Unless you're makeup makes you look like the Joker or you're dressed like a hooker folks generally don't care.

Forget passing. Very few do, certainly I don't but in all the hours I've spent out and about, the worst thing that's happened to me is someone saying, "Thanks MATE" after I'd paid for petrol.

I'm sure others will echo this. Dress to blend, going somewhere with lots of people is safer than a walk around a street late at night. At a busy mall you're just a face in the crowd. You can hide in plain site.

The first time is the hardest but even after a few minutes in a shop your nerves will quiet down and soon you'll be an old hand at it.

[Heather76]

Thank you, Helen, for that information. My 1st time "out" I was in male mode but with a bralette and DD forms under my golf shirt. I stopped to pump gas in my car. I now often drive around similarly adorned but always remove the forms before going inside a store/business. I'd love to drive to a park dressed, get out, and walk around; but, that will have to wait until an evening my wife is out of town.

[Karren H]

Olivia, my first time out I was 16 and dressed in my mothers clothing. Snuck out of the house and took a walk around the block late at night. The feeling of excitement and being scared to death was amazing! Decades later when I started dressing g again and had mastered makeup I again attempted to go out. It was at a hotel in Price Utah. Must have give to the door and checkered out a dozen time. Finally I just flung the door open and walked out and down the hallway. Passed two guys on the way out. Nearly fainted before I got to the car to take a drive. Then just expanded from there. Every outing pushing the envelope more and more. It is like addicting!

So next time add something extra to your outing . You will have a blast! Trust me!

[kimdl93]

I was a late bloomer as far as getting out of the house is concerned, but then I never allowed myself to dress completely until I was in my early 50s. Once I did, that long feared switch clicked, and I realized I could do this. In short succession I went from daily underdressing, to full en femme to the first step out my front door in broad daylight.

Looking back on those heady days I realize that at some point my need to get out simply overpowered my fears. Perhaps that is what we sometimes mistake for courage :)

[MonicaPVD]

Olivia, Helen offers good advice. I would add driving to a town that's far enough away to calm your fears about encountering a neighbor, then stopping at a gas station to pump a few dollars of gas (just a minute or two). On your next trip, go into the station and buy a pack of gum or a beverage. That sort of gradual confidence building is key.

There are two fears working against us when we start to go out dressed. First, fear of not passing as a woman. Second, fear of being recognized by someone who knows us.

You can discard the fear of not passing right away. You won't pass. Period. I have been going out for years, arguably look great as Monica, and still would not be mistaken for a cis woman by the majority of people I interact with. But, guess what? It doesn't matter because people don't care. They really don't. They only care about themselves.

The fear of being recognized is a whole other thing. I recommend that you manage that fear by beginning to go out to places that are not near your usual stomping grounds. For example, I used to go to cities or towns that were 20-40 minutes away. The chances of encountering a relative, neighbor, or friend who might recognize my car, and wonder why some awkward looking woman was driving it, were almost nonexistent.

[alwayshave]

Olivia, my first time was to a meeting of other crossdressers. It was at a hotel and I got dressed there. The walk and elevator ride from my room to the conference room was terrifying, but I did not turn back. Being with other crossdressers was liberating. Having done it once, future outings just became easier.

[Jean 103]

I was terrified at first. I had to force myself, telling myself you can do this, just fake it.

Now I live as Jean , have absolutely no fear. I'm the same person the difference is experience.

Just remember you are a woman. Act like one, go and do things a single woman would do. Things you already do.

[AllieBellema]

Sometimes the event can help out too. My first time out was actually during a Pride fest. After getting encouraged by a friend, I went ahead and dressed up in one of my full length southern belle gowns and I was nervous at first, but I took a deep breath and dived right in. I had alot of good reactions from others when they saw me and it kept me going for a few hours. Once I was there, it was on and the nerves went away.

[Maria 60]

I also started with short night drives dressed from the waist down and when joining this community my confidence jumped up. The drives became longer and I started stepping out of the car. I knew I was in the right place here because on my first outings I told everyone I was walking in a quiet commercial area and a overwhelming response about the dangers of walking in a quite areas. I then started to complete my look with dressing full when driving and I remember the first time how hard and strange it felt to put on a wig when I went for a drive. I started putting in gas in the car and my biggest step was when I called a crosssdressing store in the city and the owner had mentioned to me if I wanted to go there dressed it would be ok. I took a deep breath and walked on the street and in the store in daylight and the owner pumped my up with confidence to go have a coffee with her in a coffee shop which that day was probably the most amazing day ever. I believe without the help and support of my wife and this community I don't believe I could or would have been so complete and confidence to do what I did.
Not as much now but at one point my confidence level was so high that I got caught in a police spot check and I was so calm and confident that when the police officer approached my window I told him that I'm a crossdresser, first time in my life I said that.
The problem is in life it's human nature to always want more and take bigger steps, my problem is I don't in any way pass that is limited me but I'm still making small strides and believe with small steps you will also

[Fiona_44]

Olivia,

There are a number of things you can do to help ease the fear.

- Read through the many stories here about how gals prepared for their initial trips outside. That is what ultimately gave me the confidence to go out for the first time two weeks ago.
- Your ultimate goal is to blend in as much as possible. Wearing a short skin-tight dress with 44DDDD boobs is okay in the house but not outside. Think leggings, jeans or a reasonable denim skirt.
- I skipped the going out at night part and went out during the day. Used only lipstick and wore women’s sunglasses to hide my non-made up eyes. If you don’t want to bother with a wig get a women’s scarf or kerchief to cover your head.
- Go somewhere like a large park where there are a limited number of people.
- Learn how women walk & sit vs. how men do it and learn how women hold their arms when walking.
- As many others have already said, you will never pass fully. The objective is to blend in and stay inconspicuous.

If you need advice just ask. There are a lot of very helpful gals here.

Fiona

[docrobbysherry]

Olivia, I remember all the times I was dressed to the 9's in my hotel rooms. Terrified to leave my room. I told myself I had to open the door, walk down long hall ways of other rooms filled with vanillas. Then, get on an elevator with other folks.:sad:
Then, walk thru casinos crowded with Muggles before finally meeting up with my T girl friends!:doh:

Opening that door and walking out was and is always the hardest dam thing to do!:eek:

I end up taking a deep breathe with my heart racing and just DO IT!:tongueout

Nothing very bad has ever happened to me the countless times I've gone out that door. But, the amazing girls I've met and the exciting experiences I've had dressed has changed me and my life forever! I can't imagine my life without Sherry now. And, that "going out the door" anxiety is just part of the thrill!:heehee:

Just DO IT!:battingeyelashes:

[Stephanie47]

Olivia, I was terrified the first time out of the house, and, I did nothing more than drive around my immediate neighborhood. I still stay off I-5 as I do not want to get a flat tire, caught between exits. I stay within my personal comfort zone. Being six foot and 200 pounds (size XL, 18-20) I do not want to become an attraction at the local mall. I am content with my evening strolls through a quiet residential neighborhood within my small city. I created a reason to get out of my car. I dropped off library books at the night return slot. At one particular library branch I parked my car across a wide busy street so I had to wait for all cars to pass. It forced me to walk farther. I also stopped to retrieve one of those free newspapers from boxes all over town. Dropped off mail (actually return reply inserts, unfilled) at those blue USPS boxes all over town. I enjoy the evenings cool air playing with my dress and slip, no pants ever for me! The area for my strolling has two grocery stores. I carry a tote with the logo of one of the stores as if I am a woman returning from shopping. It's not adventurous; just walking around the blocks and maybe window shopping. I found, from a psychological viewpoint, the best time for a prolong stroll is during a light rain. The big black umbrella I use doe a lot of mask my height and bulk to some degree, and, obscure my very masculine face.

This is within my comfort zone. Many will tell you to find a support group. Decades ago my wife gave me the green light to do that. I looked, none to be found. Needs and expectations change, and, I found as I aged, the psychological need to mingle among the masses has waned. The only times I have engaged with fellow humans has been on Halloween. Getting dolled up en femme really is not fooling anyone, but myself. Not being a party goer, Halloween adventures were shopping for party goods at grocery stores. It was minimal interaction, even less now with self checkout, but, it did put me out there. Sometimes it is small baby steps, but, it never leads to a full gallop.

[Comfywithmyself]

I stay within my personal comfort zone. Being six foot and 200 pounds (size XL, 18-20) I do not want to become an attraction at the local mall. I am content with my evening strolls through a quiet residential neighborhood within my small city. I created a reason to get out of my car.

This is my practice as well. I almost exclusively stay inside, but have had times where I wanted to put a nie pair of breasts on and go for a walk. Usually late evening, local quiet park or walking trail somewhere. Not early enough so I'm a center of attention, but not late enough to where I become a weirdo walking around at night.
Maybe a drive here or there. That's about it.

[Bobbi46]

Courage comes with time, at first i was as nervous as nervous can be, It all comes down telling oneself "I can do it " and out you go. but take small steps,go to safe places and above all else DON't dress to be looked at. Many of us say "dress to blend", wise words because if you are dressed in what to woean is "everyday wear" you will be fine.
After your first "proper" time out where everything was just fine you will feel better in yourself and the next time will be easier than the first and so forth.
Go for it girl you can do it!!!

[valerie anne]

Don't go out late at night, or walk round supposedly "safe" places in the dark.

Instead, visit crowded places where everybody is busy with their own affairs. It's a lot safer and actually nobody cares what you look like.

I have developed my confidence by local supermarket visits. Everybody pushing trollies is on autopilot. I started wearing a bra under a loose top, but now I carry my bust and bra straps fairly openly under quite feminine tops. I wear modest lip gloss and heeled sandals.

In fact I would claim that I present myself better than many of the women shoppers!

[Claire M]

The 1st time I went out fully dressed I went to a mall early in the day when traffic was light. I did fine until I ran into a small group of high school girls who pointed and got a good laugh. I made a quick retreat to my car. In the moment I was horrified but when I was safely back in my car I realized there was really no harm done.

Two things:
The hardest part of stepping out is opening the door and taking the first step. Take a deep breathe, relax and go for it. Don't feel bad if after the deep breathe you turn around and close the door. It happens sometimes, even 20 years after my first outing.

Remember, if you are wearing women's clothing, makeup and a wig you look very different. The majority of people are too busy going about thier own lives to notice you. Someone may spot a man in a dress but its unlikely someone will spot YOU in a dress.

[Julia1984]

The first time I left the house as me I had arranged to go to a local wig supplier.

I'm not sure how "good" I looked (and looking back at the obligatory photos, I suspect the answer was "not very"!)

The point is that having a trusted, trans-friendly place as a destination made it all so much more achievable and less easy to chicken out.

It helped that I'd been in touch with the seller before the visit and that she had put me fully at ease before the day.

So. Plan; prepare; do. That's about it. The walk from the front door to my car was still one of the most exhilarating moments of my life.

Go for it. You will thank yourself the day after you do.

[TAG]

I would suggest using common sense and not go to a park at midnight dressed like a hooker.
Go out during the day for a drive, go thru a drive thru and get a coffee or a soft drink something like that.
I don't know if it would be called courage more getting over your fears.
I will say once you do go out as your female self you will wonder what took you so long.

[Jessax101]

Well, one option is just go for it! Don?t hesitate and if it feels right do it! I?ve been out twice, and decided at my age and my late start, o didn?t have any time to spare?.have a nice story but thinking not for this thread.

Enjoy, hope it goes well!

Jess??

[Sometimes Steffi]

The first time I went out dressed, I met up with a girl from here an we went out to lunch at the local LGBT bar and restaurant. Then, she introduced me to two friends and they introduced me to two friends and there was always a few who wanted to go out on a Saturday night.

Around the same time, I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival and rented a wench costume. Most people didn't even give me a second glance. Those that did were usually GGs who clocked me. They usually gave me a big thumbs up or even a bigger smile. I just gave them a big smile back, because I knew that I wasn't really fooling anyone who was paying attention.

I skipped the whole driving around in the car thing and just jumped to the second level.

[Heisthebride]

It only took me thirty years of baby steps along the way; I hope it doesn’t take you as nearly as long to realize it’s not as hard as it seems. My advice probably goes against what other people might be saying about short drives or walks at night. That is absolutely an option and you should only do what you are comfortable doing, but I took all of those same little risks and it very slowly helped me to build up courage. But now at age 55 I am finally in the “I just don’t care what other people think” phase of my life. If you can jump to there, things will be so much easier.

1. Be aware of your location. Big cities are typically more liberal, than rural areas. Gay bars, drag shows, burlesque shows, should be safer than a townie bar or biker bar. Use common sense when deciding where to go.

2. Dress for the venue. You can dress like Little Red Riding Hood at a Halloween party, probably not at the grocery store. If you’re at a drag show, feel free to glam it up a little. But don’t feel like you can’t go to Target or the grocery store too, a cute top and skirt combo is perfectly fine.

3. You will likely be clocked, but so what. I’m 6’4” before I put on heels, I know I don’t pass and I accept that. You have every right to wear a dress or skirt or heels if you want to. Sometimes I’ll be in male mode, no makeup, no forms or bra under my tee shirt and in a skirt. Other times I’ll be in a formal dress, long red nails and full makeup and to dinner at a nice steak place. It’s all good.

4. Take a deep breath and just do it. I still get a little nervous. Last October I flew en femme for the first time, airport security, passing hundreds of people in the airport terminal, sitting on the plane. Every time I go out dressed I am more convinced that nobody really cares. Even if somebody does care they likely won’t even interact with you. So what if they talk about you, I think about or talk about other people I see on the street sometimes. Most of the time I rarely even notice people I pass, and they rarely notice me, even if I am dressed as a female.

My best advice is just try it. Doesn’t matter where or when or for how long. Rip off that bandaid and you’ll discover it really wasn’t so tough, and it gets easier every time.

[Genifer Teal]

Don't feel discouraged. You are taking a big step outside your comfort zone. That's often where the magic happens. Many times I've had a helping hand or some circumstance which gave me the needed push to explore further. My big start was 911. There was an event in nyc 9/15/2001. I wasn't sure about going. Then 911 happened. We all mourned for a few days. When Saturday came around, the city was closed below 20th Street. The party was on 22nd street and was still happening. I went and never looked back. Spent the next several years out almost every weekend in the city. Somtime's you just need the right push to get you where you need to be.

[Cheryl T]

I simply decided I didn't care what others think anymore and that it was time for me to be part of the world as the woman I am.

[Sandi Beech]

You know , I do not know where the courage comes from, but sometimes you just have to do it.

My first picture post called ?Maybe I?m Crazy? has a picture where I was wearing nothing but black lingerie to a gay bar back in 2017, and as difficult as that was at the time, it only gets easier. That was the second night I ever went dressed into a bar. I had a picture of the first night but was accidentally deleted. It is just one of those things that if you need to do it, you will find a way. It is easier to do than you would think though.

Sandi

[Rachelakld]

I really do think, you need balls to be a crossdresser (without them your just another girl)
I'm scared of heights, parachuted twice, bungy jumped once, abseiled, rafted over a 6 meter waterfall (sorry, never high dived from above 3 meters, 3 meters it feels like I'm diving forever)

[TheHiddenMe]

It's hard to overcome the fear--and once you go out it's easy to overcome the fear.

I finally decided someone might know it's a guy in a dress, but they don't know it's ME in the dress, and I just want to make sure it's a pretty dress. I bit the bullet, went to Sephora for a makeover, then to Nordstrom to try on clothes (the full version is in the Picture section), got a welcoming reception, and after that I realized "I can do this" and more importantly "I want to do this", along with a large dose of YOLO.

[Lana Mae]

I had to see how it felt to get out! I was getting bored being in the closet! I got as dressed as I could and took a drive in broad daylight! I passed a male and female police officers and no second glance! I was stopped by road construction and a flagman! no response! I went home! I then thought since I have no wig and no make up, I need a transformation! I booked a transformation and bought a wig! I got make up advice and the rest is history! YMMV Hugs Lana Mae

[Liz Jones]

Hi,
This is my story -- it was written for the Beaumont society hence names Ect. This is in the U.K.--

CHESTER, My story,?
Well it was decided to ? come out the closet ? at Harrogate? it didn?t happen due to both the Wife & i getting covid , we had to cancel. It was decided to attend the Chester week end ( Friday only ) So outfit sorted ,new shoes bought & ? worn in ? the only problem ? where to get changed. Our road is narrow & we have camera?s around us plus a neighbour ( female ) with a loud voice so? Both the wife & i came up with the same idea ( had 42 years of practice ! ) use our touring caravan as a changing room? its stored some 7 miles away ,slightly ?off course ? for Chester but?..
So i changed in the caravan & got in the car? it took us 1.5hrs to cover 20 miles , road works lots of traffic & Q?s . We arrived at the Roodee race course ( just down the road from the meeting place ) Walking throught the grandstand there was a lot of workmen around? not a single comment was heard ( wife was a bit concerned )we started walking up the main road . Wife told me to take smaller steps so i did . we progressed on I was getting the hang of things & feeling quite happy when i found myself on my knees & pitching forward with my face about to hit the pavement. I put out my right hand & saved myself at the cost of damaged fingertips. I regained my feet very dazed & confused, wife who was just in front of me looked at the damage while a Lady who was just behind me was very concerned about me & my fall. Investigations revealed left knee -skin on knee mangled with my ( remains of ) stocking mixed in with blood & skin this mixture was stuck to my skirt. Apart from this i was dazed as well? decided i wanted to return home but wife stopped me ( just as well ! ) after a while we progressed on to the venue where we met the many faces i had seen on zoom meetings ? in the flesh ? Wife & i retired to the Ladies room & unstuck my skirt from my knee , glad to say not a lot of blood around. Rejoined the ? gang? though still dazed i did my best to join in. We went outside to ? walk the wall ? ( 1.8 miles ) After walking for a short distance it became apparent i would have to abort . The Wife carried on with the ? gang ? at my insistence while i left the wall & went to the ( Ladies toilet ) it was crowded a lady standing near the ? stalls ? answered my enquiry if she was waiting with a No so i shot in & sorted myself out. Again thought the place was crowded i detected no hostility . I walked back to our car & replaced my ( new ) damaged shoes then returned to the venue , meeting my wife outside the bar. Went inside & joined the ? Gang? . Bit later i went to the ? ladies? & on coming out of the cubical Kay H was repairing her lipstick at the mirror with Her back to the entrance door ? i was facing it? A lady started to come in She looked at Kay & myself & her jaw really dropped !! I rejoined the gang. This was the ONLY reaction i saw all day. Photo?s were taken Kay H demonstrated Her tec ability with a camera?.
the meal was only slightly spoilt by a shortage of certain items on the menu , but non the less a pleasant evening ensued ( even though my left knee tried its best to spoil it ) & too soon it was time to leave & outside it was very ?er? active with a lot of noisy people but by walking down the opposite side of the road from them we had no bother. Returning home ? the pretty way ? due to motorway closure. On getting home i sat in the bathroom with a pair of tweezers picking out bits of nylon from the mess of my knee. So that's my coming out story? think you will agree its not a normal one !
UPDATE,- my knee continues to slowly heal, still cant kneel on it On the Monday i rang my Dr, explained what happened ? She told me to report to the surgery ? NOW ! i was given a full medical ? nothing was found so now awaiting for results from blood test.
SHOES- both toes have gone- scuffed right down?.
SKIRT? soaked it overnight when i got home in cold water, glad to say it wasnt damaged & blood now gone.
OUTLOOK? Well it wasnt what i intended for ? coming out ? but , well ?..
WHAT NEXT ? er?we hope to attend BEWDLEY using our mobile dressing room? hope its not so eventful.. ��

[Melanie Sykes]

Hi Olivia. You get the nerve by incrementally pushing your boundaries. As crossdressers I believe we spend more time than almost any other group in the grip of terror. Considering that all we are doing is wanting to wear clothes that half the planet is allowed to wear anyway, it seems ridiculous, but it's true. I don't want to think about the number of hours I've spent dressed, pacing around a hotel room staring at the back of the door and not having the courage to go through it.

By the time I opened that door for the first time, I had already incrementally done lots and lots of little things before that. Going out for a drive had been a favourite of mine. Even that was terrifying at first, but I quickly found that no-one pays any attention to what you're wearing when you're in a car. No-one. (Unless it's a truck driver looking down at your skirt, but you probably don't know that person, they probably can't see your face, and you'll be going your separate ways). The busier the road is, the more everyone else is focusing on the traffic. No-one is going to look at you, so no need to avoid busy roads. As a rule, wherever you go, the more people there are the less you'll stand out.

I progressed something like this. Before my teenage years, I used to dress only in the house when my parents were out or downstairs. Then, in my early teens, I'd sometimes take some of my mother's clothes in a bag to the countryside that was within walking distance of my house. I'd change under the trees and walk about enjoying the feeling, and then change back before walking home. Seems very risky now, looking back, but I knew the area really well and felt safe enough.

For the first few years after I could drive I kept my stash of clothes in a huge home-made wooden subwoofer in the boot of my car. I'd change in remote places in the dark and go for a walk. Again, very risky but when you're young you don't see the risk. I slowly progressed to making myself get out of the car to put rubbish in a bin.

In my 20s, I started travelling for work - not more than 40 miles away, but often to satellite plants where I was on my own. I'd underdress, and occasionally venture out in a skirt, but there was always a risk of a tanker driver turning up unannounced or having an accident, so the risk element took the fun out of it really. I still used to go for drives in the dark outside of work.

In my late 20s I changed career and began travelling much further to customer offices, and staying in hotels for up to 5 days. In the day time I'd be in smart drab - full suit since I was an IT consultant. I started to under dress in work (no bra - too visible under a shirt, and often I'd be working with a colleague, or a customer who knew the people back at my office). Spending 24/7 in knickers was amazing to me. I'd visit shopping malls in the dark and walk around the car parks. I didn't take photos, and I'd run (drive) a mile if I thought anyone could see me.

In my 30s I started choosing hotels that were some distance away from where I was working, and occasionally I'd go down to breakfast visibly wearing hose instead of socks, and then that progressed to going down dressed. Later, that evolved into leaving the hotel dressed and changing into drab on my way to work in the car. Then, one day in 2011 I was leaving the hotel to drive home and decided I'd leave dressed, and go to a shopping mall. I had on black opaque tights, a black skirt, black 3" heels, a red top. No-one in the hotel appeared to notice really as I left, and that gave me more confidence to go to the mall. It was a big, well-known mall, a few hundred miles away from home, and I went into Marks and Spencer and bought lunch. It was both terrifying and exhilarating. Then I drove home nearly all the way before changing back to drab. That was a life-changing day, in a good way.

Since then I've never really gone out in the dark. Being out in the day feels so much better, and it's a lot safer. I moved on to filling up with fuel at petrol stations dressed, and then on to going into supermarkets to buy a few things. I started wanting to spend longer and longer dressed, so I'd take days off work and spend the occasional day dressed. The occasional evening meal in a restaurant dressed. Every single time was scary, but a little less so each time.

In 2017 I stayed away from home in a hotel on my own, and one evening I went to a theatre fully dressed. Since I'm 6ft 5 and have masculine features I'm not going to pass, so I don't usually bother with wigs or makeup. But this time I'd bought a load of makeup and a wig, and I'd watched lots of makeup videos and spent a lot of time in the hotel practising. So I was fairly pleased with my look when I went out to the theatre. The staff there were very friendly to me, and I thoroughly enjoyed the first half of the performance. Unfortunately though, I thought I'd seen my cousin come in (this was about 150 miles from home, but only about 30 miles from where this cousin lived) and I was terrified she'd recognise me. I couldn't verify that it was her because I was too scared to look again, but one of the group she'd come in with called her name. Anyway, in the interval, when the lights came up, I waited until her group had gone out to get refreshments and I left the theatre. It was bitterly disappointing, and terribly ironic that I was so scared of being recognised when I probably looked more unlike my male self than ever. That evening, taking my makeup off and packing my things away to go home the next morning was heartbreaking. I felt I was packing myself away in that suitcase. I had overcome the fear, only to have it return and overcome me!

Muggles don't realise this, but when they see a crossdresser in the street, they are witnessing a herculean act of bravery.

[Devi SM]

Hi Olivia,
I haven't read all the comments in your post but I'll give you my answer based on my 3xperience in those days that must be around 5 years ago.

I think that you shouldn't push to go out or do things other girls here or wherever do just because. it's matter of what you want and if you're not ready don't do do it. Just baby steps. if you want and really need to go out and do things other do here the time will come and you'll get the guts to do it.

Just practice at home, read from others experience. Don't believe everything they say here because there're some dreamers that make their dreams real in their minds and write here like really happened.

Finally, everything is experience, errors and learning.

I always remember one of my first days dressing and going to shopping. I thought I was glamorous. I went to a outlet, it was winter.and was showering outside, I didn't planned it so I was dressing like for summer, my wardrobe was limited to steal my wife stuff. I did my best make up concealing my 5 pm beard. I grab a Capri pink and white pant and proceed to the fitting room, the lady thar count your items count just one then look at my face to give me a card with number 1 and, I will never forget her horror face when saw me....lmao. That made me feel a bit nervous thinking they could call security or police and kick me out of the store but got the guts, correction, I should day I got the need if moving forward, I went to the line to pay for it and notice people look at me with weird faces and some whispering in my back, the cashier asked me nothing and then just stop my adventure for thar day buy more adventures came in the future because I had the need to live as a woman.
Today I'm a woman, you can find out more reading my profile. Even today we laugh a lot with my wife when we remember those days, everything I did, I.did it because I need it.
mho.

Devi

[JulieC]

Melanie; thanks for sharing your journey! I'm somewhere along the same journey, about the "I started travelling for work" part...except 30 years behind you :/


Muggles don't realise this, but when they see a crossdresser in the street, they are witnessing a herculean act of bravery.

^^^ This. Absolutely, unabashedly true.

[Bobbi46]

Courage is not a given thing, its something that is gained slowly by experiences. Nobody can say "just go and do it" sometimes the inner strength is not there and that is not a weakness at all. To go out the first time takes a lot of guts and determination. Its only when the first venture out into the real world without anything scary happening that confidence and courage begins to grow.
Take things slowly at your pace and just be you.

[Aunt Kelly]

When you let go of the guilt and shame about being who you are, the fear will just evaporate. You no longer worry about being "caught", because you realize that you are doing nothing wrong. Yes, I realize that making this cognitive leap can be a tall order, but until you get there, you're going to have a hard time blending, much less passing. Furtive, wide-eyed and nervous is not a good look. :nailbiting:
If you can, find a group, or at least another person, to go out with. Depending on where you live, that can be a challenge, it's true, but the support you'll get is worth the search.

[Devi SM]

Aunt Kelly, I don't disagree with you but but not fully agree.
one thing is self-acceptance and other big different is to overcome the fear of rejection.
Self acceptance let me get into HRT but when I saw my boobs growing and the reality of no more beach as a male with my kids made me quit for one week but my nightmares came back so then I began accepting the consequences and possible rejection.

Self-acceptance is one thing and overcome uncertainty and doubts about future is very different to my advice is just live one day at time with the experience of most of the time our greatest fears never happen....

[Barbara Jo]

My 2 cents......

First of all you have to really like yourself as a person... as male or female

You have to then have the mind set that you are only wearing the lingerie and clothes that females wear ....and are not doing anything out of the ordinary
No fetish clothes when out in public, shopping, etc.
You must be completely at ease as a female in public.. and when necessary interact as female when necessary
So, practice you female voice a bit and never resort to to a horrible falsetto

Keep in mind that not all females are beauty queens with an hourglass figure ... far from it. Some females have a somewhat masculine looking face and body. In fact, some of today's famous females have hips that are narrower than their shoulders .
So, if you are reasonably passable, just go out ... taking some baby steps at first to gain confidence
One you realize that no one will point or laugh at you ..... you will become just anther female out shopping etc

BTW, much like in the movie "Gypsy" when Gypsy Rose Lee told her mother that she really loved being a stripper, etc, you have to really love dressing and being a female in public
We all have to determine what makes us happy.... as it is your life and no one else's. It all comes down to liking one's self as I have said. :)

[Sophie Yang]

Olivia,

Someone told me a story about courage. The philosophy final had one question, "What is courage?" One student's reply was "This is courage", turned in the exam and walked out.

Several years ago there was a gal named Isha on the site and was active Canadian military. She said something to the effect that she would rather go into battle with her combat group than go out dressed. That comment always stuck with me.

Anyway, instead of courage, think of confidence. As others have said, work on small incremental steps. Each small success will build your confidence. Watch a small child learning to walk. They don't gain courage with each attempt, but with a lot of determination and baby steps, they literally learn to walk and run which is harder than dressing. I think what Isha was saying is that her training and trust in her combat group didn't give her courage, but confidence in their ability to carry out their missions.

While Isha was on, she changed her name, told a story about being beaten up, I believe her wife was close by. Not sure what happened to her. While on, she was advising the Canadian military on their transgender policies. That is courage.

Sophie

[Barbara Jo]

Does not confidence build courage?

BTW, running away from something can also be viewed as running toward something better....depending on what you are running to of course. :)

[Joanne108]

You can always break the ice on Halloween. And say it is only my costume!

[Karmen]

Just go slowly. I needed years to dare to go out during the day, let alone to a place where is a lot of people. If you're living in a place where it is safe walking alone at night, go out at night first. It's less people outside to see you and at night it's harder to recognize someone even if you see them, so it's much less likely you will stumble on someone you know or someone could recognize you when they see you. If you live in a big city, go to another part of the city and avoid places where you will have to stand still and wait for something. That way you minimize the chance of someone taking pictures or video of you. With more experience, you will get more confidence and know what works for you best.

[Bobbi46]

Barbara Jo has a good point, confidence is something we eiother have alot a little or none at all. When i first went i had the confidence to go out but also courage was a bit on the weak side, full of ifs and buts, as it were my first time out nothing happened and the next time it was easier. And for you it will be the same, have faith in yourself and all will be well !!!!

[MiniRock]

I started off going out at night only partly dressed - no makeup, no wig and even a moustache!!! But even now, I couldn't do that in the daytime. The trick is to feel you're somehow in disguise. That means the full Monty - wig, reasonable makeup, handbag, a decently put together outfit, a bit of jewellery, the lot. Also, I think a jacket takes away the feeling of being somehow half dressed and vulnerable. And looks particularly great with a dress.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I have found the courage be having a "GOOD REASON" to be out dressed. The first time was a Halloween costume party (I was a Gypsy Fortune Teller---And I WON for best costume) The second time was A "Womanless beauty Contest" at Church. (I didn't win. But then again, there were the ONLY TWO times I have been out in public dresses.---Not much help, but having a good reason makes it much easier.

[Barbara Jo]

FWIW......

I began going out in pubic as Barbara shopping waking through town etc when masks were required everywhere. The masks were a great confidence builder.

However most places no longer require masks and we seem to be slowly beating the virus, in the US at least. Personally I am fully vaccinated with boosters.

So, today I did my make up extra good to do my shopping etc.... I even applied some nice red lipstick as a great splash of color for my grey hair... as I had something in mind....if I dared

My second stop was the local Galleria mall. After there for a short wile, I took off my mask and put it in my purse. There was no adverse reaction from anyone, I even interacted briefly with a few females in shops

My last stop was grocery shopping at the local WalMart super center where I decided to go for broke The mask stayed in my purse and I did my shopping sans a mask.
I eventually only got a few items so, I went to a self check out. The middle age couple before me had a bit of trouble and apologized to me for their hold up.
I smiled and related there was no problem

Going mask less was a big step forward for me and it all went great. It was a great confidence builder for going mask less.

I do wear a mask (to cover my makeup) going to my car in my apartment complex

I am going on 75 years old and it's now or never to live and do as I want
I have no family in the area and just about all my few real friends have either died or move away. So, what do i have to lose I that respect?

[Julia B]

Life is short don?t regret what you might miss.
Put one foot in front of the other and walk out that door.
You will love it!

[BustyOlivia]

I hear everyone?s stories and I see the confidence in myself growing because when Olivia is free my confidence is there! I just need to keep pushing like y?all said

[Barbara Jo]

As I said, take some "baby steps" at first to gain confidence. :)

[Joanne108]

Even before I got better at creating my female image I went out. I can?t believe I did! But people see what they expect to see.

[Fiona_44]

"But people see what they expect to see"

You are 100% correct Joanne. I understand this more each time I go out en femme.

[cindylouho]

Thanks for all the terrific advice ladies, idk if it was mentioned, but any large downtown office building seems like a good place to go out and remain unmolested in any way. Don't lament Olivia, going out for a drive dressed means you're already ahead of some of us including me, keep on.

[Debs]

I am ok going out dressed now, but when I first started, I asked these questions in my head, 1) am I breaking any law by wearing womens clothing ? Answer NO. 2) If I saw was what I thought was a man dressed as a woman, would I walk straight up to him and say Hey why are you wearing womens clothing ? Answer NO, Id would think it but would walk right on by. 3) Will the police arrest me and put me in jail for wearing a skirt, Anser NO, will they hell 4) stay in public places help is alway nearby even though you are in a dress, Answer YES

With those questions answered I strolled out with my head held high, after all I am all woman for the afternoon shopping.

[Michelle Isgurly]

Wow!! Sounds so much like me. Just a little at a time and the confidence builds up. Thank you for sharing this girl friend, BIG hug

[GraceH]

Like many here, I first drove around dressed, then decided to take a short walk through a park, staying away from others for the most part. One day,, though, I mistakenly thought I'd locked myself out of my car, and took a long walk while I tried to sort out what to do. I passed a couple of people who didn't give me a second look. I finally found my keys in my pocket, so I wasn't locked out after all, but the experience of passing with people I'd walked by gave me the confidence to stretch my bounds on subsequent walks-- same results-- no one reacted. Eventually I became comfortable to the point of going shopping, worked on my voice, and now regularly go into restaurants, shopping and generally spending my day as a woman. Your comfort level evolves as you go on. One of my fun gauges of how well I pass is when someone addresses me as ma'am-- very validating.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sometimes events create a breakthrough.

I was in Albuquerque on business. I went into a consignment store and found a blouse that I liked. But, I wanted to try it on first to avoid being disappointed later if it turned out not to fit. The dressing room had a "guard", you know someone who would count the clothes you took into the dressing room. I was afraid to go in because I assumed that she would at least laugh at me.

Finally, I decided to do it. So what if she laughed at me. I was out of town and I'd never see her again. So, I took the blouse and walked up to her. She asked me how many items, and I told her that I had one. She didn't even look at the blouse. It didn't matter to her. All she wanted to know was how many items I had. That was easy. BTW, it didn't fit.

I went into a consignment store right next door. I found some harem pants that I liked. I asked the SA if I could try them on. She said, "sure" and pointed me to the dressing rooms. I tried on the haram pants. They fit and I loved them. I came out and told the SA that I wanted to buy them. Then, she did the most amazing thing. She said that I really needed a top. She showed me a few tops but I didn't like them. She kept bringing things over to me that she thought I would like.

The lesson here. I was a customer. She didn't care what I bought as long as I bought something. That was quite a lesson.

[Patience]

I can't help you drum up the courage, but I can advise that you go out on Pride weekend when there are lots of out folks about. That's what I did.

I also suggest you invest in a pair of fem sunglasses so you can avoid eye contact and scan your surroundings discretely from time to time.

[JohnH]

I dove in cold turkey. I do have natural hair beyond shoulder length and I do have a natural bust (bra cup size DD).
I have been to the following places while wearing a tank maxi dress: Church choir practice, shopping at Kroger, local amateur radio club meeting (no women present), doctor's office, and to a filling station to fill up a gasoline can and a truck.
I have made no effort to alter my masculine bass voice. (Right now I am the only person singing the bass part in the church choir.)

Guess what? The world did not end. It wasn't a big deal to wear the dresses.
Below is a picture from Amazon of a burgundy version of the dress. I also have navy and olive versions of the dress.

John

329069

[Rachel Anne]

When I first went for a drive, I found it was hard to drive in heels when you've never done it. Just one of those weird things you come across.

[Barbara Jo]

A lot of gals have comfortable walking / driving shoes as well as high heels. It's not really safe to drive with heels.
So, heels are put on in the car after parking it, if you are the one driving.

[Kitty Sue]

Hi Olivia going out for me was a process. I think the first time I went out, as previously mentioned, was me in a car. Imagine my embarrassment when I was pulled over my law enforcement for blown headlight. Thankfully he was very professional and took it all in stride. My first time going out down town I wore a scarf around my face that was in Frankfurt Germany while I was in the military. Second time I was in Brussels, Belgium and did the best I could and showed my face in public wearing heels and makeup. From then on going out dressed was pretty easy. I have not gone out dressed since I got married.

[steffigirl37]

In my mid twenties I worked for a very early morning delivery service which gave me a few opportunities to go out dressed. I would bring clothes and usually change half way thru my route. I particularly enjoyed window shopping at the dress shops and boutiques. I think I was only seen once because at door of one of my stops was a very pretty dress somebody left and I don?t think it was a coincidence.

Once I became a father I stopped. But recently being semi- retired I have had several excursions into parks and cemeteries. Late afternoon or early evening are best. By the time I return home it is dark and I can walked right it my house without notice.

I don?t think of it as having courage. To me it is more of a strong desire. It is a very exhilarating experience. I can?t wait for the next time.

[JohnH]

My neighbors are used to seeing me wearing a dress. I cut the grass wearing a dress, and it's a lot cooler with the dress.
I tried wearing dresses around 2006 and I stuck out like a sore thumb since nobody was wearing dresses. Now that there are plenty of women wearing dresses it's no big deal anymore for me to wear a dress.
So I consider wearing a dress as something ordinary as I no longer am exhilarated with wearing a dress.

[StaceyJane]

I first went out with short car trips. then getting gas, once I realized that nobody really cared what I wore I started going all over the place dressed.

[JohnH]

StaceyJane,

Good for you.

John

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Olivia,
Lot's of grate advice here. I was almost a complete closet case, I was fortunate to meet someone from this site and agreed to meet them at a coffee shop. I was terrified, I don't know why or of what but terrified. It was one of the best few hours in my life and that I have ever had en femme. Enjoy yourself and the adrenaline rush.
Brenda