Couples or what you?d want from and SO

[Uncomfortablebuthere]

As the Wife of a CD I?m looking for ways to include myself in this part of my husbands life. He?s a stay at home dresser and at this time I?m not comfortable with the idea of him leaving the house dressed nor is he. So he?s been dressing when I?m at work which has been working for us. I just found out 2 months ago so we?re both finding our way still. This past weekend we stayed home together Friday night and I did his make up and showed him some of my make up quick tips. It was a really nice activity for us to do together. Looking for more things like this we could do together that?s nothing sexual or leaving the house?.Just fun things to do together.

[StephanieLake]

Go shopping with him. I love it when I go with my wife. When I first started dressing, she would explain the different styles and how they would look on me. She sometimes still will ask if I like something and if I say yes, in the basket it goes. Even if we don't buy anything, it's still fun shopping together. I know you said no leaving the house, but you can do it while he is in drab. That's what we do since she won't allow me out dressed.

Now if I could get her to do my makeup like you do, I'd be thrilled.

[Heather76]

I would offer a few things I wish my wife would like to do.

1. Continue helping him master the art of makeup.
2. Go shopping with him even if it means driving out of your home area.
3. Encourage him to give you fashion shows at home whenever he buys something new.
4. Consider leaving home on a Saturday morning, driving 100 miles or so from home (whatever distance you're both comfortable with), get a motel room for the night, and help him get dressed up for dinner and a date with you. On Sunday morning, have him dress up again and go sightseeing, shopping, or whatever both of you might enjoy.
5. When appropriate, please, please compliment him on his choice of clothing. Affirmation is very important.

A personal note: Thank you for being so accepting and supportive. He is a lucky lady to have a lady like you with him.

[Emily in the south]

Possibly a girls night in, watching a movie you both like, maybe with a nice glass of wine.
Some special treat or meal that you both share making in the kitchen. Then enjoying.

I too thank you for your support and open minded interest, you are a very nice lady..

Emily

[jacques]

Hi,
When I dress at home, in private, my wife and I don't do anything special, we just do the normal things we do at home whatever clothes I wear.
I wish you both well on your journey together,
luv J

[char GG]

Looking for more things like this we could do together that?s nothing sexual or leaving the house?.


You indicate that you don't want to leave the house but do things together. I suggest that you don't make this all about him.
If you do a fashion show, both of you do one, take turns.
Same with makeup, don't just help him with makeup but do your makeup together.
Go on Amazon or an online site together and review the options for clothing that both of you like and think would be flattering for both of you.
Experiment with different styles.
You could give each other a manicure/pedicure.
You may want to turn some music on and dance at home.
You could enjoy making a meal together.
Watch a movie and hold hands.


In my situation, we talk more in the car. So, eventually, you may find staying home boring and want to take a drive and chat.
Maybe stop through a drive-through and eat a meal while viewing a pretty site/park.

Typically, do things that you would normally do but do them together. Don't go off to different parts of the house while he dresses, and you do your own thing.

I would like to stress this: Most of all, don't lose yourself trying to accommodate him. It takes two to make it all come together.

EDIT: My hubby wanted to add that your acceptance isn't permission to dress all the time at home. Make sure there is a balance between guy hubby and girl hubby.

[Misiokaku]

I think an important part is just being able to openly discuss it. To discuss what you you want and what he wants. To tell what your boundries are but also help him to achieve a style of dressing that suits him, a style that makes him comfortable and looking feminine but also one that makes you comfortable and is also "satisfying" or "attractive" for you to look at. I for myself have no problem when my wife loughs because I bought something that clearly doesn't suit me because of my body type. I want her to express her opinion on my looks because I think she has a great taste so I want to know her thoughts on my look. And not everything you see while browsing feminine fashion outlets on the internet ends up looking good on a male body. The makeup is a great idea. Spend an evening together while he is dressed just watching movies or cooking.
For me one important part is being able to be dressed at home and knowing there is nothing special about it. No special behavior, no special treatment. just spending time together while I can be dressed the way I prefer to be. I love this feeling. But you also have to be ok in this moment. I wouldn't feel right if I knew I was forcing something on my wife. The most important part of this whole setting is the knowledge of my wife being comfortable with this situation.

[audreyinalbany]

surprised no one has suggested this, but maybe you two ought to cook together. Find some new recipes to experiment with then sit down and have a lovely dinner together

[Pumped]

It is just about enough that you are accepting!

Do with him what ever girls would do, cook, drink wine, makeup, wine, do each others nails, wine, do each other hair, wine, dig through each others wardrobes and play dress up, wine....

Shopping is good, even in drab. My wife and I shop together for each other often.

[Aka_Donna]

Perhaps in a new separate thread, you could provide some insight on what is uncomfortable about this to you so we can share our experiences with the comfort and uncomfort of cross dressing.

To the point of your posting question, an idea no one has mentioned is to find a site that allows upload your face/figure photos and then to add clothes for sale on that model. This is not an interest of mine, but I have heard these sites exist and it may be fun to merge your photos with clothes. Don't make it just him, have some for you as well. Worst case you can get a photo of you both, but make it with mininum hair, so you add wigs/hair styles as well. Make this a bottom layer photo. Then take an image of the clothing, edit it with a photo editor to make it translucent and crop to just the article of clothing. [there are free photo editing software apps/programs available]. Put the clothing as the next higher layer.

Note well: many guys are not comfortable talking about this but enjoy playing games. IF it's not fun, try something else.

Another fun game to play goes like this:
1- we have $XYZ to spend this month, say between $80 and $130. If that is less than want to spend, then you can save up several months to get the dream addition to wardrobe
2- can't be just for one of us, need something for both of us.
3- both need to select something for themselves and the other. One item only, but within budget.
4- compare shopping lists and discuss options
5- a common add is to make one month naughty, another month blending, another month nice but bold, etc.
6- most important, get the wardrobe addition with the provision, if you like the actual item, the one item in current wardrobe must be disposed of. This is to prevent wardrobe hoarding.

Let us know if any of our comments make sense and/or are helpful so we can be more in tune with your needs.

Almost forget, get to the 10 posts and then consider joining the SO forum for females only to discuss this part of partners life.

Cheers...

[mbmeen12]

Play some board games but try to build up to it like a Friday evening ie date night. Just take it slow quality vs quantity.

[DianeT]

Hi Jennifer and welcome to the forums. I have little to no experience of doing things together with my wife (and per mutual agreement we probably won't ever) but we openly talk about it, which is already something important to share.
I don't think you mentioned if your husband disclosed this at the beginning of the relation or if you accidentally found out. If you found out, know that it takes most wives years to adjust to it, and some will never adjust anyway, just not their thing. In my opinion, you really put the turbo on trying to adapt and make your husband feel comfortable about it, and if you rush it, there is a possibility to lose yourself in the process. My wife would tell you that women are educated to please others and neglect their own comfort. If you give or yield things now that you may regret later, taking them back will be more difficult. You already put a few boundaries (sex, going out) which is good. My advice would be to go very slow, and each time you add something to the mix, give yourself some time to think about it, listen to your feelings, and talk boundaries again with him. It's wonderful that you try to accept your husband and make the dressing a couple activity, but your husband should return the favor too, in any way he can.

[docrobbysherry]

Uncomfy, I have some suggestions u may not like. Your situation is too new for both of u to know where it will lead. But, in time it WILL LEAD SOMEWHERE!:straightface:

I was seeing a girlfriend on and off for over 30 years. Finally, we were both divorced and seeing each other openly. Then, Sherry showed up out of the blue!:battingeyelashes:
At first, she seemed very accepting and encouraging regarding my excitement with dressing. But, that dimmed after a year or so. :doh:

I don't know if she was jealous of Sherry or simply that I was so captivated with my new "hobby". But, she broke it off with me and I haven't heard from her in 10 years!:eek:

Don't lose yourself in your SO's newfound interest. Communicate how u feel often. So you'll both be aware of your feelings. Which may change directions as his CDing developes.:straightface:

[Stephanie47]

Uncomfortable, my wife and I are in a very long "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. She has not said "boo" about my cross dressing. That does not mean I do not have thoughts about how I would like to be accepted. I am totally dresses and heels; not a pair of pants in my wardrobe. I would love to have a "girls night in" which would include both of us getting totally dolled up; dresses and heels. Activity? Preparing a leisurely meal together and sipping a glass of wine. Definitely, keep it out of the bedroom. Keep that for boy-girl time. One has to be careful that there is not a system overload; too much of anything may kill the mood. Definitely, if it starts to bother you, say something. Don't lead your man on.

[Jillcder]

Your husband is a very lucky crossdresser to have such a sweet wife! How nice of you to help with makeup tips if your ok with it just helping with outfits and accessories would be great.

[Di]

Yes agree make it about BOTH of you
We used to try things on and try different accessories, take pictures, do each other’s nails, face masks, foot massage, play music and dance, cook together , look up makeup tips for CDs on YouTube and practice ( things are different like beard cover and shading) but great you gave him your tips…..that’s the idea make it fun
I enjoyed these things TOO so think of things you would enjoy and do that.

We used to shop together but since y’all are staying home why not shop together online…..window shop ( but online) see what’s in style, what you like and what he might like .
Have to make it about both of you :)

Enjoy, take it slow and remember he probably has felt like this many years, you just now are now figuring it out ….take your time .

[Krisi]

Some good suggestions have been posted although I'm not sure everyone really understood your post.

I am going to add just one thing: If he doesn't already have a female name for when he is dressed, come up with one and then call him by it when he is dressed.

I wish my wife would do this.

[NancySue]

I?m also a daily ?stay at home? dresser.I have her full support. I totally appreciate all her help tips, ideas, and critiques. Even though I?m underdressed daily, (panties, bra, thigh highs and a touch of makeup). We, too don?t go out when I?m fully dressed because of our small, nosy town, police, accident, flat tire, etc. This is fine with both of us.

[Aunt Kelly]

First of all, bless you for being such and understanding and supporting soul.

If you're happy to stay in, anything two girlfriends would do is fair game. Movie night, mani-pedis, fashion show, slumber party, etc.

Char and Di make a very good point about the activities being about both of you. If it's always all about him, it will get old for you, and neither of you should want that.

I would encourage you both to consider going out though. It's not as risky as you might think, especially in larger metropolitan areas, where tolerance and understanding is more prevalent.

[Bluesman]

Have a girls' weekend. Have him stay dressed (while at home, of course - if he goes out, underdressed) from Friday to Monday. Full female attire, including makeup, during the day, night gown or femme pjs for bed.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I love it on the rare occasion when my wife surprises me with a purchase or compliments me on an outfit. Love it on the rare occasion when she's painted my toes (I have reciprocated when she's been in the mood as well). I'd love it if she were to ever suggest clothes, or accessories, or whatever, but I don't expect that to ever happen.

She's surprised me with a couple of anklets, which I wear in public proudly as opposed to the ones I've bought for myself (My wife bought this for me, cool, eh?)

But at odds with Krisi's post above, my wife always calls me by my real name, never calls me a woman, because I'm not a woman and don't want to be. Just an aging cute (used to be, anyway) guy in cute clothes. I'd suggest you find out where your hubby stands on that issue before changing his name or calling him "girlfriend". :)

What I've hated that she's done: a couple times when I pushed the envelope (for example, when I put on a toe ring) she said "Maybe you really do want to be a woman." Later she apologized for that, and now likes my toe ring, but it hurt when it happened.

[Dutchess]

If I had to do it over again I would've set better stronger boundaries and stuck to them and not apologized for anything I thought or said... It became our whole lives 24/7 we did nothing but this and finally the marriage was no longer sustainable and we lost everything . It caused me to see this differently than I once did.
You know your husband .. some men can handle this fine some cannot ..its up to you when to say no..but don't be afraid to say no if you need to..if I had things would not have gone so wrong .. I ..like DianeT said above was raised to take care of everyone first and it got WAY out of hand..
Don't lose you.. this is not a medical condition nor an illness.
Affirmations are ok but don't just do it because you think you should and not constantly..as I said above some cannot handle it.

[Fiona_44]

Uncomfortable,

Please don't forget about yourself during this process. Integrating a cross dressing husband into a marriage is not easy and to be successful it must be about meeting the needs and wants of both parties, not just those of the cross dresser. Don't be hesitant to set rules and boundaries that you are comfortable with and will help ease your way through this situation. All the best,

Fiona

[Maria in heels]

Since you are new to "this", just keep doing what you are doing. I am sure that your actions are appreciated and that when you stay by your spouse's side, that is the most important and supportive thing that you can do. I "closet dressed" for many years until I was caught by accident after we were married, and while it has been many years, she recommended that I venture out a little bit with a meetup group that she found and it was wonderful. She was happy to let me go, happy to see me go, but refused to come and finally did just before everything shut down with the pandemic...she met several of the girls that I became close with, she noticed the uncomfortable feelings that I was experiencing when getting ready and those who were a little too much at the bar, and overall had a good time. It's been over 30 years of knowing but not going out or socializing as Maria and the only request she had was no wigs and makeup but if the kids were gone, it was fine. I also wear heels as much as possible as they help with my back injury and pain, and can still out walk her ... she was amazed that I wasn't clumping around like the other girls at the party and that I didn't complain of pain and walked just fine

[Uncomfortablebuthere]

These are all amazing suggestions, I?ll definitely write up something soon on what it is I?m uncomfortable with because a lot of people had those questions in they?re response. I just want to thank everyone for replying and giving suggestions. This is new to me and my husband so I?m just interested in what there is for us to do together. How this can be shared between both of us and not just for him. It?s terribly selfish if you look at it from my point of view I?m hijacker?s his new ?me time?.

[Misiokaku]

I wouldn't call it selfish from your point of view. It could become selfish from his standpoint if he wouldn't share it with you and take the time you could have together and spend it alone dressing. Your involvement is not only for yourself, it is for the both of you. For me it is way easier knowing she knows about this and really comforting a i am able to be dressed around her at home without hiding. Because in the end this is me and I don't want to hide a large part of myself. I am happy my wife knows and accepts the whole me. I think it might make it easier for your husband to know you are supporting him and accept him the way he is and want to spend time with him. Regarding his "me time" I think this is not some hobby like gaming, sports or cars he can share with his buddies, at least for me. This is a "part" of him or even maybe this is him. This is something we can share with the forum here in the internet. But not everybody is able to share it with his wife. So knowing i am able to share it with her makes it even more fantastic. Your involvement right now is worth a lot!

[Aka_Donna]

Forget earlier post. That would be for much later in journey.
Since you supplied a second entry in this thread, I will respond again.

Ideas:

daily: must put on moisturizer on face. Add interest by doing each other.

Friday: him pedicure and paint, her pedicure, manicure and paint. So once a week new colors possible.

Once a week: him apron and sous chef and cleanup. Add energy if a) panty hose and chemise/slip under apron, or b) thigh highs, thong and chemise, or c) [risk to being too stimulating] commando, i.e. only apron

Gossip time: 5 minutes of sharing gossip re observations with heavy detail. i.e., female observations vs mail. Ask him to add details and colors and many descriptive phrases. Expect to be foreign and will be a fun time.

Sat morning: shave each others legs and to add energy, add massage with lotion [risk of stimulation]

Anytime: mop/vacuum wearing skirt/dress

Once a week: him bikini/bra & thong: clean mirrors and/or shower

Have him get rid of all male panties, except 3 pairs, for doctor visits. Only wear thongs/bikini/hipsters

You can also have safe fun outside home:
-- thrift store shopping, one/two items for sis, call her Liz. It's fun playing would sis/Liz like this? Note: for higher quality go to consignment stores
-- have him go out wearing pantyhose/thigh highs, covered by socks to show/dinner/shopping/etc
-- make him wear nude lipstick and go out
-- make him wear a chemise/braless slip under shirt and go out
-- top coat and/or nude polish on fingers and go out

that should provide some starting ideas.

Most importantly, you both need to have fun with this.

[Debs]

I want nothing, my wife lets me dress when I want, go where I want and stay out overnight in my local lgbt areas, I can leave the house dressed, only rule I have is "not to walk locally dressed", I always politely invite her along, but she isnt well and always refuses. But I cook, clean, do all the shopping, she wants for nothing.

[SaraLin]

Uncomfortable,
There have been a lot of interesting suggestions, but I have to suggest that you need to take into account your man's "reasons" for dressing.
Now, I don't mean you need to get all that deep or psychological about it - just the simple stuff.

Does he just like the look?
Is it a form of turn-on for him?
Does it fulfill some "feminine" yearnings he has?
Does he want you to call him by a feminine name, or otherwise treat him like a woman?
How far does he see this going? Never out of the house? venturing out? full time? etc.

If the two of you haven't talked about all this, you should.
If you already have, then great! You'll know where you both stand, and how to proceed.
There are a lot of options open for the two of you - if you can find one you're both OK with.

I wish you both all the happiness and fun adventures you can find.
- and don't forget to check back in to let us know how it all works out. We're rooting for you!

[Aka_Donna]

It was too late to finish last night. Other ideas:

Ditch PJ's and naked sleeping for chemise/babydoll/slip for sleeping attire. If too cold, add electric blanket and/or pantyhose.

Wear matching jewelry for a bit.

Get matching mats, leggings and tops and do yoga together in your place.

Most important, next week let us know which of our feedback was helpful so we can be more in tune next time.

[Rhonda Jean]

Read Dutchess's reply over and over.

I've never been one to dress up and stay in, so I probably have no business replying, but why let that stop me!

Nothing wrong with a dress up day, but this isn't an event or a one day thing. More important is how you (and he) deal with the every day, the never-ending, the constant. That's where real acceptance exists. Not that you have to let that run amuck, either. Just because you accept doesn't mean there are no boundaries. I've said a million times on here that I took it too far. I needed more boundaries/rules than I had. I don't know how you balance love, acceptance, encouragement, and freedom with rules and boundaries. It's different for everybody and almost nobody gets it right. It's a pretty safe bet he'll want to take it further than he should. Not just further than you're comfortable with,but further than he should for his own good and the good of the family. This is not a fully accepting world we live in. I wasn't totally blind to the lines I shouldn't cross, but chose to ignore too many of them. This thing we do is a powerful force. Don't ever underestimate that. I'm a thoughtful and pragmatic person in every other aspect of my life, except this.

I'll add that I don't see how this stays in the house in the long run. Not even the short run. To me, some of the well meaning suggestions you've gotten are over the top. I think there's too much attention lavished on her. Too focused, too concentrated. Not my thing. But, one of the dangers of that is the after effects. There's a thing we do (or at least I did) that once you cross a particular bridge, it's crossed forever. It's scary the first time, but after she's done it once, particularly with your involvement and more particularly if your compliments and encouragement went along with it, she's good to go forever! It's HIGHLY likely that this is not going to stay in the house. One of these days (probably many days) she'll go out, with or without you (hopefully with!), and whatever you've allowed/encouraged/compliment on the dress-up day will be repeated in some hotel room before you go to a restaurant, shopping, whatever.

Good luck! He's/she's lucky to have you. DON'T make it all about her. Don't lose yourself. Don't be too effusive in your compliments (she'll believe all of them!). Nothing wrong with a touch of reality.

[docrobbysherry]

Dear Uncomfy, what MOST dressers would ike is to have their partner partipate in their CD activities. In fact, it's safer and easier if a dresser is accompanied on an outing by a natal female. Sort of a stamp of approval that says, "I'm not some freaky weirdo!":thumbsup:

Do NOT assume he wishes to dress alone. Communicate, communicate, communicate!:hugs:

[1958Candi]

I think you have already given him everything that we could ever want from a spouse. Honesty is the only thing we really need, support is what we crave. You have given him that and he is a lucky "girl".

[Aka_Donna]

Rhonda had an important point. All my responses were to brainstorm answers to your original inquiry.

But do NOT try to use all the ideas immediately. Maybe one idea every few months, but no more. It's like saying let's have 3 kids and going thru the adoption process and bingo, added 3 kids in one month. Not a good idea. Need time to adjust mentally AND emotionally. Just bring up the idea and see what he and you both like. A discussion is essential.

[ReineD]

Hi,
When I dress at home, in private, my wife and I don't do anything special, we just do the normal things we do at home whatever clothes I wear.


This is exactly what we did, if we were not going out. Just exactly the same things we do at home when he wasn't dressed. Make and eat dinner, stream something, hang out in the same room reading and listening to music, all interspersed with conversation. We did try doing "girly" things early on, like painting each other's nails, but we both thought it was silly for middle-aged people acting like middle school girls. I did give him a few tips on makeup early on, but that just goes so far. I'm no expert in makeup, other than knowing what looks good on me, plus my style of makeup is minimal - just light foundation and mascara, which really doesn't take any pointers. In terms of discussing fashion, early on we did look at a few shopping sites but again, this only goes so far. After a few minutes I got bored and also, we have different tastes in clothes. Doing this certainly did not take up a whole evening. He did ask me a few times to take pics if he had received a new outfit, but again that only takes a few minutes and it was only occasionally ... not every time he dressed.

So yeah, just hanging out doing the same things you both do when he is not dressed should be good.

PS. Anything that had to do with shaving the body in the bath or applying lotion quickly lead to sex. :) ... although, he did need help with a quick shave of the upper back (what would show if wearing a neckline that is lower in the back than men's clothes) sometimes, but this happened only sometimes when we were getting ready to go out and it only took 5 minutes. Again, this is not an activity that takes up an entire evening.

PPS. I just read Dutchess' post #22 and it is spot on! Don't lose yourself in this, and don't make the entire evening about the CDing or "being girly". Like Dutchess said, the CDing is not a medical condition or an illness. It's just one facet of who your husband is.

[alwayshave]

Uncomfortable, My wife is accepting. Sometimes more than I am of myself. That being said, just that I can talk to her is a relief as I have hid this from everyone my entire life. Additionally, we go shopping together. She has also been out to bars and restaurants with me. She is my ally and I cherish her for this.

[Michelle1955]

Do normal things around the house.

[Veronica Lacey]

That's wonderful that you are making concerted efforts to adapt to your husband's recent disclosure.

I regularly feel that it would be nice to do everyday activities with my wife while I wear whatever I feel like at the time just as she would. Playing games, watching a show, doing chores, time apart, sleeping, intimacy, having a laugh, making plans, sharing dreams, ideas and discussion as we always do anyways. It would not have to focus on me and my wardrobe, just she and I being ourselves while at home.

I don't feel this idea would come easy even if I think it's the simplest form of acceptance. It just feels that this approach would direct the focus from it all being a separate act of "dressing" to the simple act of choosing what somebody feels like wearing at any given time.

Perhaps something to consider? Just be yourselves at home and let the wardrobe choices roll for the most part. Maybe it will feel over the top for some time but perhaps it will settle down your husband's needs and help you find your true feelings about it all without becoming overwhelmed.

Good Luck to you both!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Do You Have A Sister ??

[Kitty Sue]

I agree totally with what others have said. Communication on the part of both you and your husband is vital.

I was dishonest with my wife. I did not tell her about my CDing until after we married. That was dishonest and selfish of me. My wife has said I can dress around her and she would even do my makeup. I have chosen not to go down this path with her. It is my belief as my wife thought she was marrying a non crossdressing man, that is who I want to be around her.

My wife is an incredible woman and very giving. She is a nurse and is more than willing to put the needs of others ahead of herself.

I would suggest that you and your husband seek out support groups, either online or in person. This site is a great place to start.

One thing I did was go and get a professional makeover. You and your husband could do that together. It was a lot of fun. I went to "Fairplay" in New York.

[sometimes_miss]

I don't try to insist on my understanding on what women will want from us. Rather, all i can hope to do, is that we feel many of the same things that you women do. Just as much as you want to feel desired by the man in your life, we want to feel desired by the woman in ours (or the women we wish was i ours). Everyone wants to feel loved; whether it's from a current partner, or a desired one. We know that attraction is fleeting; that in a few years, our partner will start looking for another, as their desire for us wanes. But in the meantime, we want desperately for them to want US.
So while you're with us, let us know, how much you like being with us, how much you enjoy being with us, and how much your appreciate the physical closeness we share.
I guess the best times I experienced in my life, was with the women I loved so much, cuddling with them, either after sex or after coming home from a long day, dealing with the social responsibilities we faced as a couple.