Proud and loud

[Debs]

sick of people knowing I dress in private, but when I ask them to meet in public in a place many miles away from where they live, its a NO !!!, yes I do go out dressed, but always at least 40 miles from where I live, I personally think I do pass and do go shopping and out at night, but omg these people accept me in private but wont be seen in public with me even though its thousands of miles from home (45 miles really). Are us crossdressers so much the scurge of the earth ?

[Larissa Cassandra]

Hi Debs,

The answer to your question, of course, is a resounding NO! I think it is appalling that people, presumably friends (family?) don't want to be seen in public with you when you're dressed (especially since it would be so far from home). So how close are these people to you? Have they known a long time, and have they give any other indications that they might just be being nice to you by claiming that they accept you and really don't? I guess this is how you find out who your real friends are. If I get to the UK any time soon, I'll look you up and we can go drink a few pints wherever you want!!!

Sorry this has happened to you.

Hugs,
Larissa

[Debs]

Larissa, thank you, Ill take you out and introduce you to the girls I go out with.

[Helen_Highwater]

Debs,

Firstly having met you and been out shopping together I can say that you pass wonderfully.

I guess it's for many of an older generation, the social stigma of being a crossdresser still remains and they're afraid that if seen with you and you do get read then in some way that social stigma will rub off on them. They'll be tarred with the same brush so to speak. The fact that they are not likely to be seen by anyone who knows them seems to escape their thinking.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Debs, I remember nearly 40 years ago . I was advised by a member of my local support group not to arrange to meet other members outside of the group. When I asked why? , was advised that most are notoriously unreliable for turning up. It was very true. Even though times have moved on, many are terrified of the fear and prejudices of the past. Some fear themselves today. Family restrictions and lack of home support also put a stop to it.I wouldn?t take it personally. I myself never venture outdoors . But out of courtesy would never promise to meet unless I intended to go through with it. Even in drab.

[kimdl93]

Its too bad. I guess these particular individuals are not as accepting as they seem in private. Time to make some new friends? I have been fortunate in having some friends who were willing to meet up with me in public and its been a joy!

PS. SaraLin makes a good point. Everyone has their own comfort level, so keep your privately accepting friends, of course, but perhaps add a few more adventurous ones :)

[alwayshave]

Debs, I have been out locally by myself. With my wife I have to be a few miles away from home as people will recognize her and put two and two together. But, I have been out with other crossdressers just blocks from my home.

[SaraLin]

(neither loud, nor particularly proud - but that's for another thread)

I've been surprised in the past by how many friends were willing to go out with me in public, but I never felt offended or upset if anyone declined. Everyone has their own comfort levels and I wouldn't dream of pushing them beyond what they're OK with. If they're not up to being with me in public, but still welcome me to their homes - fine by me. The fact that they didn't dump me altogether says plenty.

[Debs]

Thank you Helen for your kind comments and yes I thought we looked good together shopping, and yes I suppose I shouldnt push my way of life on any of my friends who are in the know, I do go out about once a month out of town and meet with other girls, I actually stay at a Bed and Breakfast where the owners have transitioned and have montly meeetings for us girls. Helen looking forward to going out shopping with you again, Thank you everyone I will take on board your advise.

[Jane G]

If I may offer a slightly different point of view. I love that you are comfortable out dressed, but I feel you should never push your own personal likes on to other people. That would be like me asking a friend who enjoyed swimming to climb a mountain with me. If it's not their thing, then they are going to say no. Nothing to do with our friendship, they just don't wish to climb a mountain.

[Stephanie47]

Sort of trying to figure out if you're posting about other cross dressers of plain ordinary friends and relatives. If it is plain folks then I think it is a case of "guilt by association." If you're seen with "one of them," then "you must be one of them," too! That can be said of associations with gay men. Discrimination is still rampant. If it is meeting with other cross dressers I think many still suffer from the scorn society heaps on cross dressers and gays and lesbians. There can be long term consequences of a short term interaction.

[Cheryl T]

I'd meet you for coffee if you didn't live so far away....LOL.

[JenniferMBlack]

In a way I get it. On one hand it's your private life and what you do is your business
On the other you want them to be seen with you in public. Remember how hard it was for you to go out the first time? Yeah well it's probably harder for them as they are not itching to be seen with a man in a dress. You have had years to get use to this and want full 100% acceptance right away. I didint give many people the option I just showed up but did t confine myself to a long distance from home. Which might be another part of it. Is this something they are going to any way? Or do you expect them to drive to hang out? I like some people but wouldn't drive almost an hour to just go hang out for a but so they could dress as a girl while we hung out. If you want to do that there's a place down the street, get dressed and let's go.

[Sandi Beech]

Debs,

I can see how it is upsetting to get the hands off treatment from people you consider friends. Personally I like meeting new people when I am dressed up. If they like me when they meet me as Sandi, there is no doubt of their acceptance. It is not always easy to tell where your friends stand until they are put on the spot. I would try to get some new friends who only know you as Debs.

Good luck with it.

Sandi

[Debs]

JenniferMBlack , thank you never thought of it that way, must be more concerning for them , and yes thinking back it was a nightmare when I first walked out in a dress with heels, god that was sooooo the end of the world stuff, thank you for making me look at it from there prospective, and not just my selfish self, try saying that after a few drinks, lol