A breakthrough in a long struggle

[suzanne]

I had the most wonderful conversation with my wife recently. In the past, she was vehemently against my dressing, and later admitted she preferred to see me dead rather than in a dress. So any movement away from that stance is a small miracle. But she also never wants to talk about Suzanne's feeling, so I was left with the one thing I could think of, which is to dress as I please and show her nothing bad happens when I do.

So one morning last week, I put on a short velvet skirt and a nice top with cardigan, sat on my hotel room bed facing her on hers, and began:

Me: "I think I've been unfair to you. I may have been asking you for more understanding than you can manage. I realize now that when this person first appeared, I wanted her dead and gone, the way you did.

Her: "I don?t want you dead any more"

Me: "I know you don?t. The point is, It took a long time for me to accept her, then embrace her, until I learned she is such a big part of me that I am not a whole person without her. I would be just an empty shell. And its no surprise that it's been a long struggle for you too."

Her: "Now, I like a lot of the clothes you wear. And I'm beginning to love the person you're becoming."

We hugged for a very long time, and for the first time in years, we both felt closer to each other.

It was so big a moment, I just had to share. Thanks for reading.

[Emily in the south]

Wow, that's a huge moment! Thanks for sharing that, and very happy to hear about a turnaround as significant as that.

You should consider doing something special for her, to emphasize how much it means to you.

Emily

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Definitely a breakthrough Suzanne, congratulations.

[NjJamie]

Suzanne, sounds like a wonderful move forward, you're giving the rest of us confidence that similar acceptance could be in our futures!

[Marie-Jo]

To me it looks like you two have a growing love relationship in sight.
Nice to read, thank you.

[NancySue]

Suzanne, congratulations on a giant step forward. FWIW, I, for better or worst, I decided to tell my wife before we walked the aisle, expecting the worst. Yes, at first, she was kinda shocked knowing nothing about CDing. We had many heart to hearts. Her first concern was if I was gay or bi. I assured her I was straight. Over the next few weeks, to try to understand this phenomena, we both did a lot of reading and talking. I did my best to explain the why?s. Out of the blue, she bought me some panties and pantyhose. She said, they?re just clothes. Wow. She?s been very supportive and helpful, especially with makeup. I?m now retired and dress daily. To this day, I still don?t understand the pink fog, but I know it?s here.The best part is her sense of humor. Like many, she hates, hose, underwires, etc. of course my favorites. I truly hope things work out for you two.

[Debs]

Suzanne, what a brilliant approach to the problem, well done, now build on it, but dont rush it, make sure she is comfortable with every step and agrees its ok, always ask permission never spring anything new on her without talking about it first. I learned the hard way

[Kris Burton]

A heartwarming story Suzanne. I'm glad things seem to be working for the two of you. Others have mentioned, in this thread and others, to go slowly with every new step forward, and you have been rewarded for your patience. This does lead me to the question - how long did it take you to go from your reveal to this point?

[Fiona_44]

Suzanne,

Congrats on a truly lovely story. Buy your wife some flowers! I wish you all the best moving forward.

Fiona

[char GG]

Nice story! It?s wonderful that you gave her time and were patient. Acceptance sometimes takes a while.

[Stephanie47]

Suzanne, I wish you and your wife many future years together. Definitely, there is progress. Sometimes I wonder how much, if any, of the attributes of a husband is grounded in the fact a husband is a cross dresser. Not two many years ago I wrote a short letter of condolences to the widow of a cousin, who had died of kidney cancer. Although I had been to their wedding in the early 1970's, she did not know me from a hole in the ground. She told the oldest of all six of our generation of cousins about the letter, who asked to read it. He read it. He told me, where he lives in the south, the term for that sort of letter was "light." "Light" in the sense it was sensitive and more apt to come from a female. Go figure. So, I am a sensitive guy. I had been chastised over the years for not making my wife subservient to me. Rule the roost. So, ditch the sensitive cross dresser for the brute of a caveman. Maybe, I've pecked away too long.

I suppose based on Suzanne's sage, that marriage is one of longevity. We just have to respect the personal boundaries an unsuspecting wife may have when there is the reveal.

[Heather76]

Suzanne, that is a huge breakthrough. But, you already know that. Congrats on making solid progress.

[Judy-Somthing]

So Cool!

[Natalie5004]

Please don't make me cry.

[Crissy 107]

Congrats on such a major breakthrough, Enjoy!

[RoxieChristine]

That is so sweet and amazing. It took alot of courage on your part and it is wonderful the outcome. I saw wish you the best going forward. Congratulations!
Roxie

[alwayshave]

Suzanne, that is such a lovely conversation. Good for you.

[DianeT]

Congratulations Suzanne.

[JackieD]

Congratulations. This is the first day of the rest of your life

[Jolene Robertson]

Hi Suzanne,

That is a giant step! Glad it's getting better, a lot better. Thanks for sharing your special moment with us.

[BrittanyB]

Such a lovely story! Thank you for sharing, Suzanne.

[sometimes_me]

That must have been a real special moment!

[DaniellaUK]

Wow, super happy for you xx Having an understanding S.O is probably the greatest thing ever. Looking forward to reading about your next steps, big hugs x

[GretchenM]

Congratulations and thank you so much for posting this. All too often we try to persuade by using facts rather than feelings. Relationships are actually based on feelings that trigger empathetic interchanges and connections. This conversation is a beautiful example of just how that works. Empathy brings understanding.

[Aunt Kelly]

You must do something extraordinarily nice for this woman, and I mean today. :)

[Joanne Curl]

Congratulations!! What a wonderful story. It’s what we dream will be the outcome when you’re a married cross dresser.

[Valerie Louise]

So awesome and I?m very happy for you!

[suzanne]

Thank you all for your comments. It truly has been a test of patience and of finding the right way to start such a conversation. One reason we've stayed together is her Catholic upbringing in which she took "for better or worse" very seriously these 40 years. Without it, she would have blown the marriage to smithereens.

Because I myself tried to kill off Suzanne when she first appeared and later tried to hide her, my wife felt like she had been lied to, which probably made our journey longer and more difficult than necessary. Obviously, being honest about it up front, as so many here suggest, is the best way to go, so I don't recommend doing it the way I have. But maybe I've been able to show that all is not lost if you've missed that boat.

[sometimes_me]

honesty up front is definately the best way i think. but we all know how hard that can be i guess.

[Veronica Lacey]

You had me at "I had the most wonderful conversation with my wife recently." Empathy is a beautiful thing. Inspiring moment. Thanks for sharing!