Friends son is a Cross-Dresser!

[Judy-Somthing]

I love dressing up but, the wife says she'll leave me if I do,

I went to a good friend's cookout yesterday, which was great and and my wife and I were talking to his brother about family.
He said he has two teenage girls and a boy.
Then he said the 12 year old loves to hang with the girls a fully dress-up as a girl with dresses and makeup with them.
He said "It's his life, what ever he wants".

I thought "so cool" and my wife changed the subject immediately.

I hate that it's more excepted to cross-dress nowadays but, I'm a sicko.

What do you think?

[Kitty Sue]

Good for the parents being so supportive of their children. Let's hope the younger generations will continue to be able to express themselves freely. However, in today's poisonous political climate I fear that may not be the case and they maybe forced into the closet like so many of us were for far too long.

[Christie ann]

I agree that the kid seems to have great parents. Unfortunately many of our wives have too many years of learning to undo before we can be not-sickos.

[giuseppina]

I agree with the sentiments above.

Along those lines, there are too many who think we are some sort of deviant and assume we are up to no good until proven innocent. I would be highly inclined to stay away from the boy for legal liability reasons. If the boy asks why, I would tell him at his level of understanding, as well as his parents.

I have been in this situation before, but IMO it was unlikely the child was gender variant. The child's mother had been previously diagnosed as being paranoid by two psychiatrists.

[kimdl93]

I appreciate your friends point of view. Sadly, in my expereince people who cling to out-moded ideas dont change? but inevitably fade away.

[MonicaPVD]

Two things:
First, young kids today tend to have very few hangups about gender expression. especially coastal kids.
Second, never engage anyone who is not a consenting adult (or one of your own kids) in conversation related to crossdressing. Unless you want to roll the dice with your reputation, finances, and possibly even freedom.

[Maid_Marion]

One of my friends has an adult daughter that is mtf. I've seen her daughter's picture on her facebook page.
Guess the situation is a little different in New England.

Another friend's husband dresses as a drag queen. I think he is retired.

Marion

[TheHiddenMe]

First of all, you can't assume he's a cross-dresser but he appears to certainly be on the transgender spectrum.

Second, the way to deal with it in today's climate is to vote the arseholes supporting it out.

Third, I object to the term sicko.

Fourth, staying away for some purported legal reasons? Adults can discuss issues with kids without fearing the boogeyman coming to get them. I deal with high school kids all of the time. If they were to ask me questions, I would be discreet, but I would answer honestly.

Last, kids are accepting in a lot of places, not just on the coasts.

[Debs]

wow Judy, can she not see how beutiful you are when dressed ?, is there not even a chink of light for you ?

[Stephanie47]

I love dressing up but, the wife says she'll leave me if I do, What do you think?

Dress up! Help her pack her suitcase.

[Kris Burton]

Judy - unless I missed something, I don't think you mentioned engaging this child in any way. Having said that, Monica's advice is solid for anyone considering such a thing. A sorry state of affairs to be sure, but necessary advice.

I do like his parents response, but I am sorry that you find yourself in a less than accepting situation. It's got to be tough to live that way, and I know many of us do. You are not, and we are not sickos. If nothing else, perhaps the child in question will be spared the guilt and shame that confronted many of us as kids, and many of us still carry through our lives.

[Territx]

It may be more acceptable among the younger people today, but I still believe that it varies from person to person and based upon the situation.

[Debbie Denier]

I think there is a lot more acceptance for todays generation than there was for ours. Kudos to this young boys parents . Your wife has the same opinion as mine. Its not likely to change unfortunately. The old fashioned ideas and prejudices are deep seated. Neither of us is a sicko.We just have a need to express our feminine side.

[Karren H]

Sounds like your wife and mine are related. Our son is gay, his gay partner just came out trans and my wife and daughter love Billy Porter yet I am not allowed to crossdress and when ever It pops up on the TV, click. Definitely , a case of NIMBY.

[Sandi Beech]

Judy,

You know my wife feels the same as yours. Mine went so far as to suggest that maybe someone could prescribe some kind of medication so I would quit. I just had to finally let it go that she would never accept any of it. I just do not dress around her any more. As a result both of us are happier. Out of sight and out of mind for her and I have dropped any resentment over it. Some people just can not accept it, and I have accepted that as fact.

But, I feel your pain as judging by the number of dresses you have, it has to be a strong force in your life.

Sandi

[giuseppina]

... I deal with high school kids all of the time. ...

Then you should know about parents and students making false allegations of sexual impropriety, assault, or other misconduct for any reason. This is one of the things paranoid people do: make trouble when none exists. It's bullying, plain and simple.

Both of my parents were licensed high school teachers. This kind of thing doesn't happen often, but it does happen. And when it does, it often ends the teacher's career, if for no other reason than the added stress the false allegation causes.

[TheHiddenMe]

No, it doesn't happen often. AND the false accusations are much more likely to be outnumbered by real impropriety. Do a Google search. There's a handful of articles, one from 2000, and a fair number associated with law firms.

By far, the vast majority of teachers act properly and the vast number of students don't make false accusations. To be afraid to deal with a student in an honest manner because of a handful of bad apples is paranoia indeed.

[Crissy 107]

Our son is gay, his gay partner just came out trans and my wife and daughter love Billy Porter yet I am not allowed to crossdress and when ever It pops up on the TV, click. Definitely , a case of NIMBY.

This is something that I feel is very prevalent here, my wife is very very accepting of the LGBTQ spectrum except when it comes to my CDing, then NIMBY.

[alwayshave]

Judy, I'm so glad that your friends have a modern tolerant view of the situation. It is "so cool".

[giuseppina]

...To be afraid to deal with a student in an honest manner because of a handful of bad apples ...

There is evidence of wariness, cynicism, anxiety, and fact in this statement. However, there is no evidence of paranoia because fact disqualifies the diagnosis of paranoia. A lot of people who are not licensed and regulated physicians are not aware of or are unable to make this distinction. It is not explicitly reflected in the definitions of paranoia, or, for that matter, delusion, that I have seen on the web.

This is a long way from the first time the paranoia issue has been thrown at me. While I have issues, I have opinions from five licensed physicians including three psychiatrists that paranoia and other forms of delusion are not among them.

A licensed physician is unlikely to make this error, IMHO.

[marieclaire]

I'm really looking forward to having a daughter, so I can dress her the way I wanted to dress myself.
But if I had a son who liked girls' clothes, I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't deprive him of what I've been deprived of for so long.

(What a wonderful father)

[missmars]

Will they accept their child if the child change his/her gender identity?

[Heisthebride]

People can be set in their ways. Republicans vs democrats, bible thumpers vs non secular, some people like bowling where others might like golf. I love that this child’s parents are able to let their child express themself, there are plenty that may not let that happen. I can also understand how your wife may have come to personal beliefs. Personally, I believe the best course of action for you is to show your support for your friend and his kid. You can even do this in front of your wife. Don’t do anything crazy and say “oh, I’m. A crossdresser myself” but something like “I think you’re doing a great job as a parent, unconditional love and letting him be himself, that’s amazing.” Don’t do it to put down down your wife, talk about it if she brings it up. You are entitled to your opinion just as your wife is to hers.

I am friends with a couple who is a staunch republican on the husbands side and extremely liberal on the wife’s side, and they love each other and can discuss their own opinions with each other. Maybe your wife won’t want to discuss it, maybe she will. Listen to her, and express your arguments, don’t hide them. Both of your opinions may be valid. We need to at least be able to discuss things like this together. This is how the younger generation is able to express themselves and be more accepting. We need to learn from one another and not just shut away our own feelings.

[Jane G]

I think life may have been very different. if we were born 40 years later than we were, but we were not. So make the most of what we have and remember our partners have that 40 year old conditioning too.:battingeyelashes: A girl at our daughter's school was not always so and I always did what little I could to demonstrate my support. That was however a different generation from where my wife and I enjoy life as a couple.

[Annajose]

I agree, this is a great time to be in, however they also have a bunch of challenges that I did not have.
So, I will keep doing my part, showing respect and support, trying to get the same, and trying to keep jealousy at bay!