There is still hate in the world, Please be careful everyone

[Barbara Joanne74]

Trigger warning: How I experienced trans-phobia and hate.



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2 girls having fun hours later (posted with permission of all involved)






I have thought a lot about this incident and whether to share it or not, but finally decided to here. (it has been edited down a lot)


Just over a week ago I was looking for a swimsuit and stopped at a store in the Portland area. I was dressed somewhat feminine(cute white capri pants, tank top and sandals, but without any makeup. As I began walking into the store some guys started talking/yelling at me things like "your a dude, dress like one", "You look like a f_g!" I tried to ignore them and continued into the store, but they followed me continuing to be hateful. At this point I am starting to get scared. I know that this store has a single restroom so I headed towards it to hide from them, but found it locked. They had continued down the hallway towards me still yelling things, and in a panic I bolted into the women's restroom, this set them off. As they continued yelling about the F_g in the women's restroom I was getting close to panicking. I ended up calling the stores number, within a minute there were 2 employees(the store manager and woman employee) at the restroom. The manager stayed out in the hallway while she came inside to check on me. They had already called the police. When the police arrived the haters were taken someplace else, after I calmed down and they took my statement, the woman police officer escorted me to my vehicle and watched me drive away while the other officer kept the haters at inside so they could not follow me.

I share this to remind everyone that there is still a lot of hate in the world, even in LGBTQ+ friendly Portland Oregon. I am so thankful for the support I had from the stores managers and the police that responded. We must continue on in the fight for equality and justice.

I am also so thankful for a friend/sister (pictured above) that I could go cry with after. Surround yourselves with people that love and care for you. Life is not always easy, but with loved ones nearby, they can help you navigate it.

Barbara

[Helen_Highwater]

Sorry to hear you had to experience such behaviour.

It cannot be denied that there are those knuckle draggers out there who think it's ok to be obnoxious, even violent. We always need to be aware of our surroundings. There are however positives to take from this. You did receive support and assistance from others around you. So many people not of our community know the actions of the thugs is wrong and step in to help.

It would be too easy for our community to shrink back into it's shell but as post after post here testifies, the vast majority of the time we can go about our business like anyone else.

And for the newbies. It might seem counter intuitive but going out in the daylight, somewhere with people about is far safer than a night time walk around a dark street where you're the only one walking.

[Laura912]

There is a song from “South Pacific” that I have remembered for over 70 years, “You’ve Got To Be Carefully Taught.” The opening stanza is,

“You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,
You've got to be taught from year to year
It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught”

It was and is so true. We can hope that in each generation there will be fewer teachers of hate and more of at least tolerance. Perhaps that hope will give you some solace after your experience.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm sorry u had to endure that Barbara!:thumbsdn:

But, your post should serve as a warning and reminder for those that go out dressed alone to Vanilla venues.:straightface:

While I've never experienced anything that threatening? I've suffered thru enuff smirks, guffahs, wise cracks, and dirty looks to last a life time!:doh:

As a CD without the need to present female that TS's have? Experiences like mine and Sara's r why I do all my Vanilla shopping, eating, and driving around in drab!:thumbsup:

[Sandi Beech]

Wow,

What a terrible experience. It is hard to believe anyone can act like that. Even so it is good that others stepped up to the plate to provide assistance when you needed it. Thanks for sharing your story painful as it may be.

Sandi

[alwayshave]

Barbara, I am so sorry that this his happened to you. I'm glad the store's staff and the police came to your aid.

[Jamie001]

The police should have made an arrest.

[Tracy Irving]

Wow, that is terrible. And in one of the most LGBT friendly cities in the USA.

[Patience]

It does not bode well for someone to only seem to acknowledge the existence of a problem if and when it affects them personally.

Sorry this happenned. Welcome back to the real world, where even certain privileges have their limitations.

[Pumped]

Sorry to hear, but this is why i keep my dressing at home. Too many A-holes out there.

[Crissy 107]

Barbara, Sorry to hear this but fortunately it ended with you ok. This should never happen but yet it does all too often, it should serve as a wake-up to our members to always be aware of things.

[CDMargret]

I am so sorry this happened to you. A sobering reminder that the world is still a scary place. Now I am thinking of carrying a little pepper spray in my purse.

[MonicaPVD]

Sorry to hear, but this is why i keep my dressing at home. Too many A-holes out there.

There are some out there but it's no reason to keep your dressing at home. Hundreds of thousands of people die in car accidents and that doesn't keep us from moving around in two-ton death traps.

[GretchenM]

I am so sorry you were subjected to such behavior and it is good you kept your head about you and took the action you did to keep as safe as possible. Thank goodness for cell phones. I agree with Crissy and I hope they were arrested for harassment. Let it be a lesson to us all that danger lurks. Fortunately, most people these days are of at least the live and let live type. No need to go out in fear, but definitely be aware of your surroundings.

[Megan77]

why weren't they arrested,so sorry to hear that but glad your ok

[NancyJ]

So sad! You handled it well. Not only is there still hate, but evidence that there is MORE hate. We are blocked from discussing politics on this forum, but we all know? Nancy

[Geena75]

It is sad that people want to act so uncivil. Even though everyone is entitled to their own opinion, they aren't given license to harass strangers with it. If I saw some guy in cowboy hat and boots walking in a store, should I get on him with calls of "Hey Tex, you forgot the cows. You left your horse running in the parking lot. Look at Bronco Billy over there." Nobody does that. But let it be a feminine look, then low-lifes feel entitled to cat-calls and such, be it a GG or CD'er.

[1Ladyjade]

I don't think that's true about it being taught. I grew up with a homophobic racist. Me nor my brothers are either of those things. Its easier to hate than to love. Love takes work. Hate is easy.

[Stephanie47]

Hate is taught, but, it can be rejected. My parents were homophobic, but my brother and I rejected it. Unfortunately, what occurred to Barbara in not so uncommon.

[Debra Russell]

So sorry to hear Barbara, I have been to Portland often dressed and no ill consequences.: but it does happen and glad you had presents fo mind to handel it the way you did .....................Debra

[Pumped]

There are some out there but it's no reason to keep your dressing at home. Hundreds of thousands of people die in car accidents and that doesn't keep us from moving around in two-ton death traps.

Pretty sure the chances of getting outed crossdressing is far above deaths in car accidents it you look at the numbers of people driving and CD'ing.

As for me I wouldn't pass in a dark alley, so I am not taking any chances. For those the can pass at a quick glance, more power to ya!

There was an effeminate male that got beat up here a few months back. A couple good ol' boys took offense to his appearance and he wasn't even CD'ing.

[kimdl93]

The unfortunate thing is that some people think freedom is the ability to bully those who the thing are weaker or fewer in number. I am gratified by the response of the store management and police.

[JennyMay]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. It looked for a while as though things were getting better but I’m afraid there had been a backlash. I don’t like the way the world is going ☹️.

[DianeT]

These people are insecure dimwits. Chances are they were dimwit brats too as children, bullying girls, or boys that didn't look like them. Chances are they will expire after a life of dimwitness, full of bullyings and other enlightened contributions to the world that make them the pinnacle of evolution (in the dimwit branch, that is).

[mykell]

it has been stirred up recently....but think of the many times you just got to be you with out any hassles....in the end your clever thinking made things end well....i think those fellows had a learning curve....."scared trans" perhaps :strugglin




I don't think that's true about it being taught. I grew up with a homophobic racist. Me nor my brothers are either of those things. Its easier to hate than to love. Love takes work. Hate is easy.

my dad said some awful things while my sis and i grew up.....think we turned out OK

that said i find its easier to love than hate.....hate had these fellows wondering about theyre fate at the end events after all that extra effort.

i see all kinds of expression out in the wild....ive seen the odd stare or double take but never saw anyone go through what you described here....good on you for prevailing with a kooler head....

[RachelB.]

A self defense class and something in your purse/pocket to protect yourself with can't be all bad. Even if you do pass, some folks just grew up without any raisin, as my grandmother used to say.

[Aunt Kelly]

Sounds like Rufus and Bubba from Prineville heard about all the depravity in Portland and made a special trip to "do somethin' about it". Their use of the "fag" term betrays a... shall we say less-than-cosmopolitan understanding social norms. At any rate, they are, as DianeT says, almost certainly insecure bullies.

Portland is a progressive and LGBT-friendly city, but like any other, one will encounter the occasional asshole. I would love to have heard the conversation that the responding officers had with these cretins.

[JulieC]

There most emphatically is still hate in this world, and will be for generations to come. It can be exceptionally hard to think we've made so much progress when confronted with situations like this. We have, and we will continue to strive forward...sometimes painfully as in this situation.

This was a very, very difficult situation. The bright side; the employees took your side as did the police. This IS progress. 20 years ago, you likely would have been arrested for going into the women's restroom.

[kimmy p]

Amazing that you shared this story. I actually logged on just to ask all of us that dress if the current climate was making them worry more about dressing and going out.

I am particularly curious because I only get to go out in October. Doing so when I have Halloween as my excuse is the only time my wife is fine with Kimmy getting out of the house. I am hazing professional photos taken in Oct. Later in the afternoon. That same evening my wife would like to go to a headless horseman event about two hours away, but the time I need to fully change precludes this. So me, being ever helpful, offered to take a blouse, leggings, and different shoes to the photographer with me and stay Kim for the evening. A quick change instead of removing everything. Most years this would have Been okay with my wife. Is anyone here more apprehensive than normal? I personally don't think it will be anything abnormal, but I would like others opinions also.


P.s. not trying to steal this thread. If the mods need to move this my thanks and my apologies.

[TheHiddenMe]

Yes, it's an unfortunate incident. Next time, don't head to the restroom, head to a service desk and ask them for security to come handle it, or have them call the police.

They were a-holes, but don't let the a-holes win.

The rest of us should chill, honestly. Personal defense classes? Bear spray? I've got enough in my purse without bear spray.

The trans individuals who are most at risk are those in the sex trade.

Those who go out at safe public locations--yes those vanilla places--are at no greater risk than non TG individuals.

I've been out over 250 times (probably closer to 500) and I've never had an issue. I've been to malls, bars, restaurants, concerts, stores, etc. On the other hand, getting out has been lots of fun and I've made friends in a local group and on my own.

Yes, be smart, but going out dressed is not a high risk activity, unless you are silly enough to go to places where you'd be at risk no matter how you are dressed.

[TAG]

So sorry you had to endure that.
Seems like Portland is a hotbed of hate with a few malcontent hate groups in the area.
I live in Kentucky and people are friendly here and don't act that way generally.
I have been out since 2008 and 24/7 since 2011 and life has been very normal.

[Barbara Joanne74]

Thank you everyone that has taken time to voice support for me. While it was a horrible experience for me, it does not change who I am, and that I will continue to present at times as Barbara. I will just be a bit more careful about my surroundings. As for the police and charges of harassment against them, my understanding was, I could have pressed charges, but that opens a big mess for me personally. I am still more closeted that out. When Barbara is out and about, it is done in hiding from my wife, family, and coworkers. If I was to press charges, i would most likely have to go to court. (How does on tell their spouse they have to go testify at court for being someplace they were not suppose to be.....?) Please spare me the talk about being open with my wife. It is how I have to live for now unfortunately. Also my work life intersects a lot with the law enforcement world in the area where I live. It is very probable that I would have been outed to many people that I am not ready to be outed to yet. So, I chose to be the silent victim again.

For those of you that mentioned that this is the exact reason you don't dress in public, that is totally up to you to do, but please don't let my couple of bad experiences (for those that read my post a couple of years ago....) deter you. Barbara is out 1-2 times a month, sometimes by herself and other times with friends. Barbara is who I am, and I am not going to hide her because of some jerks that want to intimidate me. Be yourself, yes its scary sometimes going out in public, but 99.999% of the time, no one will say a word to you.

Until next time

Barbara

[JackieD]

I am so sorry for you. Why do some people just have to be a jerk. Why do they have to express there hate, we all don?t like something but we keep it to ourselves.

[sometimes_miss]

I've been out over 250 times (probably closer to 500) and I've never had an issue..

GG's can all mostly say the same thing; most have never been physically or sexually attacked (though they may have had to do some maneuvering to avoid a potential problem, which is far more likely); but they know the danger is there, and it affects how they must live their lives. You don't see single women walking alone late at night through desolate areas, where as, many of us men don't give it a second thought, especially the largest of us.

Whenever I read something like this, one of the things that goes through my mind, is, well, many of us dream of having a truly female experience. And here it is: having to run from being attacked by a man/men, just for trying to live through a day, as being the girl we feel we are, trying not to bother anyone else, or be bothered by anyone else.

Can't get more genuine an experience, than that.

It's not a safe world. It may seem like it most of the time, but then something like what happened to Barbara, reminds us that there are plenty of people still out there, that absolutely hate us.

[TheHiddenMe]

If you are going to quote me, quote me in context.


Those who go out at safe public locations--yes those vanilla places--are at no greater risk than non TG individuals.

I've been out over 250 times (probably closer to 500) and I've never had an issue. I've been to malls, bars, restaurants, concerts, stores, etc. On the other hand, getting out has been lots of fun and I've made friends in a local group and on my own.

Yes, be smart, but going out dressed is not a high risk activity, unless you are silly enough to go to places where you'd be at risk no matter how you are dressed.

I don't live my life thinking there is always a rain cloud over my head. I think that would be a pretty sad way to live.