I really hate being a boy...

[Larissa Cassandra]

BUT, it's so much easier! Easier to "fit in" with "the guys" and pretend I'm just like them. Easier to take a quick shave, slip into my tightie whities, jeans or shorts and t-shirt, and get on with my day. Go anywhere, do anything, not worrying about standing out from the crowd. But I REALLY feel more comfortable presenting my feminine Larissa self as much as I can. Even just panties, skirt, flowery top, hair (my own, luckily, at age 69) hanging down in cascading curls, and a little eyeliner, lipstick, and perfume would be all I need. Then of course dress to the nines with full makeup, dress, hose, heels, jewelry, etc. for an evening out (which I have yet to do) every once in a while. These feelings are just getting stronger all the time, and I'm beginning to think that I am trans. I know I won't want to ever do hormones or surgery, just present feminine all the time. I'm fairly sure I would do this if I lived alone, except when hanging out with family and friends (no one knows except my wife).

My wife is accepting and mostly supporting, but I think she's still struggling with understanding all of this (even though it's all around us in our society now, especially in the younger generations). She seems fine with me partially dressing a lot, and underdressing almost all the time, but I still feel like I can't do more than that without freaking her out. Which is ok for now at least, but it's frustrating.

So now my wife is out for the day (we're both retired, so usually together 24/7), so as soon as she left I put on some pink lacy panties and a silky pink nighty, pink lipstick, and perfume, and sat down to write this. I guess I don't need any advice (but I'll take it!), but I wonder if anyone else has the same kind of situation. Just venting my frustrations...

~Larissa

[Crissy 107]

I get what you are saying but you have things pretty good as it is. The big key is the accepting and supportive wife, so many here are not near that level, including myself.
Yes you could be Trans, many of us here are and feel like you about not going any further with things.
I like your post and it is always nice to hear how our members are doing. Continued good luck and enjoy your retirement, it looks like you are.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Larissa :hugs:, It sounds like you have it pretty good, Enjoying the best of both worlds, >Orchid**o:daydreaming:o**

[Fiona_44]

Larissa,

Like you I find myself more & more comfortable with presenting as Fiona as time goes on. And like you I have no desire to take hormones or fully transition. We are crossdressers but in today's society the label of "crossdressing" has been incorporated into what is identified as the "trans spectrum". At the bottom of the spectrum are males who just occasionally wear panties and at the top are males who have had surgery and completely transitioned over to being a woman. In between those extremes lies everyone else. So by being a male who dresses as a woman (including wig, breast forms, lipstick, jewelery ...etc) and tries to get out in public 3 to 4 times a week, I guess I am trans and somewhat further along the spectrum than the male who just puts on panties occasionally.

[Geena75]

Love your post -- it can produce quite a pink fog. It made me realize something that dressing up has done to me -- I enjoy being dressed up nice, in either gender! I used to dread getting suited up nice, and couldn't wait to lose the tie, vest, etc. Thinking about it, I like dressing up pretty as Geena -- nothing really casual in the wardrobe. It has influenced me in that now I really spruce up for an occasion. For my one daughter's wedding I ordered a silky silvery grey vest to go with my charcoal suit, complete with matching tie, and a grey top hat (quite the look) and I have used combinations for Xmas eve or Easter Sunday. Still, nothing feels so special as Geena dressed to the 9's.

[DanielleDubois]

Your post is a reminder of what a huge transgender/ crossdressing spectrum the members on this forum are. I would be on the “ I Really Love Being a Boy” end of the spectrum and have no desire to give up my male side which exists 99.9% of the time. But I do love my Danielle time and enjoy trying to look and feel as feminine as possible during my Danielle days and would not give that up either.:)

[Larissa Cassandra]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughtful replies. I guess I just needed to be reminded once again how great this forum is!

Crissy and Blue Orchid - I know I have a pretty good deal, so I'll stop whining!

Fiona - I know the spectrum is a real thing, and we all understand that, but most of society doesn't. That's a big part of my frustration, and why I don't feel comfortable presenting as Larissa in public. Most people still think all crossdressers are gay and want to transition. Contributing to this confusion is a book I noticed in a bookstore this morning. It had a picture of a bearded guy in a dress, and the title had the word "Queer" in it (not Genderqueer, which is different). Bingo! Man in dress, must be gay. Of course there are many in the spectrum who fit this description (Billy Porter, Dan Levy, Harry Styles), but there are probably more of us who don't.

Geena - I've only owned one suit in my life (and none now!), and always hated wearing them (or just sports jacket) and ties, except tuxes for proms and weddings. And most of the time Larissa is casual. But I agree, Larissa dressed to the 9s is an awesome experience - but a lot of work!

Danielle - I'm curious to know if the 99.9% male has always been your situation. Do you think it will change over time?

[kimdl93]

I know the feelings, both ways. There are so many situations when it is just easier for me to present as male. My ex was tolerant of underdressing but deeply uncomfortable with seeing me present as a woman. (Eventually she grew underbalanse uncomfortable even with the thought). Even with her long gone, there are still expectations from others that govern my day to day life.

So I make do by getting out when I can, by coming out to those who, in my judgement, can deal with it. Its tolerable and maybe that?s good enough.

[Paulie Birmingham]

im in the 99.9% man crowd too. even when dressed , im a man. will it change? doubt it. but who knows what life will throw at us. it hasnt in over 50 years.




Danielle - I'm curious to know if the 99.9% male has always been your situation. Do you think it will change over time?

[Kris Burton]

Danielle, Paulie and others - a 99.9% guy as well. The amount of time I dress does not change the percentage for me, I have a full blown femme alter ego but it does not change who I am. However, I do enjoy and indeed revel at falling on the trans spectrum somewhere. It's a very comfortable place for me.

[Stephanie47]

I'll go along with the frustrating part of your post. It's been since the mid 1980's that my wife and I had "The Talk." After fifty plus years of marriage and accomplishing all that society seems to demand of men, and, achieve, she would realize this small part of me is just that; a small part of me. With both of us retired we are joined at the hip. With the exception of sleeping apart and she being a late riser in the morning the only opportunity to dress is early in the morning. Here I sit in a nightie (white peignoir with white bra and panty), and, that is it. Oh, there is under dressing with panties, but, otherwise, that's it.

[Cheryl T]

This balancing act we all do.
Necessary yet unnerving deep down. Someday it will end, it's the how we are unsure of.

[GretchenM]

Larissa, I am another one that is more or less like you. It is probably the most common state of affairs, until, as you say, you get into the younger folks where things, by comparison, can get strange. However, young, old, in-between, it is all a part of the growing world of people who are willing to break with the traditional binary gender concept and "march to a different drummer." Whether you are fortunate or not is a matter of opinion, but you do have a good situation with a supportive wife. I am sure she is likely struggling with understanding it - it is really not an easy thing to understand as it is so incredibly complex. It is a "You had to be there" kind of thing to really understand it. But the fact is, the entire realm of gender, whether traditional or out beyond the moon, is incredibly difficult to understand; even the experts are still at a loss to fully explain it. And in some ways, the evolution of gender behaviors is sometimes moving faster and creating new "species" faster than the experts can even figure out the basics. As a biologist, I believe there is something important going on in the evolution of the collective behavior of humans that is very important to our continued survival. Gender evolution is but one of many areas where adaptations are occurring.

And you are correct that a vast majority of the public has no idea as to why we behave this way. And therein lies the hitch. Some are pushing back hard and trying to take a view that the traditional view of gender is correct (in spite of mountains of evidence to the contrary) and are making attempts to force people to comply with tradition. It has been said that "Tradition is something that we do but forgot why." It is part of our job to take these people by the hand and GENTLY guide them to a viewpoint where they can see that the gender variant are just regular people with a different configuration is some ways and we are not a new invention in this world but have been around for thousands and maybe tens of thousands of years. Humans are the first creatures on Earth to have a well defined complex behavior that is related to separate and diverse roles in our vast and complex social structure. Chimps show hints of gender behaviors that fit certain social roles and those behaviors are separate from their sexual behaviors - in humans that trait exploded.

Take heart in knowing you, me, and everyone else who sincerely experiences this variation on a gender theme may be pioneers in the development and evolution of gender behaviors as it slowly configures itself to the most useful and acceptable form of interaction within the complex social structure humans have. Or not. Only time will tell. Like you, on the whole I much prefer Gretchen to my male self but the fact is I really need both and perhaps that is where gender evolution is headed. Or not.

[AllieBellema]

I hear you on this. I've had days where I just have hated my body and wish I was more feminine. Yeah, it's so much easier to fit in as a guy than a girl... but just the draw to wanting to be more female is there. I've even had some friends come to me knowing how I am and ask if I would consider myself trans because of how much of an interest there is to be female. I just can't see myself going that far despite how much happier it makes me feel when I'm in one of my dresses. So I can understand your frustrations through all of this.

[DanielleDubois]

Danielle - I'm curious to know if the 99.9% male has always been your situation. Do you think it will change over time?

I'll be 69 in a month so if things were going to change I think it would have happened by now. What is different is that once I retired and the kids moved out Danielle time opportunities have become more frequent. Years ago a Danielle day could be once our twice a year , now it is every couple of weeks and sometimes there are chances for multiple Danielle days in a short time period. So to be truthful maybe things have changed to 99.7% male:)

[SaraLin]

Larissa,
I can't say that I "hate" being a boy. I used to, but I've gotten to the point in my life where it's now more like a "necessary chore." It's not something that I look forward to, or enjoy. It's just something that has to be done - like laundry, or washing the dishes. Somebody's got to do it, so I do.

I've seen a bunch of "99.9% male" comments in this thread, so I'll add this: I guess that I'm pretty much always in the 60/40 range. Which side is which depends on how the wind is blowing - so to speak. When I need to do "man" stuff, I can usually play the part. when I'm doing "woman" stuff, I can fit right in.