What exactly do we want from our wives? If we could define the perfect circumstances?

[Paula_56]

Number one for me is acceptance of my feminine side.

I would want her to love that side of me.

Be supportive of my dressing and going out as a woman.

I would like her to encourage me to be fashionable, and feminine when dressed.

I would also like her to have a bedroom interest in the female side of me.

[Cheryl T]

I would whole heartedly agree with your list Paula.
Thankfully I have all but the last. She has no interest in that aspect and has stated so emphatically. Such a shame as I would desperately love sharing that part of me with her.

[kimdl93]

I would have wanted all of those items listed, Paula. As a human, I hoped to be accepted, participating, as well as supporting I understood that for many women, accepting a female or transgender lover is simply not how they are wired, but still, being loved in that respect would have been meaningful to me.

Needless to say, I am no longer married because none of those wishes could be granted.

[Mary Loo]

Paula,

This topic is probably one of THE most important to members here.

Personally, my situation with my wife is struggling at the moment. Not to bore with rehashing the same details, but we have been together for 30+ years, married for almost 29 and she knew about my cross dressing from very early on in our relationship, well before the marriage.

She has in the past been tolerable and understanding of it and not judged (though never encouraged or helped), however, I always have been closeted (still definitely am) and only in recent months have I really taken a casual, hidden, occasional thing, more to the forefront and we have discussed it much more. A lot due to this site since I joined.

As recent as Saturday night we had another conversation about it. In the past she has seen me dressed (although not often) and on rare occasions have even had marital relations when I was somewhat dressed, though she has never been attracted to me in that form (she would not say no on the rare occasions when we were both likely under the influence of drinks). However, now, she would definitely say NO and never wants to see me dressed with her own eyes or even pictures. She is struggling with it at the moment and truly wishes it would just all go away, though she knows that is not going to happen and as of yet is not directly asking me to stop, just to not include her in any way.

Where would I want it to go as your question asked. Of course, all the things you mentioned, though the last is the least critical. For now I would just settle for her willing to see/be with me when dressed. Ideally to participate with shopping/dressing/makeup, etc. The bottom line is she is my best friend and has been for over 30 years and I just wish my best friend could participate in something that I like doing, though I certainly get why she doesn’t want to.

This will be an interesting thread to read the replies on.

[JulieC]

My wife does accept my feminine side, and does love me...all of me. She's willing to go out with me crossdressed, but outside of a some little bits, it hasn't happened. I haven't pushed it, not because of her but because of me. Working on it. She doesn't comment much about what I wear, though she does occasionally. We have done things in the bedroom while I'm at least partially crossdressed, but it's not her favorite thing so I don't push it. She married a man, and I respect that.

There's things I could wish for in my wife's behavior towards my feminine aspects, but I am overjoyed she accepts me. That's enough.

[tifftg]

Paula,

I think you sum it up well. I share those desires except for the last one. Over the years I have had less interest in sex, but love to be femme in style and appearance.

[Debbie Denier]

I would absolutely love for acceptance, which I have not got.If I got that I would hope the rest would follow.Well maybe the rest . I doubt bedroom acceptance would ever happen outside my dreams .

[Kris Burton]

A facinating and thought provoking list Paula. Like you and probably most of us, I think about this a lot. The list will probably be somewhat different for each of us.
I am one of the fortunate ones. I have #1,#2 and #4 completely. #5 I have no interest in, and neither does she, so we are OK. She is fully supportive of my dressing but does not want me to go out publicly while dressed. It is the only boundary she insists upon. Considering all I have, I find this a more than equitable trade. I guess like a little kid it is therefore the thing I want to do most, but my adult self knows it will have to wait at best. She is OK - now - with seeing photos of "Kris" outside in our yard or on our front porch, so that day may come.

[Heather76]

Number one for me is acceptance of my feminine side.
Actually, that isn't of major importance to me as I like to think my male and female sides are somewhat intertwined. I am the same person regardless of how I'm dressed.

I would want her to love that side of me.
I agree that I want her to love me no matter how I'm dressed. I sincerely believe she does so don't think that is an issue.

Be supportive of my dressing and going out as a woman.
Bingo. This is the most important thing I would like.

I would like her to encourage me to be fashionable, and feminine when dressed.
I don't know if "encourage" is the right word for me. I would, however, like her to be helpful with tips on fashion and makeup.

I would also like her to have a bedroom interest in the female side of me.
Of no concern to me at all. We are basically too old to be concerned with this based on various health issues.

[Pumped]

My wife is very accepting of my dressing, but the last item is a big no. She supports me in all the other ways, but no sexual interests while dressed. She wants her man!

[Paulie Birmingham]

her really getting into sex while i wear high heels and lingerie. we've played while i was wearing lingerie, but its not her thing.

[GaleWarning]

I;m going to answer in reverse order ...

I would also like her to have a bedroom interest in the female side of me.
This has been easy to achieve. We both enjoy sex, and anything which heightens that enjoyment is embraced!

I would like her to encourage me to be fashionable, and feminine when dressed.
When we are out shopping, she often points out items which she thinks will look good in me. Sometimes we buy matching items.

Be supportive of my dressing and going out as a woman.
This is the least important aspect. There is only one event I would be prepared to go to, dressed, and that has not been viable for several years now. I have very little interest in going out fully dressed. She doesn't mind me being underdressed.

I would want her to love that side of me.
She knows I am me, whatever I am wearing. So this is easy for her and for me. This may sound contradictory, given what I have noted below.

Number one for me is acceptance of my feminine side.
There are times when she uses it against me, and when it happens, it threatens our relationship.

So I seem to be back to front. Not unusual.

[DianeT]

The perfect circumstances would be to be allowed to dress a bit more while remaining in her comfort zone and not hurting her libido and our intimacy further. This is not likely to happen, so I'm happy with the current arrangement.

[mbmeen12]

Great post Paula, fortunately I am good with my woman and she scratches all that and then some. Even Christmas gifts i.e. skirts etc under the tree wrapped. Lots of responses forth coming.
Kara

[bridget thronton]

I like all the items on your list Paula - my wife supports me and occasionally buys me clothing and jewelry for gifts

[Jane G]

The most important to thing for us is trust. There is no one else I trust as much as my wife. Every thing else we have shared since meeting in the school yard as teenagers, is based on that.

[Karren H]

I do not want her help or assistance or advice or any of that! I would love it if she would let me do what ever I wanted to do, no questions asked! That would be perfect!

[Connie D50]

First you look great, your list is perfect fit for me.

[Tiffany355]

A big one for me would be for her to stop thinking something is wrong with me or some kind of childhood trauma happened. I?m not weird. Im not broken. I?m definitely not gay. Like said before we are best friends and for her to think I?m broken is a bit harsh.

Would be awesome if she helped shop and allowed me to hang around the house as Tiff.

[Camille58]

Really interesting question Paula. I agree that the most important thing for me is trust. I can?t expect her to understand something that I don?t understand myself! But, her trusting that our relationship is, and always will be, sacred to me. She has recently told that she knows that now. Beyond that, knowing that we in this together, taking baby steps, and navigating this new side of me as best as we can! I can?t ask for more than that.

[char GG]

As the wife of a CDer, I agree kind of with Karen. My hubby doesn't need me to help him shop, or buy anything for him. He's a grown up and has his own taste and his own money.

That said, I also don't like to shop with other GG's. Some of us would rather shop alone (if at all). Get in and out of a store is my motto. Not really into shopping for recreation.

As for some of the other items on your list: I suppose the degree of acceptance coincides with when and how they found out about your dressing. I won't go into that.

Many GG's aren't attracted to the female form in the bedroom. They may play along but they married men for a reason.

[Dutchess]

I'm going to back Char here.. same thing..
but from your list it sounds almost like a Stepford Wife is needed.. I know its a fantasy post about a fantasy woman but some of that's a little intense, Plus I've found that I don't like such extreme submission in a partner. I like it really even .

[sometimes_miss]

Someone who would understand that I didn't choose this, but I'm not a 'defective' person just because I can't comfortably act and dress like a 'standard issue guy' 100% of the time.
It also bothers me a bit, that women continue to see femininity as 'lesser' than masculinity, as they seem to see our embracing female dressing, behavior, and the desire for beauty, as not worth as much to our society as being a ruthless male who works hard to pay his workers garbage wages, lays them off in order to buy another yacht or mansion somewhere, always trying to cheat each other in business as much as they can get away with it, in order to 'provide' his family with the best in life, while crushing the dreams and lives of everyone else. Sadly, it seems that those are the type of men who are still considered by women everywhere, as prime examples of what they want their husbands to be: People who will happily make other's lives miserable, to get ahead in the rat race.

[Jessica Secret]

My SO is a boyfriend and I think I pretty much have the perfect circumstances in my opinion - he's accepting, supportive and encouraging of my dressing, there are no limits, and I have his unconditional love and support at all times. I wear beautiful/romantic lingerie to bed almost every night and it definitely makes things fun in the bedroom between us.

[Veronica Lacey]

Number one for me is acceptance of my feminine side.

I would want her to love that side of me.

Be supportive of my dressing and going out as a woman.

I would like her to encourage me to be fashionable, and feminine when dressed.

I would also like her to have a bedroom interest in the female side of me.

Perfect circumstances?

It would be great to simply wear what I wish when I wish, male or female, day or night; a sort of "garment ambidexterity" I suppose.
If she would consider gifting me something special for Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries as I have for her - an item of lingerie kind of gift - that would be very special.
Sure, bedroom intimacy wearing whatever I feel comfortable in at the moment would be a super bonus but that may be a wish too far.

Beyond this I already have her support for my full personality in how I think or handle situations so wish granted there.
She would morally support me if word ever got out even if she did not wish to see me dressed. I consider that another wish granted.
Without ever pushing for more I think I'm already half way there! :)

[AmeeJo]

I would want her to be accepting of my desire to express my feminine side. Able to love me even when presented as a female. Beyond that, there is not much more. Sure it would be fun to go out together on a girls night out, but I don't think that would be a requirement for me. After all we wouldn't go out on a guys night out either. As far as the bedroom aspect goes, I don't see her being into that and that's okay with me. I would never want to force anyone to do anything they are not comfortable with.

[SaraLin]

Well - the perfect 'fantasy' wife for me would be all those things.

I guess that means that she would have to be a bit "bi" or have those tendencies, so she could love me as much as a woman as she could love me as a man.


My "REAL WORLD" wife isn't perfectly accepting, supportive, or encouraging. She does love me though, and that's worth more than a whole wardrobe full of dresses!
(I've got to admit, I'd like to have her love AND the dresses :daydreaming: )

[Stephanie47]

Acceptance would be great. Acceptance to the extent I would be able to be fully en femme; makeup is not a necessity. Preparing dinner en femme with a pat on the butt would be reassuring. I would not want to take my cross dressing into the bedroom for any role reversals. Decades ago nightgowns had been into the bedroom scene, but, only for the feel of the nylon; not playing a female role. Outside the home? No, I'd be too self conscious at six foot/200 pounds.

[Maria in heels]

For me, I think that I can check off all the boxes but....

#3 about going out as a woman is something that she gets hot/cold with. Before the lockdowns, she had encouraged me to start going to these parties that were scheduled once a month that she found on Meetup. I went for almost a year, making several friends, until the lockdown cancelled all of that. BUT even though I have jeans and boots that she said would be fine, it is easier to leave the boots at home sometimes when we go out, because what was ok last week is not ok this week. I have to understand her and this flip/flop because she is accepting of the two of us and jokes around all day about Maria, which is why I get confused sometimes. But that is how she is so I respect her wishes....

[Michelle Crossfire]

Not necessarily a number one for me, but acceptance of my feminine side.

I think my wife accepts and supports my "feminine" side.

I would want her to love that side of me.

I don't know if she loves that side of me, but she does accept it and realize it is a part of me. Considering the horrible marriage i got out of, she is a complete 180 degree opposite and her support of my choices is unparalleled. I in turn, support her as well

Be supportive of my dressing and going out as a woman.

This she has done on numerous occasions, usually go to out shopping, but has also gone to the club with me

I would like her to encourage me to be fashionable, and feminine when dressed.

My wife gives me fashion advice all the time, even buys items for me. I can't do any better on this topic.

I would also like her to have a bedroom interest in the female side of me.

Not a chance. Nor do i push it. She married a man, and wants it that way in the bedroom and I am perfectly OK with that

[Karren H]

That said, I also don't like to shop with other GG's. Some of us would rather shop alone (if at all). Get in and out of a store is my motto. Not really into shopping for recreation..

Funny but my wife is the same way! I can go browse for hours but she would rather zoom in and get what is on her list and get out fast!

[Gi Gondin]

It is funny to find out that when you have everything you wish for, the urge to dress, to go out dressed, etc… becomes less important and relevant. At least for me its the case.

Its like Socratic love, we desire what we do not possess.

[Teri Ray]

I am blessed to have my wife meet all but the last (I would also like her to have a bedroom interest in the female side of me). But neither do I have a desire for that one. My wife and I shop together and discuss things related to crossdressing openly and honestly. But then we also share all the things that are not related to crossdressing which are most of the important things in life.