Are all CD's / TV's. TS in denial?

[DaniellaUK]

Applies to me. I know the truth, too afraid of hurting my loved ones. Anyone else in this position?

[Karren H]

Short answer. No. Kind of like saying all straight acting gays are really straight in denial? Gender ID and sexuality or two separate things. Just too many other variables involved.

[JackieD]

Don?t think you call it denial. It?s not want to out yourself , Having your love ones having to deal with the backlash. Neighbor, people they work with. Your kids dealing with this at school. It?s easyer to keep it hidden,

[GracieRose]

I believe that I'm transgender. However because of my current life circumstances (e.g. avoiding creating difficulty for my loved ones, specifically my wife) , I can only be myself part time and essentially function as a crossdresser. C'est la vie.

[Fiona_44]

No Daniella. Denial is when someone continually fights the notion that they are a cross dresser, tries to act like a "real man" and refuses to accept themselves as they really are. Not wanting to hurt your family or lose your job or your wife is dealing with the potential consequences of cross dressing and maybe prioritizing them over your cross dressing as being more important in your life.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Denial of what? I CD. I'm a guy, and I can easily prove it. If I thought I was a girl I wouldn't really be a CD, would I?

[kimdl93]

If you know the truth, you are not in denial. You are simply making a choice out of concern for your loved ones.

I would say that even someone who crossdresses for recreational purposes may make the choice to keep it confidential. Someone may identify as transgender but not strongly enough to be willing to commit to transition, and therefore keeps their gender identity concealed to a greater or lesser extent. Or perhaps some are simply not sure about what the right course of action may be, and put the decision on hold. These are not people in denial. They are making informed choices.

[MarinaTwelve200]

It is MY opinion that only those Cross-dressing people who IDENTIFY with women are Transsexuals, but not all of them feel it is worth the effort to actually go through a "transition". (the drive varies) Straight Crossdressing people who do not identify as female are called simply Crossdressers.

[alwayshave]

I'm not in denial. I'm happy with who I am and where I am in my crossdressing journey.

[Taylor Dame]

No, I'm not in denial. I'm just a heterosexual crossdresser who is happy where I am. I do venture out in public, but I have no desire to go any further.

[docrobbysherry]

Fact is, Daniella? When I started dressing 25 years ago I thot I was a TS. But, according to your post I was in denial.

Turns out I'm just a CD.:sad:

[Patience]

Definitely not "All".

[Heather76]

I'm not in denial. I just love wearing women's clothing, flaunting fake boobs, and engaging my more feminine self. But, I have NO desire to transition.

[April Rose]

"ALL"? No.

[Teri Ray]

I deny that I am denial. Err is that right? I deny I ever said that. Final answer.

[Kris Burton]

I was in denial of my crossdressing impulse for 40 or more years. I no longer am - and accept, indeed embrace, the fact that I am a crossdresser, and am a better person for it. I am not transgender.

[Judy-Somthing]

When I told my wife after 35 years of marriage, it emotionally hit her hard. Like real bad!

[Crissy 107]

No, not in denial, just enjoy what I can do

[Geena75]

TS to me means you want to BE a woman. I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a woman, but I have fun pretending to be one now and then. I doubt that means denial.

[Wendy James]

I'm not in denial. When I was younger I probably was and never thought of myself as a crossdresser, but now in my 50's I understand who I am. I am a crossdresser. I do not go out in public completely dressed, but enjoy getting fully dressed and spending time at home. I only wear lingerie under my drab clothing when in public, I like the way it makes me feel and helps me cope with a bad day. I spend a lot time thinking about who I am and more now then ever and always come to the conclusion that I am a heterosexual crossdresser and nothing more.

[Paulie Birmingham]

i hate when this question comes up and it does often. would it make you feel any better if we we said yes? is that what you want to hear?

you be who you want to be and leave the rest of us out of it .

[wendylovescd]

I?ve thought a lot about this including talking to a therapist at some point in the past and I?m pretty confident that I love my male self and don?t want to change but recognize that a sizeable enough femme part exists which needs just enough attention to be ?happy?. It has taken a number of years to figure this out. I do think straight crossdresser are tough for the current climate to accept and comprehend. IMHO

[MarinaTwelve200]

I think the question comes up because many people do not know the difference between CD, gay and trans, and put them ALL in one basket.--- "They are all the ways gays express themselves" and "they all want to be women," etc. Also the reason many ask "Are you gay?" the first time you tell them you cross dress. This stuff arises from the confusion and myths we learn as kids when we rely on our equally ignorant young peers for definitions of gay, etc. Some people have NEVER gone to psychology books or encyclopedias and look up the real meanings---even in adulthood.

I am straight and don't want to be a woman--so I am just a "cross-dresser". Although I would admit that as a youngster I had FEARS for my sexuality, but fortunately I looked it up in books and got a straight answer early on---Saved me a lot of Grief.

[Lana Mae]

No denial! Pre-op Transwoman here! I am Lana Mae! Gender-me! Hugs Lana Mae

[Misiokaku]

Also no denial here. I have been in denial for a long time. Since I told my wife I have been expanding my feminine wardrobe. I am a straight guy who prefers the look of a woman so much that I also want to look like a woman. But I know I am not a woman.

[NancyJ]

Transgender is a continuum, a matter of degree, rather than something you are or are not like you are alive or you are dead. I know that I am transgender. I have told my story on this forum more than once about first realizing that I was more than so called just a crossdresser. I, and others, have also been clear about why we have chosen not to transition. There is a category of trans referred to as: non transitioning transgender. Many crossdressers fit this category although many, perhaps most do not. But those of us who chose not to transition are not in denial. We know who we are and we have made a choice. Please respond that. Nancy

[JennyMay]

After a lot of thought about this I would say that I am not. I know I am a man. I have a wish deep inside me that l had been born female, but if a genie appeared and offered to change that now, I would say no. I love my wife, children and grandchildren and would never wish them out of existence. I’ve a feeling that if I had an ‘It’s a wonderful life’ moment and saw what it would have been like if I had been born female I would probably be glad I wasn’t, but that is about circumstances rather than identity. Life in my family growing up was bad enough. I think it would have probably been worse for a girl.

[DaniellaUK]

So sorry if I caused offence to any of you lovely girls. Perhaps my thread was clumsy. I guess I was posting about my own situation. I'm mixed up like crazy atm and should think more about what I post xxxxx

[Tracy Irving]

I enjoy being a man. I also enjoy the challenges of presenting as a woman and am learning so much every time I attempt to. This I cannot deny.

[SaraLin]

DaniellaUK,

You might as well ask if all women who "borrow" their man's shirts, jackets, or whatever - are TS in denial.

The question is making a HUGE assumption. Not every man who puts something feminine on his body wants to BE a woman.
It might be curiosity.
It could be that they like the feel.
Maybe it's a fetish.
Perhaps it's some form of rebellion against the norm.
MAYBE it's because they harbor trans feelings.
Or it could be some other reason I can't think of right now.

There are way too many reasons people do what they do for such a blanket assumption to have any value, so I suggest you throw it out and start over.

I think you're trying to ask about what you're feeling and trying to figure things out. That's good, but don't fall for the "simple" answer. Your reasons are your own and the only person who can answer your questions is you, yourself. Now - counselling, if you can afford it, can be a great help. A good one will not actually give you any answers, but they will know how to ask you the right questions and help guide you in finding your own answers.


As for me? I guess I'd put myself in the "non-practicing" trans category. I know what I feel, but I've accepted that for reasons of my own, I'm not acting on those feelings. Not yet, at least. Who knows what the future holds?

So - while I don't think of myself as a CD or TV, I'm also not in denial. "on hold" maybe? How about "hibernation?" Whatever the term, I limit myself to dressing at home, and only within limits that are acceptable to my wife. She is my anchor, my safe harbor - and my warden. It's complicated, but I love her and I'm staying put.

[Jillcder]

No apology needed great question. I know Im a straight married Crossdresser my only denial is telling my wife.

[Stephanie47]

This topic pops up frequently. A female counselor I see for war related trauma issues believes each person, man or woman, is born with some strands of dna of the opposite sex; in some it is more than in others. If I accept that premise, it wouldn't be we fall somewhere on that spectrum. I do not yearn to be a woman, although, if I was a woman that would be fine. In the beginning there was a lot of mental anguish around the desire to wear women's clothing which was also absent any desire to be a female. I was a rough and tumble little boy, then a teenager, then a young adult who needed to wear women's clothing. I fought the urge because wearing women's clothing was against societal norms and expectations. Once there is self acceptance for anyone, anywhere on the spectrum, then the problem is dealing with other people who have a problem accepting men and women who are different than themselves.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

I totally agree with kimdl93 who makes a great point, that many merely make informed choices out of concern for their love ones.

[Michelle1955]

I have reviewed the 3 threads you have started this year.
Your profile does not mention your age, I was born in 1955, so seen a lot of terms over the years.
Terms are confusing and many have become outdated.

A friend and I switched underwear and panties at out the age of 5 in her bedroom.
At 5 I had transgender issues, before that term was invented.
I have always felt a female locked in a male body. My teenage years were very rough on me having male equipment.

Sexual orientation is totally separate from being transgender. I been married to my wife for 43 years, so my head says I am female with male parts. So I am hetro with a lesbian twist I guess. I do feel a person can be say various % of male/female, the brain does funny things at times.

I wear panties daily, do not own any underwear. Basically an A cup in a bra, a bra is my pacifier when my head says I need more than panties. Clothing is cloths I wear both male and females.

My wife and I deal with my transgender, would I fully transition no, family and grand kids.
Would I like to have B or C breasts in a heart beat yes very much so.

I do not post much, but on forum daily.

I things work out for you, get professional help if you and wife need that extra step.

[DaniellaUK]

Some really interesting and helpful answers, thank you girls xxx I need to see my therapist again, I'm sooo confused right now.

[Kitty Sue]

No denial here. I really am little more than a man in a dress. I love dressing, however, at my core I am still a man.

[Ciarasissy]

Also no denial here. I have been in denial for a long time. Since I told my wife I have been expanding my feminine wardrobe. I am a straight guy who prefers the look of a woman so much that I also want to look like a woman. But I know I am not a woman.

Couldn't have put it any better.... also, I like the pleasure I get from my man bits.

[sometimes_miss]

The forms of denial I see most often here, are those who refer to themselves in third person, as a means to distance themselves from feminine feelings/behavior, likely because of the huge stigma that we are instilled with when we are young, being told that to be feminine in any way, is the absolutely worst thing that a boy can ever be.
The professing of their feminine mindset as 'my feminine side', is also just a way to deny that 'the REAL me is all male, all the time', the side that dresses up, talks like a girl, walks like a girl, does everything possible to emulate a girl, 'isn't the real me'. It's like an escape clause, to avoid believing what is obvious to everyone but himself.
Then, is the group who insists that they are absolutely, positively heterosexual, even though they discuss and desire to date and possibly have/try sexually intimate behavior with a man, 'but only when I'm en femme / being [fill in their self assigned female persona name]. They cannot under any circumstances accept that they have any homosexual feelings, so they assign it to the created imaginary female persona that they need to use, to avoid accepting their own homosexual desires.
I understand this. Many of us feel the need to bury feelings, desires, and memories deep in our subconscious, because they are simply incongruent with the values that we were indoctrinated with when we were growing up, as well as with the society we live in.
This is especially reinforced, by the fact that admitting to femininity, or homosexual desires, will likely destroy any chances we have of finding a female SO. Despite the protestations of those who have managed to find a tolerant female mate, the odds are so great against the rest of us doing so, are even worst than trying to win the lottery, and, the social stigma that remains about feminine men, can make it even dangerous for us to admit to it.
So let those who are in denial, stay that way. If they could figure out a way to deal with all the problems inherent with not being the 'all straight male, all the time' that it's likely everyone they know expects them to be, they would.
For a lot of us, taking on all that, is just too much to take.
Me? Sure, I know that my odds of meeting a woman who might be willing to date me knowing that I'm a crossdresser, might increase if I were out, and still had gay female friends who would bring me with them to the female gay bars when they went out, perhaps meeting a woman who was curious and attracted to femininity but not quite ready to date another woman, but my time for that is long past, for Though I once was, today, I'm no longer an attractive male, and appear absolutely grotesque when dressed as a female.
To those in denial, treat yourself as good as you can. Get what happiness that you can out of this life, because it's all we have.

[Gillian Gigs]

Do I have feminine traits, yes, but I have masculine traits also. Do I like to wear certain female articles of clothing, yes, but the same can be said of typical male clothing. Have I been to a rodeo, yes, but I'm not a cowboy either! Clothes taketh not a man, or woman.

[kimmy p]

I am in the middle. I have no overwhelming drive to change my gender. Honestly I would like a pair of perky C-cups, but nothing more. But..... If I were to develop penile cancer and an operation that would end with a vagina instead ( not something that I have ever heard of obviously, this is just an example) I would not be crushed. So in other words, not looking for it but not opposed to it either. My wife on the other hand has made it quite clear that she has NO lesbian feelings. So it would probably be the end of my marriage. And nothing is worth that.

[Natalie5004]

My personal thoughts on this matter is. Yes, I am a Trans person. Will I ever transition? No. I feel so good when I start the day with a shower and clean shave, then proceed to full Natalie mode for the day. I am at the point I go out and do my outside errands.

But I am too afraid to blow up my almost perfect life with my wife. She knows and has seen me dressed 👗. But she is not thrilled and has told me point blank she is gone if I transition.

So, I if I were to rate my personna as 1 is male and 10 is female, I would give me a 3 to 4. We have women friends and more than one has said to me that I am such a girl 👧.

I love it when they say that.

[Genifer Teal]

No one reference the old joke yet. What's the difference between a crossdresser and a trans woman? Two to three years. I think what that's really saying may not be denial it just takes us a while to become comfortable or figure it out or whatever and for some it's the right path but I would never say all. Maybe more than think it at first but not any significant number or not. Who knows where it's going to go but in a couple of years you may feel differently about it.

[Cheryl T]

Denial no.
Indecision Yes.

At this point in my life I know I'm transgender. Am I TS, I just don't know yet.

[DaniellaUK]

I have unintentionally caused some kickback from some girls. I never said we all were/ are in denial, I asked the question. xxxx

[KymG]

I personally am not in denial. Im attracted to women, I like to dress up as one, but I do not want to be one.
Perhaps im lucky in that it didnt take a bigger hold on me, as it could have done.

I do wonder why and try and excuse it to myself, yes, but there is nothing to deny. If society didnt make such a big deal out this then it wouldnt matter so much.

In fact the only thing I deny myself is the chance of a normal relationship with a woman.

[TheHiddenMe]

No. I think the percent who wish to transition is very small compared to those who just wish to dress.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

If you asked me in 2019 I'd have probably say no, not me.

Cut to 2022, almost 2 years in on HRT wondering why I denied myself so long.

[oh to be rachel]

Full agreement!

I think I'd be in a slippery slope if I started dressing full time. I can't do anything halfway.

[Princess Chantal]

Nothing stopping me to do so in the whole 20 years of crossdressing and yet I have absolutely no interest in doing so. Why is that? Cause my crossdressing is an activity and has nothing to do with my gender identity. My crossdressing does not have anything to do with my sexuality as well.

[GretchenM]

Before 2013 I was in denial, for like 50 years. But between 2001 and 2013 I was a bit less so. In 2013 I accepted the female-like identity that drove me crazy during all that time. I hated her and figuratively tried to kill her. Or at least rid myself of this monster. Never worked because it can't work.

She made me think thoughts I did not want to have and do things I did not want to do, like live a secret life that I could not escape from. Several suicide attempts along the way and profound clinical depression. But I am not TS. More gender fluid. I explored TS and decided it was not for me - and my therapist even agreed that I did not fit the pattern usually seen in people who go that route. Once I accepted that I am a type of trans person my whole life changed.

It was difficult at first but the last few years have been some of happiest years of my life because now I know and understand myself. The male-like identity and the female-like identity are blended into a single package that is based on caring and cooperation with each other and toward the world around me. The phony strong masculine is dead and buried. Never again. It only brought misery because it was contrived to fit social expectations. How foolish I was. Life is good. My dear wife of 53 years likes the behavior part but not the dressing part, but when it comes to identity it is the way you think that is more important than the way you look. But I do mildly blend clothing in such a way that most people notice that something is up. Life is good. I smile a lot.

[Aunt Kelly]

Denial... of what, exactly?

[Sporco]

Applies to me. I know the truth, too afraid of hurting my loved ones. Anyone else in this position?

That's pretty much me. It took many years to figure it out. Several YouTube channels by Trans people and professional therapists helped. I dress to help with dysphoria and to get a glimpse of what life might have been like.

[CeCe]

I identify as a crossdresser because I sometimes wear women's clothes. I have no interest in diminishing my masculinity. I have facial and body hair. No way am I a transsexual in denial. Just pass me my bra. panties and male outerwear, please, because I need to run an errand.