We're All So Different With So Much in Common

[Kandi Robbins]

I recently wrote the following essay and have received tremendous feedback as so many of us have had these common experiences.

https://www.kandis-land.com/my-triggers/

To those that are just lurking out there and trying to figure things out, we've been there and you are never alone in this.

Find support wherever you are comfortable.

[Davina2833]

Kandi,

You had an excellent post, so true to many of us, and going forward you never know where its going to take you. We are so blessed with your excellent comments both here on on Kandis-land.
Thank you for all you do for everyone because everyone is on a different place with this side of us.

Davina

[Sandi Beech]

Interesting read Kandi,

I can certainly relate to the idle mind and stress components as they relate to crossdressing.

I like your reference to the Neal Young song. His lyrics are amazing. The words in his song - Only love can break your heart, also bring a lot of meaning to me.

Sandi

[Pumped]

Kandi, I can relate the the job stress! I have always pushed myself to get a higher paying job that I never really enjoyed. I never had to throw up in the AM to get going, but there always was a huge amount of anxiety when it came to my job. My last job I was let go and it was funny because my boss came into my office and told me it was time we parted ways and I thanked him! I had a letter written up to give notice to quit, I just was trying to decide if and when.

On the other hand I always enjoyed getting dressed. I don't remember ever feeling guilty, or ashamed, just the fear of getting found out and the repercussions.

[Gillian Gigs]

Kandi, your thoughts are so true. You could have been talking about me. I believe that we each have to find our happy middle ground. I found my CD'ing happy ground, and acceptance from my wife. Life is so much easier now.

[permissivefawn]

I'm happy for YOU Gillian. My experiences are still discreet and closet. One of these days I will work up the courage to wander out inthe world.

[kimdl93]

I would simply add a ditto, but we have a minimum character count. I have not found a supportive partner, and frankly, I am at a point in life where I really do not want to start over again. But I am at a point where I can live my life as I wish, including my gender presentation. Its good to finally get past the obstacles and just be myself.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Kandi, l can identify with the stress and Neil Young song. Also the guilt and shame . I still struggle with having a non accepting wife ..

[GretchenM]

That is a nice essay, Kandi. I can certainly relate to much of what you describe before accepting myself rather than battling myself and what I believed was definitely a crazy spot in my head. By moving from the negative to the positive view it opened the door to understanding so much more about this behavior we share. I am still not fully open about it, but that is a choice based on good reasons and not just fear and self-loathing as would have been the case more than 10 years ago. None of us deserve to go through what many of us have gone through. What you describe is really rather terrifying in some ways. We were not born to be that down on everything. Being positive also allowed me to dig deep into the causes and factors in our lives that are involved in creating this style of living. It is not abnormal except in the eyes of those who do not understand why some people are this way. Positivity is a part of the battling of dysphoria. And self acceptance allows one to move in a positive direction.

[Teri Ray]

You essay on triggers rings true. We are all different in this passion but inmany ways we all have a lot in common. Thanks for sharing this.

[Fiona_44]

Kandi,

It is always wonderful to read about a person's journey that ends with them finding happiness in being their true self. You are indeed an inspiration to others experiencing their own cross dressing issues.

Fiona

[Kris Burton]

A wonderful essay Kandi. It would seem your CD acceptance of yourself has led to much peace of mind at the end of the day. And although my situation is very different, I feel much the same, so the title is quite appropriate. And "Old Man" resonates a lot more for me now then when I was 24 and there was so much more. I might add that an accepting partner can aid in self acceptance as well.

[Joanne108]

Yes so true not all of us are on the same road, but we all wear womens clothes.

[Karren H]

I can say that opportunity and idle mind time were triggers for me. But not stress. Stress really doesn’t affect me except to make me work harder at what ever was causing the stress.

Funny thing about pretending to be sick. When I was younger, Mom would always feel my forehead when I said I was feeling sick so I would always turn on the stove and put my forehead close to the burner while mom was in the bathroom. She never caught on. Always worked like a charm and then I got out of going to school and had 8 hours of free time to dress while mom was at work. Those were the days!

[Kandi Robbins]

Thank you all for the comments and for visiting the blog! I have found the more I share, the more I get back in return.

It is just amazing to me how things I thought only I went through have been things and feeling experienced by many of my sisters.

Stay strong ladies!

[Erin Lafleur]

Thank you for posting such a genuine and thoughtful essay Kandi. As you say, we all have a different journey and life experience but at the end of the day, I feel a great sense of affirmation in knowing that we are all bound by a common bond of expressing our femininity. However that looks...
Like many here, I wish that it hadn't taken so long for the feeling of self expression and acceptance but sometimes life gets in the way and it simply becomes the easiest path to a simplified life.
For myself, now that I am an empty nester, I now have the freedom to unreservedly enjoy my feminine expression and boy am I making up for lost time! From the moment I arrive home in the evening, to my morning coffee on the patio (and naturally all weekend when I'm not golfing etc), I'm dressed how I want to dress and it feels incredibly liberating and genuine. Knowing that I'm not alone and that I feel supported and understood by thoughtful, intelligent, brave and genuine peers makes the world of difference to me in what could otherwise be a somewhat lonely pursuit.
My sincere thanks to my sorority of like minded ladies and the wise and even handed guidance of the creators and moderators of this site which truly makes it a safe haven for all of us. I don't mind saying that it's made a significant difference in this gal's life...

[Jane P]

Yes Old Man , I?m a lot like you as well. Still haven?t learned to completely accept it though. Thanks for the story.