A new chapter in my life

[Wendy James]

I guess I knew it was coming. Our marriage had been tough for several years and when I came to her a few years back, it started to go down a little faster. We tried all sorts of things, romantic get aways, getting involved in each others hobbies and even counseling which ended when Covid hit with a yelling match between my wife and the therapist because she wanted the therapist to convince me to change my ways. About a year ago we redid part of the inside of our home which meant moving to the upstairs while they worked. When they finished I did not move back down as we were barely talking. I took my youngest to college for his freshman year 3 weeks ago and we have been alone in the house since. No matter what I tried I was being ignored until today. I arrived home and my phone range and she told me she filed for divorce and would be staying out of the house for a few weeks while I arranged to move out. I think I am still a little numb. I knew something was probably going to happen, but when it did I was still not ready. I truly do not know where to start - find a place to live, start packing, find a lawyer and still go to work. I know the next few months will be tough but I also know that afterwards there are so many things I want to do besides being open about crossdressing in my home that it will be better in the long run. I am glad I found this site and get to read all the comments and posts. Recently over the last few months I have felt alone and seeing that I am not the only one definitely makes life easier. Looking forward to being able to post successes and great things after this very short chapter called divorce ends and the new chapter of the awakening starts.

[char GG]

Sorry Wendy,

That is probably not the outcome that you envisioned. Take care.

[Sandra_Dodds]

Sadly, you are experiencing what many of us dread or have encountered. Hopefully, this new chapter brings more opportunities for you to be a happier Wendy.

[Valerie Louise]

My condolences, to both of you. I?m a stranger to you, but we are sisters in our obsession. I applaud you that you told her, as I told mine. Once it?s out, the dice go down the table, and in my case they came up intact, but yours say divorce. I could easily be in your shoes
I have no experience in this, but in other posts with stories like this, the wife uses the cross dressing against you in the divorce proceedings. I strongly recommend you take some time off and focus on getting the best lawyer you can find. It might go amicably. It might get ugly. Be prepared.

[Kris Burton]

Your situation is sad and painful Wendy, and my sympathies go out to you. I must say though that I agree with Valerie. For all the hurt you are feeling right now, it is important that you protect yourself and your reputation legally. My first wife filed for divorce quite unexpectedly, nothing to do with CDing by the way,and I was so caught by surprise and heartbroken that I left myself wide open for even more pain and loss by not challenging some of the accusations legally. If you have children, and a home of your own it is even more important. Be strong - and I think you will see better times are ahead.

[Geena75]

What to say in this situation? So sorry? But, if you are incompatible, isn't it for the best? I really do feel bad about what you are going through. My son's wife left him and he was devastated for months. Good advice about bracing yourself. If your dressing was the 'straw and the camel's back,' I would exercise extreme caution about your digital footprint and indulging in this peculiar pastime. Does your ex-to be know about this site or your activity on it? Definitely purge any photos from her access.

I've known couples that kept things civil without one party taking advantage of the other - that may be a worthy goal.

Through it all, hang in there. As you said, this is a new chapter for you. Things won't be the same, but it doesn't mean they can't be better than before.

[NjJamie]

Wendy, good luck and please reach out if you need help! I've seen some "easy" as well as difficult divorces, none were something anyone looked forward to but each and every person made it through the event, you will as well.

[Pumped]

Sorry to hear, but to clarify, it sounds like your relationship was poor before your CD'ing was brought out to your wife. The CD'ing didn't help, but it sounds like it may have been over by then.

[Heather76]

My first wife and I divorced after 17 years of marriage. My second, and current, wife have been married almost 39 years. There is life after divorce. In fact, my life is infinitely better than I ever imagined and probably a lot better than I deserve. My divorce had nothing to do with CDing as I wasn't doing that until just a couple years ago. From my experience, find the BEST divorce lawyer you can find and do it NOW. Everything else will work out.

[Debs]

Wendy, why are you moving out, tell her to do one, its your house , if you are paying the bills its yours, sorry a little harsh but your on your own now, deep breath look after yourself, she will take, take take if you let her. been there got the tee shirt watched the movie. it hurts, but stand up for yourself, I didnt but looking back I was just a big softie, wont happen again believe me.

[sometimes_me]

im sorry to hear you got to this point.

but whatever you do don't just move out of the house. this can be used against you in divorce court.
unless you both already have on paper how your assets will be split with a mediator.
i know it hurts. i've been there but now you must take your actions to protect yourself.

this is going to sound harsh, and i don't know your exact situation. but she is the one that's done so she can leave.
if you can do this through a mediator all the better, if not it would be wise to contact a divorce lawyer right now for better advice then i can give.

it hurts and the world is a mess right now, but you'll need to take action right now to get some mesure of protection for yourself.


all the best

[Helen_Highwater]

Sounds like this was inevitable.

I too will say don't move unless she turns up with cash equivalent to half the current value of the house. She left, she made the decision to do so. Stand your ground. Marriage is a partnership with shared assets. Half of them are yours. The days of the wife getting everything have, in the UK at least, been long gone.

[Jolene Robertson]

So sorry to hear it Wendy, That's our worse nightmare. It's the outcome we don't want and why so many stay in the closet as long as they can stand it. Best wishes.

Jolene

[Annajose]

Very sorry for what you have to go through, I have no experience on this, but the advise given already seems very wise, do not give up!

[kimdl93]

I am very sorry to hear that your marriage has come to this. The details are different but the broad themes are very familiar to many of us. Best wishes as you go forward with your life.

[Kelli_cd]

I'm sorry you have to experience this.
If she has "left the house" to allow you to pack and then leave, dont leave! Talk to a divorce lawyer ASAP.
By leaving, she is abandoning her right to the house. A local firm here advertises saying that men make a huge mistake when they move out.
Half the house is still yours. Don't move out unless or until your attorney advise you to do so.
As others have said, mind your online activities. It might be wise to stay away from anything to do with CD until the proceedings are completed. Personal, it would be difficult for me, but I would whatever I had to when the stakes are this high.
I wish you a peaceful journey, and hope for your best outcome.

[Sandi Beech]

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I just wanted to add that I agree with the others that you need a really good lawyer ASAP. I sat on jury duty one time to divide up one million dollars in assets in a divorce case. Her lawyer was good, his was bad. Her lawyer said we could divide up the assets based on who was more culpable for the marriage falling apart. All he got was an old car he was fixing up and his tools. She got everything else. I thought it was unfair but no one went along with me so I gave in to the others on the case. Please get a good lawyer.

Hang in there.

Sandi

[GretchenM]

I agree with Sandi. A good lawyer is important. It sounds like your wife is the type of person who would do what Sandi saw as a juror in that case. She seems to have a pattern of demanding what she wants and getting angry when she doesn't get it.

[RoxieChristine]

I went through a divorce years ago and my heart pours out for you. I've never been so alone and depressed in my life. I went I to a dark place in those days. Others have given some good advice about getting a lawyer. I know it can be difficult to think through some things like that now, but you have to. The best advice I can give is take care of yourself in every way, not just legally. Counseling may be good now, either a professional or just having a close friend to talk to. I isolated myself, and that was my mistake. It is hard to go through it even when you see it coming a mile away. My prayers are with you.
Roxie

[Stephanie47]

I will agree with many others that you should contact a divorce attorney. Your wife assumes you're the one vacating the marital home. Why? She already moved out. Change the locks. If she had left message on phone or texts, save them to show she vacated. If push comes to shove, force the sale of the home. Your youngest is off to college. Frankly, Florida is a toxic environment for anybody who is LGBTQ+. If your wife is so non-accepting of you, even if you cross dress out of sight with no visual signs of body modification, I'd say any hope for change in misguided.

Get that divorce attorney and change the locks before she does.

[Debbie Denier]

Agree with the others . Stand your ground dont leave Sort it out in the courtroom with a good lawyer acting on your behalf.

[Genifer Teal]

Renovations just before divorce? Let that figure into the legal proceedings. Hope all goes well.

[JackieD]

So sorry to hear this. Don?t know why it?s has to come to this. Best of luck in your new life

[giuseppina]

I'm saddened to hear of your issues, Wendy.

I agree with the posters above in engaging a lawyer specialising in family law to learn exactly what your rights are. I learned changing the locks isn't allowed in my jurisdiction when an uncle and his wife called it quits.

Around here, the courts generally look upon those who act reasonably with some favour.

[docrobbysherry]

This happened to me too, many years ago, Wendy. U sound like you're taking it much better than I did because you're already looking ahead!:thumbsup:
For me back then? It was like the end of the world!:doh:

But, looking back now? It was for good for me, my kids, and Sherry!:battingeyelashes:

After I got over it, I realize it was the best thing that could have happened as the divorce let me move on with my wonderful life.:)

Instead of sinking as she has ever since we split up!:sad:

[Gi Gondin]

Very sorry to hear about your struggle. Hope you overcome all this difficulties and grow stronger!

[Valerie Louise]

I think it?s time for us to move away from sympathies toward support.
The best I can do for you is to push you now.
What did you do today to secure a good lawyer?
Have you purchased new locks yet?

I had to do this for a friend who wouldn?t schedule a dentist appointment. I started like this, just asking for progress. As he dug in, so did I , ultimately sending graphic photos of people with poor dental hygiene. He relented, and now, two crowns later, three appts and the discovery that he has an ENT problem, he?s on the mend.

Don?t make us hound you to take care of yourself.
And I?m terribly sorry that this is happening, sister.

[WildDaisy85]

Very sorry to hear Wendy, a relationship breaking up is never easy. Unfortunately I feel that I may be headed down the same road in a few years as my kids are younger. Hope it all works out for you, but DEFINITELY consult a lawyer. I?d also take further steps of changing all of your online passwords and ensuring she doesn?t have any access to any photos or items you might find embarrassing.

Also, if you have any joint accounts or loans, talk to your banker to find out what you need to do to protect yourself and your future. Had a friend who?s wife drained his entire savings and transferred it out of his account and he never got it back. She knew his online banking passwords so he couldn?t prove it was actually her who did it so the bank and courts couldn?t do anything about it. I believe she transferred it all to a crypto exchange and sent the money to different wallets. He suspects she then transferred it to other accounts she hid.

[DianeT]

Good luck Wendy.

[ColletteC]

I?m very sorry you?re apparently heading for the divorce courts. I went through a divorce about 8 years ago after having been separated for about 5-6 years. My divorce was somewhat amiable although she initiated it and it involved primarily other issues besides CDing. We have 2 grown children in their 20?s and we always made a point of never putting down or bad mouthing the other parent in the presence of the children & they?ve turned out pretty well although a divorce is always traumatic for children unless there?s physical/mental abuse involved and divorce is the only logical option. My wife and I have actually become friends ?we just couldn?t live together under the same roof. She was not a money grubber and we split things pretty equally. At the same time I would follow all the advice of other posters and especially by getting a good lawyer and vigorously defending your rights and interests. All the best to you and try to remain positive and hopeful.

[Fiona_44]

Wendy,

I know it's a confusing time for you right now but please listen to some of the previous advice. Your welfare and that of your kids come first so be proactive, not reactive to whatever your wife dictates. There will be some tough times ahead but your future is indeed brighter, there's no reason to live the remainder of your life mired in a sour relationship. I was married & divorced once and after a while I met my second wife who was the love of my life. We had 42 years together during which I discovered the meaning of true love.

I repeat - your future is brighter. Stay positive and stay strong.

Fiona

[alwayshave]

Wendy, Do not move out of the house. Get a lawyer and reply to the divorce complaint stating that she abandoned the marriage and the home. She has done both. Fight for the home.

[susanmichelle]

Yes stay in the house and get a great lawyer. I know from experience when we split I left because of the kids wanting to make sure they had a home but soon as she got the house and divorce was final she just let the house go back it broke my heart I spent 4 years and tons of money fixing everything and then upgrading as well. Anyway house would have been paid in full in year and a half literally owed $4,500 on house. Got it cheap because of all the problems and fixed them all and approved by building commissioners offices. So if I?d fought for house I would have at least had a home she went to apartment living then moved to another state and remarried. Found someone like herself another Alcoholic. If in the divorce you can?t keep it at least neither one gets it sell and split equity at least you?ll come out with something

[ronny0]

As many have said, DON'T move out..... Not sure about changing the locks, but worth a try.....
Florida is a community property and no fault divorce state.....
That being said, go to a attorney ASAP. Save any communications from your wife & document her actions.
IF you have been married a short time, most likely you will not have to split everything 50/50.
IF you have been married a long time, you are in deep do-do.......
Divorce lawyers can fill their clients with dreams that can drag everything out and really add to the legal fees.
OFTEN the legal fees can exceed the value of the items you are fighting over.
If you co-signed a loan for the house improvements. That needs to be resolved as part of the settlement.
I went through a ugly divorce many many years ago. Married less than 2 years, after living together for over 10 years.
Her lawyer convinced her she could get the world. She was ready to fight over every little item.
On a whim I mentioned that I didn't think her family would approve of her infidelity.......
She settled the next day w/o any more fighting at all..... You just never know how things will work out.
BUT IMO neither lawyer will do much to lesson the fee that they will end up getting.
Paying the fees for 2 lawyers to argue / talk about divvying up stuff is foolish.
ALSO: the process of divorce can destroy any relationship that has not already crumbled....
Good Luck

[Robin-in-TX]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. As a lawyer, my advice to you is do nothing but secure your finances and find a family law attorney as soon as you can. Don't move out, don't change anything. Go see an attorney. Best of luck.

[Jeri Rene]

I have never liked myself or people enough to pursue relationships but She filed for divorce so YOU have to move out?
...?

[char GG]

Lots of advice. Mine is for both of you. Don't play games.

Work together on dissolving your marriage.

Obviously, you will both use attorneys but try to come to a reasonable separation agreement before the attorneys get involved.

[Robin-in-TX]

Obviously, you will both use attorneys but try to come to a reasonable separation agreement before the attorneys get involved.

Horrible advice, Char. His wife already has an attorney, she blindsided him with the divorce filing. She did not talk to him before serving him and then has made the demand that he vacate. This is adversarial already and he has had no counsel. The only advice that makes any sense is go get an attorney right away.

This case is already in court. Char's advice is late and you are behind, Wendy. Your wife knows her rights. She has had legal advice and she hid her plans from you. Go to an attorney.

[Valerie Louise]

So, um, Wendy ...
Haven't heard from you. Sorry to be a pest, but what is your current plan, given all the advice above?
Have you picked up the phone and identified a couple of lawyers to talk to? How did that go? I assume you are taking time off to protect yourself?
I know, that you know, she already has a lawyer, and each day that goes by, their plan strengthens.
Do you have a close friend who you can confide in that will push you to stay on top of this? Don't let your grief get in the way right now. You have to take care of you.
Please update me, as I'm going to keep after you, for your own good. Feel free to PM.
None of us know you. All of us care about you, and hate that this is happening to you.

[Sandi Beech]

I was just thinking about what happened to my boss and you need to be aware she could do this to you.

My boss had his house fixed up, new carpet and kitchen etc. His wife goes out of town to visit family for a week. While she was gone, the police served him with accusation of violence and had him kicked out of his own house along with the divorce papers. He had to find his own place to live for a year before it was finalized. The good news is that in the end, he said the settlement was fair, but she blindsided him and played dirty. The fact she said you have to get your own place could suggest that it you do not, you could be kicked out because that is all it takes - an accusation of violence.

Bottom line, get a good attorney ASAP.

Sandi

[Di]

Since you are given alot of advice the best thing for you to do is get an attorney ASAP. As many have stated
Getting advice from strangers that do not know everything and both sides really is not helpful and might be hurtful to you in the long run.
The laws are different in each state and even if you google it you get all kinds of different opinions.
I-agree with the no games comment and you might have to correspond through her attorney but seriously protect yourself and get an attorney.
We are sorry you are going through this and best wishes .

Reminder everyone had their life experiences/ give your opinion and let others give theirs .

[Dutchess]

Im backing Char and Di up.. I was so angry at some of these comments -especially the one to Char- that I accidentally deleted the entire comment....
OP I am sorry this is happening to you.. I know how it hurts ..try to ignore the "he men's women haters club" here and look to the ones that have some empathy and not vitriol towards women..
I know you know not to change any locks ..most judges in this country will not look favorably on anyone who does this. Especially men..
You can work this out in an adult fashion..unlike some here ...
It sounds like you really loved her too.

[Erin Lafleur]

First and foremost Wendy, I'm so sorry to hear of your current situation. I've been there before and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Although matters can seem overwhelming at the moment, it's important to keep a clear head as best you can given the circumstances.
If you want to stay in the home, at least for the near term, then do so. And most certainly change the locks (no Judge will give a damn, it's deemed reasonable).
Take possession and/or control of any liquid assets (joint bank/investment accounts etc). Home equity, pension interests will and must be dealt with in accordance with State law so that's not an immediate concern.
Keep meticulous notes, keep all correspondence written (texts are fine) and never type anything that you wouldn't want read in a deposition.
Don't be afraid to seek help from friends, relatives, Clergy whomever. Your emotional health will see you through more than anything...

[Robin-in-TX]

I don't know why you would be angry. I'm a practicing attorney and have been for more than two decades. I cannot tell you how many divorce cases I have handled. Telling someone after they have been served with a divorce complaint, without any prior notice, to work it out before the lawyers are involved is very bad advice. That ship sailed the moment Wendy was served. What Wendy needs is to ensure that nothing has changed with her finances, that happens often, and go see an attorney right away. The clock is ticking on answering the complaint and her wife wants her out of the house.

[char GG]

The way that I read the OP, the wife "claims" to have an attorney, but papers have not been served on the OP yet.

The talk with the wife was on the phone.

It does not sound like any legal action has started yet, unless a phone call is considered legal action.

[Di]

This thread is done
Reasons
1) the OP has not been back on since writing it a near three weeks ago
2) nothing about cding in this thread but tried to let it go but this is the cross dressing section
3) the op might have been served papers by now BUT they only said got a call from wife saying they got an attorney and move out
4) most members talked from their experience to help OP going by what he said got a call from his wife saying move out
5) some members not going by what we were told from the OP decided to EXPLAIN to the GGs who were giving advice from their experience and WHAT WAS actually said so far AND their life experience……as it happens many times here GGs help, experiences are dismissed.
6) I gave a warning give your OPINION and let other give theirs but ignored ^^ read above WHY
For all these reasons this thread is DONE
To the OP
Please seek an attorney seems to be everyone’s thoughts and best wishes.
Most everyone replying wanted to help and we wish you well.
Back to cross dressing in this section .