Leap or pink foggery?

[MonicaPVD]

Good morning. Yesterday, I took a leap. A big step forward, maybe off a cliff? Who knows. As you may know, I am quite fond of going out into the world as Monica but I have always done so at a safe distance from home base. This means going out usually in Boston or other communities that are at least 20-45 minutes away from my town.

Yesterday, I met up with a friend for a late afternoon lunch date and he decided at the last minute on a very popular restaurant in my town. I had a bit of a panic attack when I realized where we were going but it also was very very exciting to make such a bold, risky move. I was a wreck from the minute I got out of the car, until we were seated at our table. My heart was beating fast. I must have scanned the room a dozen times when we sat down, but didn't see anyone I knew. I have been to this restaurant many times over the years and know several of the servers by name. Our server yesterday was very polite and courteous, but not one of the ones I know. Why did I agree to this? Why do I take more risks when I go out lately? The more I think about it, the more I am convinced there's a part of me that really wants to be "caught" or outed, to confront this part of my life once and for all. By the way, the food and company was wonderful.

[kimdl93]

I remember the first few times I ventured out in my old neighborhood, just a quick dash out the door to move the sprinkler or get the mail. I think deep down inside I wanted to accidentally bump into my neighbors, which of course, I eventually did.

[GretchenM]

You are smart Monica and understand a great deal. I think you answered your own question. You know that to achieve some degree of your dream to be more widely accepted within your own community you need to get out and about just as you were with this event. Most will accept it even though they may have different personal opinions. There will be a few naysayers, but most will accept this new version of you and some will be downright curious about the change.

I don't think you want to be caught; that is kind of negative perspective. I think you want to recognized for who you are in the full version. A man sometimes, a woman at other times, a blend at yet other times. You may be criticized by some, but you can't please everybody. Go for it, girl.

[Dutchess]

Unless your situation has changed, the hardest part of this is going to be the situation with your wife...

No one is mentioning that..
I'm worried how bad this could get for you and how badly it's going to hurt someone if she finds out like that. Even if you think she knows something, finding out all of everything is going on is going to be devastating. Please if possible talk to her in private.

[rachelatshop]

Morning Monica, I think that all of us long term cross dressers who have at least to some extent accepted who we are and are comfortable with that at the next level want to be caught out. It forces us to the next level out of your control. Than there is the excitement of facing the risk. I guess the big question is what do you do next. As someone else mentioned the big question is if you were outed in your community how would it effect your wife. That problem is what most controls my going out. Happy dressing always and may the force be always with you

[CynthiaD]

Yes, you’ve reached a new milestone, the one where you realize you can go wherever you want in your pretty clothes. I imagine you’ll still feel more comfortable going far away. But it’s no longer absolutely necessary.

Enjoy your new freedom.

[Stephanie47]

Dutchess brings up the biggest unknown; wife. It's not just the situation where a wife initially finds out her husband is a cross dresser, but, also whether her husband has violated an explicit or implied rule/boundary. I can imagine many negative consequences for an unsuspecting wife; all dealing with a loss of ______(fill in the blank). The best one can do is minimize possibilities by putting distance between home and the adventure venue. But, "shit happens" when you least expect it. If you're married, this entire cross dressing "thing" becomes a shared secret. All the "what ifs" run through the minds of husband and wife. Happy Monica was able to enjoy her day.

As a sidebar, and, I have mentioned these situations before, you never know when the unexpected may happen. Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, but should be control everything?

When my brother was in elementary school he was on a class field trip and encountered our cousin in the head dress of the Statue of Liberty. We lived in New York, and, our cousin in New Jersey. What the heck are the chances of that happening?

When I was at a Mariner game in Seattle with my family, including my son-in-law who hails from Chicago, his old next door neighbor from Chicago was sitting within five seats of him. She was making a summer tour of baseball parks with a friend. The chances? You never know.

[Cheryl T]

I don't think it's a hidden desire to be "caught". I simply think it's the desire to be free and go about in the world like anyone else without worrying about who's there.
I used to worry about being somewhere and seeing someone I know. Then I realized that to be me I had to let that fear go and just go about my business.

[Sandi Beech]

For those of us who face negative consequences from being fully outed, there is a delicate balance between the thrill of the possibility of being outed vs actually being outed. Unfortunately that thrill diminishes with each close call. In order to get the same adrenaline rush, the stakes have to be raised each time.

Earlier this year I walked out to my car fully dressed in broad daylight, and I did not see my neighbor until I got in my driveway. Incredibly, his back was turned to me and he did not see me. When I drove off, I realized this was a pink fog event and I stayed away from my house until the cover of darkness.

I have not done something like that since then as the reward is not worth the risk. On the other hand when the fog hits, my analytical skills are temporarily thrown out the window. Life on the edge.

Sandi

[NancySue]

There?s no question, when the pink fog rolls in, I become much more adventurous. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

[Fiona_44]

Monica,

As Gretchen said, you've answered your own question. You want to be accepted on more of a full-time basis as the lady you are. But if you are married (sorry, I don't know your personal situation) you must take into account how being recognized will impact her personally and impact your relationship with her.

[Philippa Jane]

Whoa.
Colour me confused.
Monica.
When I first read this I am thinking OK going to a restaurant somewhere that you are known is risky.
I did not know that you were married until further on in the threads.
If your wife found out you were seen in a restaurant with a man would that be more of a problem than being seen with a woman.
Is this person known to your wife?
Also why would you allow yourself to be taken somewhere so close to home.
Sounds like Sandi got it right and you enjoyed the thrill.

[MonicaPVD]

Well! Thank you for all the thoughtful responses. As a recap, yes, I am married. No, she does not approve of any of it. Yes, I go on my little adventures without her knowledge. Yes, I felt terrible about that for a long time, but no longer. Yes, I am ready to assume the very real and likely disastrous consequences when she inevitably finds out. Worth the risk as far as I'm concerned.

[TheHiddenMe]

Dan Savage refers to it as Staying Married and Staying Sane (in his case, it's about sex outside a marriage when the spouse is unwilling or unable to have sex). In our cases, it's about going out dressed, perhaps without our spouse's consent.

For me, it's more that I am getting to where I DGAF. So what if someone finds out? Is my life going to end? No.

I like going to a local bar with my friend Michelle. The first time I saw a guy I knew. I just walked by and sat down. Went back another time, he was there, I saw him, and walked out. No biggie.

My friends tell me there is enough separation between boy me and Dee so people won't necessarily make the connection. Likely the same with you.

The reward is worth the potential cost. You had a nice meal with a friend. You got a shot of adrenaline from taking the risk. Ain't life good?

As a group, we overestimate the risks and undervalue the rewards. We are scared of our own shadows. And in the end, nothing negative happens.

[Sometimes Steffi]

There's no question, when the pink fog rolls in, I become much more adventurous. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.

I've heard this quote many times before. But I looked at it a little more critically this time. I thought it might have been said by a ship's captain during the Battle of Coral Sea, during World War II in the Pacific. I thought I would check just for fun if the captain and his ship survived. My recollection is that his ship was actually sunk by a torpedo.

So, I asked Mr. Google. According to Mr. Google, the expression is widely attributed to David Glasgow Farragut (1801-1870) - a U.S. naval officer, who received great acclaim for his service to the Union during the American Civil War. In 1864, at the Battle of Mobile Bay. That seemed to be more myth that fact. I didn't think that torpedoes existed in the American Civil War. I don't believe that the technology existed, unless the torpedo was sail (or possibly) steam powered.

So, I asked Mr. Google when torpedoes were invented. Mr. Google said, "The torpedo, a self‐propelled and self‐guided underwater explosive device, was invented in 1866 by Robert Whitehead, a British engineer working for the Austro‐Hungarian Navy."

Mr. Google also says that "The man who invented the first torpedo was Captain David Bushnell, who tried it out in New York Harbour in 1776. Bushell named it after the torpedo fish, a ray with an electric apparatus for killing its prey. Bushnell's torpedo comprised an explosive charge fixed to an enemy hull and was set-off by a clockwork fuse. These early torpedoes were stationary devices which exploded against vessels and were later classified as mines."

I'm starting to doubt if Farragut really saw any torpedoes as we know them.

[TAG]

Monica do you not realize that people you know wouldn't be looking at you because you don't look like your guy self.
Back when I started CDing I passed by people I knew and was scared I would be recognized.
A CD I knew explained if you don't look like your guy mode then they won't realize its you.