Wifes question

[Maria 60]

The niebours went away for the weekend and giving me opportunity to open a bottle of wine and sit out back with my wife. After some small talk my wife complimented me how good her hand me down summer dress looked on me.
She then asked me a crazy question, that when I go to bed did I ever pray that I would wake up the next morning and my desire to dress would be gone? I giggled and asked her the big question would be if she ever prayed I would wake up one morning and it would be gone? She also giggled and told me it's rude to answer a question with a question.
I told her if I did pray and it came true my life would be so much easier, but not to get me wrong I would miss it. I would miss the feeling of wearing pantyhose and beautiful silk slips and the relaxing feeling of being dressed. But if I did wake up and the desire was gone it would definitely be life changing.
I then asked her how she would feel if that happened? She really surprised me with her answer. She told me when the kids were younger and I would struggle for opportunity to dress I would get frustrated and moody and sometimes aggressive and she admitted saying that prayer more then once. But now it's different, she fears I'm going to go back to male habits and hobbies. She said how much she enjoys clothe shopping and sharing stuff and modelling our clothes to each other. But most of all if I lose the desire to dress I won't spend as much time with her and our strong bond will weaken.
Wow! I was caught off guard with that answer and I instantly apologized for not including her in my answer telling her I thought she hated it but just tolerated it.
She told me my idea of life changing would probably be a change for the worse in our relationship. I felt these mixed emotions happy that she sees it as a positive but also sad that she believes I wouldn't spend as much time with her and she would miss having a husband/girlfriend.
Filled with emotions I went over a gave her a huge hug and told her with or without the dressing I will always be there for her and she is my rock.
Go figure, who would have ever thought I have to keep dressing to keep a strong relationship with my wife.
I would have thought saying that prayer and it coming true would be the best thing ever, I guess I never seen the other positive side of it.
Anyone here ever say that prayer and wish it came true and be honest wouldn't you miss some aspects of it?

[Michelle1955]

No, my dream has always been to wake a female over the years.
If that happen then the fear is family, grand kids, etc. adjusting.

[Marie-Jo]

No really not! That horrible thought would never enter my mind. Besides, does praying work better than therapy? Over night? I don?t think so. I am rather happy with how I am. I should maybe ask my wife that question :heehee: but she does not pray much.

[Helen_Highwater]

Maria,

I think you underestimate the level of acceptance you now have from your good lady wife.

It's obvious from your posts you're in a good place in your relationship. Don't be guilty of over thinking things. Go with the flow more and simply enjoy that which you've been gifted.

[char GG]

Mod note:

Please remember that there is a rule against discussing religion. Keep that in mind when responding to this thread.

[DaniellaUK]

Used to wish for my desire to go away on a daily basis.

Now the thought of not being Daniella is unthinkable.

Super happy for you Maria.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Pray? No. But I'll admit I've sometime been envious of guys who don't have the urge to CD, life must be so much simpler. Imagine never having to worry that someone might pop over, or wonder if the paramedics are going to have to cut your bra off.

On the other hand, those guys are quicker to condemn someone who merely wants to wear something different, and I don't want to be that guy either. Not to mention never knowing the feeling of wearing a short skirt in the yard while the breeze is blowing it up. That must suck.

[sometimes_miss]

I can't speak for others, but having the desire to crossdress magically disappear would eliminate a whole bunch of problems in my life. When younger, I did dream of waking up as a girl, but of course, if that had happened, it would just be exchanging one set of problems for another. I've known quite a few gay women, and few were really happy with their lives; in fact, when I finally told them I was a crossdresser, and spoke about all the problems I had finding a woman who was okay with it, they were all quite adamant that they were jealous of ME because as a straight man, I had access to so many beautiful women that THEY would just love to date.
All the gender crossing thoughts, and the desire to dress and behave as a female, has certainly screwed up my life a lot. So, sure, I wish that it would go away. But that's not going to happen.
So we have to learn to live with who we are. I try very hard to remember, that live could be a whole lot worse.
Always look on the bright side of life.

[Kris Burton]

I too can only speak for myself and personal situation, but I would not wish for, or pray, for anything like you describe Maria. As one who denied crossdressing desires for many years that finally embraced it, my life has been enriched by it. I've also met a nice bunch of folks, even if just virtually. To the extent that i am a happier person, my marriage is enhanced as well ( I did worry about that at first, but my fears were unfounded.) I do wish it were a less expensive sport, but that's about the only downside for me.

[SaraLin]

First, Maria 60 - I want to congratulate you on finding such a wonderful partner. Cherish her always!

Now about your question:
There have been lots of times when I've wanted to be "normal" (whatever that is) and to not have the desires that I do. But I've never sincerely and honestly wanted them to disappear. I just wouldn't be myself anymore and I suspect that the "other" me would be someone I didn't like as much.

[GretchenM]

Maria, I think you and your wife have reached a very important plateau - the point where it is the total person that is what one loves without breaking that person down into pieces and parts and considering those as being more or less independent of each other. Your wife recognizes that she appreciates her husband being able to engage in more female-like behaviors rather than being totally male-masculine.

Twenty years age there was a paper in a psychiatry journal on this very subject. It was a study of what makes a woman happy in a marriage and how does that relate to the gender behavior of her husband? The answer was that women, in general, prefer to have a male mate that is capable of being more like her than being totally male/masculine. The most unhappy women were those that we very strongly feminine married to a very strongly masculine male. Often that is a combination that creates a lot of stress and unhappiness. So, I think you and your wife need to be congratulated on having adapted to each other in a very happy way that is not totally one way or another but embraces the diversity that is possible and works with that to produce something that is different but very workable.

[CDMargret]

Hello. I too have a wonderful accepting wife who shops and dresses up with me. Let's me go to CD events with full support. I am not bi but not against others who are. To each their own. I have had those moments when family drops by and I am running for the locker room in a panic clothes changing fit. Oh how I hate it when they show up like that. Driveway alarms...as a CD it's a must. I have asked my wife if she wished I didn't CD and yes she has said but it's not a deal breaker. I never have wished that for myself yet I agree with others that life would be more simple without dressing. Dull, drab and scratchy but simpler.

[kimdl93]

Its good to know your wife finds so much value in you just as you are. You are fortunate.

My dad often used the expression “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride”. I don’t wish or pray. I struggle with accepting myself at times, but focus as best I can on dealing with the reality.

PS. I have tried very hard to deal with reality by attempting to repress the desire. I think my personal best was about 18 months, after which I resumed. My motivator at the time was that I thought I could impress upon my ex that I had given up what had become for her over time intolerable. It did not work. When she advised that she was moving on to a new relationship, I finally realized the futility of my effort (tho made in good faith) and immediately resumed my life as I wanted to live it. In a sense, I had a reason to stop and I stopped. And when that reason no longer was valid, I chose to resume cross dressing.

[Jenn A116]

very interesting conversation Maria! Obviously you and your wife have a good working relationship.

I've never prayed to be cured of my CD'ing. Nor have I prayed to become female. I know who/what I am and accept it all.

[Cheryl T]

Never.
Even as a young child I would fall asleep wishing to wake up as a girl.

[Stephanie47]

I grabbed my first cup of coffee this morning and opened up this forum. Heady stuff for the first cup. I always live reading Maria's thoughts. As a child of the 1950's and 1960's it was a deep struggle to come to terms with my desires. I am not one to pray about such things. Yes, my life would have been a lot simpler if I was not a cross dresser. Sometimes it was and still is a rough ride. I cannot really attest to who I may have become without these feelings. It's a "What if?" question. I know I am tolerant of others because of my struggle. One always reads of people going off the rails and lashing out at people who are like themselves because they detest themselves.

I am in a PTSD support group with fellow veterans of Nam. Of the 12-13 I am the only one who did not medicate with alcohol and/or drugs. I medicated with wearing women's attire where to some degree I became that other person concealed within me. I wish my wife was as understanding as Maria's wife. I do mull over in my head if wives ever consider their husband's desires had something to do with developing those attributes that attracted them to their husbands. Also, as Maria's wife observed, a personality can change if not given the opportunity to express oneself. Sometimes life as a cross dresser can be a challenge, as well as living with a cross dresser can be a challenge.

Darn, I need that second cup right now.

[JulieC]

I've never made that prayer, but I did make an oath to stop CDing. This was in a period of my life when self hate over CDing was quite high. That oath of course failed, making the self loathing worse. That's still there, and probably always will be, but it's far more at bay now.

Maria, like you, my wife appreciates my CDing in what it adds to our relationship. I'm happy to go shopping with her, I don't have the stereotypical male hatred of being in a lingerie section, I have knowledge of sizes, fashion, etc. She also appreciates that I don't display as many of the bad aspects of masculinity as the average guy.

This has been a journey for both of us, now more than 20 years. She's known of my CDing from a few months into dating and forward. It hasn't always been smooth, but over the years of growing together it's become smooth. She knows, and embraces that I am not two people living inside one body. I've never wanted to embrace some duality of existence. We do refer to my CDing in the third person sometimes, like if we're in a store either of us might say "I'm getting that for Julie", or "Do you think Julie would like this?", etc.

As we all know there is no such thing as "normal". If I ever did find a "normal" person, it would freak me out. They're more rare than a unicorn. All of us have our things. There's also the grass-is-greener effect. Life can be a real crapshow at times, and our brains can easily wander into fantasizing about a different existence without the struggles of the here and now. But the reality is every existence has its downsides. That's not to make them all the same; some harsh realities are truly harsh. But, every existence on this mortal coil has its nightmares.

[ambigendrous]

I spent my youth wishing I would wake up as a girl, but we all know how that works out! Now, if I would wake up with no desire to wear the clothes, and no memory of ever wanting to wear the clothes I guess I'd be okay with it, but if I were to wake up with no desire to wear the clothes, but still had the memories of the previous life I'd probably start crossdressing again...

I often tell my wife that if I were to wake up with my own breasts popping out of my chest I wouldn't be upset - she just laughs, shakes her head, and says she gets tired of carrying hers around all day, every day!

[bridget thronton]

You have a great wife Maria. To answer your question I am not sure I ever wished I could stop, quite the opposite I may have wished to have been born female.

[docrobbysherry]

Maria, lovely post! And, a perfect example of why and how honest personal discussions between partners can keep your relationship fresh and alive!:hugs:

On the other hand, your post about suddenly losing your desire was off base. Because losing your desire would mean u wouldn't miss dressing either!:heehee:

[Genifer Teal]

It's like the old joke. Be careful what you wish for you may get exactly what you asked for but not in the way you expect. If you woke up tomorrow and you were a woman essentially the cd problem would go away. I'd take that answer but maybe not everyone here.

[Geena75]

I suppose I have wished for one of two things. One would be that I had no desire whatsoever to cross-dress and it would be all behind me. It was rare to wish that. More frequent was the wish that my situation was such that I could pursue this 'peculiar pastime' more frequently and openly. My current situation of struggling to find opportunities to enjoy being Geena is frustrating.

[Jillcder]

What a sweet accepting wife you have Maria. Over the last year my wife and I have retired we spend most of our days together yesterday we were out all day at different stores and restaurants I was thinking how I would love to occasionally be dressed and have a girlfriends day with my her we have a strong marriage for me this would just make it stronger I will find out someday soon if she agrees. I worry that my Crossdressing will damage our relationship but your wife is proof that it may strengthen it also.

[Karren H]

There have been many times I had wished it would just go away for ever and at least as many times if not more that I had wished I would wake up a woman. Think that either one would make life a lot less complicated than the situation I am currently in.

[alwayshave]

Maria, You are so lucky. Your wife's insights into dressing are wonderful.

[JackieD]

Her. Life would total change if you were gone. You two except your life. The two of you make up that relationship. Any change in daily life changes everything. It would be harder if you were gone. Less money more expenses. Someone must be paid to do what you do. It seems like you are in a good place. No one?s life is perfect. It?s just how well you deal with it

[April Rose]

You are there for her and she is there for you. Wise and kind and fortunate.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

anything to relieve me of the torment of being caught between a rock and a hard place

[Krisi]

The real question would be; Do you ever go to bed at night and pray that you will wake up as a woman?

That would be my prayer (knowing of course, that this is impossible and could never happen).

[suzanne]

If your dressing were to disappear your relationship would change for the worse? Wow, and by that I mean WOW!!! I can't think of a more unexpected exchange. Congratulations, you've clearly done a lot of things perfectly for your spouse to see you in that light. That conversation must make you feel as good as I did when my wife told me, "I'm beginning to love the person you're becoming."

[ColletteC]

It looks like you have an understanding and happy wife that you can share intimate conversations with. Be appreciative.

[Gi Gondin]

Maria, thanks for sharing with us this moment. Very thoughtful comments and inputs from many members. I believe that anything is our life that brings a struggle and at the same time is a inseparable part of us is a strong candidate to be wished magically gone!

Have discussed with my girlfriend this possibility and our conclusion is very similar to yours regarding the benefits of our current relationship. But what shocked me was the fact that without cross dressing we probably wouldn?t have made this far as a couple. She views the cross dressing as a safe heaven of happiness, true expression and honesty. We cherish as a couple this reality in our relationship.

Thanks again for sharing!

[fly2188]

She then asked me a crazy question, that when I go to bed did I ever pray that I would wake up the next morning and my desire to dress would be gone?

Not a chance. Like some others here said, when I go to bed I have thoughts of waking up 100% as a woman.