What should I do?

[MsMichelle22]

My 6 year old son who is a twin by the way is jealous of all his twin sisters clothes. And has been asking me and my wife to buy him panties and dresses too. By the way for those wondering I never crossdress in front of my kids I don't crossdress unless they're asleep or at school. My wife said it's ok with her if I want to raise him as a girl like I was. However I don't want to get him into this if it's just a phase although he's been asking for 8 months. On one hand I don't want to dress him if it's a phase on the other it would bring me so much joy to raise him like a girl like I was.
What should I do?:straightface:

:doll:Michelle :doll:

[Marla S]

Just my thoughts, as I have no children and it is therefore hard to form an opinion about it.
I think it is important not to project your whish to rise him as a girl onto him.
I'd try to exclude this thought.
If not already done, give him a chance to dress before buying clothes and carefully try to make him aware of the problems, though he is a bit young to understand it completaly.
In general I'd try to be supportive but in a diffident way.

[biggirlsarah]

Hello Michelle,
A difficult situation , but I would be inclined to do what he want's especialy if it's ok with your wife , and hope that he grows out of it , if he dosen't then so be it , because if you say to him no , then knowing little boy's as I do ( I used to be one ) he will probably go behind your back and do it in secret , and probably suffer all the guilt feelings that go with it , which will probably cause problems in later life , so hope it all go'es well ,lots of luck and lots of love Sarah xxx

[Helen MC]

I also have no kids and I am now divorced. I would go with the others let him wear girls' panties if he wishes. You don't say where you are from but here in the UK these days there is almost no difference between Boys and Girls underpants anyway, unike when I was a lad in the 1950s and 60s where the differences even in plain white cotton briefs were totally obvious. Girls' knickers then had elastic thought the lag bands and of course no fly in the front and had a narrow waistband with elastic through it and a double gusset (lined crotch) and came in many colours both dark regulation ones such as navy blue, bottle green, brown, grey etc as well as plain white to go with school uniform and in pretty girly shades such as pale blue, pink, yellow, and with floral patterns etc. Boys only had plain white undershorts or Y Front Briefs with a fly in the front and no leg elastics etc. The differences stuck out a mile even to the casual observer and a boy wearing girls' knickers as I did from the age of 12 would be instantly recognised as such if his underwear was seen when undressing etc.

These days underpants are unisex and those for both Boys and Girls are vitually identical with elastic round the waist and legs openings, a double gusset, in various colours and patterns and no fly in the front. The only real difference for girls' briefs would be their being in pink or having a lace trim or a pretty girlish pattern.

So if he wants to wear Girls' Panties let him and see where it goes. Of course it would be wise for him to wear plainer pairs and not pink ones for example on days he has to do PE or Gym at school and may have to get changed in the view of others boys so he doesn't get teased.

[Eugenie]

Our own son had a similar desire to dress as a girl when he was very young. In fact, in his case he had identified growing up as being like his older sister.

So we did let him dress like a girl. At home my wife had knitted a very nice gown for him and we had bought two sleeping gowns for him. Outside, since his sister was always in pants, it was easy for him to be dressed like her :-)

This lasted a few years. After that he switched back to masculine clothes. However I kept a very long hair cut, which he still has being more than 30 in age. So that's a possibility for the evolution of your own son. Note that sometimes opposing a behaviour is in the end reinforcing it as the child will do it as an act of rebellion...

I don't know, nor do I want to know, what is now his private life with regard to wearing feminine clothes. He is living with a girl friend and seems to be quite happy, that's what counts for me and my wife.

As a side note, I felt surprised that my wife wo wasn't too happy to see me x-dressing (that's an uphemism...) took our son's desire to dress like a girl without problem.

Love and I hope your son will find his way to happiness. He still has sometime though...

Eugenie

[kittypw GG]

I would say right off, do not raise him as a "girl". Raise him as himself. You don't need to place so much emphasis on "boy things" or "girl things". Let him dress how he wants, within reason, and don't make such a big deal about it. I had a counselor tell me once: "keep it simple stupid" I think this is great advice. The goal is to raise children to be accepting, forward thinking, responsible adults. Take each situation at face value, give advice geared toward helping him know and accept himself and keep it simple and age appropriate. Good luck Kitty

[Wombat]

Fortunately, I didn't suffer any of this with either my son or my daughter.

Let him be himself, but protect him. It's the same as watching him climb the gym in the playground - you have to let him be himself and learn but be ready to stop him killing himself.

If you try to force one identity over another, you'll be teaching him that there is something wrong with the way he thinks. So if he really wants to wear a dress (as opposed to just saying it), buy him one and let him wear it ... just be wary about letting him wear it in public where society might teach him intolerance.

If he grows out of it, you're safe and you've taught your lad a big lesson in acceptance and being yourself. If he doesn't grow out of it, you'll have to teach him about intolerance and how to handle it.

Personally, I think the chances are it's a phase, probably a dose of jealousy for his sister's 'toys'. It's not unusual at that age and I'm guessing that being the twin of a girl just makes it worse as he's close to someone wearing dresses. He'll grow out of that or shift it to something else. If you become convinced it is jealousy, buy him some super cool boy's stuff and see what happens.

I don't know if these kids are your eldest. If so, you may not be aware of how accepting kids are at that age. They'll forgive and forget anything and everything if allowed to (and if that's not the case in your school, I'd move him because it's the norm here in Oz). It'll be about 8 before he starts to develop some awareness of body type and shame, maybe later, maybe earlier. You can't push these things - to try to do so is more likely to teach them about shame or other negatives than anything else.

Wombat

[jodybi35]

Thank you for this post. I like the responses and they brought to mind a question. What if beginning now, all children were raised to wear unisex clothing? Children are so much more accepting of others, far less opinionated, and open to new things. By the time they were adults, there
would be no big thing about what they were wearing. Maybe how they
treated one another would become more important than how they dressed.
I happen to love the color pink, and have a couple of shirts that are pink.
When anyone is rude enough to make a comment about it, I just tell them
it takes a real man to wear pink. It is surprising how many girls agree with this. Of course, the ones who are rude have no idea that I am wearing pink
satin panties under my slacks. *LOL*

[Wombat]

Unisex clothing won't work Jody. My little princess (5) is ultra girly and it's not something I've tried to create. She will ALWAYS choose dresses over jeans - it's a fight to get her into jeans when they are appropriate. Jewellry? If she doesn't have it, she'll make it. Colours? Purple is the colour of choice, but she loves all the soft ones.

Girliness and boyishness is hardwired ... just like the interesting contradiction that we are

Wombat

[Miriannah]

If you can get him to understand the consequences of wearing female clothing in the eyes of society, and he is okay with it, then by all means, let him do what he wants. Just make sure he knows, life in school will be hell in most parts of the world.

[Anita Mae GG]

i can't even touch this one!:Angry3:

[Wombat]

i can't even touch this one!:Angry3:

If it weren't for the angry smilie, I'd think you were being a tease. There's a story here Tamm. Care to share?

Wombat

[PennieS]

I believe that if he wants to try something let him but he shouldn't be forced. i was shocked when my daughter in law came to visit with 2 of our grandchildren. We hadn't seen them in a bout 15 months because they live out of town, but the 4 year old boy was dressed very similar to his 10 month older sister and they almost looked like twins. His wavy blond hair was about shoulder length and she had it in a ponytail and both ears pierced just like his sisters, she says they wear the same size clothing so she just often dresses them in matching outfits, (no dresses but they were definetly girls clothes) She said he just often chooses the stuff she bought for his sister so she lets him wear it and he prefers to play with dolls and trucks and enjoys playing Barbie dressup with his sister and neighbor girls too. One day they were both wearing panties, the next day he had on little boys underwear. They both wear girls PJs to bed. My wife did not like it and said so, but i tried to keep the peace and told her to not get too over worked up about it. I told her it was fine to tell them what she thought about it, but do not cause hard feelings we might regret later. She told me it was probably my fault for being a feminite male and just cause i wear panties doesn't mean it was alright for her grandson to look like a girl. They left with some hard feelings but I hope it does not have some lasting effects on our relationships in the future. Does this Cding thing follow generations, is my granson more like me then I think or it it just the way his mother is raising him. Afterall I started arround 5 or 6, it does make one think, doesn't it.

[Anita Mae GG]

If it weren't for the angry smilie, I'd think you were being a tease. There's a story here Tamm. Care to share?

Wombat

Kids don't understand why they do/want things......let him grow up a little more before you subject him to society bashing him......give him a chance to understand the backlash he will get and to put him in that situation at 6 years old is not a good thing.

There is nothing wrong with crossdressing and it seems most started when they were young, but perhaps it is a case of imitating his sister. I have 2 boys and 2 girls. My youngest girl is 7....my oldest boy is 4...when they were younger, my boy used to like to wear her hats and dress up clothes, but it appears only because she was all he had to play with......he longer does this, he has a younger brother to hang out with. Not saying that this is definitely the case with your son but it could be....

IF he is destined to be a crossdresser, let him experiment AT HOME ONLY. Kids have a hard enough time adjusting to school, new friends, new teachers etc....don't throw that on top of it.....

BUT wait til he is a little older......

Just my opinion

[KarenXDR]

Ditto, ditto, ditto to your line of thought.

Lipstick kisses

Karen

[DonnaT]

He may be jealous, he may find the dresses and such much prettier than his own clothes, and he may be drawn to the visual and/or tactile feel of the clothing. This doesn't mean he is transgendered.

I suggest you let him wear what he wants (not all the time) at home within limits, but make sure he understands why it must be an at home thing. If it makes him happy and isn't hurting anyone, then I don't see the harm in it.

Then again, he may be transgendered, and you should be prepared for it. So here's a link to a website that you may find helpful:

http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/about/subclinical/subneuroscience/subgender/guide.aspx

Also, some web posts on whether children can decide:
http://citypaper.net/articles/2006-03-09/cb.shtml
http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=654

[HaleyPink2000]

When I was young I was at my Aunts Home lots playing with Her daughter.
My Aunt asked me one day if I wanted to dress in one of my Cousins dresses, and pointed to the closet I was next to. I wanted to say yes yes yes. But knowing my place in life I did not. I said, No!

But today I wish I had said yes. She had such elegant little Girl Dresses.
I was about 5 or 6. I actually did dress little till I was in my late 40's

As for your Child, I'd let Him wear what he wants to in life to a point. As long as it is not harmfull, distructive etc. Just like other things. Good parenting. I'd also not get bitter with Him over it! Ever! Oh and I'd make sure I let Him have His own dresses. Not Just Wearing His Sisters. :)

[Ellie]

I have a 6yo son myself and so far he has not brought up dressing up.

Perhaps because he is an only child and doesn't see a sister in pretty clothes but he hasn't shown any like to dress frilly.

I'd have to say that it is best to just go with the flow, let the boy decide how much or little he wants to try dressing. Be supportive but not directive. Many children play dress up from time to time and most of them don't do it again after they grow up.

If you let him know that either way he dresses that you'll still love and care for him just as much then perhaps when he is older and wants to dress he won't have to go through all the painful self-denial and other hang-ups.

Above all let it be his decision as to what he wants to wear and how much he wants to wear it. I think you'll find out quickly if he really likes it or not.

[MsMichelle22]

Thank you everyone you all make good points and I will take them all into consideration. But please keep your opinions coming they are really helpful for me:happy:

:doll:Michelle:doll:

[Ms. Donna]

I would say right off, do not raise him as a "girl". Raise him as himself. You don't need to place so much emphasis on "boy things" or "girl things". Let him dress how he wants, within reason, and don't make such a big deal about it. I had a counselor tell me once: "keep it simple stupid" I think this is great advice. The goal is to raise children to be accepting, forward thinking, responsible adults. Take each situation at face value, give advice geared toward helping him know and accept himself and keep it simple and age appropriate. Good luck Kitty

I second this. If it is a phase, 'he'll' out grow it. If it isn't, then 'he' is in the unique position of having a parent who can help 'him'.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[HaleyPink2000]

Don't ever make an issue out of things like this. That’s when you cause problems later on in a Child and their development. I had many times in my life where my parents made a big issue over many things. Those are the bad times I remember even now. I try to forgive. But some, no matter how hard I try I can’t.. Maybe someday I will be free of them, those visions of bad times, from my child hood years.

[RenaCD]

i can't even touch this one!:Angry3:

Listen to Tammy Marie, Wise! Wise! O Girl you are so very Wise!

[Amelie]

Where's KathrymW when we need her?

Yea, dress your boy as a girl, the ass-whooping he'll get at school will do much more damage to him than trying to make him to dress as a boy.

One question, you say that you were raised as a girl, how did you manage this? How did you go to school dressed as a girl? Most importantly, where did you grow up, being able to live your life as a girl? Well, that was kinda like a lot more than one question.

[Wombat]

I'm wondering if some of you haven't misunderstood part of what I was saying.

I did not and do not advocate sending him out in public, especially to school, in girl's clothes. I did warn against that.

However, I can see how you might have gained that impression as I covered a lot of ground in my first post and the warning was kept low key and didn't consider that some might think I was advocating sending him out in public.

Wombat

[Cathy Anderson]

MsMichelle22 wrote:

It's hard to take your question seriously when you post things like:


She dressed me in frilly yellow panties, white petticoats, white tights, black maryjanes, and lovely yellow satin party dress.
She also put pink lipstick on me and came up with my girly name Alexis Michelle. I ended up loving it so much my mom started buying me my own clothes and raising me like a girl and actually got me into an all girls school for middle and high school no one found out my secret but one girl who is now my wife...
Also, 23 years old with 6-year old twins?

This isn't fair to other members who've spent time trying to give a helpful reply.

Cathy

[MsMichelle22]

MsMichelle22 wrote:

It's hard to take your question seriously when you post things like:


Also, 23 years old with 6-year old twins?

This isn't fair to other members who've spent time trying to give a helpful reply.

Cathy
I'm sorry you believe i'm not telling the truth but what i'm saying is 100% true.
And my thread is something that is a serious issue in my life right now and it really offends me that you think i'm lying.

Michelle:mad:

[sarahjan]

MsMichelle22 wrote:

Also, 23 years old with 6-year old twins?


Cathy


In some places in the UK 23 is old to make her a grandparent.


We have kids of 12 or even younger getting pregnant.

[Cathy Anderson]

and it really offends me that you think i'm lying.

If you were serious in the first place, you'd understand why your posts are so dubious.

We've seen this kind of thing here often enough before. I've posted the excerpt from your original post, with all its nonsense about mary janes, frilly yellow panties, petticoats, pink lipstick and the all-girl's school; and people--hopefully the forum moderators included--can judge for themselves.

Just for example: if you're 23, and started CDing at age 10 when your mythical sister dressed you--how is it that in 1993 a girl happens to have clothing that has been out of style since the 1950's? As for the all-girl's school--yeah, right.

My guess is that when the polite people who previously responded to your post log in today you're going to have a lot of explaining to do, so you'd best start working on your excuses now.

Cathy

[MsMichelle22]

Just for example: if you're 23, and started CDing at age 10 when your mythical sister dressed you--how is it that in 1993 a girl happens to have clothing that has been out of style since the 1950's? As for the all-girl's school--yeah, right.

My guess is that when the polite people who previously responded to your post log in today you're going to have a lot of explaining to do, so you'd best start working on your excuses now.

Cathy
Your making me quite upset. How dare you call my sister "mythical".:Angry3: And as for the reference you made about my sisters clothes some were hand me downs from my grandmother and my mom shopped for my sister at vintage shops sometimes until my sister became a teenager and wanted to shop elsewhere mainly the mall. Quit making accusations about me you don't know me.:Angry3:

Michelle:mad:

[Ellaine]

Hi MsMichelle :) Are the kids just exploring their world, not having our/societies "guidance" in place at such tender age? I think so....
My 28yr old Daughter is OK with me dressing but doesn't want to see it around the house when she visits, but has said she would love to go to a suitable club/cabaret sometime. That said, she has great concern that I might influence or complicate life for my Grandson 4yrs old, if I am not absolutely discrete and careful. I am. Whilst visiting her over the past few weeks, the boy has expressed a wish to have a dressing up box a couple of times. The first outfit he wanted when asked, was a princess outfit! My Daughter looked incredulous and moved the conversation on with..."we'll see".
On two occasions since, during my visits he has told his Mum that he wants to be a girl. He was 6 wks premature, and though he has come on well in every aspect, he (forgive the stereotyping) seems to be a somewhat sensetive lad ( I know it's early days ). He doesn't like too much noise, boisterousness, football or geting dirty. He does like shooting you with his toy guns though, and will play with girls and dolls and prams. I find it easy to visualise him as a future swimmer or piano player because of his build and character so far.
Perhaps because of me, my Daughter is getting worried and I'm having trouble reassuring her.
From what I've read on these forums, I'm pretty sure there is nothing to worry about.
I can see how worrying this can be for someone who, fears the possibility, doesn't understand how normal and transient this may really be.
Another sad aspect of this, is that many Mums won't want to discuss this with their husbands or other Mums. Thankfully my daughter and I are very close and communication exceptional.
Sure seems like exploration to me.

[Helen MC]

I am one of the posters who answered Ms Michelle in good faith taking them to have a genuine query regarding a difficult situation.

If they ARE for real then what I have said stands and yes it is possible for a person to have fathered twins at 16 so would they now be 22 with 6 year old offspring. However there are too many details here which appear to be contrived, the hand me downs from gran, the vintage clothes shopping, the 1950s/60s girl's clothing etc. I feel that Ms Michelle has over egged the cake a little and would invoke the good old Scottish legal verdict "Not Proven" regarding the validity of their posts. :(

[Wombat]

As cross dressers ourselves, we tend to see a lot of the signs in young kids and forget that these signs are also part of a normal kid's life (normal used deliberately as all kids are normal at that age). It's not just cross dressing that does this to a parent either (being a single parent is a minefield of this sort of stuff). And what does it matter? If the kid is programmed to cross dress, he/she will. The worst we can do is make it happen earlier ... no, actually, the worst we can do is drive it underground.

I took my step-son, then 4, to a birthday party at one of those places where you dress up anyway you wanted. Most of the girls chose to be fairies ... but some chose to be cowboys. When we got there, the boys were all pirates, but my step-son wanted to be a fairy too, so they made him a fairy prince ... whereupon one other lad changed and a later arrivee made the same choice. Funnily, none of the boys chose to be cowboys (perhaps it was a horse/girl thing)

Wombat

[Shelly Preston]

MsMichelle22 wrote:

It's hard to take your question seriously when you post things like:


Also, 23 years old with 6-year old twins?

This isn't fair to other members who've spent time trying to give a helpful reply.

Cathy

Hi Cathy

It may be you find this hard to believe.
In 2006 the teenage pregency rate is higher than ever.
So it is possibile the truth is being told.

I can understand your doubts but the thread may be helpful to others.
I usually learn more from threads which I did not start.

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Michelle,
I know how you feel, I have a girl who is now 10 year old. She has said from being tiny that she wont wear dresses, that she likes underpants not knickers and she loves football. She has short hair and hates it when it grows beyond her shirt collar, and plays football. I have never been able to buy her girls shoes, altho mostly nowadays they are unisex so its not a problem.

I have been condemned by many for not making a mountain out of a mole hill and just going along with her wishes, alot of my family think that I should make her wear dresses. However, in not making a fuss about it, neither have most of my friends and they just accept Rosie for who she is. I think if she is going to be a crossdresser then there is nothing that I can do to change that, its either in you or it isn't. On the other hand, when hormones kick in and she starts to look at the other sex in a different way then maybe she will decide for herself just where she stands. The decision is really down to her and I hope that I will be around to support her in whatever road she takes. I already have one other daughter who couldn't be more different, and two sons. Rosie loves playing with her brothers and always has done, but considers Emily too girlie.
On the other hand, my youngest Son Jack, used to wear Emily's sparkley dresses and iron with her plastic ironing board up to the age of 7. His dad used to flip his tree and tell me off for letting him do it. I figured it was just kids being kids and the fact that he was very close to his older sister. He is now 12 and couldn't be more of a boy if he tried. I figure there is no point in worrying too much especially if theyre not worried about it. Let them be their own person and more power to their elbow.
Take care
BEVxx
PS sorry its a quickie but Im on my lunch break so hope it makes sense