Degrees of TS

[DaniellaUK]

I am currently living some kind of hell. Many months ago a super reply said "If you can live without transitioning, do".

I have been fighting and losing the fight :(

A recent reply talked about incremental things to pacify the turmoil.

I am going with facial electrolysis to try and quieten the need.

Have any of you girls been able to stop the turmoil in this way?

[Jeri Ann]

Hey Daniella,

I don?t know about degrees of TS but sometimes taking steps toward transition can buy time. Your idea of facial hair removal is a good one. Facial hair was intolerable for me and I took care of that, actually completed that, 42 years ago. It didn?t eliminate the internal discord but it helped.

I know that you are married because you started a thread a while back about being trans with a wife. Probably that will be your greatest obstacle to doing the things necessary to find your normal. You really do need to seek a good counselor/therapist.

I am busy at the moment so I will have to continue later. Check back. I also will also give you another contact method through pm.

[DaniellaUK]

Thanks so much for the reply. I stopped seeing my counselor but will resume seeing her asap.

[Nadine Spirit]

You can do a variety of things and maybe they might relieve enough dysphoria to allow one to be comfortable. Facial electrolysis sounds like a great idea!

Initially I didn't intend to fully transition, I just thought it was time to try therapy and changing my hormones and I hoped that would be enough. The thing was that I loved it and wanted to go further down the path.

Good luck!

[DaniellaUK]

Nadine, you are a guiding light and inspiration for many of us x If it wasn't for my amazing S.O who is running out of patience, I would be queing up for FFS after FFS.

[Krisi]

I suggest getting professional help with your issues. Folks here are well meaning, but they are speaking from their own (transexual) perspective. Professionals have extensive training and experience with issues like yours.

[Aunt Kelly]

I believe that quote was mine, but I'm just paraphrasing things shared with me by others. For career/financial reasons, I too am "buying time". I know who I am and I know that I must transition to "live that truth", but I am able to cope with the slow pace, albeit just barely. Having been married for 26 years, to a wonderful woman who has known about me from the start, also makes it a bit easier as we work out what my changes will mean to our relationship. I do not mean to say that it's easy, just easier.
Add my voice to those suggesting counseling. Professional help is worth every penny. :)

[DaniellaUK]

Thank you as always for the replies, it was you Aunt Kelly, I didn't want to name check you!

I have known for a while I need to see my counsellor again, she was amazing. My hesitation is fearing where it will lead me.

Thank you girls, so much appreciated.

[Jeri Ann]

Daniella,

I put off counseling for decades because I knew that the very person who insisted that I get ?help? would not accept the result. Finally I did and she couldn?t. It was inevitable and I wish it had happened decades earlier.

If you can’t figure it out or can’t bear it, get help.

[docrobbysherry]

No one gets to do whatever they want in life, Daniella. It's all a matter of degrees isn't it? Only u know if stop gap proceedures will slow or stop the urges inside u.

I suffered thru them for over 10 years! Then, in desperation I ended up here on CD.com. A year later I found out what I needed to get my dressing appetites and complusions under control!:thumbsup:

[Sarah Doepner]

Daniella,

I followed the incremental path. Along with a lot of distractions, like work, hobbies and family, it gave me temporary relief. But once I retired, the kids had moved and my wife passed away, there was nothing left to keep me from moving forward. The result was to begin my transition, but now my options were limited by my age. I don't regret the long slow build as it formed the foundation I've been able to comfortably base the rest of my life upon.

I wish you the best of luck and suggest you check the other parts of the forum to get advice on what others have had success with in dealing with the desire to transition. The vast majority of us in this section either never tried to avoid this result or tried before ending up here anyway.

[April Rose]

Daniella, I am doing the exact same thing as you are. I am fortunate enough to live within easy driving distance of an electrolysis trade school. I am about 70 hours into the process. The women there have been wonderful to me.

It is helping, in my case, but I know that there are other factors in my own and everyone else's situation that make it not so simple as that. If you want to talk about it more in depth, feel free to PM me. I am leaving for Fantasia Fair Sunday and won't have access to my computer until the next Sunday, FYI.

But less is more is still my operating plan.

[DaniellaUK]

Thank you so much for your reply, April Rose. From the bottom of my heart I hope it works for you. The dysphoria drove me crazy in the end and I gave in and gave up the fight :(

[sarahcsc]

Hi Daniella,

I don't recommend my patients wait till they're desperate before making any changes because it poses several problems. It's like waiting till you're absolutely starving before deciding to eat or drink. That's unnecessary, not to mention unhealthy, and you also tend to binge.

Instead, I always recommend taking many small steps towards transition as opposed to doing one giant leap at a time. Take laser hair removal for example, if lasering hair from your face seems too big a commitment, then start with areas that aren't so visible like your legs/chest/arms. If coming out to your parents seems too risky, then start with a friend. And if surgery feels too drastic, then just stick to hormones. So on and so forth...

The bigger the change, the harder the adjustment, not just for you but also for the people around you. Smaller changes are always preferable because it poses fewer risks, but you can't do it if you wait till you're desperate. You can step harder on the pedal if you want to speed up the transition a bit, but I don't recommend jamming the accelerator or risk crashing into something.

Last but not least, there isn't a one size fits all approach to transition. Some people would rather wait till they're desperate because their desperation validates something inside them. I didn't approach my transition that way because I tend to do very silly things when I'm desperate. A lot of it boils down to self-compassion and what you think you deserve. I never thought I deserved to be punished by my dysphoria although a little bit of pain was inevitable.

Be kind to yourself and stay open minded.

love,
S

[Devi SM]

As Jeri mention, I don't know about degrees of Ts but stages. Not that someone can set a process by stages to become a woman, rather than that a mental adjustment or adaptation to.

As you read in the hair removal thread, I stated hair removal in my early twenties but I didn't know that I was moving towards something more definitive. I didn't know I was transgender. For you, the situation is different because you already know and looking to be.

Coming back to stages and as Jeri mention you're married, I'm married too, and keep happily married living together with my wife of the last most 44 years now. How I did it? I realize that transition could take years and just rest on the knowledge that she loves me and I love her too.
Of course she didn't sign up for a woman spouse but I know that we human can adapt to many changes if some of them happen slowly. As with hair removal, she got used to see me doing it, there was nothing wrong for her on it and one day she told me about the hair removal machine at Costco.

A great wall fall when I told her I was crossdresser and bisexual. Now the problem wasn't me dressing but being bisexual (later I learn I'm not bi) so I began dressing in a daily basis with her blessing, not totally but it was something I could do at home, later going out dressed but far from home, then therapy. Being in therapy, every time after it I could share things with her about transition as hormones. Being an Uber full time driving as a woman. One day I mention orchiectomy because she refused to have sex with me, things were taking place slowly.
One day, therapist (a trans himself) recommend me to watch the movie Normal, about a couple like wife and me with a husband trans. The movie ends the night before to the bottom surgery of the husband. After the movie I ask my wife what do you think about the movie, she just answer me with a question, with a great upset face she said, you're not going to get surgery, right? same year I got orchiectomy, Two years later, this year in July I got my bottom surgery.

Of course at this point we're a different kind of couple. Some weeks ago, in a conversation with a friend, wife said about me that she gain a great friend on me. Another time, and old woman ask us if we were sisters, wife answer, smiling, yes, we are, later she told me, why I will be explaining ourselves to everybody? they can think whatever they want...

I think I'm at the end of the TS degrees, as you said, I would say, end of transition....

[DaniellaUK]

Thank you sara for your thoughtful reply, the smaller changes are how I am progressing. I could never jump over the abys in one go.

Also thank you Devi, your journey fills me with hope that I can stay married to my wife of 20+ years. I have loved reading your posts about your journey to be where you are now.