Dressing or dysphoria

[Jennifer956]

Questions ladies I apologize ahead of time if this is not the right place to post this question but here i ago ever since I could remember as a young child when my sister would baby sit out next door neighbors kids witch were female and they would play with Barbie?s o would always wanna play with Barbie?s as well never thought it was wrong this was around 6 years old fastfoward to when I was 12 and I remember watching my first adult videos and being worked up and would go thru my sisters clothing and try?s on some silly shorts and I felt better and took em off and went on and off for a while when ever I could find a piece of woman?s clothing then fast forward too when I was 20 started buying womens underwear and escalated to trying on more things like earrings wigs and that made my first relationship end and at that point and I was so ashamed that I purged and swore to never do it agin 4 year later while dating agin the urge came back and it was worse once agin did it all over and ended my relationship and I stopped agin then the third time years later I did agin and fully dressed and threw it all away once agin and now years after all that it has escalated to me day dreaming of being a full woman having breast and curves and it?s doesn?t wanna go away and as much I try to not give into its to the point I can?t focus and feel like life is just on cruise control like I?m just alive floating it?s weird to explain any ways sorry for the grammar ahead of time I was in such a hurry to type this before I forgot any input ladies?

[Karren H]

Resistance is futile, Jennifer! Think most of us have been through that vicious cycle at some point in our lives. It is time to accept and embrace it and move on! That?s what I did decades ago. Makes your life more complicated but removes the torment and crossdressing becomes fun!

[Debbie Denier]

The first advice I was given by a CD support group was to enjoy dressing it is fun.Dont be guilty or ashamed just enjoy.That was 40 years ago . Easier said than done. I did embrace it again until rumbled by non accepting wife. We can accept and enjoy it , not always the case with our SOs.Karren is right it wont go away. Its how you adjust, adapt and manage it that matters.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I developed an interest in Psychology (and other Science too) at an early age (about 13), so I really didn't have as much problems as most people (and youngsters) adjust to my CD tendencies. (I was really trying to come up with cleaver "crazy terms" to tease my sister with and then got hooked on the subject of Psychology itself.) Any hint of Dysphoria, with ME was merely part of a masochistic CD fantasy --which would have been terrible to me in RL but I found to be a turn-on. I think such fantasies can be confusing to otherwise normal CDs if they do not know what is going on. And another reason people who suspect they are dysphoric should get a psychological checkup before starting drastic measures.

[kimdl93]

I know this will sound predictable, but I would suggest spending some time with a therapist to deal with the growing obsession. It is possible that you are suffering from some sort of common mood diskr?ere and that has gotten attached to your desire to experiment with womens clothing. You see, wearing womens clothing, even going the full 9 yards is entirely OK. But it need not and should not interfere with the rest of your life.

[NancyJ]

As others are suggesting, you are describing a common struggle with self-acceptance. Once you accept that you are on the transgender continuum, do experience gender dysphoria, that it IS OKAY, and not deserving of a life of shame, you can begin on a path to self-acceptance and find partners who you can disclose this to. If you can find, and afford, a gender therapist, great. But be sure it is a therapist with genuine experience in this area. Good luck, Nancy

[alwayshave]

Jennifer, while I have never purged, time and again when I was younger, I promised myself I would no longer dress. It never worked and at this point in my life I have completely accepted I'm a CD and I enjoy it.

[AmeeJo]

My early dressing was almost always just for sexual satisfaction. It was a wonderful release for me. I too have purged many times but my earlier wardrobes always consisted of lingerie only. Over the last couple of years I have been dressing less for satisfaction and more because it is comfortable to me and just feels right. I am also fully dressing now, head to toe, but I don't go out in public, yet, and it is so much more fun now that I am taking it more seriously and enjoying me. It has been a wonderful journey and I embrace AmeeJo as a part of me.

[GretchenM]

Very few are able to quit for good and if they are able to it is still a struggle at times. The thing is and as shown by your story and now pretty well understood in the science, this characteristic is a part of who you are as a person. Not that it can't change to some extent. It can and does in the course of our lives. That also happens to people that are not CD/TG so why should it be any different in those of us who are? It is human. The brain is constantly adapting (called brain plasticity) to new experiences. But the main point is that this strong tendency to embrace female-like behavior is something your brain is configured to do in some respect or other and that fundamental pattern cannot be changed.

So, as others have said, you might as well embrace it. However, you do not need to become its slave. That is, the need can be managed and the personality characteristics of this female-like side of you which is so much stronger than in a vast majority of males can be put to use in creating a personality that is, at appropriate times, female-like - generally kinder, more understanding, more empathetic and compassionate. So you can turn this into an asset.

However, be aware that the desire to outwardly express in clothing who you are in a way that is consistent with this internal characteristic will always be a need at least once in awhile. But, in time, you can get to the point where it is all managed so it becomes natural and very comfortable. To do that though, you first need to accept yourself as a person whose gender IDENTITY is not of the garden variety. Adaptation is the key. Once you realize that the social expectation that everybody has an identity that parallels the expectations of their sexual identity is baloney you can move forward with adaptation and finding comfort. Where that leads is hard to say, but it is not a curse - in a way it is a gift.

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah Jennifer, that tractor beam of CD hooked you at the same age many of us got attached.
I would not have wanted it to be any other way for me. It's actually shown the true feelings of others around me in my life.
And I believe it's such a fabulous release to just be Carla for a while. What a gift.

[Cheryl T]

Firstly, please use some punctuation. A sentence that long is difficult to follow for very long and gets confusing.

Many, myself included, have gone through cycles denying who we are and swearing Never Again, only to return to our true self. I did that many a time and went through a few purges till I finally accepted who I am.
Now that Never Again is not about Not dressing it's about not ever trying to stop.

[Jennifer956]

Thank you ladies for that input. Karen,Debbie I have begun my acceptance and embraced it. Now I want to go further, don?t know if this normal as a cd or trans tendencies. Marina and kim I think you ladies hit the nail on the head. I?m currently seeking a gender therapist near me. I hope to find one soon as I feel like Jennifer was born and not my male self.

[Heather76]

From all I have read, here and elsewhere, your desire to cross dress will not fade away. I happened upon it very late in life. I do not question it as I never questioned why I like golf but not hunting. It is simply something I enjoy doing. Accept yourself as the unique individual you are. Cross dressing and playing with Barbies are not criminal offenses. They are preferences.

I wouldn't presume to advise you regarding wanting to be a woman with breasts and curves. As others have said, a therapist is likely the best path for that discussion. Regardless, if you find yourself getting into a relationship with another woman, be sure to tell her about your cross dressing early on. If she runs, she wasn't the woman for you. If she accepts AND supports you, there is hope with her.

[dana 1]

Perfect reply

[Jennifer956]

Thanks heather I appreciate you 🫶 and everyone?s input means a lot

[CynthiaD]

I dress fully en femme every day for at least part of the day. This is how I think about it.

Male clothing: incorrect.
Female clothing: correct.

To elaborate further, robbing a bank is wrong. Adding two plus two and getting five is incorrect. Crossdressing is not wrong. At worst, it is incorrect. For me, it is always correct. For some, it is correct at times and incorrect at others. For you, you decide.

[Lacey New]

Sounds like we all have a lot in common with our experiences and feelings about our cross dressing journeys. I guess that?s why I?m here on this site. I know I?m not alone.

[Stephanie47]

As others have stated, counseling should be helpful in sorting out issues of self expression. When I was young I hated myself for wearing my mother's attire. Back in the 1960's to wear women's clothing meant you were a homosexual, although those sentiments were usually expressed in a vulgar manner. I started out with an attraction for my mother's white nylon full slips. There was no thoughts of wanting to be a girl. Nobody dressed me as a girl. I had no female cousins, and my sister was not born until I was 12. So, "Why?" I do not have a clue. There was no internet, no books in the public library. I was adrift in the sea of non-acceptance. It took decades to finally come to acceptance of self. Yes, life would have been and still would be easier, if I did not have this little "quirk" inside me. Now, I still have to deal with those around me, who have a problem of non-acceptance. I do not live in a vacuum.

I think it is normal to start out with a single article of clothing and then inch forward by adding another, and then another. For me, it is only dresses, heels and hosiery; no pants or jeans. My models were women like June Cleaver or Harriet Nelson. If somebody was to ask "Why do you do it?" I would answer with the answer I told my wife: "I do not know why I do what I do." That is the plain and simple truth. That answer is different than listing how wearing women's clothing makes me feel.

[Barbara Jo]

Gender satisfaction vs sexual satisfaction......
It seems to me that both are more of less related ... even for a GG.
All humans are well of aware of their sexuality and have the free will that other animals do not have

Many GG gals love to dress very feminine and and some do not
So, are we that much different than the former ?

[Barbara Jo]

I will add to that GGs often say that a dress or skirt make them feel more girly, etc.
Conversely pants must make them feel more masculine to one degree or anther.
So, is it really any wonder why most of us also love dresses and skirts?

[traciJ]

I too am a serial purger. Dealt with shame and self loathing for many years. I am so happy that the internet brought me a community to relate to and a language to express it all. It wasn't until I got brave and spoke in person and openly about it to a therapist and then a support group of fellow CD's that I began to settle down and enjoy being my girl self.
TJ

[Lori Ann Westlake]

I'm pretty sure you do have dysphoria, Jennifer, that you're on the trans train (so to speak," and that's why you feel you're drifting along in a disconnected fashion right now. The cycle of dress-shame-purge-and-dress-again is pretty typical for most of us, myself included, no matter what "kind" of crossdresser we are--until we come to terms with it and learn to accept our nature and enjoy it.

Now your story is a little different from many others', but most of us here are "different" in one way or another! For instance, it's interesting that you made no mention of dressing in female clothes as a child, since you had a sister. However, since playing with Barbies came naturally to you, so much so that you never questioned it at the time, that suggests a significant degree of female identity emerging early in life, an indication that you could well be transgender. Then too, if your desire for a female body is insistent, that's a strong indicator, especially if you feel uncomfortable with your male body or with masculine identity.

This can happen to different degrees. To me for instance it would be FUN to have a female body, and a nice fantasy, but only that: a fantasy. Despite being a crossdresser, I wouldn't want to change my body permanently or abandon my male identity.

There are various motives for crossdressing, often an mixture of motives, and often sexual arousal is one, particularly when the urge to dress begins after puberty. Typically much of this is fetishistic, with an attraction to female underwear particularly, but not always. Your own experience after puberty is also different in this respect. It's backwards, in a way. First you got aroused by watching an adult video--which is normal enough for anybody!--but this in turn sent you off in search of female clothes to wear. That suggests to me that what you might have found arousing was the fantasy of playing a female role in sex, so what you felt driven to do was to put on female clothing to enable that role. (That doesn't have to mean you're gay/ Motives can be mixed here.) But if that's true for you, it suggests "female identification" rather than fetishism was the motive.

Regardless of "who you are," self-understanding and self-acceptance is the key to eventual happiness, then you will find your path in life. Therapy can help if you need it. Good luck!

[Aunt Kelly]

First of all, know that it's likely never going to "go away". Yes, it may wax and wane, and you may be able to fight it, sometimes even for long periods, but it's part of who you are.
Accepting that is hard, and scary. It is also liberating. Working out gender identity issues is difficult in most cases, and you'll never stand a chance without admitting to yourself that you have them and want to better understand yourself. Yes, I'm talking about counseling. The services of a counselor who is qualified to deal with gender issues will, along with your open and honest participation, lead to a better understanding of who you are and why you feel the need to do some of the things that you do. I do not mean that to sound judgemental at all. Trust me when I say that you will be glad that you took that step.

[Rachelakld]

my friend and work colleague had dysphoria.
she hated showering or changing rooms because of what was between her legs, she never stood up in the toilet in her life.
I remember her coming out at work and asked me if I minded working with a transgender person.
I explained I enjoyed working with her because she was smart, a hard worker, and fun to be around not because of her gender.
Last summer was the first summer she wore a bikini because she finally had all the offensive stuff removed.
I'm really glad I don't have dysphoria

[sometimes_miss]

My belief is that many who crossdress do so to help get rid of the subtle, subconscious discomfort they feel being male. Wearing female attire, and trying to behave, or 'think like a girl', removes us from the male mindset, as well as provides various sensory feedback that supplies the concept of being female to our mind, and if that feels good, or better than when we are being our male selves, well then, perhaps being female aligns better than being male. It's just that most of us grew up being indoctrinated into the traditional male role model, to the point where we were told that being like a girl in any way, was the most terrible thing we could be. So our minds may repress it subconsciously as often as it can, as evidenced by many of us going for extended periods where we don't feel the intense urge to crossdress, because enough in our life is going well enough so that our mind can devote enough to repress those feelings. Then when we get stressed out, the urge to crossdress can't be repressed anymore, and comes back front and center, and we only get relief by indulging in dressing up and being what our subconscious believes we truly are (much the same, as when your computer can function fine as long as you don't ask it to do too many things at once; overload it with tasks, and things stop working smoothly).

JMHO.

[mbmeen12]

You do you hun. I enjoyed your post. Life is short and continue to learn, dress and be happy....

[Angela Marie]

After years of dressing and several purges I was finally honest with myself and accepted that I was transgendered. I have never felt the revulsion toward my body that some feel. I just naturally gravitate toward the feminine side. Transition was never an option given my personal circumstances. So I live my life now comfortable with my male side and I do dress somewhat feminine; leggings, flats, etc. As I always say "you play the cards you're dealt" For me that means accepting both my male and female side. I have had a great life so no real complaints here.

[Jennifer956]

Thanks ladies! For all the input I have sense contacted a gender therapist and will be working on this. From what I found on the internet and from some of you gals here I think I might have gender dyshoria 💁🏻*♀️