What to Expect at Therapy

[Josieone79]

I?m so nervous going to therapy, my therapist is a women! What should I expect? What kind of questions should I anticipate? So nervous opening up to another person!

[Joanne108]

What kind of therapy are you going to? I would expect that the therapist will evaluate you by questioning you about whatever it is that is bothering you.
I really could not say without more information.

[Josieone79]

Joanne I am going to therapy to discuss my crossdressing and feminine side and how I struggle

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I hope to learn how to accept this side of me and who I am

[Joanne108]

Then you can expect the therapist to ask you why you dress the way you like to.

[Kris Burton]

I hope to learn how to accept this side of me and who I am

In all likelihood your therapist will ask you what brings you to her office. I would say this statement is a very good place to start. Her questions should guide you from there.

[Josieone79]

Thanks Kris
I?m sure my thought is taking my own life will come up as well

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I so look forward to all your inputs

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I will document my sessions maybe I can help someone else or make a difference, I never thought I would think the way to thought

[DrFishnets]

I go to therapy from time to time with having anxiety and depression and panic disorder. After months of seeing them I finally opened up to my psychologist and mental health worker and they were both understanding of my crossdressing. They told me that if it makes me happy then that?s a good thing and encouraged it. My mental health worker even helped me go on Amazon to buy high heel stilettos.

[April Rose]

I was given this advice, and it turned out to be good advice: Think ahead about what you need to talk about and make a short list to read off when you get there. It will help make sure your main areas are covered, and keep you from chickening out about anything you may be reluctant to mention.

Therapy is expensive and time consuming. Being able to get right into it can't hurt.

I've always felt more comfortable with female therapists, but that might just be me.

[Josieone79]

Wonderful insight DRfishnet and April

[ColleenCD]

Hi Josie,

Therapists like to build trust and give you a safe open forum to work in. The questions are deep and will make you search your memory and emotion. Be ready to become an open book. The answers you find may or may not lead you to your outcomes. Those are decisions you will have to make moving forward. Enjoy the journey. Colleen

[Sandi Beech]

You are clearly stressed about the prospect of discussing it with her. Tell her you are stressed about it. You are likely to get a lot of compassion. I take it you do not plan to go in there dressed, but a picture is worth a thousand words. You can just show a picture and say this is me. I will not say it is easier, but quicker about getting to the point so you can discuss your concerns.

My wife made me go to a therapist, and then my wife fired the therapist after being given a homework assignment of looking up crossdressing. I decided to go back for a final visit - while dressed. I asked the therapist what she thought and her answer was - I see a woman. I have not needed or wanted to go back since. That cured me.

Well actually I never really felt like i had a real problem, only my wife did. I really just consider myself playful. Once you find acceptance from others, it becomes much easier to find peace with yourself so keep that in mind. My 2 cents.

Sandi

[Josieone79]

Thanks Sandi

[Sometimes Steffi]

First of all, a therapist's office should be a "no judgement zone". if it's not, she is not the right therapist for you, and don't be afraid to find another one.

I was distressed about my crossdressing before going to therapy, and my wife was even more distressed.

As m signature says, "I accept and celebrate both sides of me." My wife has progressed to the "tolerate" level but not the "accept" level. I learned that I can't really influence how she feels about my crossdressing. It's her problem, not mine. Our relationship in DADT, but we have agreed boundaries. She allows me to go out dressed as long as she doesn't have to see me dressed or participate with me. I have lots of CD friends and I go out pretty regularly with them. We have a great time. Her loss.

[jazmine]

Josieone. Godspeed. I hope you find what you seek.

[TheHiddenMe]

Well actually I never really felt like i had a real problem, only my wife did. I really just consider myself playful. Once you find acceptance from others, it becomes much easier to find peace with yourself so keep that in mind. My 2 cents.

Sandi

I will disagree with Sandi a bit.

The key thing is to accept yourself. Fortunately for me, I decided in my teenage years wanting to dress was just being me and I was OK with that.

Finding others that accepted me was a big bonus (my wife tolerates, but doesn't truly accept), but the key is to accept yourself.

What to tell your therapist? Everything you are revealing here.

[Mary Loo]

I've always felt more comfortable with female therapists, but that might just be me.

Personally, I feel the same.

I have only had one appointment so far with an approximate therapist several months ago. Much like Sandi, I felt like it was more of a precursor to setup the therapist talking with my wife, than me and some day it may still happen, but I still essentially enjoyed the session instead of being fearful of it.

To Josie. The therapist is there for YOU. You are paying her. Even if you just talk about your situation and feelings the whole time, it will help you feel better to talk about it out loud. My point is you shouldn?t be worried or anxious, but excited to feel more normalized by talking about it and being accepted and getting valid feedback.

Good luck and enjoy!

[docrobbysherry]

Therapists r trained to deal with your problems. As my therapist explained, "Ok, u cross dress, so what problems is that causing for u?"

In my case, that was my ex didn't like it. She said that was a problem my then wife had to deal with! And, we moved on to my ex. Which was my only real problem, not my dressing, at that time!:doh:

U only need to be clear about what problems u wish to discuss at your session, Josie!:thumbsup:

[mbmeen12]

I'd be thinking about my budget and to what end to your sessions are to yield. Then find a local support group including LGBTQ church. Spiritual is sometimes overlooked along with exercise and diet.
Good luck

[GretchenM]

So many great suggestions and all right on. Perhaps the most important thing is don't hold back details because you don't think they are relevant. Lay everything on the table and answer all questions as completely and honestly as possible. Sometimes what clients hold back is just what the therapist needs to know. There is a tendency to hold things back out of fear or shame and those held back things are often important clues in finding solutions. It is a tendency to rationalize that the subject is not important when we know it is a critical piece.

[Stephanie47]

I cannot relate to therapy for my desire to wear women's clothing. Until my war related PTSD therapist relocated to out of state I had gone to see her every other week since 2010. If you have to pay for your visits or there is a limit on the number of allowable visits under a health insurance plans you may not have the time or money to beat around the bush.

With hindsight of twelve years I cannot recall once that my therapist told me to do something. It was always self exploration to resolve issues. She always asked or probe my thoughts; to get me to open up. If you're having thoughts of self harm that is a critical issue that needs to be resolved quickly.

[SarahBJackson]

Therapists are like craft beers. Sometimes you have to try a few different ones before you find one that you like.

I've been in and out of therapy for several years for a few different issues, gender and sexual issues among them. A couple therapists said after a couple sessions that they couldn't work with me and encouraged me to go to a psychiatrist. One therapist was good, but I was fired from a job right before I was being referred to a gender therapist. Lately, my step-kid saw a therapist who, after over a year, still hadn't discussed anything but D&D and anime with them.

Now, I'm gainfully employed and have a great therapist who is well versed in LGBTQ+ issues. It took several tries to find her, but now that I have, I'd take a bullet for her!

[Josieone79]

Lots of great input from all of you. I can?t thank you enough.

I?ll be honest I am nervous, excited, as my feelings go.

I feel this is truly a new year for me. Yes will take time, and will be a journey.

I am now just finding out how much love and caring individuals are out there.

[Betty70]

Does it matter what she will ask for?

Just make one assumption: be honest to yourself and tell the truth to the therapist.

[SaraLin]

I can only echo what the others have already said.

I've been to both male and female counsellors, and while either one is fine, I found it easier to open up with the lady. I think it's a cultural thing - don't show vulnerability around men.

Be honest - FULLY honest. Hold nothing back. If you think you're going to shock or upset them, you won't, if they're any good at their jobs.

Don't expect them to "fix" you. IF anything needs fixing, that will be be your job. The therapist is there to give you the tools and the guidance to do the work you need to do.

What often happens is that you find out that you're not such a bad person after all, and as you learn to like yourself more, everything else gets better too.

I can't say that I've encountered this, but if you and the therapist don't "click" - find someone else. Remember - they're working for you, not the other way around.

Overall, there is no better person to talk to about your problems. You don't know them in your private life. They don't spread rumors. They won't laugh at you, or call you names. They are there to help. They offer an ear to listen and ask you questions that make you think. The rest is up to you.

Wishing you all the best,
Sara

[DrFishnets]

I forgot to mention in my previous post that my mental health worker and psychologist were both female which made it easier for me to come out and tell them. If they were male I would of found it a lot more difficult.

[JayneBray]

Does it matter what she will ask for?

Just make one assumption: be honest to yourself and tell the truth to the therapist.

I agree with you Betty. If you can't be honest with yourself and with your therapist, you're wasting your time and possibly money if you're not insured. Opening up about a lot of things isn't easy, but whatever issue(s) you want to resolve can't be done by telling half-truths or saying things you "think" others want to hear. I learned the hard way and wasted almost a year in therapy before I got honest about my feelings.

[Claire M]

I've had two therapists over the years. The first was male. He was in the hole from the start. My wife had just caught me (how she found out) so I resolved to see this guy to check the "I'm getting help" box and to get "cured". I only saw him twice and felt like he was almost adding to my shame. This was before Internet BTW.

Twenty years later I found an amazing female therapist. I was much more mature, had done a fair amount of research and had realistic expectations going in. I learned very quickly that when telling things to her and answering her questions, more was definitely better. I did most of my sessions as male but dressed for several later sessions.

I would probably still be seeing her if there hadn't been COVID and a cross-country move.

Finally, Sara made a great point "Overall, there is no better person to talk to about your problems. You don't know them in your private life. They don't spread rumors. They won't laugh at you, or call you names. They are there to help. They offer an ear to listen and ask you questions that make you think. The rest is up to you."

[Rhonda Jean]

After a couple of sessions I made an effective short cut by writing quite a long history of my crossdressing, etc. going back to my teens. Save a lot of time and money, and got to the point. At the time I was going I was in pretty desperate shape. I could not wait till therapy day rolled around. In many ways it did me a lot of good. In some ways not.

[Aunt Kelly]

Don't expect therapy to provide answers. The way it works is that your therapist will help you find the answers for yourself. That probably sounds like an oversimplification, even to the point of being glib, and it is. That process is almost always an iterative process, one in which progress comes in fits and starts. Success demands that you be open and honest, so make sure that you are comfortable with your choice of caregiver. They will always protect your privacy, but knowing that and being able to say something out loud are two different things. Believe me.
Good luck to you.

[Bea_]

From my viewpoint, choosing a woman is a good starting point. I recently commented on another post about therapy so I won't repeat that here. I totally surprised my therapist after several sessions by revealing that about "half my wardrobe comes from the woman's department". For that session, I basically just gave an overview of my crossdressing and how it affected the other issues I was seeing her for.

I've been dressed for all my sessions over the last 4 or 5 months and she's been very supportive. I asked her permission before going dressed and we've both seemed to be comfortable with the arrangement.

My impression is that my therapist does not have a lot of experience with gender issues, but that doesn't seem to be a negative for me. I am more open and honest than I would have imagined and that's been freeing, although the issues are far from being resolved.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've been to several therapists, all women, except the first one.

I opened up to this one right from the beginning. At the end of the session, she said, "You're gay, but there's nothing wrong with that." "Gay" wasn't really in my vocabulary. I didn't think I was gay at all. When I was in my teens I believed what most other people seemed to believe. If you dressed as a girl, you were gay. No if's, and's or but's about it. But I came to believe that this simple explanation was almost totally false.

But, being an engineer by vocation and a scientist and statistician by training, I could run an experiment. I was working out 3 days a week at the gym. I could look around the locker room and see if there was any guy to who I was even remotely attracted. The answer, "None." Most of them actually grossed me out. Therapist was wrong. In fact, just making a diagnosis 50n minutes after meeting me was probably a gross violation of professional standards.

The second time I went there, I had the appointment dressed. She almost didn't recognize me. I went there dressed every other time. I didn't have much of a dressing outlet then, and I made a point of wearing something different every time. Once, I even took my black leather miniskirt for a spin. But, after a few months the thrill [of dressing] was gone and I stopped going.

Epilogue: Well after that I discovered that I was sometimes turned on by a man in a dress. I've even kissed a man in a dress when the occasion strikes. So, maybe I am (a little) gay. IDK.

[SaraLin]

Steffi, when you say that you've kissed a man in a dress, I've got to ask - were you kissing the "man" or the "woman" at that moment?
The reason I ask is that I've almost been in the situation of the one being kissed.
Anyway, at that moment, I wasn't feeling like a man in a dress, I felt like I was (at least temporarily) a woman about to be kissed by a man. I was nervous, hesitant, and a bit excited to experience this.
Then he blew it. If he hadn't tried shoving his tongue down my throat, who knows?

So - wonder if you, as the kisser, felt like you were kissing a woman - or a man. I think your answer lies there - maybe?

I know, I know - I'm drifting a bit off topic, but then again, this is the sort of question that might come up during therapy.


And yes - diagnosing you as gay that quickly definitely showed her ignorance on the topic. You were probably teaching her more than she was helping you.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Ooh, what game are we playing? Truth or dare?

It was at the Keystone Conference, on Saturday night (or maybe early Sunday morning by that time) some years ago.

I felt like a woman being kissed by another woman. Is it possible to be an AMAB Lesbian?

She was the aggressor, but it does take two to kiss.

To quote Billy Joel, "She [was] always a woman to me."

I was kissing a woman and I assume that she was also. But, as we held each other close, cheek to cheek and lip to lip, she did slip both hands under the back of my dress and pull me closer to her.

But, "good girls" don't "Kiss and Tell", and I'm certainly a "good girl". Ask me no secrets and I'll tell you no lies.