Another step

[Angela Marie]

I've often wanted to see a therapist regarding my feminine feelings. The pandemic put that on hold; but I was finally able to schedule an appointment. I have no plans to transition given my age and family and social circumstances. I do however think it would be helpful to get an unbiased, professional view. Have any others found therapy helpful?

[Bea_]

I've been in therapy for about three years. There were larger issues than crossdressing, but I did tell her fairlyearly that about half my wardrobe was from the woman's department. It stayed a side note until a few months ago. I've been dressed at all the sessions since my dressing became the focus.

I'm sure that I'm her first crossdressing patient and it took her by total surprise. She has been supportive and has helped me work through the motivations and limits of my taste. I lucked out and picked a good therapist at random.

I don't have feminine feelings and not sure where that conversation would go. I do have feminine tastes in clothing but I like that I'm a man wearing them. I hope that you find a good therapist for yourself

[CharlotteCD]

I think I've said before, it's all well and good going to therapy and having your feelings validated, and you're not a sicko, a creep, a weirdo or whatever society has made you feel, but then when you step out of that session, you're still in the same situation.

For me, that made things worse, because all of the trans acceptance and progress I made, it meant nothing because my wife wasn't making any progress, because she wasn't willing to change her attitude to dressing.

[Pumped]

Angela, it really depends on you and your situation. If you are uncomfortable with where you are at then perhaps a visit with a professional may help. If you are relaxed and enjoying yourself, then what are you hoping to find? Also like Charlotte mentioned with the unapproving wife it might help there.

I thought about it a bit myself, then realized I don't care! I will never transition, heck I really don't got out of the house other than partially dressed and somewhat hidden. I don't want to come out. I will not be out shopping and trying to blend in with the masses, or partying at clubs, or hanging out with the girls. My wife is very accepting, so no pressure there.

I feel like reality set in some time ago and all is good. No guilt, no weird feelings being dressed when my wife comes home, no stress. I have no idea what a professional would help me with.

[Kris Burton]

I've been in and out of therapy most of my adult life. In all of those sessions, the subject of crossdressing never came up, no doubt because I couldn't even admit to those inclinations myself. Since acknowledging this and actively CDing, I have felt much better psychologically, perhaps the best I have ever felt. Would therapy have been helpful if I had come to those admissions earlier? I'm not sure, but having made the discovery myself it makes the question of therapy, for me at this point, moot.

[traciJ]

At one point I was really struggling with crippling anxiety over work and other things. My doctor insisted I talk to a therapist before prescribing anxiety meds. First session, discussed everything but my gender issues. Second session, I came out to her which was a big deal to me, not so much for her.. We ended up prioritizing family, work, sexuality. Over the next several months she helped me calm down a lot. It really helped to include my gender issues in our discussions, but she admitted a gender specialist would be able to help me more with that.

[Heather76]

Angela, it really depends on you and your situation. If you are uncomfortable with where you are at then perhaps a visit with a professional may help. If you are relaxed and enjoying yourself, then what are you hoping to find? Also like Charlotte mentioned with the unapproving wife it might help there.

I thought about it a bit myself, then realized I don't care! I will never transition, heck I really don't got out of the house other than partially dressed and somewhat hidden. I don't want to come out. I will not be out shopping and trying to blend in with the masses, or partying at clubs, or hanging out with the girls. My wife is very accepting, so no pressure there.

I feel like reality set in some time ago and all is good. No guilt, no weird feelings being dressed when my wife comes home, no stress. I have no idea what a professional would help me with.

I could have written the above almost verbatim. The only difference is I have, and will continue to, get out when I can. So far, I was out twice in July, 3 times in October, and will be out next week one day. However, all those outings are well away from home where there is less than a one in a million chance of running into anyone we know. If I do run into someone we know and am recognized, I'll have no choice but to own it and ask for their discretion in not mentioning it to others. My wife has a Thursday morning thru Monday evening girls' getaway planned in March. You can bet your pretty panties I'll be en femme almost the entire time she's gone.

I am not a particularly introspective person so I rarely question myself about what I do and why I feel how I feel. Fortunately, I believe myself to be a good, responsible, and respectful person who has never purposely tried to hurt another. I have a strong religious faith and try to live in accordance with such values. Sure, I make mistakes. We all do. I've no idea what a therapist could offer me as I'm fine with my crossdressing. I don't care why I enjoy it so much nor do I care to stop.

[NancyJ]

It is not easy to find a good, qualified, and available therapist these days. Research on therapy outcomes is pretty clear that the biggest variable is the match between therapist and client. In other words, if you click well together and feel understand, it seems to help. One issue is that many otherwise qualified and competent therapists have zero training in gender issues. It really is a specialty area.

Worth a try. Good luck, but do not hesitate to bail if it is a bad match. Nancy

[April Rose]

Angela, if you are going to get a thereapist, make sure they are trained in gender identity issues. You don't want to be spending your$$ per hour explaining to them how transgender works.

[kimdl93]

Given the limits you have attributed to your age and family considerations, then the primary purpose for therapy would be to address and resolve any emotional distress you may be experiencing. If you are not experiencing such distress then therapy will basically amount to an expensive conversation. That is ok, I suppose.

[Kitty Sue]

For more than 20 years I have attended therapy. My experience overall has proven positive. In saying that, it took me a long time to find a therapist I really clicked with.

[mbmeen12]

Yes and no as to therapy helping me. I sumed it up to someone being neutral and listening. Ask yourself: to what end?

[Shawn Michelle]

My first trip to a therapist was when I was 15 years old after I was caught by my parents wearing some of my mom’s clothes. I don’t remember much about those sessions, but they obviously didn’t “cure” me like my parents wanted. I went back to therapy in 1998 after I lost my job. It was that therapist that diagnosed me with depression. My crossdressing came up once or twice but was never the center of my talks with him. He retired a few years ago and I haven’t brought up my dressing with my new therapist. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve never had a problem with my dressing that required me to talk to a professional. I was made to feel guilty about it with the first therapist I saw, but as I got older I got over it. Now, I’m comfortable with the fact that I dress, even though it is just at home.

[BLUE ORCHID]

There are two kinds of therapist,

The one that tells you what you want to Hear,

And the one that tells your wife what she wants to Hear

[Shelly Preston]

Blue Orchid I disagree

I good therapist is there to help, not just to confirm what anyone and there spouse/partner wants to hear.

If it was like that there would be no real point in going.

The therapist can be objective especially if its with couples.

People can be so caught up in one opinion the fail to see acceptable alternatives.

[GretchenM]

Go for it Angela. I went right after I came out and it was a great experience. However, don't get wrapped in the idea that therapists cure you of your ills or tell you what to do. They rarely do that. And the usually do not tell you what you want to hear; in fact it is often the other way if they are any good. They tell you what you need to hear, but it is presented from a different point of view than criticism. It is a positive message. Their primary function, if they are any good, is to help and guide you to find the right solutions for yourself and by yourself. You reprogram your brain to encompass the total you in a way that does not end up feeling like WW 6. You embrace and understand yourself better, but far from perfect.

Therapy is a time when you should expect to get close to the naked truth about yourself. It can be a real eyeopener about certain aspects that you may not consciously recognize about yourself. I went into it with an open mind and my mind was opened even further. I thought maybe transition was best, but after a few weeks I realized that was far from a good fit for me. I ended up taking a path that clearly led to who I am today. Transgender but leaning strongly toward the Non-binary side - a blend of male-like, female-like, and intermediate gender traits and characteristics that are dealt with in a complementary way rather than a conflicted way rather than man vs woman. That was at the root of fighting myself for 60 years and ending up a mess until I came to accept myself and those three categories of gender traits and characteristics formed a constructive unit that help each other with the totality of living in a broad brush gender identity rather than a narrower gender identity. I can still see the gender binary that caused all the problems, but it is an artifact rather than something to embrace. As Indiana Jones would say about the old thinking, "It belongs in a museum!"

[Mermaiden]

this forum has been therapeutic for me. It has been a lot easier to accept my CD by sharing on line. I don?t feel guilty or ashamed about it, even if I?m not out to friends and family. I?m sure the right therapist would get you there, too.

[alwayshave]

Mermaiden, I feel the exact same way. This forum meets my emotional needs.

[Angela Marie]

Thanks for all the great comments. That is what I love about this forum; insightful and intelligent discussions. After reading some of the comments I went back and looked at the therapist I will be meeting. It does not appear that transgender patients are one of her specialties. As a result I am reevaluating my decision and will look for a therapist who has gender therapy as one of their practice areas.

[Debbie Denier]

I have had bereavement counselling. I decided not to bring up the CD as did not think the therapist was qualified. Agree with the others about getting a specialist . Also I found some of the sessions harrowing so decided not to continue. Good luck with what ever you decide to do Angela.

[Dutchess]

I would never advise anyone to go to a gender therapist..all they do is affirm - I dealt with them a decade unfortunately ..you can tell them literally anything and they will just agree ..their advice cost my fiance his life and at least 2 people here ( in the trans section ) also stated that GT pretty much ruined their marriages .. They are fine to tell you what you want to hear. Maybe not what you need to hear .
If they were not 100%affirming then maybe Id think different.

No one will read this and/or Ill get told what I "really" mean to say by someone here from the T section shortly I am sure but I stand by what I say. I say it because I care.
Thanks to that GC Ill be in grief counseling forever .

[Genifer Teal]

I never thought therapy could be useful this was most of my life until perhaps now. What I've realized for certain time and time again is that when I explain something to someone whatever it is I tend to understand it better myself because of the explanation. For example if there was some big decision I needed to make in life like maybe buy a house or a car or some other big expense or maybe change my job. I might have a hundred thoughts racing around my head and have some idea of what I wanted but not complete grasp of it. Then someone comes along and says why do you want to do that whichever it is. At that moment I have to take all those thoughts in my head and put them into a form that the other person can listen to easily and understand. That's the part that helps me realize what I'm really thinking about it. In that moment I'm putting it into words not only for the other person but for myself to hear again. Most times I explain something to someone whether it's simply how something works or why I'm doing something or whatever I learned something just from rethinking it in my head into different words.

With that said I think regardless of any additional Insight a therapist might be able to add just telling a therapist about something or a situation or myself or whatever I would go through the same process and understand it better simply by listening to myself. I think that's part of how therapy works in the first place.