View Full Version : Who would be shocked
AmyJordan
12-13-2022, 05:36 AM
Hi everyone just wondering who would be shocked to learn of your lifestyle/hobby or on the other hand who does know and you wish they didn't. I know some of you are completely open but apart from my wife obviously, one of her close friends,a suspecting sister of hers and the flower lady from the embarrassing set up I wrote about before I think everyone else would be shocked especially exs who I'm sure still remember me as a macho jerk and perhaps would delight in me getting my comeuppance. We have moved away so don't have the worry of old friends calling around unannounced but I do wonder what their reaction would be to my extreme transformation
SaraLin
12-13-2022, 06:03 AM
That's an interesting question.
Pretty much everyone on my side of the family knows, even if they haven't seen it - so nobody would be shocked there.
Pretty much nobody on my wife's side of the family knows (her decision). While they'd probably be surprised to find out, I don't think it'd shock them too much. I'm not the "manly man" type.
kimdl93
12-13-2022, 06:28 AM
Its a good question. I think in my case, I suspect people who know me have at least heard a rumor. Those closest to me avoid the subject. Those more distant simply do not care one way or the other.
CharlotteCD
12-13-2022, 06:36 AM
My family: No. My parents knew I used to take my sister's clothes, we just never discussed the real reason why. I find it hard to believe my sister didn't also know somebody had been going through her things.
My friends: Yeah, the males would totally WTF about it, and the females would be shocked but then put things together about conversations we had previously.
Colleagues: 100%.
I lift weights, I box, I play war video games, love cars - the usual "mens" things. I'm apparently somebody who comes across as very "what you see is what you get" to the extent that I'm boring.
I'm not boring - I just don't let people see the real me.
Crissy 107
12-13-2022, 06:49 AM
Only my wife knows so everyone else would be totally shocked.
NancyJ
12-13-2022, 07:03 AM
Same as Crissy. As I am 100% in the closet and maintain a masculine image and am a big guy (over 6 feet), everyone would be shocked. Nancy
Jillcder
12-13-2022, 07:29 AM
I have not told any friends or family only strangers that I visit with when out dressed know my secret. My buddies would not understand I sometimes think how shocked they would be if I showed up dressed at one of our beer drinking bs sessions. The only person that I would like to come out to about my dressing is my lovely wife she is a very smart lady and I think she knows I enjoy womens clothing but would be shocked to see me all dolled up. Very exciting question.
Trish
12-13-2022, 07:34 AM
Only my wife knows so everyone else would be totally shocked.
Same here!
GretchenM
12-13-2022, 07:57 AM
By now I think most people have figured out something is "Different" about me. Only a few show dislike of what they suspect. Some seem to be a bit curious and are searching for some kind of reason why my personality has changed so much in the last few years - from gruff masculine to softer and kinder and more tender. If anyone asks they will get an honest answer but for the most part I haven't announced or said anything for years to much of anyone.
My view is that when one goes about announcing it they are also telling people that "I consider myself different and I want you to know about it." In the last few years and with the help of understanding this better in terms of the Gender Mosaic theory I consider myself within the "normal" range. In that theory almost everyone shows at least some opposite gender behaviors; some just show a lot. So if "Normal" becomes a blend of intermediate, male-like, and female-like gender traits and characteristics then the only distinction left is "How much of each is present in any particular person?" I have about an equal amount of male-like and female-like traits and characteristics, but I am missing most of the strong expressions of those. So, if using that concept of gender variations, I feel within the normal range even though skewed toward the female side then it makes sense to me to not make a big deal about it and announce it. When I point out the distinction then it can become an issue for discussion and potential discrimination.
That said, if the female-like traits and characteristics were of the much stronger type then I would need to express more and explanations and the like would be needed. That is, if I identified as far more female-like than male-like the situation changes. But I don't except for certain times when I do glide deep into the female-like world. So because I am 50-50 does that make me cisgender? Not hardly. I am always including something in my look that indicates the presence of a female-like leaning and sometimes even more strongly than the usual. I do that because it expresses who I am. But not to avoid the male/female distinction present in the gender binary concept. If that is where you are then fine and live it to the degree that you wish. But I am not normally that way; however I still can be. I still love the feelings of the change, but the change in my inner feelings must shift first, otherwise the expression (dressing and what not) is driving the identity, in my view. That is not normal for me. The identity drives the expression of that identity. So, at the foundation is my sense of self in terms of gender role which is borne in behavior and not appearance. Appearance follows behavioral patterns.
alwayshave
12-13-2022, 07:59 AM
My mother knows, though she has never seen me dressed as an adult. My wife knows and is supporting. Beyond that, I'm sure most would be shocked.
CarlaWestin
12-13-2022, 08:48 AM
I'm old and retired now so I don't give a rat's ass who knows or not.
I've never told any siblings or parents although, ex's cabal all knew as she needed to implant evil to embellish her agenda of screwing me for as much lifetime income as she could get from the divorce.
Which failed, fortunately, miserably.
Daughter knows and just thinks it's wonderful. Wife knows and DADT just keeps it as an accessory to our very loving relationship. I told a few girlfriends in the resort industry. Folks in my team there noticed clear nail polish and when one asked I just mentioned it was to keep my nails from cracking.
I had to deal with a brutal HR department that would fire me in a second to make room to juice in a family member so, I was always ready with pictures of Carla to pull the 'I am transgender. Why are you such a hater? I'll write out a deposition and have legal council put your name on top of every page of my case which will then be public record for the rest of your career. Kinda screws up a background check, this hateful disrespect for diversity you have, doesn't it?'
Probably neighbors back in vegas have seen me but never associated as I've taken walks around the community in many different looks. I've always thought any cyber lurkers that know me would connect the dots cuz I'm all over the internet.
Oh, and I told my BFF of over 60 years and he thinks it's cool.
As far as I know, only strangers have seen real time Carla.
Rhonda Jean
12-13-2022, 09:12 AM
Several years ago a lot of things happened in pretty quick succession. Divorced, changed jobs, cut my hair, moved. People who met me after that would be shocked. Most of the people who knew me before were either told by my wife or suspected. Big difference between knowing/being told and actually seeing. Essentially none of those people had actually seen me fully dressed.
kerrytg
12-13-2022, 09:30 AM
I have several GG friends who I have told, I kinda knew that they would be okay with it and they all are. They are all very supportive and do call me Kerry. I do know there are others who I would not share with, clearly they wouldnt understand and clearly think Im gay. All of my GG friends see me as a submissive female, which i am fine with.
Heather76
12-13-2022, 09:54 AM
Four people know I CD. They are my wife, a step nephew, a member of this forum I've met, and a lady (and confidant) who works where I volunteer. I believe everyone else that knows me would be shocked, and I mean shocked and surprised.
sara66
12-13-2022, 10:45 AM
Just about everyone would be shocked if I told them. If my mother was alive she would probably not. I am pretty sure she knew.
About 7 or 8 people know that I dress. The closest to a negative response was a friends husband, he said "that's weird". Most reactions are bit of a shock to them.
I am fine with most friends and family knowing, I would not like any of my customers to know.
Sara
Angela Marie
12-13-2022, 10:45 AM
My wife knows and is ok with it. She just does not participate which is fine. My daughter saw a picture of me on my phone with a wig on and told my ex wife. That pretty much passed and they both think it was a once and done thing. Most of my friends and other family would be shocked to say the least. We just moved to a new area far away; and at 68 i'm less and less concerned with what people think.
Stephanie47
12-13-2022, 10:59 AM
I don't know how my son and daughter and granddaughter (22) would take it, if they do not know it already from snooping around in their youth. At age 75, I do ponder what would happen if I were to pass away after my wife, and, the kids were to find those size 13 heels and wigs. Since my wife and I wear the same size I could preen my wardrobe down to something reasonable for a widower to still have hanging in the back of the closet, but those size 13's?????
Natalie5004
12-13-2022, 12:07 PM
Great question.
Let's see: Wife and her Son know, (she told him). I showed a photo of me to a GG drinking friend. She told me I was lovely. That was the only time we spoke of it.
I have a large family living far away, so they don't know. But I did share my hobby with my favorite sister, she was fine with it but about a year later threatened me to release that info because I did not do what she wanted. I keep my distance from her now. Another sister said I was a cross dresser when my wife showed her photos of my red toes. I think nobody really cares.
Plus at my age and being semi retired I am in the camp that I really do not give a crap. I sit outside often and a few neighbors asked my wife who was that woman on the patio. I go shopping every once in a while.
So, everyone please remember the biggest obstacle we have is between our ears.
Natalie
Elaina
12-13-2022, 01:46 PM
I think everyone I know would be surprised. My spouse is aware that I crossdressed when I was a child, but is unaware that it is part of my life that doesn't go away. My family members are highly religious and would be appalled. I think the only accepting person would be my step-daughter. I've never considered telling her, though, since that girl couldn't keep a secret if it saved her life! 😊
OrdinaryAverageGuy
12-13-2022, 02:10 PM
I've wondered the same thing, but even more so I've wondered if any of my super-straight-mostly-conservative friends or relatives are wondering what I would think if they announced that THEY cd.
I do have some tells out there; lack/disappearance of body hair, valentine and other pretty socks, racerback tank tops, foot jewelry, etc, but so far no one's openly connected the dots. Not sure what I would do if someone just came out and asked.
NancySue
12-13-2022, 02:12 PM
Outside of my supportive wife, no one knows. Living in a smaller community has made us even more careful, thus limiting, if any, going out. Recently, after a hunting trip, a couple complained about cold legs. One of the guys said not a problem, he wore pantyhose and recommended we all do. I kinda smiled at myself and thought, ?guess what?? I said nothing. Neither did the others.
OrdinaryAverageGuy
12-13-2022, 02:35 PM
LOL to NancySue! My mother-in-law once mentioned on a cold day about hunters wearing pantyhose to stay warm. My FIL, who had been a hunter, just grumbled something suggesting that no real man would ever wear hose even if the alternative was a cold miserable death. I considered mentioning that I was wearing hose under my pants at that moment, but decided against it.
sometimes_miss
12-13-2022, 03:42 PM
Everyone would be shocked. I've been quite careful to stay deep in the closet, because I don't want to deal with any problems that I know can occur when the loonies who hate any LGBTQ people get wise to someone living anywheres near them who don't fit into their narrow minded definition of what they consider acceptable. The few surviving people that know about me, are my sister, the therapists who I've spoken to, and one gay woman that I revealed myself to 20 years ago, and I lost touch with her a long time ago, so much that I don't even know where she is anymore.
fireandlace
12-13-2022, 04:32 PM
I retired from a male dominated profession and while I don’t behave like, or come off as, an alpha male most people would be shocked. That being said, I have come out to some female friends and ex-girlfriends who were initially surprised. Almost all of them though told me that as they thought about it they really weren’t surprised. I currently work as the only man in an office with five women. I am constantly told that I fit in great and that they see me as one of the girls. Last week we had a baby shower for one of our coworkers and no one was uncomfortable with me being there.
I am not out to my wife for many reasons but I don’t think she would be surprised if I came out to her. I handle so much of the traditional women’s responsibilities that she has jokingly said I make a great wife.
Joanne108
12-13-2022, 04:45 PM
I don?t know. My wife for sure won?t be shocked. My children maybe my wife told them I don?t know. Then there might be some siblings remember me practicing for Halloween by dressing as a woman. Other than those I do not really care.
mbmeen12
12-14-2022, 12:16 AM
100 percent of my inner circle (family and friends....Since my male persona was military and now retired.....
Kris Burton
12-14-2022, 03:37 AM
I think everyone would be shocked. At present, only my wife knows. When I came out to her, I know the news surprised her greatly. She told me that when I began the "We've got to talk" conversation, it was perhaps the last thing she would have guessed. I am eternally grateful she was and is accepting. My two sons (age 35 & 37 respectively) do not know, I know they would be shocked. To them I am dad, not macho of course but the main male figure in their lives. At present they do not need to know, but that may change. Other friends and relatives do not know and would be shocked, and although it would completely blow the quiet, super straight, even naive image they have of me, it is not really my concern. It is my business, I do not delve into their private affairs, and if they choose to pass judgement it is their problem not mine. If they don't like it, just don't look!
Jade P
12-14-2022, 05:12 AM
I think most people would be shocked but some people may be like aha thats why he had no body hair and always was chatting in groups of women.
April Rose
12-14-2022, 12:26 PM
I don't know. I've worn hoop earrings for the past year or so, and the other day, when I was introduced to a woman at an event where we were to be given name tags she asked me I spelled my name with an I, as opposed to the Y which would be the conventional male spelling. Somebody at the same event made a comment about pronouns that made me wonder a little.
I suppose old work colleagues would be surprised.
I really don't know.
Now you've got me thinking about why I am as reticent about my gender position as I continue to be.
JocelynJames
12-14-2022, 02:01 PM
I don?t know, lemme Ask and find out!
I think most family and friends. Former girlfriends have told me I?m a real man?s man. Then again, some of them have asked if I would wear their clothes/lingerie. Some have seen the lack of body hair as Jade said. Others know I know a bit much about women?s fashion. I have managed to be underdressed for the last 11 years without outing myself, so there?s that.
Bobbi46
12-14-2022, 02:48 PM
My son was the only one out of my family and extended family who said "holy shit dad ", refused to accept the reasons for dressings and the medical evidence backing this and now wont stay in my house when he was last here, nor am I welcome,in his home (and wife and kids.) On the other hand my daughter and the rest are all behind my then teenage grandson asked my ex can I call him "transdad" now? when i heard this I laughed and told her yes why not
JulieC
12-14-2022, 09:21 PM
I've raised my kids to be accepting and openly supportive of LGBTQIA+ people. That, of course, includes me...but they don't know about this side of me. I suspect the eldest of my three would be perfectly fine with it, even encouraging. The next two...I really don't know. I really don't know. I don't plan to tell them. It might be discovered, and one of them might already know, but I don't plan to tell them.
Geena75
12-14-2022, 09:40 PM
For me it would be "Who would NOT be shocked?" The only ones who know about Geena are my crossdressing friends, like on this forum. I would also say that "shocked" may not be a strong enough term to describe the reaction. I have what could be called an extremely male lifestyle -- outdoors, working with tools, repair work, home improvement, etc. That doesn't include the drastic change in appearance. Not that I would put it to the test, but I could walk right up to some of them and they wouldn't believe it was me. Sadly, the shock would be much easier than the aftermath of discovery.
Debbie Denier
12-15-2022, 05:10 AM
Majority would be shocked . I would be concerned about the consequences.
TheHiddenMe
12-15-2022, 09:01 PM
I think more surprised than shocked.
Guy me is pretty vanilla, probably people would think I'd be one of the last persons people would suspect of being a CD. Of course, for most non-CDs, I think the idea of CDs is not a regular thought (unlike those of us who think about dressing all the time).
I have told one person, parent of a Trans child. I believed that outing myself to her would let my friend know they could discuss Trans issues with me. My friend said that they were honored that I shared my secret with them. The friend has seen pictures of me, but not in real life.
I have also met a fair number of people (maybe 25?) while out as Dee (most via my GG friend Michelle) and they know I'm a CD, and none of them have had an issue.
Based on those people's reactions, and that of my friend that I outed myself to, I think most my friends would be accepting if I did choose to tell them.
Shawn Michelle
12-16-2022, 01:46 AM
I’d probably shock most of the people I know if I told them or if they found out. Being in the conservative South, plus because of my job, I could never go out in public where I live. My wife knows, but I don’t think she knows how much a part of me dressing up is. My son (26) knows because he came home one day and caught me dressed up. My daughter (22) doesn’t know. My best friend knows but has only seen a picture of me in my Halloween costume (dressed up as Cruella last year for work. Won first prize. Thought about dressing as a female pirate this year but decided that would probably start the rumor mill going).
Jane G
12-16-2022, 05:03 AM
I'm not sure shocked is the right word. All on my side of the family knew, many since passed. My wife's close family knew. Being ex military and then working on MoD contacts for my entire life, I never told a single soul at work. Despite the claims of the PR and personel depts, being out in MoD is not something you can just get on with. I don't think any one would be shocked to find out. I'm sure there views and opinions of me would alter though. I have never wanted or needed to stard out. Being 6 4" I do that enough without any effort. So I just continue to enjoy my life and family, happy to observe the rest of the population, but never particularly interested in how others live their lives.
Bobbi46
12-16-2022, 05:50 AM
Add to all of this, and the big thing is where one lives!!some places are good and very acceptable and understanding others not so!
Connie D50
12-17-2022, 07:01 AM
Amy
Great question I bet that a lot more people who we think wouild be shocked wouldn't be.
Connie
Diane P
12-17-2022, 01:30 PM
I think all my friends and family would be shocked. If my wife were still alive I don't know if I would have gone as far as wearing dresses, nightgowns, etc and if I had started while she was alive I don't know if she would have been shocked or not.
Pantyfan
12-17-2022, 07:13 PM
This is a bit different for me, as I dont fully dress or try to pass fully. Some ex gf?s know, and I?m pretty sure she told some mutual friends when we broke up. She told my two closest female friends a long time before that, one already knew, the other was cool with it.
At home I wear panties all the time, usually with leggings, skirts, and lounge type pants. I havent mentioned anything about this to family as its not their business. I think they?d be surprised but accepting. I think my mom knows I probably lean this way privately, but I dont think she?d say anything. Glad they dont randomly stop by my place. Added short shorts this summer and dont really want them knowing. I think they?d be shocked at the amount of underwear I own, but my opinion is the only one that counts!
Of those that know, some were shocked, one doesnt want to know, but most people dont really care.
All were surprised though.
Cheryl T
12-26-2022, 11:14 AM
Who would be shocked? Everyone I'm sure!
They may have some idea that things are different, I mean how can you not see certain signs, like a completely hairless body and double pierced ears. People just tend to see what they see and ignore many things that don't fit. They aren't detectives and the outliers are overlooked to keep things in neat little boxes to make their lives easier to understand.
jacques
12-26-2022, 12:42 PM
Hello AmyJordan.
I would hope that in these more enlightened days nobody would be shocked by my crossdressing hobby.
I am now of an age where it could be just explained as an eccentricity and partly common sense (wearing warm women's clothes when men's equivalents are more costly or do not exist).
The false boobs I have suddenly started wearing might be harder to explain - "they make the dresses hang better" is the best I can come up with.
luv J
Josieone79
01-14-2023, 03:29 PM
What an interesting question which I have thought about for years.
My wife knows, one of her friends knows
With that I believe all my family and friends would be so shocked, some would be in just belief.
They see me as a strong conservative, hunt, fish, work on projects on the house or helping others strong, Forman in a majority male dominant work force They see what society expresses and manly or male hobbies.
I believe I would loose everyone,
BLUE ORCHID
01-14-2023, 06:05 PM
Hi Amy :hugs:, Probably everyone but my:love:Wife, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**
Krisi
01-15-2023, 08:54 AM
I'm not sure "shocked" is the correct word, but I suspect everyone who knows me (other than my wife who already knows) would be pretty surprised to find out that I like to dress up in women's clothes and pretend that I am a woman.
Vintage4sarah
01-16-2023, 07:12 AM
Apart for my Tgirl world of frineds and acquaintances, and of course my wife who knows already, my circles of friends on the outside would be shocked or at least taken aback. My career in education, the many jobs that I have held, and my hobbies and sports I participate in only knows the male side of me.
Would I like to share my Tgirl side to them ? Mostly I would avoid telling them. For some maybe, especially teaching friends I have known over the years as they possess a great deal of empathy for others.
Lastly, I would love to share my femme side to my daughter as she is a very accepting person. I promised my wife decades to not do that and I have kept that promise.
ScientiaMetallum
01-16-2023, 06:07 PM
I'd say the less people know me, the more they'd be shocked. Strangers on the street, when I'm in male mode, would be (and were when I decided to wear a skirt in male mode) the most surprised. In male mode, I'm the (tall) guy in a death metal shirt and sometimes a long beard, so visually quite distant from the look people expect from crossdressers.
Then, colleagues. Then, friends. Then, extended family. Close family mostly knows.
JayneBray
01-17-2023, 07:44 AM
I think everyone would be except my wife, therapist and a bartender I knew from many years ago. The first two for obvious reasons. The bartender had a sibling who'd be known as MTF, by today's identities. She spent a lot of time with her, in the community, especially in NYC. She always told me that I would look great "made up". Of course I had to play it off back then.
Robin777
01-22-2023, 09:20 PM
Who would be shocked? since the only person that knew of my dressing was my late wife, my brothers, my sister in law who probably would be disgusted, my niece who I am very close to, probably wouldn't be. I keep telling her things about my past that if she would put together would realize why I am a crossdresser. She will find out someday since I plan on leaving everything to her. No kids.
Charly52
01-28-2023, 03:46 PM
I?m guessing every one I know would be shocked, it would be great to confide in someone.
Jasmine23
01-28-2023, 04:00 PM
I think everyone that knows me would be shocked initially, but, I think after the initial shock had passed I think some would probably not be that surprised when they thought about it, as I am a bit odd and keep to myself
Judy-Somthing
01-28-2023, 08:28 PM
I'm afraid that if my daughter in-law knew I cross-dressed that she wouldn't trust me around her children.
Melinda Jean
01-29-2023, 10:50 PM
I have to echo what most have said although I'm thinking the reaction would range from "So what, no big deal", to utter shock and being ostracized. I do work hard to remain under the radar!
Rachel Anne
02-05-2023, 03:23 PM
Strongest reaction from a friend who found out was "what took you so long?". Still makes me giggle when I think about it.
CDMargret
02-05-2023, 04:43 PM
So for me...Only my wife knows and friends here on the site and Fetlife. My parents would most likely start praying for me like I was dying and want me in counseling.
The rest I am not so sure. Maybe funning and lots of jokes but I hope accepting. Everyone see's me as the crafty handy call HIM to come fix it guy. Not the look at me twirl in my dress fella.
But I am getting to a point where I just don't care what others will think. Accept me or not. Your loss. I am living the dream with my wonderful accepting and participating wife.
Gail Brooke
02-08-2023, 01:21 AM
Only my wife knows. She is tolerant and supportive. Everyone else in my family, especially my 4 kids would be blown away.
My wife was shocked when my tastes started changing a decade ago. Since then I think my daughter has seen enough clues to suspect something. But, overall, I think EVERYONE would be shocked.
Melindatv61
02-09-2023, 10:45 AM
Like most of you ,only my wife and ex wife ,know. I'm sure some would be shocked but would act surprised. I think some would be surprised and not care. For me it's best kept that way and also for my wife too. At present I'm happy with the situation, if it changed I don't know how I would feel .
MsEva
02-09-2023, 10:55 AM
Apart for my Tgirl world of frineds and acquaintances, and of course my wife who knows already, my circles of friends on the outside would be shocked or at least taken aback. My career in education, the many jobs that I have held, and my hobbies and sports I participate in only knows the male side of me.
Would I like to share my Tgirl side to them ? Mostly I would avoid telling them. For some maybe, especially teaching friends I have known over the years as they possess a great deal of empathy for others.
Lastly, I would love to share my femme side to my daughter as she is a very accepting person. I promised my wife decades to not do that and I have kept that promise.
I too was an educator. I am not sure if that would ever pan out great. I tried always to keep my personal side from my fem side. That being said my lovely wife and daughter know of my dressing. I suspect that a close friend knows but never said anything directly knew. My male friends would be surprised I guess for sure. MY brother would be devestated. I have dressed on the way to his house some 400 miles away. I was careful to change out before meeting with them.
Freddi
02-23-2023, 03:44 PM
My wife knows....and is supportive....very much on side by suggesting tips on make-up and what she thinks would look good/like to see me in. I think everyone else would be totally floored if the knew. Or maybe some might have suspicions....who knows. It will stay between me and my wife for the foreseeable future.
Georgina
02-23-2023, 04:43 PM
My sister knows and she is totally supportive. I guess my female cousin, who is a religious lady, would be very shocked although I have revealed to her that I have a collection of vintage undergarments. We have talked about fashions of the fifties and sixties and she joins in rather well. I still can't see that she wouldn't be shocked though.
ShawnaL
02-24-2023, 03:05 PM
I'm not sure that anyone who knows me well would be overly shocked, as my nature has always been somewhat feminine. Because I am steadily progressing toward coming out as a transwoman, over the past year I've been making very deliberate changes in my appearance, such as growing out my hair, wearing more obviously feminine earrings, wearing lighter shades of lipstick and / or lip gloss, and although many times my outfits are somewhat androgynous, a lot of my clothes are from the women's department. My wife has bought many things from women's wear for me. My boss will probably be the person most shocked when the time comes to let everyone in on my true life - but I think he'll be supportive of me.
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