CD?ers, Did You Reveal Before or After Marriage?

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Survey Questions:

1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?

2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?

3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?

My answers to my questions are:
1. I revealed very early, on my second date;
2. It turned out to be the best thing I ever did;
3. I think my early reveal was critical to my wife's full acceptance and participation.

[Joanne108]

1. Before
2. So far so good!
3. She Is okay with me doing it and sometimes participates.

[Jessica Secret]

Not married but I revealed to my boyfriend that I was a CD while we were dating, and once in a relationship I revealed to him that I wear lingerie to bed. He's been accepting, supportive and encouraging ever since.

[JulieC]

1. I revealed to her about two months into the relationship. I figured it gave her opportunity to see value in me, if she saw negative in CDing, and would likely be more willing to be supportive.

2. Revealing was a very good choice. But, I had already decided to tell her even before I met her. I had been with women who were not accepting, and I'd had quite enough of that. I vowed to myself that I would either be with a woman who at least let me crossdress without grief, or I would be single until found such a woman (if ever).

3. My wife was instantly supportive. A couple of days later, she bought me pantyhose as a surprise and also as great way of saying she was accepting. About three years into being married, I embraced crossdressing a lot more than I had, revealing more of myself to myself. I started buying heels, and dresses, and etc. etc. etc. and spending more time being crossdressed. My wife reacted poorly, and I got "the letter". In it, she laid out how she felt, and it wasn't supportive. I wasn't going to back out of the marriage. If she had given me such a letter when we were dating, I would have possibly broken up with her. Having such a rejection, I went into DADT mode, and hid everything. Internally, I built a wall around my CDing, and never brought up the subject. It was a long time before she brought up the subject. That initiated discussions that ultimately led to much more acceptance, and now outright support. So, I think it was hard on her for a while, but became easier with discussion and time. As evidence of this; I needed to drive her to an event this morning. I wasn't dressed en femme much, but I did put on heels and pantyhose under my jeans. She saw me and jokingly (with good intent) said "Oh those make the outfit!".

[Kris Burton]

Answering your questionnaire:

1. I revealed 40 years into our marriage - but wait , wait - I can explain! At the time we were married (1980) I did not have any crossdressing experience at all. I had only tried on a nightgown of hers as a joke once. I liked it a lot, , but I did not act on my impulse other than a few short skirmishes with pantyhose in private, for another 39 years. When I finally gave in and began actively crossdressing, I came out to her within about two weeks.

2. It was the best decision I could have made. Although I was worried about the impact it would have on our marriage, the stress of the sneakiness even for just a short time was too much. For better or worse, I knew the truth set me free, and it has.

3. I am so glad I did not sell my wife short. After a "period of adjustment" as she calls it, she was accepting and even participatory up to a point. She did not want me to CD publicly, but of late she has warmed to that as well and I now can, and do. I doubt if she would have been so understanding if I had continued to sneak around and gotten caught. I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

[Paulie Birmingham]

i didnt reveal until 20 years into our marriage when she found my stash. before that, it was a mild kink. wore her panties a few times. her jeans, shorts. my stash was much more.

it was not good when she found my stash. are you gay? etc.

she is pretty much ok now. my dressing doesnt do anything for her, but she realizes i enjoy it so she plays along. some things are ok. some things aren't. she buys/gives me some clothes. but i dont think she wants to see menin bra.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I told my wife 27 years into our marriage.
It was the only decision i could make as i was on the verge of suicide.
12 years later we are still married, but while still best friends the physical intimacy died the day i came out to her.

[Jenn A116]

1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married? Before. Her acceptance was the final hurdle for me deciding to propose.

2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you? Yes. Here we are 25 years later and still very much in love.

3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view? She would have preferred it didn't exist, but she knows it does and realizes that its an intrinsic part of me.

[JocelynJames]

After marriage- 5 years in . In my defense, I wasn?t even sure what I was .

At first there was acceptance, then not so much and we almost split up, then acceptance again.

She has said that things are better than ever, and regrets almost leaving .

[Heather76]

1. I revealed my crossdressing to her about 36 1/2 years into our marriage. But, that was only about 5 months after I started wearing panties only. Once I told her, I felt a great sense of relief and escalated my dressing to the point I have now gone out en femme on several occasions. From starting with my first pair of panties to going out took about 25 months.

2. Regardless of whether it was a good or bad decision, it was the only decision. We are so much more in love with one another than the day we married, I could not have kept it a secret for any length of time. We don't base our marriage on keeping secrets. We base it on honesty. That said, We both know how best to approach the other. To approach my wife with things as personal as CDing, it's a matter of picking the right time, place, and circumstance. In the final analysis, it has turned out better than I could have ever hoped for.

3. There is no question she would prefer I didn't CD. But, since I do, she has become quite accepting. She does not participate and is not supportive. She refuses to shop with me. That said, the first time (summer of 2021) she woke up in the morning and saw me in bed with panties, stockings, and nightie on she made it perfectly clear I shouldn't ever do that again. Since 1/1/22 I have worn panties, bra, forms, and a nightie to bed EVERY night. I am generally dressed (minus wig, makeup, and jewelry) every evening before she goes to bed and stay dressed in my nightie, etc. every morning for an hour or so after waking up. I've had her agreement to me going out en femme on several occasions and anticipate having her agree to more regular outings - by myself. Maybe some day she will go out with Heather. If we take a vacation out of the area, you can bet I'll ask her.

[Glenda58]

I did with my second wife after we got married, she wished I had told before. When she passed away, she made me promise to tell who ever I was with about my dressing, and I did. But my wife now still doesn't like it thinking I'll change. Not going to happen.

[Jennifer03]

I told my wife before we married that I was a CDer (past tense). However, 10 years in I was becoming more and more depressed and I finally told her that I missed it and was having a hard time.

She said it was okay and gave me half of the clothes that didn't fit her. We are close to the same size. My wardrobe exploded over night. She has been supportive since and helps me with buying clothes and so forth.

She still does not want to see me fully dressed but I wear women's clothes around the house with her and our kids. They are young and totally accepting of seeing "dad" this way. The depressive episodes have gotten much better and I am now back to worrying about paying for gas. She always tells me that she loves me no matter what I am wearing so I can say that I have it really nice.

[Maria 60]

I told my wife one week back from our honeymoon. I put on her pantyhose in the morning and realized that this was all real and that same night I told her everything. From the first time I put on my sisters pantyhose until that same morning I put on hers.
She was curious and was really interested in where it was going. She didn't want me to stretch her things and we went out and bought me some fem items. I would say as much as hard as it was it was the best decision.
I believe I caught her off guard but we dated for 6 years and we knew each other since we were kids. I believe she knew me very well and believed it was more of a kinky thing. She also found out in time how real it really was.

[Valerie Louise]

1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?
After
I told her 7 or 8 years ago, after about 32 years of marriage. We just now hit 40 years.

2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?
Good, and stupid late.
It was difficult to do, but I was lying and I just couldn?t anymore. I had no idea if we would survive. We did, and I kick myself daily for not doing it earlier. That said, earlier we had a LOT on our plate with two special needs kids and numerous other issues we had to team together to get past. I?m not sure she could?ve hack another thing on the cart to deal with.

3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?
It has rocked her world, and she sometimes supports fully, sometimes ignores. She definitely wishes I didn?t have the obsession but she get it that I can?t deny it.
Sometimes she teases me about it, and will help with outfits if I ask. She sees me fully dressed and provides good critical observation.
Her primary problems are that the kids find out, and my safety when I go out as Val. She really freaks out about the latter and I have to text her hourly when I?m out.

[docrobbysherry]

1. I never even thot of crossdressing before I was married.

2. I didn't tell her until shew found a bra I left in the bedroom and thot I was having an afair.

3. I never got serious about dressing until after we separated. Too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it with her.

[Andrea Renea]

1 17 years after we were married I told her I enjoy doing this.

2 Definitely the right choice.

3 She's ok with it but not her favorite thing about me. The only caveat is don't get caught by anyone we know.

[GretchenM]

I revealed 43 years after we got married. We met in 1968 and married in 1969. The word "Transgender" wasn't even dreamed up until 1969, so in those early years CDing or being Trans was considered about the same as being nuts. Good reason to not share that. Besides I was in a many year lull while I concentrated on my education in university as well as being in the Navy. It didn't reappear, to my horror, until we were married about 7 years with two daughters, or something like that. It reappeared almost immediately after I got out of the Navy during Viet Nam. That is a common pattern with people like us.

CDing was something I hated about myself. I am supposed to be a man; "Get the hell out of my life, girl." I am 77 and I gave up on getting rid of her 10 years ago and gave in. It was rocky between me and my wife for about 3 years and then, after many discussions and study of the biology of the behavior, she began to relax (she is also a biologist). Now we are more alike than we have ever been. My wife dresses with hints of a bit of masculine and I dress with hints of a bit of feminine, but she is not gender variant like me. Works great. I do a lot of the stereotypical "woman's work" around the house as well as the "man's work." She does the rest of the "woman's work." It is very good and quite friction free. It is now just natural for us.

[Heisthebride]

1. I told my now wife about three months into our relationship. I knew that this could be a long term thing and I didn’t want to hide this from her. I felt I’d would rather her know and make the decision to stay or leave early on.

2. It was a good decision, I also knew based on her personality that she wouldn’t get too freaked out about it. She took the news well and honestly told me that she didn’t know how she might react. She need some time to process it, see how much it was part of my life and how we would interact when dressed. I didn’t rush things and let her become comfortable at her pace. Within two years she had bought me a burlesque dance lesson series and now fifteen years later she will go out to shows or dinner with me fully dressed. Best decision I made.

3. She may have gotten more than she wants from my dressing but remains very supportive. Covid and working from home turned my occasional dressing into a three day a week thing. Mostly while I’m at my desk, I will change back to male clothes at the end of the work day. She has tried to accommodate my growing wardrobe, carving out closet space etc. she also has option for birthday and Xmas gifts that a non CD partner would have. I doubt it’s something she was looking for specifically, but I try to be mindful and not overwhelm her.

[DianeT]

Hi Teresa,

1. 36 years into the relation
2. Not the point. It was the right thing to do.
3. Very hard to take in. But same as 2, it was the right thing to do. Now she lives her life and takes her decisions based on all the facts, not the ones I chose, and her choices and decisions are hers.

[NancySue]

Briefly, your answers are exactly the same for me, especially #3. She knew very little about CDing and in the hours we spent talking, answering questions, etc. started things off on a very positive foundation. She?s been supportive and very helpful.. especially with makeup. She told me later how much she appreciated my courage and honesty to tell her. Yes, the best thing I?ve ever done.

[kimdl93]

Depends. First marriage, no. I was too busy denying / repressing. Second marriage, a qualified yes. I admitted to what I was able to admit to, which was a predilection toward underdressing in pantyhose and panties. What eventually got me in trouble was a gradually growing desire to dress and present as a woman.

[krissy]

I told my first wife a year into marriage .she tried but she hated me that way we stayed together for 5years then she told every one of my male friends and I lost her and all male friends.my second wife knew from first meeting.she was with a woman and had a bad breakup we met I told her I love to dress she told me she didn't know what I needed but she would try to give me what I needed .that was 44 years ago she still can't stand this part of me .but it's so much a part of me I can just forget.i raised her kids as my own and my son from first marriage.but now that I'm going on 65 I want more girl time and she won't budge.

[melissalynn]

At the time I got married I was in a hiatus from dressing which lasted for maybe 10 years or so. At some point, we were watching a TV show about crossdressing (wish I could remember what it was) and it came out. She's been accepting but there's only so much she wants to be involved with(outfit opinions, whether I am presentable to go out, among other things) and so much she wants to know. There's even been occasion where she suggests I get dressed.

[alwayshave]

I have been with my wife for almost 20 years:
1. I revealed before we were serious
2. It turned out well.
3. My wife is fine with my dressing.

With my ex-wife:
1. I never revealed.
2. I am glad I never revealed.
3. NA

[Kitty Sue]

1. After marriage. Very unfair of me and I wish I had told her before we married. Surprising really as I had told previous partners I cross dressed and it was never a problem.
2. Turned out well. My wife has been great and supportive.
3. Wife was a little surprised, but fine with it. In saying that I have not dressed around her and don't plan on doing so. She has said it is fine if I do though.

[Rhonda Darling]

Survey Questions:

1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?

2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?

3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?

With current wife (7+ yrs):
1. Before. Less than one year into dating.
2. Excellent decision. We married 8 yrs. later. Once she accepted that I'm not gay, don't want to transition, and once she was sure I wasn't crazy, she has embraced my CDing, offered assistance, bought me clothes and shared clothes with me. We gone out together as women and been cool with it.
3. I believe she is fine with it, but wishes I wasn't in a female state most of the time.

[Crissy 107]

I revealed Long after we were married, I really thought it was successfully suppressed and out of my life.

Yes it was a good decision, it came back very strong and with help and support from friends on a similar site I told her. Initially it was very good including my wife giving me many hand me downs, painting my toenails and us wearing matching panties. Then the acceptance stopped and it went to tolerance. When I asked why she said she thought it was just a phase. I explained, again, that this is something that has been with me since I was young but I really thought it was in my past.

From my wife’s POV well she still tolerates it but did tell me last year had she known she would not have married me. That hurt me a lot.

[Suranne]

1. Before. It was very early on, when we had really just started going out and it was before we had a true emotional bond between us.

2. It was a very good decision. But, it was a decision that I knew that I would take at the point of any relationship I was in. It was a case of telling her that if you have me then you'll have a crossdresser and all that entails. Doing it that early means that either can walk away, maybe with some sadness, but with little emotional baggage. It removes any accusations of lying and any comeback that "You're not the person that I married".

3. Some number of decades on, with me fully socially transitioned, I think that it turned out very well from her point of view. I think that she was delighted to have a CD all of her own. Yes, there are women out there who don't just engage with it, but actually love it.

[Cacique82]

1. I revealed it after ten years of marriage. She always knew I had a thing for lingerie on her and when I brought it up one night she knew how tough and important it was for me to share it with her.

2. It turned out to be a wonderful decision. She fully accepts my wearing. Wish I?d shared sooner. I should?ve known I could confide in her well before when I actually did.

3. For her, nothing changed. Doesn?t bother her in the least. Once, I asked if it?d be ok if I bought a pink nightgown, ?get whatever you want? was the response. She sees it as just clothes. She know how important it is to me, to her it?s just women?s clothes. She?s commented on how my legs look in heels/stockings before.

[NancyJ]

1) We started dating as teenagers and were married very young. I did not understand myself well enough to discuss it with her before we got married, but wearing her underwear was part of our early sex play.
2) We have discussed it many, many times over the course of our long marriage. There have been many tears shed, several long periods of hurtful silence, and finally an understanding that I only underdress in her company and keep my more full crossdressing to myself. We also have evolved into an FLR which has helped tremendously and works for us.
3) We have essentially grown up together. The marriage is stronger than ever. I would like to dress more, but I accept her authority in my life, and this sacrifice, to me, is more than worth it.

[Aunt Kelly]

I identified as a crossdresser at the time, so I guess I can answer honestly. :)

1. Before. In fact, we had "the talk" as soon as the relationship got serious.

2. Yes, absolutely. 26 years and still married. :)

3. She was just glad to hear that I wasn't a murder or something equally heinous, when I told her that I had something very important to tell her.

[Cheryl T]

After
It was horrible keeping the secret and sneaking around until I finally couldn't take it and told her everything. Once the burden was lifted I felt wonderful.
I'm sure she wished it never happened at all, but once we talked and joined a support group she saw it wasn't that terrible and became fully supportive and helpful.

Now it's more than I could have imagined or wished for.

[Stephanie47]

1. It was not a conscious reveal. We were married in 1971 after a relatively short courtship. As I related many times on this forum I had slipped into one of her nightgowns one evening while she was asleep. She discovered me wearing it. I told her I like the feel of the nylon. I did not tell her I had worn my mother's clothing in my youth. It was a long time ago, so I thought I had beat the urges. We ended up buying two nightgowns for me to wear in bed and some hosiery and garter belt too. I'd characterize that period of time as "kinky bedroom play." At the time we said the "I do's" at the alter I'd have to say I was not a cross dresser. Probably, given the 1950's and 1960's how would you approach a woman and reveal to her that you wore your mother's clothing sometimes in the past?

2. How did it go? I had started to buy nylon full slips which I didn't really try to hide. I just didn't wave anything in her face. When we had our first child she asked me not to wear nightgowns to bed as our child's crib was at the foot of the bed in our one bedroom apartment. I had no problem with her request. Fast forward to the early 1980's after a 3,000 mile move across the country and add another child. Our daughter open the bottom draw of my armoire and yanked out a vivid red Vanity Fair bra; my one and only. My wife took it from her. "The Talk" ensured. Yep, the traditional questions. The traditional answers. In the heat of the moment (months?) she did say, if she had known she would not have married me. Then she rescinded that statement because her lurid past was a hell of a lot worse that any of my cross dressing. She said, if I had and did accept her knowing her past, then she had no right to hold my feet to the fire on the cross dressing.

3. You'd have to ask my wife, although after some time it became a non-issue because I stopped trying to get her to accept my cross dressing. Basically, she has gotten everything she wanted out of a marriage (50+ years). It's just that she has a guy with a little quirk. Since the mid 1980's she has not said "boo" about my cross dressing, even after finding a stray bra or panty out or seeing I am on this forum.

Maybe, the same question should be asked of the wives.

[SuzyZahn]

1. Told before marriage once I was sure she loved me.
2. Was best thing to do being hindsight, she accepted Suzy. Even surprises me with `presents` at times!
3. Deep down she preferred I did not dress, but realizes its a huge part of who I am as a person.

Going on 30 years now!

[April Rose]

1) Within a few months after the start of the relationship.
2) I never regretted revealing.
3)There were times when she struggled with it, but at the end of her life we were as in love as we were when we first met.

[JaclynL61]

1. I told her less than a year after we were married. I really wasn't sure about myself before. The dressing had always been an on and off thing. I think I was in the mistaken group of people that thought "the love of a good woman would cure me".

2. Glad I told her. I don't like feeling like I'm sneaking around.

3. She doesn't care for it but tolerates it to some degree. She's only seen me fully dressed a couple of times. I try not to push it.

[Claire M]

1. Definitely after. I crossdresed a bit in my early teens but when we married I hadn't dressed at all, or really even thought about it for a dozen years. I guessed it was one of those kid phases I had grown out of. About 3 years after we married I found myself attracted to trying on her panties which eventually led to full dressing over the next few years.
2. I didn't really tell my wife. Around 14 years into our marriage, she came home early one day and found me half dressed in a full slip and pantyhose. It was good because she had come across a stash of panties several years earlier. She was sure I was having an affair but didn't confront me. Seeing me and talking about eased her concern over the potential affair.
3. She still avoids talking much about it and definitely is not supportive. Its getting about time to broach the subject again so I'll let you know if its changed.

[nancy58]

1. I came out to my wife 12 years and one kid into the marriage. We celebrated our 30th anniversary this year.

2. It was a good decision. While we have a DADT relationship, I don't have to sneak around, and she doesn't freak out if I get up and put on a women's pants, shirt, and a bralette for a day of working at home. She clearly doesn't like it, though.

3. I don't know if my wife regards my coming out as a good thing or not. I believe she would love to stuff that genie back in the bottle and throw it overboard. She accepts that this is how I am and that changing it would make me miserable.

Crossdressing became a Big Deal when I was in my late 40's. Up until then, it was a kinky thing (in my thinking) that none of my girlfriends had any interest in when I proposed it, and I would never, ever, have suggested that I do it in public. I was pretty much closeted even to myself, forgetting about it just like I forgot between age 24 and age 48 that I was colorblind. (I have trouble telling if bananas and peaches are ripe, and I didn't even know I was colorblind until I was 24.) But there was one time, when I was 25, that I happened to sit in a restaurant at a table next to a crossdresser (or trans-woman) and her male friend. If I could back up to that point in my life, I would, and I would have explored that, but in 1983, that wasn't acceptable to as many people as it is today. And I would definitely have brought it up early in the relationship. Besides not trapping a woman in a marriage, I would have found a woman who was more accepting.

[sometimes_miss]

1. I didn't reveal. I hadn't crossdressed in ten years before we started dating, and figured either I outgrew it, 'beaten' the urge, or it was just a phase. In reality, my mind had just 'buried' the desire in my subconscious, and it came back with a vengeance when I was over stressed, and my mind couldn't hold back the thoughts any longer.

2. She found out because I had left a slip out by mistake, and she thought that I was having an affair. I only had seconds to decide whether to tell her the truth, or go with the lie about being unfaithful. I went with the truth. That turned out to be a mistake. Many marriages survive one act of infidelity, but most women apparently can't deal with a man who they feel isn't 'all man'.

3. Terrible. Though we went to a therapist, she could never accept it, and we divorced a few years later, because she felt that I wasn't the man she thought she married, and wasn't the man she wanted any more.

[Dana3]

Meet the current wife of 9 years (Known for 10 years before getting together; and/ or getting together)

Meet over a website ~ Sgt Grit ~ yes a United States Marine Website ~ and Yes I'm a Retired United States Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant, and a Crossdresser.

I told her before she ever came over from where she was (Mississippi) to Alabama "I'm a Crossdresser ~ Transvestite!"

I told her, the day before, I was a Crossdresser ~ Transvestite.

10 years in?

"I need a MAN! For a husband!

[Crissy 107]

Dana, I’m confused, are you still married to the same woman?

[Dana3]

Yes, I am

[Crissy 107]

Ok thanks, now back to the original thread

[Gi Gondin]

We are not married, yet… but hopefully she will have two marriages - one with my male self and a second one, in vegas, with me - Gisele!

1. Told her a few weeks into our dating. Have known her for a couple years as a colleague at work and felt it right to tell.
2. It worked as a miracle. We are five years together and growing strong.
3. Even she had many gay friends and being an extremely open minded person she didn’t know about CDing. It turned out one huge part of our relationship. She loves it. My biggest supporter.

[JustineFallow]

Second date for me, too! She was/is totally cool about it, and she gets to borrow *anything* in Justine's collection.

[Misty_cder]

1) I revealed I dressed while we were dating.

2) It was a good decision because she accepted it and started helping me purchase items that were more appropriate for my physical structure.

3) Initially she viewed it as a fetish because that is what I called it. Now she says it is just clothing and has seen what I call my softer side, meaning when I dress, I am relaxed and more of my feminine side comes out. She doesn't mind seeing me dressed. I just need to abide to the few ground rules she has regarding my dressing.

[NancyJ]

We were kids, 21, when we got married. I did not understand myself or my gender dysphoria well enough to tell her. I naively thought the feelings would go away when I lived with a partner. Little did I know that it got worse when I shared a closet and a chest of drawers with a woman. Then my shame interfered with my telling her everything. It gradually unfolding over the years. Of course if I could have a do over, I would reveal all first, but I really did not know or understand all at the age of 21. Nancy

[AmyJordan]

It was after we married but the twist was it wasn't me that revealed it to her but her revealing to me that it was what she wanted.

[NjJamie]

Amy, please do share! You seem to have hit the lottery of CDing, living what appears to be the dream of so many here, can't wait to hear more about it.

For me, a silly "bet" and a few kidding comments went just the way I wanted it to go early on in the dating phase. Since I "lost" I would be the one to put on the nice nighty and stockings, I still have such a clear and wonderful memory of that afternoon. Shortly thereafter a more complete CDing event went well and for quite a long time it was an occasional awesome time. At some point in the past 30 years it got to be something I enjoyed "too much" and now it's in a DADT mode though there have been occasional comments if I didn't clean off the makeup well enough or shaved chest hair. Sometimes those clues aren't mentioned and she would clearly prefer it would never happen again but I think that for the vast majority of us that is not the the way this story ends.

I keep hoping that we can return to a better level of acceptance and participation, I'm considering offering just an outright bribe to get us both happy with the situation!

[NewSally]

I'm with Jamie here Amy - inquiring CDers here want to know how you managed to find yourself in such an envious situation. Do tell...

[Charlotte Sparkle]

1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?

I revealed my secret 8 years into our mariage. I was well and truly lost in the pink fog at the time and feeling suicidal. I confided in her because I had nobody else to turn to and couldn't cope.

2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?

It was a good decision for me because it no doubt saved my life. It was good too that I was no longer keeping anything from my Wife which I always felt guilty about.

3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?

She was relieved because she thought I was going to tell her I was having an affair and I was leaving her. It took her a while to get her head around it and there were the usual questions such as am I gay and do I want to become a woman. She told me there and then that she never wanted to see me dressed as it would mess with her head. Nowadays we seldom talk about it and I think she'd probably be happier if I didn't dress but understands that it's part of me and always will be. Her main concern is my excessive spending on womens clothes and the fact that my female wardrobe massively outweighs my male wardrobe.

[Judy-Somthing]

She knew I did it a few times on Halloween but I never told I did it when she wasn't home.
I stoped for about 25 years and after my kids moved out the "Pink Fog" came back.
I then found this site and most of my self hate about dressing faded so I told my wife.
Things went very bad and now I deep in the closet!

[countrygirl]

While I am not married. I will not hide this side of me at all. Every guy that I date will know this side of me and he will know this is a part of who I am. I am not asking for him to participate but I will not hide this side for any one. My ex boyfriend and I broke up because he couldn't accept this side of me. I am 41 years old and am of the mindset to either accept the fact of me needing to express my female side or not totally their choice but it is a part of whom I am.

[Leacat]

I've been cross-dressing since I was 9 I've been through many girlfriends two marriages several events every time I would try and bring up the subject I would be told those people have mental issues they're this or that etc etc so I kept it hidden until I turned 56 and I have met an amazing woman as we first started dating I felt that I couldn't hide anymore and knowing that I could lose her I had to be honest and I told her everything it took her a couple days but she said she would give it a try after I dressed fully for her minus the makeup she liked it she started picking me out skirts and blouses at the Goodwill she bought me my first pair of heels she loves my taste and lingerie so she will wear some of my lingerie because I have nicer lingerie than her it's our special thing but this year for the first time she fully did my makeup and we went out together it was incredible we've been together four years and it gets stronger all the time and now we're talking about going on a vacation where I can be dressed I couldn't be happier

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

There was nothing to reveal, I had occasionally tried something on, but there was nothing to it. Until years later as it slowly grew.
After I finally revealed myself, after years of flirting around the subject, she was ok with it (within reason). It slowly grew as acceptance grew.
It's all good. I get to do 98% of what I'd like to do and she's happy with me in a skirt, shorts, jeans, or nothing.

[Jade P]

1. If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married?

I didnt reveal before marriage, It was very occasional then and I thought I would be able to stop.

2. If you revealed or chose not to reveal, did it turn out to be a good decision for you?

It was a very bad decision, you need to be open and honest with your spouse. If they accept you great and you have found your true love. If they dont thats better for both of you to move on and be with someone else. When we divorce my wife said she will tell everyone about my feminine side. I am fine with that though, I accept and love the way I am and will be open about it when I am single again.

3. If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view?

My wife lost attraction for me. She wants a normal man, we have had no intimacy for 4 years. I believe she is glad she knows even though she doesnt like my dressing it is wrong to keep crossdressing or gender issues a secret.

[Diane P]

1. I never revealed to my recently deceased wife that I wore thongs on and off for the last 20 years. I only started wearing dresses, bikini panties, nightgowns etc recently and am loving the feeling of how normal, natural and wonderful it all feels.

2. If I get into another long term relationship one of the first things that will need to be revealed and discussed is my CDing. I love myself and feel like a whole person since I started CDing and won't give it up, so I'll need to find someone who will be accepting of that part of my life.

3. We'll have to wait and see.

[wendylovescd]

Yes, but slowly before marriage.

[CeCe]

My girlfriend and I do not plan to marry and may not ever live together. I struggled so much to reveal myself, but I confessed to her during our courtship that I am a crossdresser. Her responses over time have been both positive and negative. She has only seen me underdress, and if that is all she can handle, that is fine with me. I have enough me time to do what I want alone. If we ever decide to live together, I also hope to dress in her presence as much or as little as she can handle. I suspect she would be fine with me dressing at home but would not accept me going out dressed, and I am confident so far that this middle ground will suit me fine.

[jacques]

1. after
2. fantastic
3. my wife accepts it as my normal behavior

[Wren c]

Told, before, then she denied I told her, left me after 30 years, Now have my time all the time

[Debbie Denier]

1.Did not reveal. 2. I was rumbled 11 years ago . I was out at work when wife found stash on top of wardrobe when decorating.I confessed and explained some men like to dress as cowboys, I like to dress like a woman.It didnt go down well. 3. Lots of screaming shouting and hysteria. Its not normal . The are you gay questions.Her solution was an enforced purge of everything. It was heartbreaking but I agreed as did not want to end marriage , lose wife, house and children.I tearfully told my mother. She could see my distress and agreed to let me dress at her home every weekend. This I did for nearly 10 years until she passed away. I then joined this forum. Now frustrated with minimal opportunities. Had to purge the wardrobe at my mothers when we sold the house.It is what it is, I am where I am.

[Rachel05]

1) First time round - revealed during marriage, actually found out rather than revealed
2) it was a total disaster for me, wife hated it and decided I was gay
3) my wife (now ex) hated it and likely still does

1) Second time - revealed it when I knew we were starting to get serious
2) it was a shock but just because she had never had any hint, she took it really well and is extremely supportive
3) she is fully accepting it is part of who I am, she bought me some nice underwear for a special occasion so I guess she is on board

[AndyB]

1. Within months
2. Total non-disaster, we've been having sex with at least me in tights since almost the start
3. I now have dresses, skirts, knickers, bras, suspender belt with her approval and enjoyment

[sometimes_miss]

When I got married, I hadn't crossdressed in over ten years; I thought either that it was just a phase, I outgrew it, or had 'beaten it' by adopting a straight life and being happy that way. I had no idea that all that was going on, was I had just subconsciously repressed the crossdressing/GID feelings deep into my mind so far that I thought they were gone permanently. Ha ha.
Nope. Once overstressed, like a computer given too many tasks to do, everything came crashing down, and the crossdressing genie popped out of the bottle to remind me of all the feelings that I had managed to keep bottled up in the past.
I had no reason to believe that I would ever feel the need to do it again, so I didn't tell my wife to be of all the horrible things that had happened to me in the past. We simply can't; there's no way to go over every single thing in our past with someone, it would take the entire lifetime of time to do that. So we leave out, things that we deem unimportant (after all, she didn't tell me that she was treated for major depression, or that she would have no trouble blackmailing me later on, either).
We had been together for five years before the crossdressing desires reappeared; I tried my best to suppress it,but to no avail.
When she eventually discovered, she went through all the stages, shock, disbelief, trying to adjust, realizing that she couldn't, and then anger. Then the fury, accusing me of intentionally trying to ruin her life. Then the blackmail and divorce.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I would think such a DRASTIC reactions would be indicative of a profound ignorance on sexually related matters, Possibly mistakenly equating Cross-Dressing with Homosexuality, and all the negative stereotypes associated with the same. She must need lessons in legitimate Psychology, and no longer depend on stories she learned from her equally ignorant peers in High School. Such ignorance is quite common in the general population and the reasons why trans and Gay folks have troubles. They also erroneously, equate the mere fetish of Cross dressing with one or the other two more serious conditions, causing many of us to retreat to the safety of the closet. So much trouble over never having bothered to look up such things and find out what they really are about.

[TessK]

1. I revealed after. Despite it being something that was a part of me since I was young, it was never at the forefront of my mind until very recently. Looking back, if it was a bigger part of my life pre-marriage, I feel like I would have said something, but then again I'm not sure.

2. I think it turned out as well as I could hope. She still loves me though this is very much a new thing we both have to grapple with. I think we are in a better place than where we were before the reveal, there's just a few wrinkles here and there.

3. My lovely wife has been patient with this and I really can't ask for much more than that. At first she had a stance of accepting but not encouraging, and honestly that's all one can ask for. We have both been growing together through this, though, and every day is a new adventure. I couldn't ask for more in a life partner through this.

[Brandybea]

I'm an "After". We were married for 15 years, 3 children and going through a difficult time in our marriage when she found some of my panties. That is when I told her about my desire to crossdress. It has been a struggle ever since as she is not accepting even though she rarely asks about it any more (40 years of marriage). I wish I had the courage and understanding when I was younger to know that this desire/need doesn't go away when you get married, or with time, or etc. But like many others who grew up before the internet existed, there just wasn't any easy to find information to help us better understand this side of us. I assumed, therefore, that marriage, kids etc, would cause this all to fade over time. How dumb I was! If I was more knowledgeable of the subject when I was younger, I would hope to have to courage to have told her in advance, so she could make an more informed decision on marriage, and so that I would have known whether she was supportive of this part of me before taking that marital leap.

[Blonde617]

“If you revealed to your wife that you were a cross dresser, did you reveal before or after you married??”
Before. She was friends with some cross-dressers so she was more accepting than many other girls I?d dated.

“If you revealed, how do you think it turned out from your wife?s point of view??”
At times she questioned my sexuality and it was a part of why we got divorced, though not a big part. She thought that was why I had lost interest in her when in fact it was much more about her narcissism and drinking. The kids stayed with me and I’ve now told them I have cross dressed.

[Cd.Charlene]

I revealed early when we dating. I wasnt going going thru another marriage in the closet (crossdressing is not why the first marriage split). Current wife surprised me while dating with gorgeous red bra and panties. So yea, I married her

[Turquoise]

After. Though I hadn't done it since I was a teenager. Only recently did I realize how much it meant to me. My wife has taken to it well and we've had positive talks about it. I'm very lucky to have her.