Crossdressing Line of Demarcation

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm still on the my snails-pace return to crossdressing. Progress ? almost none. However, yesterday I ran errands all day. This was not some crossdressed outing, just running errands. I did not consider myself crossdressed at all, but, thinking about what I was wearing, my chosen comfy casual clothes, I was not wearing one stitch of male clothes. An oversize, thick, knitted white turtleneck sweater (with nothing under it), black joggers, black mules (flat), panties. I was also carrying a large women's tote. The sweater comes down to nearly mid-thigh. There was a time when I would have worn it for a dress. To me, I was not crossdressed, but, if I'm not crossdressed, would I wear this to work? No. Would I care if I ran into somebody I know? Kind of depends on who it would be, but as a general rule, no. What would have pushed it over the line? Wig, makeup and boobs. How about just a wig? Yes, but when I had long hair I would have worn this and still not considered it crossdressing. Makeup? Depends. Light, neutral makeup, no. Boobs, of course. What else could I have added and it still not reach the crossdressing line of demarcation? Nail polish, probably. Jewelry, depends.

I've worn a lot of women's clothes as part of my everyday wardrobe since I was in the 9th grade. I didn't consider it crossdressing. When I had long hair, blending like that was easier. For years I wore jeans to work every day, and I didn't own a pair of men's jeans. I don't think anybody knew. I had a pair of women's cowboy boots with a rather high undercut heel that I wore frequently. I don't think anyone realized. Some of my shirts buttoned on the "wrong" side and had darts. I don't think anybody noticed (except my father). I could go on. I've also worn concealer and moisturizer every day since high school and I'm sure nobody knew. Until the last few years I always wore my nails long, also dating back to high school. EVERYBODY noticed that.

I have no idea whether or not this looks like crossdressing to the people I encounter. I don't think it does. As I went about my errands yesterday, though, it was noticeable that I was dressed like the rest of the women out doing errands, at least the better dressed ones.

I can't define the line of demarcation, but I guess, to me, if I'm making no attempt to look like a woman, I'm not crossdressing. As I wrote that I thought, "What if I'd been wearing heels?" I guess that would have made it crossdressing.

I guess I've been given (and taken) so much latitude in what I wore, how I wore my hair, etc. that I never learned where that line was. I can look back on thing I wore openly and without a second thought given when I was younger and realize that I looked ridiculous, regardless of what you call it. Fact is I might have looked ridiculous yesterday. I just don't have a good sense about that.

So, what's the point? I think the point is there may not be any more to the "return" for me. I can't return to being 30. Maybe this is what being a 60-something year old crossdresser is for me. Going all out for me is now a pretty low bar, and I'm OK with that. Maybe not forever, but for now I am. I'm enjoying getting my brows done again, and I still love, LOVE getting my nails done and I am going to be more open about wearing polish in male mode. I haven't worked up the nerve to wear it around some friends and family, but I'm determined to do that before the end of the year and to keep doing it. I'm not going to wear it to work, but I'm going to quite taking of my polish because certain people are coming over or we're going over there.

I know a lot of you are all or nothing, but surely I'm not the only one who's casual side leans feminine. Where is the line of demarcation for you?

[docrobbysherry]

U sound much like the young cross dressers of today. Who don't care to "dress like a woman". They dress to "feel comfortable".:)

Many choose androgenous looks. Much like what u were wearing, RJ. But, u don't sound as happy with that look as they r!?:straightface:

[Natalie5004]

I am a all or nothing girl. I want to look as classy good looking as possible when I go out. Do I pass 100% no. Will I dress hand hope I see people I know? No. But when I am all or nothing I probably could see them and they would not know it was the male me in fem clothes.

So, there is a line for me. I do nail polish hands and feet. Trim my brows, and at times some light makeup without going all the way. But I feel best when I am in full bloom.

[audreyinalbany]

I'm also in the 'all or none' category...no interest in underdressing or wearing femme stuff in Male mode...if I'm going to dress, I'll do the hole nine yards, wigs, make up, padding, dresses or 'soccer mom' casual

[Jackiefl]

I keep polish on hands and feet, wear womens sandles, brows waxed, with studs in both ears, hair free 24/7 365.

[ErikaH]

I'm slowly getting into venturing out in crossdressed mode. I generally am a pretty casual person, attire wise.

[Kris Burton]

I like to think of it not so much as all or nothing, but rather presenting completely as one gender or the other.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I'm with you, Rhonda. I don't wear mens jeans, underwear, or socks at all anymore, don't even own any anymore. I've recently travelled a couple of times in leggings (including stopping for gas and restroom). I wear women's tanks to work (construction, nobody seems to notice or care) and sometimes women's t-shirts on the road or to the bar. I really don't consider any of that crossdressing because men also have tanks and t-shirts (and the ones I'm wearing aren't overly feminine). In the mornings before work I'll wear a skirt or dress, bra, fishnet stockings, lace tops, etc, THAT I consider crossdressing. In the evenings I'll often wear a cami, that's probably cding too, as guys just aren't allowed to wear such things. I've also worn toenail polish in polite company as well, if someone says something I tell them my wife told me to put my feet in her lap and I obeyed.

So is whatever you're doing CDing? Who cares? Enjoy life and don't worry about the labels!

[Heather76]

I guess crossdressing is in the eye of the beholder. By definition, I believe it is wearing any piece(s) of clothing generally considered to be worn by the opposite sex. However, the reality is if you're wearing clothing most traditionally worn by women and you don't feel as though you are crossdressing, then I suspect you aren't. Only you can define what it is you do. So far as the comments stating it's either all the way or nothing for those posters, I'd hate to live that way. In about 30 months of crossdressing, I've only been out in public 100% en femme on 5 occasions and 100% en femme at home on maybe another 5 occasions. I'd hate to think all the other times (daily since June 2020) I'm only partially dressed shouldn't have happened because I wasn't 100%. Since 1/1/22, I've worn a bra, forms, stockings, panties, and a nightie to bed every night with 1 exception when I didn't wear a bra and forms. I take any amount of crossdressing at any and all times I can. Today I went to the VA clinic wearing lace panties, lace bralette, A/B silicone inserts, and DD forms. I removed the forms before I went into the clinic but saw my provider wearing the other items. Tomorrow I will be home alone for about 4 hours. I'm pretty certain I will go 100% for 2 hours or so just to enjoy it. I will remove the makeup, wig, and press-on nails before my wife returns as I know she's not a fan of seeing me 100% en femme. I feel the need for a photo session with my newest dress.

[docrobbysherry]

Most of us "all or nothing" dressers started like u, Heather. I certainly did. Wearing just pantyhose, and/or a bra, etc. while watching TV the evenings my kids were over at my ex's.:heehee:

But, after years of that the thrill faded. And, I got used to seeing a sexy woman in my mirror. With nothing male to ruin that image!:daydreaming:

Now, I live alone and can dress as often as I want. Sneaking in a moment partially dressed here and there seems silly and juvenile to me now!:doh:

I can't be bothered unless I go: All---the---way!:battingeyelashes:

[Helen_Highwater]

Men generally don't need to wear a bra so if doing so I'd have to say it's either to satisfy a fetish or you're in CD'ing territory. Same applies to other under garments, knickers being the prime example.

Outerwear I feel can be gauged by what items you'd be highly unlikely to see a male wearing in public. Leggings to me are a prime example. Pullovers can be considered more androgynous but there are certainly certain styles far more rooted in the female end of the spectrum.

Here's the crux for me. If you consider the items you chose to wear to have been bought from the clothing section labelled "Women" then unless you're wearing them to satisfy some sexual fetishism you have to consider wearing said items crossdressing.

The really important thing here is are you comfortable in wearing them in public. If it meets your needs then don't over analyse it as a way of justifying wearing those things. Accept it's what you want to do and learn to be comfortable with it and let your dressing progress.

[Jolene Robertson]

Good post Rhonda,

I never gave it much thought but like you said. I wear womans jeans, panties and knee highs or stockings, shoes and fairly long wig all the time in either mode. I just don't feel like I'm dressed as a lady unless I have a bra, nice top & skirt or dress on and ear rings which I do not wear in male mode. I have just gotten to where I'm so used to wearing that all the time I don't consider it cross dressing anymore.

[GretchenM]

Rhonda, I think what might have happened is that your identity has become more defined such that it produces a realm for you where you are comfortable in a more non-binary style rather than the style of more typical crossdressers. There is, of course, nothing sacred about where you settle and there is no need to fit some kind of idealized pattern of gender expression. It is all individualized. The line of demarcation is probably more like a broad and fuzzy transitional zone between that which fits you best and other realms where you can go but find you are a bit less comfortable. That "less comfortable" is dysphoria relative to your current home identity. Going into those other areas perhaps makes you feel like you are flying through some noticeably less stable air and it gets bumpy. It is good to explore those areas as you can find bits and pieces that fit you and you can take home with you when you return to the more stable comfort zone.

Just keep in mind that as you go through life your comfort zone can change in some ways. That is caused by this really special ability of our brains to adapt and incorporate new things while rejecting those things that don't fit nicely into the fabric. Plasticity is a special property of brains, whether human or fly. Without it everything we encounter would be completely new; we would not be able to learn anything. Each moment would be independent of all other moments. In short, all creatures would be equally stupid - more like a puddle of chemicals that does strange things and sometimes the same things over and over and over - WEIRD.

So I suggest you enjoy what you have and how you are and live it happily. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. You can climb over the fence and see for yourself and take back home any treasures you may fine. But there is nothing sacred about the other side of the fence unless you discover it actually is better. In that case you may be able to merge the two realms to create for yourself a yet more comfortable place to live. Or not. Life is an adventure in adaptation and learning.

[jacques]

hello Rhonda,
there is no Crossdressing Police who set a standard and check whether you are crossdressed enough to be called a crossdresser.
The joy of crossdressing is that you can dress however you wish - go on - just enjoy it!
luv J

[Rhonda Jean]

For me, part of the reason for defaulting to comfortable/casual is that that's all I can pull off anymore. I see some girls on here who pull off the "middle age" look beautifully and marvelously. I'm not one of them, and I certainly can't pull off a younger look. In many ways, the further I go the worse I look That just takes the fun out of it. I can go out dressed as I've described and feel good about it without looking, well, ridiculous. The question remains, "Why do it at all?" I can't really answer that except that there are things that I'm not ready to leave behind. I don't know that what I'm feeling/seeing is much different from what a GG does, except that it's not part of my daily/constant life. I could choose not to go there at all.

I'm glad I did all I did when I could pull it off. Mother nature catches up to all of us eventually. I'm still dressing, just in a different way. Things change, though. Next week it could be a whole different story.

[Krisi]

I don't think there is an "official" definition of crossdresser or crossdressing. Technically, if one is wearing women's panties, he is crossdressing, but most folks won't know it because they aren't seeing the panties.

I wear panties under my clothes all the time now unless I am going to the doctor or hospital and expect to have to get undressed. My jeans are also from the women's side of the store, but when out, I don't think of myself as "crossdressing" at the time.

When I go out "crossdressed", it is a Krisi with wig, boobs, padded hips and butt and women's clothing, shoes and jewelry. And a purse.

[suzanne]

Good for you. I doubt anyone gives you a second thought when you are dressed like that in public. It's how I normally dress as well. In fact, I have made a promise to myself that I would never again buy male clothes. I have kept that promise in pretty good, but not perfect, shape for a few years now.

The rule I want you to follow is this: be your authentic self, be comfortable and be happy.

[Angela Marie]

I have worn leggings to the gym for years. Over the past few years I have started wearing denim leggings on a daily basis. The line of demarcation moves slowly but surely lol.