Do your confidants talk to others about you?

[Jenn A116]

Well, Not really an accurate title for the question I'm trying to ask.

I've recently come out to a very, very good GG friend. She and Jenn exchange "girl talk" texts regularly. My wife and I are very good friends with her and her husband. It took me a long time to decide if I would tell her about Jenn and in the end I believe I made the correct decision about her character.

Now to the question: Do you think the people that you've come out to talk about people like us (generally, not necessarily you specifically) with their friends? Do you think that they may be wondering how many of their friends have any experience with other CD's?

Yes, I intend to ask my friend the same question (hopefully more eloquently) next time we have a girl talk session. Just curious about others experiences.

[NancyJ]

Yes, I think most people love to share so called juicy topics, and would have a hard time keeping such information to themselves. I have often pondered telling women friends about Nancy or even encouraging my wife to seek support from her best women friends about me. But, I have always concluded that it is best not to share. Too many times people have told me something by prefacing it I AM REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO SHARE THIS, BUT…..

[bridget thronton]

I do not think any of my confidants will share without asking me first

[Stephanie47]

Around the time when my wife and I were going through a rough patch after "The Talk", circa 1983 my wife may have let it slip that I was a cross dresser. One of her complaints was she had nobody to confide in. Years later, she told me "it" may have come up in a conversation with her female cousin. If my wife did say something her cousin never gave me the impression she knew I was a cross dresser.

Several years before my wife and her cousin had that conversation, her cousin sat at our kitchen table and talked about one of the cousin's co-workers and her husband. Turned out the couple lived a couple of houses down the block from us. The wife was in the process of divorcing her husband because she discovered he was a cross dresser. The couple had plans to build their dream home on a corner lot in our neighborhood. She dropped her husband like a hot potato. From the conversation I got the impression the worst thing that could ever happen was such a discovery. They filleted the guy like you would fillet a fish. "OMG, she's married to a cross dresser!" When my wife and I did have "The Talk," I asked her if she remembered her conversation with her cousin. She told me, no, which may have been truthful. I told her, given the way she and her cousin talked about "the cross dresser down the block," why would I just come out to her?

Now? My wife and I sometimes have conversations concerning the political divide that is happening around the country towards transgender person and gays and lesbians. One of my wife's close friends who I know is a married lesbian and her friend is fearful the way the political conversation is headed.

[Mary Loo]

I have no confidants other than my wife and this board. I know my wife is scared that somebody would find out and judge her, so I highly doubt she would share with anyone (which is kind of a problem, because I think we would both benefit if she were to discuss things with somebody else, instead of having to share the burden of my secret).

On the other hand, there is VERY LITTLE my wife and I don’t share with each other. I at least know there is very little I have kept from her and I highly suspect it is reciprocal. My point being is telling any confidant is very likely telling the confidant’s spouse or SO as well. Then it doubles the chance it can get out.

With all that said, it seemingly would be very nice to have other confidants and especially GGs.

[Debbie Denier]

My confidant was my mother and she told no one. When my wife found out she was very upset. She told me she felt too ashamed and embarrassed to confide in anyone. That was her complaint before she ordered me to purge.

[Kris Burton]

My wife is my only confidant on CD matters (other than this board of course) and I know she hasn't shared anything with anyone else. Should I come out to anyone else other than her. I would be very careful about who it is, or would be in a position which it no longer mattered if anyone found out (I'm getting close to that on a personal level, but I digress) . I think its human nature to want to share "juicy topics" as NancyJ puts it, especially when dealing with things of a sexual nature. Plus, I've noticed that when a persons sexual proclivities are known to be outside of what is considered the norm, it always comes up in conversation somehow.

[Blonde617]

Right now, my closest confidante is a long-ago GF. She is polyamorous, so she shares that and I share my travails. We do not mention this to others, just that we are friends.

[kimdl93]

For the most part, I honestly do not know. I have one very close friend who talks about me with her family?she asked me if it was ok and I said, of course.

[GaleWarning]

One GG friend of mine who knows about Gale mentioned this side of my personality to a former work colleague. Apparently, she was gobsmacked. Our paths have not crossed for many years, so I have no idea how many others know about me.

[Jolene Robertson]

Once the Genie is out of the bottle you can't put it back in. My wife was the first to know and she keeps it pretty quiet but I told her if she needed to confide in some of her friends it's her choice, she has told 2 of them and I don't believe either has mentioned it to anyone else but I don't know. I have only told 2 other people one being my youngest daughter who asked if she could tell her husband ( that's to be expected ) no problems there and I know they have kept it on the DL. The other friend told her wife and mother and brother and daughter, so who knows who all they have told?? I've never gotten any rumors back so it's all cool I guess, it's the chance you take when you share it. If you are worried about it keep it to your self because you can't control what others do once they know. The thing is you just never know.

[Linda Stockings]

I believe my one-time GG secretary/confidant/friend, did indeed tell others about it, but I'm not sure who. I think it was to my wife, if no one else. That was after she saw me dressed and suggested ways to improve my makeup and choices in clothes, telling me what worked for daytime, which of my heels were only meant for nighttime, etc.

Thanks, Linda

[Denice]

If people are talking about me... at least it's an intelligent conversation.

[JuliannaS]

I wouldn't be surprised if my gf told people.

[alwayshave]

The only people who know I'm a crossdresser, other than you lovely ladies, is my wife. She keeps that information close to the vest.

[Camille58]

The only people that know about Camille are my wife, my counselor, and this forum. I know my wife has not told anyone because she has mentioned at times how isolated she feels sometimes knowing this about me. I have told her that she doesn?t need my blessings to talk about it with someone, but she does not seem to be ready for that. I personally am sick of hiding and caring what people think of me. But I know that this kind of thing effects more people than just me, so I have to think about those people also.

[Sometimes Steffi]

The only people who know I'm a crossdresser, other than you lovely ladies, is my wife. She keeps that information close to the vest.

How could you forget about me and all the girls in the Meetup group?

[Fiona_44]

The only 2 people who know about Fiona so far have told me they will not tell anyone else without first asking my permission. I plan to tell another 4 or 5 people in the future and will ask them to do the same. They are all good people and I have every confidence they will do so. I have other friends who I know can't keep secrets and they will never be told.

[docrobbysherry]

No!:doh:

[Claire M]

Back to the original question, I think that because transgender is a very visible topic, I'm sure that trans and crossdressing comes up in conversation with just about everybody at some point these days. I know that when the conversation heads in that direction I get a tinge down my spine wondering where things will go and might I (accidentally) out myself. I would hope that people who know about me would respect my privacy in a general conversation ... but you never know!!!

Sorry Jenn if the wording of my answer seems a qwarky as your question!

[Patience]

It seems like everybody is talking about people like us nowadays, although I believe some of the people doing most of the talking have had little to no contact to speak of and talk about us more in some kind of abstract sense, combined with whatever dogma they were raised to believe in.

[alwayshave]

How could you forget about me and all the girls in the Meetup group?

Steffi, you are one of the lovely ladies I was referring to.

[Crissy 107]

My wife does not care to talk about CDing but she has said in the past that one of the issues she has is that she has no one to talk to about this. She knows about this site, that is another story, so I mentioned about the FAB forum and she could talk to others about this. She dismissed it immediately without a second of thought.

[Jenn A116]

Just looping back on this one. The GG I confided in a few months ago has not mentioned it to anybody. On the broader question asking her if any of her friends have ever mentioned any exposure to CD'ing (not Drag) she said no on that one too.

[Kitty Sue]

Would not surprise if some of the people I have told have passed on the information to others. Oh well :daydreaming:

[Bobbi46]

My GF is nothing short of a blabber mouth! some her friends who knew me before I dressed dont want to see me now!!! There are pros and cons with telling, it either goes well or ends up pear shaped

[baldy1]

My lovely friend Trish who knows about Julie and we talk alot about my dressing told me very recently that she hasn't told her husband about my dressing and she feels very privileged that i have confided in her, how beautiful is that.

Julie

[SaraLin]

I don't believe my wife has told anyone, but I haven't asked her to keep a secret, she just doesn't want people to know.
My sister and my closest friends have told their SO's but I doubt that they've spread it about.
I've had exes that have spread the word to everyone they could - oh well.

But to the original question about whether or not they bring up the subject "in general" and wonder how many others are out there - I tend to doubt it
Maybe, just maybe - by letting them know about me, they'll be a bit more understanding and tolerant - and maybe, just maybe - it'll spread to people they DO talk to.

[Paulie Birmingham]

my wife said she hasnt told anyone. she also hasnt said anything about our crazy sex life either . i think both would be embarrassing to her.

[Jenn A116]

But to the original question about whether or not they bring up the subject "in general" and wonder how many others are out there - I tend to doubt it
Maybe, just maybe - by letting them know about me, they'll be a bit more understanding and tolerant - and maybe, just maybe - it'll spread to people they DO talk to.
This is a really good point. By becoming more visible we can educate.

[Cheryl T]

No, absolutely not.
They were chosen because they would keep my confidence, not to share it.

[Bobbi46]

Yes my GF has a big mouth and two friends are no longer friends!

[1Ladyjade]

I don't believe my confidants would speak to anyone. One is a physiologist who is a female cousin. The other won't say anything as she wouldn't want her family to find out as it would hurt my relationship with her family.
Now something my wife said to me in one of our cross dressing why do you conversations. She feels so alone in this because she has no one she can confide in with the fact that her man likes to wear dresses.
So girls who's SO don't like your cross dressing understand how they feel because they probably don't have anyone they can talk to about the situation. They are very much stuck. Makes me understand why marriages fail when men come out to their wives and the wife leaves. If you surprise them with this doozey they may not be able to get over it. If your already crossing best bet is let them know so they can decide if that's something they can deal with. For a lot of myself included the pink fog returned and I never saw it coming. Thought it was something I did as a kid.

[Jenn A116]

Just to clarify my OP, I'm not asking if your confidants outed you to others. Just if they had conversations with others about CD'ing but didn't specifically identify you.

[Tbrooks]

I wear nothing but women's clothes, but since I dress conservatively most people don't notice. (I'm not trying to hide, I'm just a jeans/shorts, t-shirt and sneakers kind of person.) If someone mentions to my wife or daughter that something I'm wearing is a women's. They just simple reply with "I know. I bought it for him. Don't you like it?" My wife says that people try to point it out to her like they are telling her some secret or are trying to embarrass her by telling on me. She says with her reply it puts them on the spot. Her and my daughter both say that after they reply the other person just says "Oh." or doesn't say anything else and they usually change the subject.