Are you comfortable in the closet?

[CeCe]

Greetings, girls. At this stage in my journey, I am comfortable dressing at home alone as basically a man in a dress. I am not interested in going out dressed among strangers or even coworkers. I think about what it would be like to be dressed among friends, however. I guess I am more concerned about their comfort level than mine. Do many of us go through this stage of getting comfortable in the closet?

[Krisi]

Going out dressed among co-workers would be a very bad idea. Most people think of crossdressers as "perverts" and this could affect your job and career.

Many crossdressers never leave the safety of their own homes and that's fine. On the other hand, many of us do get a thrill by going out in public while presenting as a woman. Some, of course, can do this better than others.

The key is, to dress and act like a normal woman and to make sure that our presentation is good enough that we won't be recognized as our male selves by people we know.

Then, there are some of us who just don't care and just go out and let people know that they are crossdressers. If you are 6' 4" tall and 260 pounds, you're not going to fool anyone anyway.

[Sabine Janus]

As this is something that is about YOUR comfort/pleasure, it's really up to you.

I stay in. The risks outweigh the benefits for many of us.

[Bea_]

I?m in the closet except to my wife and my therapist. I am comfortable for the most part, but I seem to become more and more introverted as time goes by. I?m not sure that?s a good thing.

[Pumped]

I am staying in the closet. I am out to my wife, although there has been some thought of letting our daughter know.

I don't venture out of the house. The biggest reason is I wouldn't pass in a dark alley, and I have accepted that fact. My facial features say "man" loudly!

Also the risk to benefits ratio is to low to venture out. I don't see the point of going out. It does interest me to some degree, but knowing I would just be a MIAD the interest goes away. If I could blend in better I would have more interest in going out, but even then I wonder why. My voice is also completely male! It would take a miracle to sound fem.

I do venture out in women's boots and jeans, but to do the full deal it will not happen.

[Stephanie47]

I'm in the closet with the exception of my non-accepting wife who absolutely is not interested in living with a woman. My comfort zone is being a home-body doing domestic chores; baking, gardening, vacuuming, etc. At six foot and 200 pounds I am sure any inquiring eyes will see I am a man in a dress. As a male I have no interest in wandering the malls. As a female it would be the same thing. In the past, when my wife was out of state for seven to ten days visiting friends, I would get all dolled up in dress and heels and go for an evening stroll in a safe residential area of my small city. A half hour of strolling usually got the pent up demand to get outside satisfied.

[Majella St Gerard]

Closets are for clothes

[DianeT]

I stay in because I like to chill out once dressed, it's my way to enjoy it. Made up and dressed, and do any stuff I'd do in male mode, hours on end, with this added strange vibe. Like a fish out of water, taking its time and enjoying the ride. I'm social in male mode, but when I dress I want to be on my own desert planet. Alone, and at peace.

[Kris Burton]

Although I recently began to venture out publicly, the only other person who knows is my accepting wife. I like it that way, no one else is on my needs to know list. I guess you could say I'm still in the closet, but she is in there with me.

[WandaRae2009]

I am now in the closet based on my wife's desire. She has a fear of something happening to me. I really have a desire to go out and mingle with others. I did go out a couple of times before my wife found out, but have been in the closet since she found out. I think I can talk her into allowing me if it were with a support group of some kind.

[kimdl93]

No, being in the closet does not work for me. I think its natural to start there, but some of us feel a stronger need to go beyond dressing alone in the privacy of home. For me, stepping out the door was like stepping out of a prison cell.

But that may work very well for others. Its not a contest.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

In the closet other than my wife and daughter. Would I like to dress in front of friends? Sure, but it's not worth the risk. More than likely they would not be cool with it. Unless one of them is also a closet dresser, which I would kill to find out about!

So Yeah, I'm comfortable in the closet

[Heather76]

I have an interest in going out dressed. However, I do not want to be dressed while with friends or relatives other than my wife. I am 100% certain a lot of friendships would suffer and my wife would suffer total embarrassment. If I wanted to live as a woman, that would be a different story. I don't have that desire at all. I just enjoy being a MIAD. So long as I can occasionally go out of the area where we live and dress en femme, I will be happy. Real honestly, I much prefer shopping en femme for feminine things vs. shopping in drab mode. Taking female items into the ladies' dressing rooms is easier than taking them into the men's dressing room. And, I wouldn't care to go into the ladies' dressing room dressed in drab.

Anyway, I'm fine being in the closet so far as family and friends are concerned. I do have 1 relative and 1 friend that know about Heather. They have both seen pictures of her but have not met her in person. I doubt they ever will; but, it wouldn't be a problem if they did. Their discovery of Heather were under somewhat strange circumstances; but, it happened and they were both cool with it.

[Debbie Denier]

I am ok in the closet. The only people that knew were my non accepting wife and my late accepting mother.. Friends and family dont need to know. What they dont know cannot hurt them.. I would like to attend a support group again in the future to meet fellow sisters.Maybe up my game and regain lost confidence.

[Marcelo]

That's a tricky one for me. Yes, I'm pretty much in the closet with most of those who really know me. But as far as staying inside, not the case at all.

Decades ago, I watched a documentary on crossdressing. One statement that always stuck out was "the need to be seen." That's how it is with me.

Only a handful of my friends know what I do and I think only a few of them know that I go all the way with it. I can't remember the last time I just sat around my apartment fully dressed with no intention of getting out.

If you follow my posts, you'll see that when I do go out I don't try to blend in at all. In fact, I pretty much only go out to volunteer or the occasional outing to a haunted house (did a WTA tournament recently) and Halloween, of course, and I wear a cheerleader uniform when I do.

I don't even try to pass, either. I WANT be seen as a man being a good sport but taking things a bit too far. I'm pretty sure at least one person gets that message every time I go out. I do, however, get lots of compliments as well as comments that people thought I was a woman at first glance.

I also love the interaction I get when I go out volunteering. When I volunteer in drab, I'm just another volunteer. But when I go out as Marcy, it's a whole 'nother ball game!

If staying inside is your thing then more power to you! As far me, it's showtime or no time! (Hey, that's a new one)

Cheers!

Marcy

PS Posing with people for selfies is also lots of fun!

[Jessica Secret]

I'm very comfortable in the closet, I wear beautiful lingerie to bed almost every night so I'm very satisfied with enjoying dressing just at home, and pretty much my entire wardrobe is romantic lingerie so can't wear that in public anyway! I've never had a "need to be seen" type feeling when it comes to dressing.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I agree with Jessica for the same reasons. I can also experiment and take photos too.

[NancyJ]

I have accepted being in the closet. I have found a level of comfort with it, especially because we have adopted a lifestyle where I choose to put my wife and her wishes first. However, if things were different, if I lived alone, I would want to be part of a CD community and go out dressed. But, I am very happy to sacrifice such possibilities to be with my wife and have what she gives me. Nancy

[Natalie5004]

No, my closet is too small. I go out at least once a week to run errands and stuff. Natalie needs to breathe.

[Emily in the south]

I'm with you Natalie!
And with reference to Krisi's comment .. Last month, a good friend came to my area to attend a classic car event. I met him at his hotel when he arrived to help unload the trailer. There was a interesting big bus parked outside, and we went into the lobby to get him checked in. It was full of girls in casual athletic attire, averaging 6 ft tall. I am 5 11" and half were taller than me, some by 4 or 5 inches. Took me a few seconds to get the connection with the bus, it was a women's basketball team from out of state. lol It was funny standing beside some of them at the elevator. Don't think any were in the 200 lb range though..

Apologies to the op, don't mean to distract from the thread

Emily

[TheHiddenMe]

I think about what it would be like to be dressed among friends, however. I guess I am more concerned about their comfort level than mine. Do many of us go through this stage of getting comfortable in the closet?

My first reaction is, "You live in New York City. Your friends and co-workers see a lot more strange things every day than a guy in a dress."

Here's another thought. Go out dressed and make new friends acquaintances outside your current circle of friends. In NYC, you have to have thousands of possibilities.

When I am out, I also never know how people will react to me. However, I can say I've never had a bad experience. OTOH, being out I've met people and made friends, and going out has been a ton of fun.

I wanted to go out for the longest time, but was afraid of the reaction. The reaction was positive! The fears were all of my own making.

As to "most" people thinking of us as "perverts", I beg to disagree. No one has the power to know what others are thinking. Fifty years ago, maybe. Today? I doubt it. When I have been out, I've been treated appropriately, and people have been friendly and more curious than negative.

As to voice, I have a male voice. I assume people know I'm a guy in a dress; I just want it to be a pretty dress.

I dressed at home for about ten years. I wasn't comfortable only dressing at home. My only regret is I didn't do it sooner.

[Geena75]

My closet is pretty confining due to not being open to the immediate household, including the spouse. I found ways of getting out as a means to spend more time as Geena. Living in a more rural setting, I generally go someplace anywhere from 10 to 30 miles away to preserve anonymity. I'm on a recent wave of getting out and enjoying it, knowing it won't last forever. It took me almost two years to work up to this point and I'm loving it.

[NonbiNancy]

I'm out to my close friends and family but haven't crossed that invisible line of being in public. So far I'm happy dressing in a more gender neutral fashion in public, which seems to be how most women dress these days anyway. Like many CDers, when I dress up it's in a way women only dress when they going out to the nightclubs. Since I'm no longer of nightclubbing age I'm pretty content at home. I do feel the urge to someday dress more feminine (in a dress) and see how that feels. I've read here on this forum that it can be addicting. ;-)

[GretchenM]

Partly in the closet; partly out. I rarely dress fully with makeup and the like, but that is fun and produces a different sense of self when I do. But opportunities are few and far between as my wife would not approve. However, it is not all that way. I do wear women's tops (T's, sweatshirts, and other casual wear) mixed with men's pants and shoes. I do wear flats around the house and my wife approves of whatever I do. Never have trouble but once in awhile get some looks and frowns, mostly from men. I do carry a unisex bag all the time, mostly because I don't like my pockets stuffed with stuff and it helps solve the problem of forgetting something. People get it for the most part and I have even had some compliments from women - never from men. It works for me and is within my circumstances and boundaries.

Like Stephanie47 I do spend a lot of time at home doing all kinds of domestic chores that traditionally are done by women. I enjoy those things, especially cooking fine meals.

[Jillcder]

Interesting question I have been out out dressed in public many times but have zero desire to let friends or family know I dress the only family member I want to tell is my spouse. For many years I was comfortable in the closet but now I hate it age has increased my desire to openly dress.

[audreyinalbany]

Know...I wish I had been brave enough to go out dressed back when I was still young and unwrinkled

[sometimes_miss]

owever, I can say I've never had a bad experience. <snip>
No one has the power to know what others are thinking.

Just because YOU have never had a bad experience, doesn't mean anything. Lots of LGBTQ people have been killed, just because of who they are.

And yes, we do get to know what others are thinking, when we are stealth and in drab, and others don't know that we are crossdressers, and we get to be 'a fly on the wall' and get to hear what they really think when another one of us shows up, and the laughter and derisive discussions start behind that person's back.
While most will go about their business and not say anything to us, some of us simply don't want to walk around with that imaginary target that those mean people paint on our backs, wishing they could shoot us.

I grew up with an ugly birthmark on my face, constantly being picked on and called names; many other kids treated me like a leper for much of my childhood adolescence. I have no wish to repeat that experience, or be reminded of it. I had my face fixed, and lived out of the spotlight for decades now, and wish to remain just another average person.

So my closet will suit me just fine. It's a nice closet, with all my favorite pretty things in it. I have no great desire or need, to go out, displaying to the world a Shrek wearing a tutu. They don't want to see that, and I don't want to see the subtle sidelong glances that indicate they just wish I'd go away.

I see my drab clothes as just another uniform that I wear in order to do certain tasks where regular clothes won't do, such as a skin diving outfit, ski outerwear for when it's freezing, or scrubs when working at the hospital. As long as I can come home, and spend my time here in my pretty things, I'm content.

[Veronica Lacey]

Greetings, girls. At this stage in my journey, I am comfortable dressing at home alone as basically a man in a dress. I am not interested in going out dressed among strangers or even coworkers. I think about what it would be like to be dressed among friends, however. I guess I am more concerned about their comfort level than mine. Do many of us go through this stage of getting comfortable in the closet?

I am comfortable keeping my dressing to myself. My wife has always known this part of me and this affords me reasonable opportunities to wear what I please just not always when I please. I long ago accepted this as a sufficient compromise.

The rest of the world at large? Society is becoming more accepting but unless it suddenly accepts without discrimination, fanfare or memory of more repressive times that a fellow might wear women's clothing in everyday life then I won't be concerning myself with ever trying. And while I do not consider dressing beyond my front door as a priority nor long-term goal perhaps one day I may share - in words - with a close friend or two more about myself. Again, if it never happens then so be it.

I will continue to wish that each one of us finds our own personal level of self-acceptance of where and when we choose to be ourselves.

[KymG]

No im not comfortable in the closet.
But I wouldnt be comfortable out of the closet either.
Probably less so.
So I just struggle on.

[Karren H]

Comfort is highly over rated! I do not think I have never been really comfortable and always pushed the envelope. Thought I was looking for something more comfortable but in reality I was more likely looking for something more uncomfortable.

[Jade P]

My closet is my bedroom or under male clothing. My wife knows I crossdress but doesnt want to see me in feminine clothing. So my feminine side must be hidden around the house and outside the house, so nightgowns only in my bedroom and underdress every day in panties and pantyhose.

[Monique65]

I have been firmly in the closet for over fifty years and am very comfortable with it. I do fantasize about going out, but the reality of my situation dictates otherwise. I might add that this website has helped tremendously in my acceptance of this.

[MarinaTwelve200]

The only disadvantage I find with the closet is the lack of interacting with others. THIS SITE fixes that little inconvenience and give me a bit of a "vent" should I decide I need it. I don't HAVE any need to go out.

[Shiny]

Not at all! I keep bumping my head on the hangar rod!

[Raychel]

I am totally comfortable with where I am in the journey.
Unlikely that Raychel will see the light of day anytime soon.
The world is not ready for that.

I live alone and can dress whenever I want.
All is good here. :)

[wendylovescd]

Comfortable in closet. Strikes a happy balance for me. The only thing I would do differently is shoot photos outside on locations.

[mykell]

i was....but then i found this site, i read stories of folks going out, bars, parks, shopping, telling theyre wives they do this....it freaked me out.....my dad passed prior to me joining...mom a.few years after....cleaning her apartment i found a copy of "how to be a transexual" a story about paula grossman who was a music teacher from new york city....my mom was her nurse in 1978 when this was a mind freak for me at 18.

to make a long story longer everyone had to get dads things when he died but they did not want me to come...that made me think....what would my wife and son think when the find my stash.

i wouldn't be able to answer they're questions....you know, are you gay, do you want to be a women, will you transition, do you love me, blah blah....so yea i wrote a note left in my stash but ended up telling her anyway....ended up going to social support events and eventually started my own meet up for a few years and now i volunteer at a thrift shop.

i may need a double take to figure me out but feeling secure with your "self" is the key....most folks are polite enough....girls and the women shopping at the store are amazingly polite and many of the interactions are priceless.

you have to stay in your comfort zone....you do what is comfortable for you....if you made any promises to your better half you'll have to keep them....if things need to change you have to figure it out....i dont think i could go back to the closet if i had too....this works for me....

[Jane G]

I would say I am comfortable in the closest yes. Much as I would love to be 5' 8" with small feet small hands and great boobs, I'm not and I never will be. Not being the flabouyant type I never enjoyed the obvious looks I got when I went out dressed in my teen years. So I moved into the closest, where I expect I will remain.

[Erin Lafleur]

Yes, I am quite comfortable to be in the closet, so to speak.
I am in my mid sixties and I really don't care to wear the type of clothing that would be required for me to blend publicly with other women my age. Seems a bit boring to me.
I dress, first and foremost, for me. Dressing to conform with the expectations of others seems almost oppressive to me and I can think of no good reason to want to please others before myself. I love feminine and I love pretty.
Satin, lace, chiffon etc are what I truly enjoy so...I won't be prancing down to the mall anytime soon lol!

[nancy58]

I am in a DADT marriage and haven't come out to anyone else but my therapist and a couple of doctors. I *hate* being in the closet, and I enjoy it when my wife is out of town and I dress en femme from the moment I get out of bed until I go back to bed in the evening. One reason I've been reluctant to come out to friends and relatives is that I worry about their discomfort. They've always known "Bob", and I don't know how they'd react to my being Nancy.

[alwayshave]

I guess what you mean by in the closet. My wife knows, but no-one else does, other than you lovely ladies and the girls in my meetup group. I am pretty comfortable in my closet.

[SaraLin]

In as few words as possible:

It's confining and uncomfortable - but safe.
And my wife guards the door.

[Trione]

My wife knows of my love of lingerie and as long as I keep it at home no problems. At 6'3" I could old pull off a bad man in a dress