Wow What A Weekend

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

Well I just gotta share this with somebody that may understand. This weekend my sister came out to my family about her being a lesbian which really doesnt bother me at all. But my mother on the other hand had a royal fit about it and pretty much told her to get out of her life. This was unacceptable for me so i had to say something to her and let me tell you that i did, and right in the middle of it i let it out that i am a crossdresser. she refused to acknoledge that i even said it. luckly enough i have the best wife to be in the world and she totally supports me in everything that i do thank god. I guess what i am looking for is some advice what's next, do i sit my mother down and tell her about me totally or let it pass and go on ignoring the fact that she does not accept me or my sister i am totally lost and really confused. I am totaly happy with myself and enjoy dressing and have no plans to stop just to appease anybody HELP!!!!!!!

[TGMarla]

Geez, your mother's kids are all screwed up! :D Tolerance for others in a changing world is tough on our parents' generation. Heck, it's tough enough for us! All you can do is try and teach them. And experience is a great teacher!

[Wombat]

You've let it escape now so I'm afraid you have to sit down with your mother and talk to her. I suspect you'll cop more of the flack your sister got, but you might just find that'll be a passing storm front and you can both rebuild from the wreckage. I feel for you because you know you're going into a highly charged situation. On the positive side though, the emotions are up and running so adding your little lot is unlikely to make things worse. I don't know your mother or your sister (obviously) but most parents will calm down and accept or at least listen after the initial explosion. Sadly, not all, (but this isn't the time for war stories) however, the secret's out, the feelings are raging, wade in there, keep calm and do your best.

In the meantime though, you need a huge {{{{{{{{HHHHHHUUUUGGGGGG}}}}

Wombat

[robinLynn]

Geez, your mother's kids are all screwed up! :D Tolerance for others in a changing world is tough on our parents' generation. Heck, it's tough enough for us! All you can do is try and teach them. And experience is a great teacher!
i agree with marla

[Jennaie]

Samantha:

Frankly, it sounds to me like you have the upper hand here. If your mother has invited your sister to get out of her life and you have told her about yourself. Now where is she?

She is basically left to rummage through her own misconceptions. Let her be. don't call her, don't contact her in any way. Wait till she calls you, then ask her if she is willing to accept you for the person you are, if she says no, or I don't want to talk about this, then tell her that you have nothing to talk about then. Hang up the phone.

Wait, she will call, I promise. when she does, all you have to do is restate the question. When she is ready to accept you, then ... tell her that you love her.

[Kitty Sue]

Thankfully you and your sister have each other. All the best to you, your sister and your mum.

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi Samantha,

I just have to make a comment and maybe I am way off target here - won't be the first time - :)

There could be a sense in which your mother feels that she has failed as a mother producing a lesbian of a daughter and a crossdresser for a son. This is not the case but she may feel that. I don't know entirely how to get over that problem but it strikes me that somehow you have to help her realise that it's not necessarily a case of nurture but rather nature. It wouldn't have mattered if she'd brought you up totally opposite to the way she did, the outcome would have been the same.

My best wishes to you and your sister. I hope your relationships are not only restored but strengthened.

Em

[Zelda Noe]

Hi Samantha :wave2:

I think the two ladies who quoted the verses below...are right on the money. Your mother is feeling like it's her fault...the outcome of the two different lifestyles...she does need to learn about how to relate to her two daughters in a new and accepting way now...time...clear loving communication...patience...and lots of love, some tears and hugs will be the warm healing balm...she and you two need.


Tolerance for others in a changing world is tough on our parents' generation.


There could be a sense in which your mother feels that she has failed as a mother producing a lesbian of a daughter and a crossdresser for a son. This is not the case but she may feel that.

Before my Dad died back in 1977, my love for him, in my heart and eyes, forgave any failing he must have felt in his mind toward me and our family. Our LOVE for those we cherish...is the all emcompassing virtue, I believe.

Let us know more of this outcome, will you?

Warmly, Dandy :happy: ;)

[Sharon]

I am so impressed that you stood up for your sister like this, particularly in the manner you did so!

Have you had a good relationship with your mother and do you wish for it to continue? Then I implore you not to just let her isolate herself from you, no matter how right you are in this arguement. You will always regret allowing this to happen. You need to find a way to show her that you are still the same son you have always been, and that no matter how she reacts, you will always be her son. If she refuses to accept you, even after your efforts, then I suppose you will need to find a way to deal with this, but don't give up the fight until absolutely necessary.

Good luck! :hugs:

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

Well me and my sister have not been too close for a long while but in the last week we have become closer than ever before. my loving mother on the other hand has not even called or tried to contact me.

[tammie]

Hi All: Sammy in Mt, listen dear these R all good ideas and advise i really don't don't have much to add except I remember a line from a movie that starred Brad Pitt and was narrated by Robert Redford. I think it was called "And a river runs thru it". The line is " We can love completely without complete understanding". Give your mom a call and tell her U love her and that your sister loves her too, then just wait and see if she can figure out how to deal with so much change.

I saw the exact same thing happen in my family yrs ago. My aunt who was a very hard nosed business woman and very domineering told my cousin to get out and never return because she was lesbian. I always felt like it was throwing the baby out with the bath water. I didn't apreciate some of the mean things my father did when I was growing up, but I honored him and tried to do my best as a son.

When we say the Lord's Prayer we ask for forgiveness and promise to forgive. U might mention to your mom this Easter. Good Luck and keep a good thought.

[Annaliese]

Well me and my sister have not been too close for a long while but in the last week we have become closer than ever before. my loving mother on the other hand has not even called or tried to contact me.
Sent your mother a letter and let her know that you still love her, and you are who you are and it is not her fault and it is up to her where she wants to accept you and your sister or be alone in her old age.

I feel for you, this may take time.

Thank god for your wife.

Anna

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Samantha

I think you need to talk with your mother
Let her know how happy you are and your sister too (i assume)
Ask her why she may think of it as a failure. If your sister had not told her she would be no wiser so why should there be a difference now. Tell your understand her difficulties with this. Make sure she knows you love her and that wont change (life's too short)

But give her a little time to digest these facts.

Ensure lines of communication are kept open as you only get one chance at life

[DonnaT]

Sent your mother a letter and let her know that you still love her, and you are who you are and it is not her fault and it is up to her where she wants to accept you and your sister or be alone in her old age.

If she's religious, go to this site http://www.faithinamerica.info/newSite/media.html and send her one or more of the posters available. Especially No. 2

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

Well first thanks for all the great advice but the week got even better. first one of my so's friends figured me outand then her ex husband and his gf found out so it has been a snowball week. but the really great thing is they are all totally accepting and supportive of me and even want to help me as far as shopping and even with my wedding how cool is that as i write this my head is just spinning and i can bearly contain my excitement. attaining my mothers acceptance is not as important anymore haveing the friends that i do makes the rest water under the bridge.

[Kristen Kelly]

Remember 1 thing dont look for other's acceptance till you can accept all things yourself. Look for them for support.With your mom dont give up put it in a letter tell her why, and that you cant change the spots on a leopard I cant change. Mothers are forgiving just dont give up one day you might regreat it.

[DonnaT]

the really great thing is they are all totally accepting and supportive of me and even want to help me as far as shopping and even with my wedding

Are you and your wife going through a second ceremony where you get to wear the dress or something? That'd be cool. Reason I ask is in your first post you said:

luckily enough i have the best wife to be in the world and she totally supports me in everything that i do thank god.

So I was confused but then thought maybe you get to be the bride this time. Just wondering.

[mskilmer]

Samantha, give her some time. She's in panic mode right now, but after a while she'll get over it. My family sounds a lot like yours in a way, and my Mom has had her share of challenges, too. My cousins are all lesbians or gay, my sister is white trash, I live in a relationship with two wives ... all of this understandably rocks her to her core foundation. I've even seen some surprising inability of some people on THIS discussion group to accept alternate lifestyles. But in the end it seems that nobody really cares that much about how someone else lives his/her life. Eight yers ago when I told my mother my "other" wife and I were having a child, she was very upset and didn't know what she was going to tell her friends, etc. Now it's like everything is normal. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are very sincere in how we live. Wow ... can I ramble or what!? Anyway ... just give het some time. Tell her you'll always love her and welcome her, and hopefully she'll calm down and realize it's really no big deal.

[Jodi Lynn]

Hi, My neice is a lesbian. While she has never came out to me or my side of the family. She is very open about in many ways and I can tell. She has lived with the same girl for the past 5 years. They have moved all over the place. Right now they are living with my brother and sister-in-law, (Mom and Dad). They sleep in the same bed. Then seem to be very understanding and accept them both with open arms. Now my Dad, how also live in the same house is another story. He can't say that the two of them are together. And , he can't undersdtand how the other girl can be so accepted by the rest of us. I went over there a few days ago and they both gave me a big hug, the GF was the frist one that huged me. But it does show how the different genrations are more accepting of accepting alternate lifestyles. Maybe I am more accepting because of my own alternate life style. I have no problem with it at all.

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

Yes we are having 2 cermonies one for the family that is all traditional and one for us and the few friends that know about me where i will be the blushing bride. i cant wait as far as my family the jury is still out as to what i want to do with my mother. I just dont know how much more i can take of being belittled and put down by my mother, because she sees that what myself and my sister do is against the lord and that we are complete sinners. i personally cannot find anything in the bible that says crossdressing is wrong and if i am not hurting anybody else including myself what is wrong with it. guess i just cant see her point of view on the subject. I have decided to live my life for me and my wife to be and my kids and follow the teachings of the bible as much as possible. i do hold a job in public service and help people every day and what really grips my butt is that if the public found out about me they would not call on me for my services. how wrong is that????? maybe i am the messed up one here, but i don't think so. i am a very intouch person with both sides of my personality, heck even my gf's exhusband who we are very good friends with, accepted me and he's a biker who is very straight and alpha male. that's the exact personality that i would expect problems with. i guess what i am rambling on about is the fact that generation x seems to be much more tollerant of different people than the baby boomers, which shows a shift in societys perception of people in general. usually i am very alpha male, i am a manager of a mechanic shop with 14 guys under me and also work public service. but when i get home i am very femme and just want the soft side of life and to be pampered. needless to say going out in my home town is out of the question but cant wait to go to a large city to venture out an idea in which my gf is very supportive of. thanks for the wonderfull pieces of advice in which you gals have given me it is priceless and i take every word at face value cus you have been where i am at. this is the best group that i have ever found compared to some that are just intrested in sex thanks to the moderators and origanitors of this site very much.

[elizabeth nicole]

There is an old saying that time heals all wounds.When my second wife told her mother and i that she was a lesbian i almost died .her mother did not speak to her for six months now we are best of friends and her mother has accepted the fact that it was not her fault.GIve her time but keep the door open for her to talk to you.Dont shut it at all.

[Dana]

I didn't even bother reading through most of the other post past yours. Here's my take

Your sister is your mother's daughter ~ always has been ~ always will be!

You are your mother's son ~always have been ~ always will be!

You are of one mind!

Your sister is of another!

Your mother is of another, a product of another generation, one that is less enlightened, less educated of such things. It has taken at least three generations to get "us" as far as we are today ~ and we've still far to go. We ourselves have stumbled and fumbled through the wildresses, to get where we are. Her thoughts, her beliefs, her core values, her morals, her ethics ~ you are you, we, I to thrust our "life experiences" upon her.

Why make an issue of any of this? Why flaunt it in her face? Can be being the son and daugther that SHE perceives as you being, and as SHE perceives you and your sister to be asking too much? Can't you go over and see her, be with her, break bread with her once a week, twice or once a month ~ and let this woman's perception of the world or reality remain intact ~ is that too much to ask. A couple of hours out of your life ~ and then you can go back to YOUR world and YOUR reality!

Its like "Daddy" told me, (he's been gone three years now) when he KNEW he didn't have much longer on this Earth, "Once you're Mother and Father are gone ~ you're pretty much on your own!"

The time to cherish your Mother, is here and now! She's NOT going to live forwever, you know!

You don't have to LIKE your parents, but you DO have to love them ~ within reason. You don't have to agree with them, but you don't have to put it in their face ~ as you and your sister has done.

There's a word ~ its called RESPECT! What you or your sister do in your own home behind closed doors, with another consenting ADULT, is one thing, but why are you bringing all of this to your MOTHER'S front door?

As a parent she asks of you, that you be her son, and that you love her un-conditionally, and that you respect her. In respecting her, respect her values, her beliefs, her ethics, her "up-bringings" She's spent a lifetime acquiring them! Yet, you cast them like perals befor swine?

And, then expect her to come to you, call you, answer you beck and call~ I think not!

What you need to say to her, and what your sister should say to your Mom is
"I want, I need you IN my life ~ not in my business!"

[melinda1222]

way to go standing beside your sister. Your mom will come around she has been left with few choices either sccept it or walk away from your family which is a very high price to pay. Give it time.