Trans, CD, or what? How do u know what u r?

[docrobbysherry]

So many here don't know what they r! And, neither did I until I was free to dress as often as I wanted and discovered CD.com.:battingeyelashes:

When I was married with family I had to sneak around to dress and had constant fantasies of becoming a woman. After we separated, I had the house to myself for weeks at a time so I could dress to any degree whenever I liked. And, I did!:heehee:

But, over the years and with help from many members here, online and in person, I discovered I only wished to look like a woman, not live like, or become one!:eek:

I believe only when you're free to dress the way and as much as u like can u decide how far u wish to go with your dressing!:thumbsup:

If u r sure, what helped u decide whether you're trans, a CD, or whatever u feel u r?:)

[kimdl93]

I suppose I have always known I was gender variant. I probably first wore female clothing items as a preschooler and dabled in stockings and panties as a teen and into adulthood. I always wanted to go further, to dress completely as a woman, but given the times when I grew up, I bore a nagging fear that if I gave in and indulged myself I might not be able to stop. That fear limited my experience for more than 50 years. Then I finally tried and turns out my early fears were legitimate. :)

I knew for certain that I was trans at that moment.

[Stephanie47]

Or. what? I've always lobbied against using one word to describe a complex issue. I do believe, if one is suppressed, the person really does not have the opportunity to explore. I constantly read posts of many who have not donned their fem clothing for a very long period of time. Usually, it is the circumstances of their personal lives and adherence to the rules of society. They seem to be crawling at the walls in total angst.

With so many variances, what the heck does "trans" mean anymore? No wonder society in general does not understand. It's relatively simple with other terms; gay, lesbian, bisexual. If one were to stick me in a checklist box of "trans," what does that really mean?

[Karren H]

Do not know, do not care!

[Jean 103]

Here's a new label me.

You could easily argue that every one of those labels apply to me. Not one of them accurately describe me.

I agree you need freedom to know who you are. And then how you wish to live your life.

When the opportunity arose years ago, as I say, I went in all directions at the same time, looking for answers.

I guess the biggest thing for me is living in the real world. all my friends and just people in general. It's their acceptance , support and guidance.


I enjoy being me, living as Jean.

Love Jean

[VS Fan]

Wish I was/were a woman, but do not feel like I am one, so not really trans… and wouldn’t transition at this point anyway… I don’t have a feminine feature on my body and I don’t think the result would match my fantasy lol. Just major woman envy I guess. So I’m “just a cross dresser”.

[Kimberly A.]

I'm a CD, not transgender. I very much like being a man who dresses like a woman..... For one thing, I really don't wanna go through all the HRT, surgeries, voice lessons or perhaps even surgery on my vocal cords to sound more like a woman. Also, and I've said this on more than one occasion, I like being able to quickly and easily remove my feminine things when I'm done being Kimberly. When an M to F trans, (no offense, of course) has SRS or breast implants, that, of course isn't easily removable. LOL..... Although it DOES suck when I can't be Kimberly, though. :(

[GaleWarning]

I agree that cd.com has helped me figure out how I feel about my love of crossdressing. Great site! Good moderators!

I am a straight male who loves wearing certain types of clothing normally worn by females.

I think that everyone should be free to dress as they please, and be free from prejudice surrounding their lifestyle choices.

[Taylor Dame]

I'm a straight man who loves to dress fully as a woman, including wig, makeup, and jewelry. I don't really care what I am called, but all I know is it just feels right.

[Amelie]

Ignorance is bliss-It is better to remain unaware or ignorant of things that may otherwise cause one stress; if you don't know about something, you don't need to worry about it.

The above wording is me. I say that I am a girl but that is not accepted with people not even accepted on this forum. Society labels me as trans yet when I first started my journey transgender was not a word used by people like me. How can I be trans if the word came after who I already was. Society thought it right to make that label and put that label on me.

I am a girl, better yet, I am the girl that walks in the woods. I can live this way cause of the above statement. I don't know all the scientific/medical terms used for people. I don't go into deep thoughts about non binary stuff. I don't care to know what others think on who I am supposed to be. It is best to remain ignorant of these things to keep me happy.

I am a girl, I don't care what others think.

[Debbie Denier]

CD is what I do and am.I have no desire to transition. Was confused when younger but it is what it is.

[Natalie5004]

I feel that I am in year 2 of fully dressing. Maybe a few more years experience I will let someone label me.

[RoxieChristine]

A Seeker, that is what I am. Best word I can think of. I've been crossdressing to some degree my entire life. There have been plenty of fantasies and desires to be a girl as long as I can remember. Even now, when I crossdress, my desire is to BE a woman, not just look like one. I'm also struggling with age and family and my job, and while I feel, at this time, that I am Trans, I do feel see ever acting on it. Part of me wishes I could and wants to, and it is a struggle but I still don't see it happening. It will most likely be one of the many regrets I will carry to my grave. In the meantime, I see myself indulging as often and as far into crossdressing as possible. So I continue to seek who I really am and opportunities to indulge myself.

[Fiona_44]

Today's LGBTQ community would place me somewhere on the trans spectrum but I consider myself as a cross dresser.

[Ceera]

I would agree that having the courage and freedom to dress however you choose, coupled with being able to go out in public, is a huge boon in determing ones gender identity.

For me, it happened in several stages:

Over a long period throughout my life, I knew I was different, and most likely bisexual. But I denied and sublimated those feelings. It came out as me being unusually good at writing female story characters and doing roleplaying games as female characters. But I did not think I would cross that line in real life. I was happily married and monogamous. If I had other desires, I could ignore them and decline to act on them.

Even after personally witnessing the transformation experience of a coworker, as they transitioned from male to female, I did not think that was in my own future.

Then I lost my spouse, and with no one to answer to, started to explore my feminine urges.

Within months of going out socially while cross dressed, I knew for sure that I loved being seen and accepted as a woman. But it took four years, and an unexpected financial opportunity, for me to realize and accept that if money wasn’t an insurmountable barrier, I did want to transition fully to female.

Four years of living fully as a woman, and only one operation away from completing medical transition, I could not be happier with my feminine life.

[Cheryl T]

I hate labels and honestly have no idea where I stand currently. Some days I'm on one end of the scale and some days I'm in the middle. I do know that I'll never be fully on the male side anymore and always at least hovering in the middle.
With all the pronouns and labels floating about it's even more confusing. When I was young I thought I was a TV. Then that became a porn thing and suddenly the term was CD. Then that wasn't really enough and now my head is just spinning.
I just want to be me.

[Sandi Beech]

People have asked me what pronouns I like to use several times this year when I was out clubbing. I just tell them I am a simple crossdresser - complex person.
One thing that really locked that feeling in my head is that I am more comfortable using the mens restroom than the womens , regardless of what I am wearing. It seems to be a right of passage for many to use the womens, but I do not feel it is right for me.

Of course I accidentally ended up in the ladies room one night when I had too much to drink. That was by accident.

I may think about dressing a lot, but in reality I probably would not find it as exciting if I dressed up every day.

Sandi

[Kitty Sue]

Absolutely a bi CD. I like to dress as a woman, but I have no desired to become a woman in reality.

[alwayshave]

I'm a crossdresser. I like dressing as a women when I can, but I also like my life as a husband to my wife.

[Kris Burton]

Although I have not been at this for very long, I am quite sure I am a crossdresser. I am very comfortable being placed somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum as a result - even like the idea - and I have no inclinations toward transition. I continue to enjoy my male self, with all that entails .I also enjoy my excursions into experiencing, through outward appearance at least, some measure of femaleness whenever I can without it becoming my primary identity. If I was attuned to this as a younger person I might have explored bisexuality, but not now. I'm much too settled and secure in my gender identification and sexuality, and anything more would fall into the category of fantasy only.

[SaraLin]

While I do believe I'm somewhere on "the spectrum," I'm not sure of what label, if any, applies the most.
If I were to use just one word to describe my gender identity, it would have to be
<drum roll please>
Conflicted.

I've always felt I should have been born a girl.
I've always known I wasn't.

Dressing is essential, and I love looking as feminine as possible (when I can).
Dressing points out how FAKE I have to be (wig, forms, tucking, etc.) to even come close.

I have definite feminine traits and interests.
I have definite masculine traits and interests.

And to top everything off - I'm something of an "approval junkie." I DO care what others think and feel about me, I'm feel crushed when I'm trying to show the "real" me, only to get "clocked" and stared or laughed at. I know I shouldn't care, but I do - way too much. Too empathetic for my own good? Maybe.

And Doc, you're probably right - having an extended time of freedom to dress/be however you feel would likely help sort things out, but how many of us get such an opportunity? Everyday life (jobs, friends, family, etc.) interferes way too much.

[Maid_Marion]

Hi SaraLin,

I certainly understand the approval aspect. I get a lot more respect presenting female.
Which means I'm more outgoing and assertive. Which results in a positive feedback loop!\

I saw some recent pics and was shocked how well they turned out.
A tight fitting athletic golf polo hugs my curves. I have a really good waist to hip ratio!

Marion

[Natalie56]

I have no idea what I do it for, It makes me feel really nice. What does suprise me is the total lack of eroticism about my whole CD thing, I get dressed, I feel lovely, great feelings Brushing my hair, Putting on makeup ect. But being turned on just does not happen. I just like being Nats I guess. I dont want any social recognition at all, No special treatment. I would love to go for a walk wearing a dress, But only if I met no one or was seen. Maybe I dont fit into any category.

[Lacey New]

I know that I am not transgender. I have no desire to live or behave as a woman. I enjoy being a male and would rather be fussing around with a piece of machinery than shopping in a mall. But every now and then, I like to dress up and I enjoy underdressing. So, if I am not transgender, but I like to wear womens clothes periodically, what does that make me? A cross dresser I guess.

[Erin77]

Many many good points SaraLin. I am in the same kind of region as you. Wished I had been born female for as long as I can remember but have forced y maleness to come to the front due to life,society,family. I have been seeing a counsellor and the questions she asks are great and help me work out where I am at. Still working that out though 😁. I think my crossdressing has been my way for me to feel like my inner self and let her out to the surface. Will I ever pass 100%? I don't believe so, my girl friends who know do encourage me though and because of that I am expressing myself more as Erin. Thanks to the ladies here it also has helped to see where I can go and what I can do.

[Gillian Gigs]

I agree that cd.com has helped me figure out how I feel about my love of crossdressing. Great site! Good moderators!

I am a straight male who loves wearing certain types of clothing normally worn by females.

I think that everyone should be free to dress as they please, and be free from prejudice surrounding their lifestyle choices.

I could not have said it any better!

[GretchenM]

Doc, you bring up a really good issue and many others present their own versions of what I see as the reality. Classifications are only as good as the definitions and in the gender variant world the definitions are generally quite poor. The technical definition of transgender is the only one that is half way useful - a person who self identifies, all the time or part of the time, as having an identity that is more consistent with the identity of a person of the opposite sex from what that person is. Or something similar to that. It is a blanket definition.

But people who are like that are just like everyone else - unique in their personal sense of self. The key words in the transgender definition are "self identifies." In other words there is no absolute state of being that is transgender. In the most modern gender theory, the gender mosaic, we are all composed of a blend of traits and characteristics that are usually associated with our natal sex mixed with traits and characteristics of the opposite sex plus a pile of traits and characteristics that are unrelated to sex or gender differences which everybody has and does. However, gender is related to sexual identity weakly. There are links where they overlap, but sexual identity is far more a part of our concepts of reproductive aspects while gender identity has to do with social interactions and roles for the most part. It is muddled because that is the nature of the beast. We are all different and when one looks closely at individuals, developing a concise classification is far too complex to grasp. On the other hand, we need to classify so we can identify in a conversation what we are referring to more precisely. But that identification is only for convenience and not representative of the total identity. It is only the tiny part we are currently talking about.

The problem comes when we take those general classifications that are statistical and try to apply them concisely to individuals. It all becomes confusing because our brain works with the totality and not the bits and pieces we communicate with. The solution is to simply accept a class of people that has extremely high variability in terms of identity. And that is what most that have responded to your post are saying in different ways.

With well over a hundred different gender traits and characteristics it is easy to see how it can become confusing. The only way out of it and create concise categories is to equate sex and gender which produces a binary gender concept that is completely unrepresentative of the reality of how gender is configured in different people and how it operates in our brains. We know the difference because we experience that variability intimately; most cisgender people do not experience that and so to them it may seem like a fantasy. The ultimate solution is to respect every individual's identity for what it is - an amalgamation of a large array of traits and characteristics that applies, in unique combinations, to everybody. That is, we are all different. Period.

[kimdl93]

Gretchen, as usual, makes many great points about gender identity and classification. I look at labels as simple shorthand for the composite of traits that make up each individuals identity and personality. If asked, a label provides a quick generalization of who we are. Hopefully, we all understand that there is a lot more to each of us than can be encompassed by a single term.

[Mackem Sue]

As regards a label, I don't really attach one to myself. Crossdresser I guess is the best label as I've no desire to change sex. Trans? I'm not sure and to be honest, while to would be nice to fully understand myself, I'm not going to worry too much about it.

Sue

[Heather76]

I am a cross dresser. I am not trans in any way. I have no desire to be a woman or live as a woman. I am simply a man that enjoys wearing women's clothing. That said, I wish society was such that I could wear women's clothing full time. However, I know very few of my friends would be accepting. My wife's family (I would be most concerned about her and her family) would never accept it. My family would be a mixed bag, I believe. Anyway, I'm enough of a realist to know I can never dress full time. Thus, I will continue dressing at home whenever I wish and I will dress in public on any occasions that present themselves. My two outings as Heather this past week and a half opened new doors for her.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for that detailed account, Gretchen. :thumbsup:

But, it doesn't reply to my post question. Which is geared toward those that feel they know who they r. Not those that r confused or unsure!:eek:

[mbmeen12]

Tuff question as to me, "looking into a mirror looking inward". I am first a biological man. I enjoy to this day all the manly perks. Exploration was key factor in shaping when I was young dressing and becoming a bisexual crossdresser who at times, wants the attributes of a woman and all it's perks. Home run Doc....

[Jane G]

I stopped worrying about this some time ago. After years of society and upbringing trying to pop me in a box or onto a spectrum between two fixed gemders , I accepted that I am simply me. Still lots of restrictions on how I can express that. But crucially my head is free of all the hype.

[MarinaTwelve200]

According to my own years of study You are Trans if you identify with or actually want to be a woman, you are Homosexual or Bi if you are sexually attracted to other men but are only a "Crossdresser"(noun) if you like women's clothing and are otherwise straight. the former might all cross-dress (verb) but they already have a "label" while a "Crossdresser" has no atypical gender/sexuality issues. Personally, as a Scientist, I feel that "labels" and names for things, ARE important as we THINK with words. f we don't have a name or term for something we cannot THINK about it and come to any meaningful conclusions. But further complicating things is that there are different KINDS of Crossdressers, eg. Escapists, fetishists, S/M Humiliation, etc. within the context of being otherwise "straight".

Personally, I am an "escapist" Cross Dresser I CD to become "not me" to take a vacation from both "maleness" and myself.---To drop my worries and responsibilities to unwind and relax.

[Jade P]

I am gender fluid, which is under the transgender umbrella. To me the clothing and shaving help with my gender dysphoria. I like feeling feminine sometimes and masculine sometimes. If everyone would accept me it would be feminine most times.

[Mermaiden]

Good question, Doc, and lots of good responses. To focus on the question of ?how did I learn whether I?m trans or CD? I have to remark that it has been a process. Like so many I started off with a little highly charged secret CD, then evolved one step at a time to a steady state of enjoying CD. Along the way I have found myself wondering where it was going and what was I really. By being allowed to ask myself if was trans or CD, I?ve been able to feel confident knowing I?m CD and trans. And this forum has given me license to entertain these thoughts.
Apologies to all the subtlety I have glossed over, and in particular always appreciate Gretchen?s analysis.

[Julia B]

I am a happy human, Doc. No need to label me more than that!
Let?s do less labels not more.

[Aunt Kelly]

For most of my life, I identified as CD. A few years ago, a combination of symptoms led me to therapy, and withing a few months, I realized and accepted that I have gender dysphoria.I don't believe that I could have gotten there without that help.

[mykell]

i came here as a crossdresser....kind of went in a circle....but now feel comfortable with two spirits....both....ive lived a male life and tried to deny who i was in reality

after coming here and accepting that their were too many of us for this to be a one definition destination....so many here define themselves X,Y,Z and later swing to Q after they acquaint themselves with knowledge by conversing and reading information available in all forms of media....even the experts are constantly updating information as time goes by.

this just felt like they were talking directly to me....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JcmAoderl4

the 1994 movie STARGATE which also was made into a TV series had a main charactor called RAH which was a very feminine looking male king....and pursian....

[Joanne108]

I am happy! But the most accurate term I have heard for me is; gender nonconforming. I am sure that am not conforming to any gender norm when I leave my house dressed as a woman and my gender identity is male. I think I got that right. If not someone will let me know.

[1Ladyjade]

I see a lot of people saying if we have a desire to wear women's clothes we are on the spectrum.
Well it must be the thinnest slice of the spectrum as I am a straight man married with grandchildren. I have no desire for a man or for a man to desire me. Now where that gets difficult for everyone is why do we put so much effort to look female.
I am not trans I am just a cross dresser.

[AllieBellema]

I'm definitly a cross dresser. Granted that I've had many close to me feel that I could easily go into the trans spectrum, especially with how happy it makes me whenever I do dress up. I just enjoy the idea of dressing up and passing as a female and don't feel the need to go all the way. Although, I do have some days that I wish I was born in a more female like body.

[docrobbysherry]

I am a happy human, Doc. No need to label me more than that!
Let?s do less labels not more.

Julia, u and many others seem to have concluded my post is about labels. However, nothing could be further from what I intended. I could care less what u or others call u.

I was reaching out to those here who KNOW who/what they r and how they figured that out!:battingeyelashes:

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

One of the many thiings that led me to my 'journey' on the way to deciding to transition was joining the online community and reading stories of underdressing or being happy as a man who just wears the clothes. I realized that that wasn't me, it was something else. For some stupid reason, I thought we'd all have similar stories.

Never really happy being a guy, realizing that there are people who are happy being a guy and just wearing the clothes meant I wasn't really a crossdresser, it was just a mode of dealing with what I really was.

[JuliannaS]

At this point in my live, i guess CD would best describe me. I wish i could live as a woman every day, in my heart i am one and alway have been. I guess by todays labels I'd be trans, if that happened.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Labels can be constricting and annoying, but since that's not what Doc was asking about, I'll try to answer the original question.
I'm a guy. I've always been a guy. Just an ordinary average guy. With cuter clothes than most guys.
I've never been attracted to guys and really don't understand how anyone, even gals, can be. Ick.
I've never wished I was a woman, I've never been confused that I might be a woman. Because I'm just not. This is like confusion over whether or not I'm Caucasian. I didn't pick it, I just am.
I've known all this since I was old enough to know I was a boy and not a girl, even before I knew about the different parts.

So I'm not trans, I'm just a CD. At least until mainstream society allows guys the same freedom to wear anything we want that women already enjoy.

[IamWren]

I don’t think there is any one answer as to how a trans person or crossdresser knows whether they are or not trans or cis. And I’ll add that it isn’t necessarily fixed for everyone as well. A continued questioning and exploration can last well after someone first concluded they were trans or cis. I certainly agree with others that given the opportunity to explore gender expression (crossdress) without shame is an important component to figuring out one’s gender identity.

Because of that, soon after finding this site I began to understand I wasn’t quite like other crossdressers here. My reason for crossdressing wasn’t for the purpose of sexual stimulation, relaxation, escapism or the tactile feeling of the fabric. For me, it was more of a tool or mechanism that allowed me express a more feminine nature without the incongruence of a male/man’s figure. After a couple of years of questioning, research, experimenting and work with a couple of therapists, I admitted I am indeed transgender… a transfemme enby to be exact.


According to my own years of study You are Trans if you identify with or actually want to be a woman…
I feel compelled to hone Marina’s definition of transgender because what she’s saying dismisses the existence of enbies.

So more accurately, a trans person is someone who does not identify with the gender assigned to them at birth which was given by virtue of the genitals the doctor observed.

There is a difference between anatomy and gender and we as humans have for millennia intertwined the two. It is important to make the distinction. I was born with male anatomy and as such was socialized as a boy who continued with that socialization as a man. However, although I am transgender (MtF), I DO NOT identify as a woman. I am a non-binary, an enby, a third-gender.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I don?t think there is any one answer as to how a trans person or crossdresser knows whether they are or not trans or cis. And I?ll add that it isn?t necessarily fixed for everyone as well. A continued questioning and exploration can last well after someone first concluded they were trans or cis. I certainly agree with others that given the opportunity to explore gender expression (crossdress) without shame is an important component to figuring out one?s gender identity.

Because of that, soon after finding this site I began to understand I wasn?t quite like other crossdressers here. My reason for crossdressing wasn?t for the purpose of sexual stimulation, relaxation, escapism or the tactile feeling of the fabric. For me, it was more of a tool or mechanism that allowed me express a more feminine nature without the incongruence of a male/man?s figure. After a couple of years of questioning, research, experimenting and work with a couple of therapists, I admitted I am indeed transgender? a transfemme enby to be exact.


I feel compelled to hone Marina?s definition of transgender because what she?s saying dismisses the existence of enbies.

So more accurately, a trans person is someone who does not identify with the gender assigned to them at birth which was given by virtue of the genitals the doctor observed.

There is a difference between anatomy and gender and we as humans have for millennia intertwined the two. It is important to make the distinction. I was born with male anatomy and as such was socialized as a boy who continued with that socialization as a man. However, although I am transgender (MtF), I DO NOT identify as a woman. I am a non-binary, an enby, a third-gender.

ENBY? that's a new term for me. how do you define it? Yes, I might have simplified things as to trans types they are almost as complex as CD types, but I only summarized the basic Trans Definition. As A CD I have concentrated most on Crossdressers and those variants within THAT category.

As far as Trans folk go, I find Autogynophyles especially interesting (straight MALES who admire women so much that want to BE women themselves) if the subject matter was not complex enough. ;)

[IamWren]

Enby (pronounced: ehn-bee) the soundnof the letters N-B for nonbinary.
I define enby as a person who does not identify as a man or a woman. Some also include people who identify as both a man and a woman. I find doing that unnecessary however.

And that’s not what autogynephilia is. That is a debunked hypothesis where a straight MAN becomes sexually aroused at the site of himself as a woman.

Transwomen are not straight men who want to be women because they admire them so much or because they are sexually aroused at the idea of being a woman.

I think you might need to do more research.

[sometimes_miss]

CD with TG feelings, despite not actually being TG. I don't feel any of the traditionally female thought processes, see the world the way women do, communicate the way they do, don't have any nesting behaviors, no interest in babies or children, or any focus on relationships. Descriptions of these things can be found in books by Allan and Barbara Pease, and more information can be found by looking up the works listed in their references in the backs of their books. You can start with "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It" to start learning the differences in how our minds generally work.
One easy example, is how we deal with our friendships. If a woman's friend doesn't return phone calls or emails for even a week or so, she will feel that something is wrong.
A man, OTOH, can go for years being out of touch with a friend, and when they get back together, pick up right where they left off. We see this in guys who served in the military, are apart for decades, meet again, and are still friends. Men whose friend doesn't stay in touch, just assume that he's busy with work or something else; he usually doesn't assume that he's done something wrong to make his friend mad. Another? Women also use 'the silent treatment' to punish men. But men love silence, and think that means everything is okay.
So much more to learn.

[Jenn A116]

I'm a guy. I've always been a guy. Just an ordinary average guy. With cuter clothes than most guys.
I've never been attracted to guys and really don't understand how anyone, even gals, can be. Ick.
I've never wished I was a woman, I've never been confused that I might be a woman. Because I'm just not. This is like confusion over whether or not I'm Caucasian. I didn't pick it, I just am.
I've known all this since I was old enough to know I was a boy and not a girl, even before I knew about the different parts.

So I'm not trans, I'm just a CD.

This is so well said in that it almost perfectly describes me. Thanks for putting it down on "paper".

[Davina2833]

So well said nothing to add!

[Paulie Birmingham]

well said ordinary guy.

[GretchenM]

Good response, Ordinary Guy. As the definition says, the requirement is to "self identify all of the time or part of the time..." If you are male and you don't identify as female-like, at least part of the time, then you do not fit the definition of transgender. To identify in that way the person must sense a dissatisfaction with the gender associated with their natal sex, that is, they must have some significant degree of gender dysphoria. If you don't experience that then you are not transgender and therefore in need of a change in gender expression and thinking to rid yourself of the dysphoria (discomfort of being male) so your adopted sexual and gender identity are congruent. In short, incongruency is the key.

So considering yourself as a crossdresser (a male who enjoys for some other reason wearing clothes intended for females) fits very well and is completely logical. That said, most, but not all, trans people are also crossdressers. Some do not crossdress because their experience is completely internal and the clothes don't matter to them. But they still identify as female (or male if female). Not common, but they do exist in both MTF and FTM transgender people.

The main point I am making is that trans, CD, NB, etc, etc are just labels that have no discrete reality and definitions that, although understood, are really pretty bad as far as definitions are concerned. Gender is the role that you have chosen to have in the fabric of the culture in which you live. That is usually masculine for male and feminine for female, but there is no requirement to be that way. In a very few cultures everyone is actually noticeably gender reversed. Gender is an inherent, biological property of humans, but it is not cast in stainless steel and absolutely binary. That is not the nature of biology. Biology is all about variation.

[Mary Loo]

Another ditto to OrdinaryAverageGuys post that Jenn pasted #51.

[Patience]

Having finally accepted this part of me four years ago and having had the opportunity to finally act and reflect on this impulse, my ambition never seems to go beyond wearing dresses and looking afap (as feminine as possible).

So I feel pretty strongly I am just your garden variety CDer...for now. A lady has a right to change her mind. ;)

[NancyJ]

IMO, it is a continuum with the m2f transitioning on the far end and the fetishistic crossdresser on the other end. I have come to see myself as transgender, although I will never transition and now actually rarely crossdress. I wish I were born a woman and, I think if I did not marry early and have kids, and would have been born into a world with puberty blockers, etc. (and had the opportunity), I would have transitioned. But that is not the life I have had. Nancy

[Bea_]

I'm a crossdresser, but the actual description would go further to say that I am a straight guy who wears things that expand his masculinity rather than converts his nature to femininity. I love being a guy, a husband, a father, a grandfather, etc... I actually feel like a stronger man when claiming some of the softer parts of who I am.

[laura.lapinski]

After lots of time on this site, and other sites reading and reading and reading, I still am not completly sure but I'll give a go at a description to the question of "how do you know what you are."

I enjoy most manly things like sports (includes being a pretty good basketball and football player and playing in leagues both as a school boy and as an adult for many years). I enjoy doing heavy home improvement projects (building walls, patio covers, landscaping, etcetera). I don't hate my body or wish I was a woman. I adore the female physique and beauty. I am not attracted to men. If I'm out in public and people watching, I will always look at the attractive women and enjoy their beauty.

I enjoy looking at lots of beautiful things: trees, landscapes, sunsets, cute animals, art, houses, cars, clouds, lakes, mountains, boats, airplanes, architecture, and many other things I'm sure. If I see a beautiful dress in the window, I marvel at the colors, the daintiness and I think there's a deep link, a neural path that connects that to a beautiful woman, and of course, to sex. My first thoughts are probably not that I would like to know how that dress would look on me, but that thought might be 2nd or third in the chain of thoughts that flood to mind. The fact that the thought of wearing the dress does seem to start a cascade of thoughts is not something I trivially push aside. If there is a pretty dress that I have the opportunity to try on, I often indulge.

Once the mind starts down this path, it's like alternate programming is loaded and running in my brain. I don't have to dress to make it run. I just have to think it, and follow the thoughts. I have a vivid and deep imagination. It is pleasurable and nice, which makes it a habitual thought process to follow. I believe our brains are more powerful than most people realize. I spend a lot of time introspecting on these things and have come to the conclusion that our brains know how to deliver pleasure and that is why we do a lot of what we do. Is this an example of predetermined destiny as opposed to self-determined behavior? Certain things that repulse you in a normal state of mind, that you might actually do when stimulated (as in a heightened sexual state, or on alcohol or drugs--think oral sex). I view love and attraction as a type of drug, and treat them with the same respect and restraint so as not to let those things control ones life.

That said, when I am in a heightened state, I can imagine myself as being a woman. It is pleasurable to do so. I don't have to dress to get into this state. I know AGP is not a popular theory amongst many here, but it is one of the closest descriptions I have read that describes how I feel. I thought about it a lot, and if I was to go deeper, dress to the nines, venture out, and do so on a regular basis, I am scared as to what it might lead to (as in wanting to go further and further--like a drug). I have been this way since I was a teenager, and probably even before that, but not having had the information or life experiences to understand why I was the way I was. Of course, it was very confusing for a long time, which surprisingly didn't create any big problems for my life as a whole, but just left me in wonderment when I tried to figure it out. I tried to figure out if I was gay, bi, or what. Nothing seem to fit, so I just accepted that I sometimes drift into the trans-type thoughts, and went on about my life. Of course, the internet made it possible to discreetly dive deeper into the why part, and to know there are others out there experiencing the same things, but still didn't answer all the questions. It is kind of comforting to know that even the so called experts don't have all the answers. It's another one of those areas where mankind doesn't have all the answers (like What are we? Where are we in space/time continuum?), and we just have to find a way to be OK with that and get about with the day to day tasks of survival.

All that said, I do fantisize about dressing fully with breast forms, makeup and all of it to see how good I could look. I have experimented with makeup, but not having enough time to really experiment how I would like to, it leaves me a bit unsatisfied. I would want to dress and be attractive. And yes, when I do get into this state of mind, I can easily imagine being intimate with another CD or man. So, based on the evidence presented, I feel I'm on the transgender continuum somewhere, but not going to transiton or even push it much. I'm totally and completly in the closet, and want to stay there.

I read one commenter in this thread mention something about AGP being total BS. All of it? If that is so, what does that make me in your opinion based on my description? I'm always open to new opinions and insight.

I don't post much, but I posted this in case it might help others. I know there are more than a few on this site whose descriptions of how it is for them is similar to mine.

There are many intelligent and caring souls on this site, and that's what keeps me coming back. Feel free to DM me with any questions, as I might not see responses in the thread.

Thanks for reading all of this.

[docrobbysherry]

Laura, as one who identifies with AGP? I think u may be confusing it with other feelings?:straightface:

When I see Sherry in my mirror, I have no interest in going out. Because I want her all to myself!:o

And, ever since I identified myself as a straight CD, I have zero interest in dating men or other dressers.:thumbsdn:

As a straight male? I'd say if u have thots of being with males, you're either gay, bi, or r having the common fantasy of being treated as a woman by a man.:battingeyelashes:

[Gi Gondin]

I agree with doc. When we have a greater freedom to do whatever comes to our minds, its easier to rule out fantasies, wishes or desires that existed only out of repression or suppression. I already mentioned here that I keep asking myself why I?m not dressing more at home since my girlfriend is such an enthusiastic supporter. Why is she asking me to put heels or sexy feminine attire to go to bed and I’m just… no… I’m pretty comfortable wearing boxers freedom is a great modulator of desire.

It’s hard to know what you really want when you don’t have the opportunity to experience the situation.

As for me, I’m a plain heterosexual crossdresser.

[CeCe]

I am a committed male and have no interest in exploring a feminine personality. I just like to wear women's clothing, especially bras and panties.
I am bisexual. I have a new girlfriend who is replacing a boyfriend.
I am an occasional crossdresser and my new girlfriend seems to like the idea enough that after I told her a few nights ago she ordered something that she says she wants to see me wear.

[Rebecca96]

I feel like you know, for me I love to dress but have no further desire to be a woman.

[IamWren]

I quoting part of this thread to give context.
Marina said...

As far as Trans folk go, I find Autogynophyles especially interesting (straight MALES who admire women so much that want to BE women themselves) if the subject matter was not complex enough. ;)

I replied...

And that?s not what autogynephilia is. That is a debunked hypothesis where a straight MAN becomes sexually aroused at the site of himself as a woman.
Transwomen are not straight men who want to be women because they admire them so much or because they are sexually aroused at the idea of being a woman.
I think you might need to do more research.

Laura wrote

I read one commenter in this thread mention something about AGP being total BS.
I didn't say "total BS" and I said it response to Marina's insinuation that it is a hypothesis that applies to trans people.



I read one commenter in this thread mention something about AGP being total BS. All of it? If that is so, what does that make me in your opinion based on my description? I'm always open to new opinions and insight.
Based on your description?
I think you are red-blooded, heterosexual MAN who has found a healthy view and outlet from wearing women's clothing. I don't think you're transgender or even close. I think imagining yourself as a woman and dressing as a woman gets you sexually aroused. But given what you wrote above... I truly believe you're a heterosexual, cisgender man.

Transwomen are not men. Some... some, for various reasons may have some male anatomy but they are not men. AND... if a transwoman gets sexually aroused it isn't because of the flawed nature of Blanchard's hypothesis.
There are a lot of articles written on the subject in support of and against.
There is an unfortunate lack of study on trans folks in general however, the idea of AGP as it was applied to trans women has been disproven through critical thought, logic and reason countless times.

Here is a really good article (albeit, quite long) on the subject.
Making sense of augtogynephelia (https://juliaserano.medium.com/making-sense-of-autogynephilia-debates-73d9051e88d3)

[Philipa Jane]

Hmmm. This is very opportune.
As a young lad dressing in sisters and mums clothing and then later my wife's I just thought this was some sort of sexual quirk.
12 years ago with so much information at my finger tips I realised that I had a strong attraction to my female side.
Whilst imprinted from a child that I was a boy and did boy things I still felt drawn to soft fabrics and makeup.
I am lucky enough now to make changes to my appearance and make this a reality. So I have moved from CD to (almost) female.

When you make the conscious decision to fully dress as a female (IMHO) and present to the outside world you are affirming that you would prefer to be female.
Not all males are (gender dysphoric) disgusted or hate their genitalia but it is interesting that we all use breast forms and tuck away everything else to emulate the female form.
I think for most of the members here who are; but for relationships and jobs where they need to conform would if wishes could be made real would change sex.
Why else would you dress as something you are not?

Just my view and not written to upset anyone.
Philipa

[Julia1984]

One of the many thiings that led me to my 'journey' on the way to deciding to transition was joining the online community and reading stories of underdressing or being happy as a man who just wears the clothes. I realized that that wasn't me, it was something else. For some stupid reason, I thought we'd all have similar stories.

Never really happy being a guy, realizing that there are people who are happy being a guy and just wearing the clothes meant I wasn't really a crossdresser, it was just a mode of dealing with what I really was.

Rhonda. Hellooo, by the way - it's been far too long. Yes! This is it in a nutshell. I joined this particular online community the second day after my eg cracked; at that point my thinking was about as sophisticated as "Ah, So I'm a cross-dresser then, that's interesting; let's see what the Internet has to say about that...". Now, 6,5 years later I am still happier wearing all the paraphernalia than not; I am "happy" to identify as gender-fluid; i have no wish to physically transition (just too much trouble, cost and pain involved, to be honest, and I still get some (occasional) pleasure from the "boys". If there was a magic pill then would I take it? Yes. If there was no antidote, would I still take it? Yes. Why? Because "Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto." I know that the Mods dont like anything in any language other than Engurlish, so the translation of that is "I am a human and nothing human is forbidden me" or similar.

Good to see you here and that you are still active; we should catch up!

Jules

[Paula Dandy]

For me it is mostly about the lingerie - JC Pennys did me in at an early age - though I like some woman's clothing - so I would say I am a CD Lite!

[Krisi]

It's important to remember that different people might call the same thing by a different name. I remember someone once insisting that I was "transexual" because I like to wear women's clothes. Personally, I do not agree with that definition, but I am powerless to change what other people think.

There are times when I wish I was a woman, but I realize that this is just a fantasy, that becoming a woman is not possible.

In the end, I like to dress as a woman and pretend that I am one. I call myself a "crossdresser".

[petrale]

I cross-dress because I am very fetishistic, and I like women's clothes so much, that it excites me to wear them, moreover, like a lot of you, I have legs that are quite feminine, and feet too, which wear sandals well, I love walking in heels330397

[RachelB.]

I am Rachel. Take it or leave it. I agree with Karren. Don't know don't care

[docrobbysherry]

Just to remind everyone. This thread is NOT about who u r or what u call yourself.:sad:

Also like Karren, I don't care what u r. I want to know HOW u determined that's what u r!:thumbsup:

[nickflores98]

This is a tricky one. Terms these days make it weird. I find myself into the femininity of being dressed as a girl. I know that if it were another life I may have gone full trans. For now I can be called a crossdresser but if I could I would dress in public if I knew my small town wouldn't judge me. Ultimately I'm probably non binary. I did pickup my fiance the other night in full dress and makeup with my natural longish hair. It was fun!

[Mary Loo]

I knew I was only a Crossdresser because I am happy as a male, I have always found girls/women admirable and sexy. I have never once looked at a male and gotten aroused. I have no desire to transition, but I sure like the feeling of wearing women’s clothes and trying to emulate a woman.

[petrale]

like me, you are disguised as a fantasy to get excited. many transvestites are admirable and dress with absolute femininity; some women should take a role model, because many young women no longer dress as women, as we miss it, I think we are replacing this lack

- - - Updated - - -


I knew I was only a Crossdresser because I am happy as a male, I have always found girls/women admirable and sexy. I have never once looked at a male and gotten aroused. I have no desire to transition, but I sure like the feeling of wearing women?s clothes and trying to emulate a woman. yes, you are only a transvestite like me, we love women so much, that we love to wear her clothes and look like her for hidden moments

[Genifer Teal]

It's why you do it and what you want from it. A friend of mine is transitioning and I'm learning so much from watching her progress. She genuinely has dysphoria among other unrelated issues but I see the difference between her and me. That doesn't take away from my situation which I put more like "I'd rather be" as opposed to "I have to be". Even with all that she wants to keep her manly part and I could care less about mine. I joke if it were gone I'd have one less thing to hide and clothes would fit better. Those would be my main thoughts. Transitioning really would just be a preference for me not a necessity. A long time ago I didn't think that was enough reason. Now I see it can be. Seeing how comfortable I am spending most of my time as a woman the reasoning behind it is kind of less important now. It would just feel right to me to transition. I guess that's how I know what I am.

[Jessica Secret]

I believe only when you're free to dress the way and as much as u like can u decide how far u wish to go with your dressing!:thumbsup:

So true!! One of the reasons why I feel really lucky to have a boyfriend, who has been very accepting, supportive and encouraging of me from day 1 in our relationship. As for who I am, I'm a happy CD who definitely feels like a beautiful woman when dressed!

[Davina2833]

Petrale,

Beautifully said you are so right...

Davina

[Rachel Anne]

It's why you do it and what you want from it. A friend of mine is transitioning and I'm learning so much from watching her progress. She genuinely has dysphoria among other unrelated issues but I see the difference between her and me. That doesn't take away from my situation which I put more like "I'd rather be" as opposed to "I have to be". Even with all that she wants to keep her manly part and I could care less about mine. I joke if it were gone I'd have one less thing to hide and clothes would fit better. Those would be my main thoughts. Transitioning really would just be a preference for me not a necessity. A long time ago I didn't think that was enough reason. Now I see it can be. Seeing how comfortable I am spending most of my time as a woman the reasoning behind it is kind of less important now. It would just feel right to me to transition. I guess that's how I know what I am.

I've had a couple of good turns in my life over the past months, starting around last Christmas, and that's let me go pretty much full time. It's been a revelation, but I am in a similar situation as you.

[DaniellaUK]

Just to remind everyone. This thread is NOT about who u r or what u call yourself.:sad:

Also like Karren, I don't care what u r. I want to know HOW u determined that's what u r!:thumbsup:

Sorry for bringing this back up, I know it's been done over and over. Some really interesting replies.

This is HOW for me...

Through my counsellor, she took me on a journey of self discovery, she handed me the keys, I opened the door and can never go back. I was in turmoil before counselling, now I am in a whole new world of turmoil. Before counselling I had never even considered I was anything more than a CD but knew something wasn't right. Now when I look back through my life there are so many things that happened. Starting in my teens when a group of girls I was best friends with used to tell me all the time I should have been a girl, they even started calling me Jeanetta. Throughout our marriage my wife has said a million times due to my behaviours or ways or when I forget to scream in a masculine voice; "My god you should have been a girl" or "You are such a girl.". I have stopped seeing my counsellor which has not been a good move.

[*ROXY*]

For me it's still a bit of a grey area. I love dressing and feel sad when I do not, even with feminine jeans and tees it's not the same as a skirt and boots.
I think with me, and possibly with quite a few others, being 6 foot, broad shouldered, big feet, deep voice is too much to overcome. I'd never feel that I'd pass (and I know that's a phrase that a lot of people hate). I know it's not about fooling people you are a woman but simply blending in. If I could just be me, in a dress, sometimes makeup and wig sometimes not without any repercussions I'd settle with that.

[wendylovescd]

Seems like it was mentioned before, but for me the pandemic and having a full day pretty much every day re-ignited full dressining after many years of not but has revealed to myself I squarely in the crossdresser realm and if anthing, still slightly fetish-driven vs wanting to be a woman.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Seems to be pretty simple when you have definitions. A homosexual (or bisexual) is attracted to those of the same sex. A Trans wants to be or identifies with the same sex. BOTH are known to cross dress. while a "crossdresser" proper, just cross-dresses without the aforementioned "complications". An activity that is shared , but with different SETS of motivations.----all three being "different animals" altogether.

[NewSally]

I'm in very much the same camp as you are Roxy - tall, broad, size 13 shoe and deep voice. Makes passing or even blending in virtually impossible. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy doing what I can with what I've got while also keeping it all away from wife's prying eyes.

[docrobbysherry]

Seems to be pretty simple when you have definitions. A homosexual (or bisexual) is attracted to those of the same sex. A Trans wants to be or identifies with the same sex. BOTH are known to cross dress. while a "crossdresser" proper, just cross-dresses without the aforementioned "complications". An activity that is shared , but with different SETS of motivations.----all three being "different animals" altogether.

Definitions r fine and good, Marina. But, u haven't said which u identify with or how u found that out!:straightface:

[RetroChrissyCD]

I was a CD first and maybe just maybe because of that mode of thinking led (predisposed) me to being bisexual.

If I was going to place it in a point of time it would have to be my first homosexual relationship at around 13-14.

At 53 I'm still very much a CD and still very much bisexual. I've also had some bouts with dysphoria. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I am somewhere on that rainbow spectrum. Where exactly, I'm not sure.

[April Rose]

1) am I CD Trans or what? Yes.
2) How do you know what you are? By the way I've interacted with the world since I was 4 or 5.

[Brenn]

OrdinaryAverageGuy probably captured my view the best.

That said, I am probably going to upset some people with the following--I apologize in advance...

I once looked at the labels and tried to fit myself into a category. Unfortunately, the LGBTQ... community really turned me off and in some ways makes me embarrassed to be myself as I don't really want to be associated with the political movement that has become. I do think that every person is absolutely unique, so trying to put people in a particular box only serves political ends. On the one hand, that political movement has made it a little bit easier to be open about wearing the clothes and expressing myself as I feel most comfortable, but now when people see me they immediately want to put me in that political "box," which I do not want to be put in. Can't we just be ourselves and not be judged in any way at all?

Brenn

[JackieD]

Just goes to show everyone, what you look like, how you dress, Doesn?t mean anything. We should stop Pigeon hole everyone into a class of people. We are all different, we all have different wants and happiness. No two people are the same

[docrobbysherry]

Thot provoking post, Retro! Equating your gender and sexuality? If figuring out your gender was only as easy as figuring out your sexuality! :thumbsup:

Everyone's pretty much atttacted to either men, women, or both.:)

Where as genders r a million points of lite between male and female. And, even some others outside that spectrum!:eek:


I was a CD first and maybe just maybe because of that mode of thinking led (predisposed) me to being bisexual.

If I was going to place it in a point of time it would have to be my first homosexual relationship at around 13-14.

At 53 I'm still very much a CD and still very much bisexual. I've also had some bouts with dysphoria. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I am somewhere on that rainbow spectrum. Where exactly, I'm not sure.

[Misty_cder]

I am simply a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing and have no desire to transition.

[docrobbysherry]

And, you've known that since what age?:)

[DianeT]

I am what Misty_cder just described. No female persona (and in all fairness not much TG identification), no "real me" epiphany once dressed, just the pleasure of looking great once dressed in what my heterosexual mind considers spectacular.
Ah, and no AGP either. Not interested in making love to myself (supposing AGP ever was a thing to begin with).

[BustyOlivia]

I have thought about this too, I feel like the main things holding me back are losing my family and friends so, until I get to a point where that seems like a conversation I?m going to have then I?ll have it. But for know I?m happy when I get my Olivia time here and there

[Ressie]

I think I've always been on the line between crossdresser/transexual yet still somewhat in the closet.

[Misty_cder]

And, you've known that since what age?:)

That is a good question. When I first started dressing at a young age, it was a fetish / sexual turn on for me. As I got older, my desire changed from a fetish to just enjoying the styles and fabrics of women’s clothing. There was a short period where I really wanted to be passable, but with my body frame, I came to the conclusion I am a MIAD. To respond more specifically to your question, I have to say it was in my late 30’s when I realized I just enjoyed wearing women clothing.

[KymG]

I dont believe in labels, but I would say im a hetero cd.
I like a temporary indulgence but wouldnt want it all the time.
That said ive been doing it more often but still happy as a male.

[1Ladyjade]

I saw a poll started the other day. What are we?
Gay or Bi Sexual.
I commented where is the hetero sexual option. CD has nothing to do with sexuality.
I went back to see other responses and the poll was deleted. Young people are confusing the whole thing. I see it all the time on Reddit. Someone cross dresses. And then asks should they keep going? I always say you dress for yourself. If you feel good while dressed then yes.
Dressing does not decide your sexuality.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I saw a poll started the other day. What are we?
Gay or Bi Sexual.
I commented where is the hetero sexual option. CD has nothing to do with sexuality.
I went back to see other responses and the poll was deleted. Young people are confusing the whole thing. I see it all the time on Reddit. Someone cross dresses. And then asks should they keep going? I always say you dress for yourself. If you feel good while dressed then yes.
Dressing does not decide your sexuality.

Cross-Dressing (The Verb) is something SHARED IN COMMON with Straights, gays and Trans---but often with different reasons. Cross-Dressing does not define which of these groups you belong to.

[IamWren]

Marina,
I don’t know why it is that you have the misinformed notion that trans people crossdress but that is categorically false.

A trans woman may wear the clothes from the men’s aisle if she isn’t passing OR she simply feels it’s safer for her to do so. But I don’t think that’s what you mean. And she certainly isn’t crossdressing for the same reasons that a person who identifies as a MAN, wears a dress.

What I think is that you have somehow performed the mental gymnastics to see trans women as men wearing dresses. When a person who was assigned male at birth but has determined that she is a woman wears women’s clothing… she is not crossdressing.

I have constantly seen you conflate the idea that trans people are somehow lumped in as a category of crossdresser or somehow gay men. That is patently false!

I haven’t done years and years of introspection, come to the precipice of having my marriage implode and go through the physical pain of medical transition to have my identity as a trans person lumped in with gay men and men who like to wear women’s clothing.

You sir, need to do more research.

[TheHiddenMe]

Once again, gender is not the same as sexual attraction, but I am not going down that rabbit hole.

As for me, I am a male who occasionally likes (loves) to present as a female traditionally dresses, which is pretty much the Wikipedia definition of a crossdresser.

[Sabine Janus]

Straight guy who wears clothing atypical to my assigned gender from time to time.

SJ

[Aunt Kelly]

Cross-Dressing (The Verb) is something SHARED IN COMMON with Straights, gays and Trans-

No, it is not. Unless, of course, you would consider me crossdressed as I sit here in a men's polo shirt.

For CD's, it's all about the clothes. Nothing wrong with that, but that is not something shared by the vast majority of trans and NB people.

[ScientiaMetallum]

I personally don't know. I've stopped thinking about it. Am I trans or not? I don't know, but I do know I won't transition (financial and social reaons), so it matters little.

[docrobbysherry]

Straight guy who wears clothing atypical to my assigned gender from time to time.
SJ
"Thy protestesth too much!" Don't blame me, Sabine. Shakespeare said it first!:heehee:


No, it is not. Unless, of course, you would consider me crossdressed as I sit here in a men's polo shirt.
For CD's, it's all about the clothes. Nothing wrong with that, but that is not something shared by the vast majority of trans and NB people.

Speak for yourself, Auntie! For this CD it's my mirror!:daydreaming: It hasn't been "just about the clothes" for 20+ years!:heehee:

[Jazzmin]

How do I know that I am woman, and not "Assigned Male at Birth", based on my physical anatomy?

When asked this question, I cannot answer scientifically, or medically with assuredness, but I DO respond with this analogy:

When asked why I think/believe/feel that I am a woman, I respond with this:
"Have you ever put on a T-shirt backwards? NOT inside out but front to back. You feel slightly uncomfortable but can't put your finger on the reason. It's your shirt, it hasn't shrunk, but it feels 'off' somehow. Suddenly, with a Homer Simpson "D'OH!" you realize the problem and correct it. All better.
Well, that is how I felt being labeled as masculine. The label fit, externally, but internally, it was uncomfortable and forced me to act, behave and perform as something I wasn't. For most of my life, I walked around with my "T-shirt" on backwards."

I dare y'all, to prove me wrong.

[docrobbysherry]

Wrong about what, Jazzmin?

That you're a woman or that your T shirt's on backwards?:heehee:

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Like so many others on this thread, I too am "just a cross dresser". Although I totally enjoy being a strait man, I also totally enjoy those times when I can spend a day, a weekend, or even a vacation dressed as a woman.

It's not only fun but I also enjoy the erotic pleasures that come from pretending that I am a woman. Because I am lucky to have a totally supporting wife, there are no negatives associated with being a cross dresser. Both of us just accept ourselves and enjoy the fun.

[Aunt Kelly]

How do I know that I am woman, and not "Assigned Male at Birth", based on my physical anatomy?


You don't. Anatomy identifies our sex. Gender identity is something quite apart from that.

[IamWren]

How do I know that I am woman, and not "Assigned Male at Birth", based on my physical anatomy?


What Kelly said.

A person can know in their soul she is a woman yet because of her anatomy was assigned male at birth.
Male/Female are designations of anatomy.
Man/Woman/Enby are designations of gender.

Gender and anatomy are two different things.

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, Wren, Jazzman doesn't seem to know but u do. Yet, u haven't properly replied to what this thread is about, "How and when did u "know" u were a woman inside?" :battingeyelashes:

Inquiring minds need to know!:)

[Jazzmin]

I believe that a lot of people have misinterpreted my post.

When I wrote "How do I know I am a woman....". it wasn't ME asking but repeating the question that I have been asked many times and my reply. I use my 'T-shirt" analogy as an opening, to try to get my listener to get a feel for the sense of dysphoria that I have experienced. A sense of 'something isn't right'. Once a listener has that "A-ha!" moment of some understanding, then I can go further into explaining my feelings and reasoning.

And yes, to the ladies who pointed it out, I am well aware of the differences between gender and gender identity.
.
Edited to add:
PS - I apologize for the "prove me wrong" sentence, I C&P'd my statement from another discussion board and should have cropped that line out.

[IamWren]

Sorry Doc, I guess my response from July
got buried by the dozens of replies from straight men, whose sexual kink is to rub one out while they’re wearing a dress in a hotel room.

I’m not trying to shame anyone. If that’s your thing, more power to you. But I realized rather quickly after being here that my motivation for wearing women’s clothing was not the same as the average cross dresser on this forum.

And for clarity… I am not a woman. I am an enby… a third gender in the tradition of societies around the world that have recognized humans for millennia who are neither man or woman.

So how? Like i said in my reply in July:
By “… questioning, [doing] research, experimenting and working with a couple of therapists, I admitted I am indeed transgender….”

When? Obviously, there’s no single date. But even prior to starting hormone therapy, I did some things that are part of physical transition. I had laser hair removal on my face, had my ears pierced and began trying to lose weight. But the deliberate steps in questioning my gender, trying to wrap my head around what i was feeling began in 2014 though.

And yeah, I think you’re right Doc. I don’t think Jazzmin knows what she’s talking about and I do. I’ve studied and continue to study gender theory, biology, endocrinology, anatomy physiology so I sound like a knowledgable, informed patient when talking to my doctors about transitioning.

Even in her above statement she says, she knows the difference between gender and gender identity. What the heck??? Sorry for throwing shade Jazzmin but those are the same exact thing.

[Aunt Kelly]

LOL...
Like sarcasm, a rhetorical question, asked typographically, is easily taken the wrong way. Sorry about that. :)

[JennyOpalstar1]

Hmmmm...... this is the question for those of us at the [relative] start of our CD journey, isn't it?
For my part, having earned an undergrad degree in Drama, being able to dress as a woman is a wonderful exploration of my soul...and I can explain it to the rest of the world as simply being an appearance that is available to me, if and when needed. That's the plus side of a Drama degree...I have had specific training to assume the appearance of anything/anyone I need to be, for the sake of whatever role I am playing at the time.

Putting this aside, the deep truth of my life is not clear to me, yet....
...I have imagined myself as being female...cross-dreamer
...I have tried going out in fem clothing... CD...
...I have researched the realities of transitioning...trans...
...I am currently starting to assemble a Drag Queen persona...performance...

If and when I have an Epiphany of self-discovery, I'm pretty sure you ladies will be the first ones to hear about it. 😉

{It is reassuring to be part of this community, for the simple reason that it proves I am not alone on this journey.}

Be safe. Have fun.

Jenny

[CynthiaD]

Despite appearances, I’m female, and always have been. I can fake being male. I’m good at it, and even enjoy it at times. But it’s an act and nothing more. Male clothing is a uniform that I’m forced to wear from time to time. Like soldiers, policemen and others, I remove my uniform and put on normal clothing as soon as I can. I get no thrill from dressing en femme other than the relief of getting back to normal. I hate male clothing. I didn’t wear a scrap of male clothing during the lockdown, and wouldn’t now if I didn’t work for a trans-intolerant employer. It's just the normal thing to do.

How do I know all this? I have no idea. Why do I love shrimp?

[KymG]

Sorry Doc, I guess my response from July
got buried by the dozens of replies from straight men, whose sexual kink is to rub one out while they?re wearing a dress in a hotel room.



Its not quite like that,
Why shouldnt straight guys enjoy dressing aswell? Do you consider that less important?

[docrobbysherry]

What a lovely post, Jenny! U so clearly hi lite both the options and dilemmas involved in dressing! And, I could feel the joy u get from exploring all of them!:battingeyelashes:

I'm sorry, Cythia. But, I don't get your "shrimp" analogy. If u never tasted shrimp, you'd never know if u cared for it.:straightface:
And, if u DID try them? Like them or not, that was the "shrimp" date in your life.

And, somewhere along in your life u 1st explored crossdressing. And, if u immediately felt u were a woman, that was when u knew!:thumbsup:
I seriously doubt u popped from the womb thinking, "I'm a woman"! :battingeyelashes:

[Jazzmin]

Thank you, Ladies & Gents, for showing me that I don't know my a**e from my elbow about my own situation.
Even though I've been living 24/7 for 4 years.
Even though I've been on HRT for 3 years, with all the trial & error and ups & downs that trip has been.
Even though I've lost friends and become estranged from my family and endured hateful comments from the uninformed, just by being my true self.
Even though I lost employment because I became my true self and was forced to take a minimum wage position.
Even though my entire life has been upended.

Thank you all for welcoming me here, and pointing out that I know nothing about myself, simply because I used the wrong terminology! Did any of you judgmental people stop to think that sometimes. sometimes, a person's fingers type quicker that the brain (or is that backwards? IDK, apparently, I have no idea), and they post things without looking over what they have written?

I truly, truly envy all you folk who have never made a misstatement, for you are truly blessed!

[docrobbysherry]

U may not know that u can always go back and edit your posts, Jazzman:thumbsup:

So, if u r unhappy with anything u wrote? U can fix it!:)

Meanwhile, I hope u don't feel anyone was attacking u? Hopefully, they may have just been trying to correct u?:straightface:

In any case, I'm certain no one would trivialize what you've lived thru! Please feel welcome here. Because u definitely belong!:hugs:

[IamWren]

Hi Kym.

Do I consider straight guys dressing like women less important? Absolutely not.
Again, I’ll reference my response from late July.

“I certainly agree with others that given the opportunity to explore gender expression (crossdress) without shame is an important component to figuring out one’s gender identity.”

A straight guy might even figure out in doing so they are in fact still a straight cis dude. Just one that happens to like looking pretty every now and again.

Hey Jazzmin… sincere apologies for being abrasive toward you, especially after you just started interacting here. You did say “I dare you to prove me wrong.” though. ;)

Really though… my apologies.

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm a crossdresser. I like dressing as a women when I can, but I also like my life as a man.
I feel bad that some women spend so much time to look their sexy best.
When men just shower shave and comb their hair.
And long nails are so unpractical.

[Genifer Teal]

I put myself somewhere close to the trans end of the spectrum. I've been doing this so long it just feels like me. I started this by choice, not because I wasn't declared the correct gender at birth. I'm not trying to fix something. I'm just being myself in a way I feel comfortable. I don't dress much or do makeup around the house. When someone will see me I do. I don't work as a girl. Sometimes I shop on the way home. It doesn't bother me. It would bother me more to be at some big event or anywhere socializing. I don't know how to act in those situations as a guy. I'd feel like the special part of me is missing. I also don't know how to bring this up later. I'd rather they know upon front. There's too much giving it away these days. I think there more to question if I try to look like a guy. It's become easier to present as a woman. Fewer ambiguities. Well, maybe just one big one. Where does this leave me? IDK Is it possible there aren't enough labels to describe each of our unique situations?

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Doc,

I still haven't decided (after decades) what or who I truly am, so I can?t precisely answer your question. You tend to be a precise person, and I like you for that, but sometimes you look for answers from others you already know. I think you are asking for answers that are why most people are here. Why am I here, who am I, am I normal, can I ever be happy with who I am, are there others like me?

Moments of life are fascinating

Thanks for asking, I am loving the honest responses.

Always loving you, Brenda

I fear this will come back to haunt me. Yikes


PS Love the avatar

[Gwinnie]

I'm just a crossdresser. I love dressing like a woman and trying to move like a woman, but am only attracted to women. No interest in men at all. At a former job I dressed every day. I loved it. It was so nice to be able to swish around the office and look at my puff sleeves in the reflection of my monitor. I do like being able to go back into guy mode at any time. I go to a lot of Pride festivals but don't really feel like I fit in. I wish I could dress as often as I want, but we're not there yet.

Gwendolyn

[docrobbysherry]

Hi Doc,

I still haven't decided (after decades) what or who I truly am, so I can?t precisely answer your question. You tend to be a precise person, and I like you for that, but sometimes you look for answers from others you already know. I think you are asking for answers that are why most people are here. Why am I here, who am I, am I normal, can I ever be happy with who I am, are there others like me?

Moments of life are fascinating

Thanks for asking, I am loving the honest responses.

Always loving you, Brenda

I fear this will come back to haunt me. Yikes


PS Love the avatar

I believe u r misreading me, Brenda. I actually am very interested in the answers to my post. I struggled alone in a complete vacuum for 10 years, confused by my sudden need to dress, my desire to become a female, and a sudden interest in men.:eek:

Then, when I came out online here I still delt with guilt, shame, and confusion for 3 more years! It took me all that time to figure out I wasn't gay or a trans! Simply a CD with strange thots and kinks!:devil:

[Sallee]

Karren Have fun that's the most important But you know that

- - - Updated - - -

I am a cross dresser. I know that. I have had the opportunity to dress as much as I want and tried to but grew tried of it. I went out interacted with others, bars, restaurants, movies even museums. I found it to be a chore after awhile. I also realized what I would have to give up to transition. It was just to hard not to mention expensive. Now I still enjoy cding and going out. Who knows why but it is fun for me a fancy dress some heels and makeup, making myself pretty is fun. Kind of like golf or skiing, ok maybe a little different, but you get the idea and the urge. Good luck to all who are still trying to figure it out, do what comfortable and FUN

[ShirleyN]

Well I'm deffinately a CD as for me, it's all about the clothes and just the clothes on their own. At least, thats what it's a always been for me anyways.

[GraceM]

Jean, love this. Best label ever. I'm still trying to figure this out. I can never go wrong being me.

[docrobbysherry]

Grace, I assume that means everything has gone well when you're being u and badly when not? And, that's how u know when you're truly u and when you're not?:eek:

I'd have to say it's more the opposite for me! The more I'm myself the more all hell breaks loose!:devil:

[NonbiNancy]

I honestly cannot thank all you ladies enough for sharing your thoughts, feelings and lives here. I felt alone and confused about my identity for so long but when I found this forum I could see that I'm now part of a community of like-minded human beings on a huge spectrum of gender and sexuality. I only can share definitively what it feels like inside my skin, I deeply feel non-binary (and even that label kinda bugs me). I'm straight but have found myself attracted to men (other feminine men). I am a CD (since I was 10, 1965). I have also recently come out to my closest friends and family. I don't fully dress in public, but thanks to the support I feel here I now wear something feminine everyday and have grown much more comfortable with what I identify as my feminine nature (gentle and very sensitive). Life on the gender spectrum...

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks for mentioning non binary, Nancy. The more we come to understand how that effects all of us, the more threads like this will become obsolete!:thumbsup:

[April Rose]

:yt: I agree!

[audreyinalbany]

way do people try so hard to deny being on the 'transgender spectrum'?? "just a crossdresser," "like wearing women clothes" seems that's just seems as though that's just a form of denial. It seems to me that if you enjoy wearing clothes thought of as typical of the opposite gender then you are, to some degree, "transgendered" Enjoy it

[Paulie Birmingham]

seems to me people who want cds to be on the trans spectrum have control and isolation issues.

these threads go nowhere positive and just drive division between cds and trans. problem is trans dont understand cds like i dont understand trans.

[Camille15]

I don't know what to label myself. CD? Trans-light? Who knows. Labels are mostly for others anyway.

There is part of my brain that lights up when I see a pretty girl starting back at me from the mirror. Not just the clothes, but the whole appearance and persona. It knew I wanted this before I ever even put on any female clothing (i.e. since I was 6-7 years old). I love the way I look and feel when presenting as female. I don't have any dislike of being my male self or in my male body. If I had no family or social attachments or obligations, and could suddenly become a woman via a magic wish, would I? Probably for a month just to try it. But I'm not totally sure if I'd feel the desire or need to stay that way. Because of that doubt I don't really think I *am* a woman inside or fully trans, else I'd know that I wouldn't ever want to go back to being a man if given such a magic wish.

I think for me CD'ing is kind of like my absolute favorite vacation spot. I love it when I'm there. I feel free and happy like no other time. There are experiences and emotions I experience there that I simply can't back at home. I take tons of photos to remember it by. I always feel like my stay was too short. I wish to go back when I've been away too long. I plan obsessively for my next visit. But would I want to live there full time like a local? I'm not 100% sure, but I suspect not as it would lose some of its allure and magic. Plus I really like my home too, and I'm sure I'd miss it. At any rate, the many costs to move there permanently are too high for me, so it's a moot point.

[Sabine Janus]

Head on straight male who puts on clothing that society says doesn't match my gender from time to time

[docrobbysherry]

seems to me people who want cds to be on the trans spectrum have control and isolation issues.
these threads go nowhere positive and just drive division between cds and trans. problem is trans dont understand cds like i dont understand trans.
I'm sorry u feel that way, Paulie. My guess is u haven't gone out to meet other dressers much? I have met 100's. And, u know the only way I could tell the CD's from the trans?
Was to ASK THEM!:devil:


Head on straight male who puts on clothing that society says doesn't match my gender from time to time
Straight or not has nothing to do with this thread, Sabine. Or, with what kind of dresser u think u r!?:battingeyelashes:

[Rachel Anne]

I thought I was CD into my 20's, but then it developed into T. No problems with that at all. I slipped into the role and that was that for my male clothes. Good riddance.

[docrobbysherry]

U make it sound so simple and easy, Rachel Anne. Was living thru your T development really just that matter of fact?:eek:

Some of us go thru many years of confusion, guilt, and self doubt before we figure it all out!:doh:

[Rachel Anne]

Hi Sherry,

I had a lot of good things going and some very lucky turns.

[GraceM]

Doc, I've been thinking about your response for a bit. It would to be too much to say that everything goes well when I'm me/Grace is at the forefront, life is life. But coping is better, and that's how I know I'm that authentic self. Trust me, this girl can make hell break loose with a wave of her hand.

[Aunt Kelly]

seems to me people who want cds to be on the trans spectrum have control and isolation issues.

these threads go nowhere positive and just drive division between cds and trans. problem is trans dont understand cds like i dont understand trans.

Jeez... generalize much?

CD's are on the transgender spectrum, along with every other "gender non-conforming" label. It's got nothing to do with "control and isolation issues". That's simply the terminology commonly used to describe such things. I identified as CD for most of my life before coming to grips with the fact that I have been trans all along. That doesn't mean there aren't CD's who will be nothing but CD's for their entire lives. Of course there are, but I can tell you with certainty that some CD's will discover that they are something else. We see that playing out in this forum on a fairly regular basis.

I resent the assertion that I don't understand CD's. I absolutely do. I also don't wrap myself up in the ridiculous label debate, wherein everyone wants to define this or that label for themselves. Labels are words, and a word is only as effective as the collective understanding of what it means. In other words, there is a conventional definition for things like CD, gender fluid, etc. Use it.

[Diane P]

I am 100% a cross dresser. I love wearing a dress, or shorts and a top, wearing nightgowns to bed, wearing bikini panties under whatever I'm wearing, but I am simply a cross dresser. Have no desire to transition. Since discovering my female half, think what you want about that, I have become completely happy with myself. Diane has made my life better by opening me up to wearing women's clothes, but all things considered I'm quite happy being a cross dresser and nothing more.

Diane P

[christine55]

You are what you are. Why worry about the label?

[docrobbysherry]

U don't need to worry about anything, Chistine.:)

Labels r handy when u wish to describe yourself to others!:thumbsup:

[AmyJordan]

Completely hetro its just that my wife prefers me to look feminine and I'm now very comfortable in that role

[MarinaTwelve200]

You are what you are. Why worry about the label?

"Labels" are important. The brain works with words---You can't THINK ABOUT anything if it does not have a name---- Unless you would rather NOT think about it. No criticism here, I could understand that.

[Diane P]

Completely hetro its just that my wife prefers me to look feminine and I'm now very comfortable in that role

I'm just slightly curious. Can you tell us the reason your wife prefers you to look feminine? If that's a subject you'd rather not talk about that's fine, like I said just slightly curious. Have a great day/night.

[AmyJordan]

I'm just slightly curious. Can you tell us the reason your wife prefers you to look feminine? If that's a subject you'd rather not talk about that's fine, like I said just slightly curious. Have a great day/night.

Hi Diane It just developed from my wife persuading me to wear nylons in bed to keep her warm to adding more and more outside of the bedroom. She grew up in a competitive family and has said she always wanted a maid when she was young and had fancied girls before but loves me devotedly so sees dressing me up as a way to fulfil her fantasies. Although I do on occasions dress as a maid it is much more often in normal women's clothing although her preference for me is clearly toward the sexier styles it also indulges her loves for feminine fashion without the hassle and fuss of getting ready herself as her wish when she comes in is to throw on some super comfy wear. I do not dress outside locally but on returning home she makes it clear that I should ditch the 'drab' male clothes. It is not a domination thing although I do tend to be very submissive when dressed and she loves the transformation. We are fortunate she has a great job and it seemed inevitable that I would become the 'wife ' and dress accordingly as she says there has to be 'standards '

[Georgina]

I do fit with certain labels like male, motor vehicle engineer and pensioner which actually mean something to most. I happen to love wearing skirts and dresses with full underwear and accessories. I can do this without any extra labels.

[docrobbysherry]

Georgina, to vanilla people that would simply mean you're a man who dresses in women's clothes. A MIAD.

But, to us here? That could mean you're a closet dresser, crossdresser, transsexual, and/or transgender! But, if u don't care which of those we think u r? That's fine.:thumbsup:

Maybe you're not sure yourself yet?:heehee:

[cd300]

I know I am a CD'er 100%
I do not have the patience to do the routine daily.
While I support fully all ends of the spectrum I just know where I stand.

[suzanne]

Why should it matter where anyonee fits into yet another binary? In the act of putting on our first skirt, we destroyed the original binary. Why do we need to repackage ourselves?

I'm a fan of fuzzy logic, which accommodates an entire continuum between Extreme A (let's say 100% cis male, in this case) and Extreme B (trans woman having undergone SRS). Because many of us fluctuate from day to day in our need to express our femininity. I would characterize myself as 0.7 female, which to me means I'm most often comfortable in a dress, and would have preferred to be born female, but I am still capable of behaving as an alpha male. The most accurate single term for me is Gender Fluid. I used to call myself Two Spirit until I learned it was an inappropriate cultural misappropriation.

[Michelle1955]

My 2 cents - Labels have changed over the years. Most of the older Labels needed to go away.
I am comfortable with Transgender Label at my age. It is my opinion an umbrella for us all.
Transsexual on one side and crossdressing on the other side, and everything else between the two sides/edges.

Yes, my gender issue started when I was around 4-5, bad issues during puberty. Always felt I should have been a girl/female and still do.
Sexually male, wife over 40 years.