Update on Sister in Law

[AmyJordan]

Hi everyone just an update on the dilemma we faced regarding my sister in laws obvious knowledge or at least very strong suspicions relating to our lifestyle. After the get together at Christmas and the 'mixed up present' my wife was considering telling her all thus eliminating the need for me to constantly dodge her innuendos and cheeky comments. She is of the opinion that once out to her sister her visits would be less stressful for me after perhaps the first time being presented fully dressed for her but she has decided to leave it for now because a) we really believe that her sister loves the 'cat and mouse' aspect of her making me squirm whether it be when she pinches my cheek and says "that's a good girl " or comments on my great housewive skills and provocative gifts and b) after the way I panicked and flustered when my wife tricked me into appearing in front of the florist in full French Maid outfit she accepts that I still need to build up more confidence in the way I look even though she agrees despite it being fun that prank was abit extreme. It was her idea for me to post pictures lately in the hope to gain this confidence. The proviso is that I have to accept that what will be will be and if her sister catches me outright or calls unannounced I can't run and hide anymore. So safe for now.

[Kris Burton]

Unless I'm reading this situation incorrectly, (and please correct me if am) it sounds to me like your sister in law enjoys seeing you squirm more than anything. She seems to enjoy toying with you, making you uncomfortable, perhaps even in your own home. I personally would not stand for anyone pinching my cheek and telling me what a good girl I am. I know you want to promote family harmony - God knows I've bitten my tongue many times - but there does come a saturation point, and I think you have hit it. So I'd come out, be done with it, no more hiding and so state in no uncertain terms she can take it or leave it. I hope I'm not being overly strong, but no one needs this sort of needling and being made the butt of jokes. Just my opinion.

[Crissy 107]

I agree with Kris, Let her know and get it over with. She obviously knows and it is certainly confirmed by her pinching your butt and calling you a good girl, not to mention the “mixed up present”
Let the chips fall where they may. Good luck with whatever you and your wife finally decide.

[alwayshave]

Amy, I agree with Kris, I wouldn't allow anyone to pinch my face and make comments.

[Natalie5004]

If she pinches my cheek and tells me what a good girl I am, she knows. There is no doubt about it. I would pincher her back probably in a suggestive location on her body and say Thanks, you too.

But then again, that is me. Not you. So, you be you. What are you going to do?

[AmyJordan]

I can see you're all much braver than me trouble is she is such a lovely girl, a livewire for sure but everything she does is with a glint in her eye and a huge mischievous smile it's impossible to be angry with her, my wife finds it funny even sexy and isn't phased at all, with all her sisters either having or had relationship problems she is proud of our extremely close marriage and attributes this to our special bond and the way she has incorporated this into our lifestyle she is also very proud on the physical appearance she has implemented on me.I was not a boy who thought he was a girl or sneaked around wearing my sisters clothes and as a self confessed jerk in my teens and early twenties I too could have followed the route of failed relationships but instead having adopted an admittedly strange course suggested by my wife I have come to love everything about it and we have become soul mates for life. I just need to be more confident I guess but getting over the hurdle of more public exposure is daunting I'm sure you agree.

[Crissy 107]

As you can see most here feels she knows so IMO why play games? It certainly is up to you and your wife if anything is said but since the cat is out of the bag, why not deal with it?

[GretchenM]

Although your SIL enjoys playing this game, apparently to make you uncomfortable in some way that thrills her, I think it is time to bring the game to a close and just tell her the facts of who you are in the larger picture. Innuendoes can grow in intensity and eventually become quite hurtful and I doubt you would appreciate her and it could do serious damage to the relationship between you and her. If she pushes back and tries to make you feel like you are doing something wrong (which I think my SIL would be prone to do) then just tell her it is what it is and it is not a choice for you - it is who you are.

[TheHiddenMe]

First of all, I suspect you like the attention, so you like the cat and mouse part too.

Second, it doesn't sound like your SIL is malicious, just playful. We only trash talk our friends and tease them; if we didn't like our friends, we wouldn't be spending time with them.

Lots of people would trade with you for first having an accepting spouse. Having a playful SIL who enjoys engaging you is a bonus, not a problem. Enjoy it! I predict some girls nights out with your wife and SIL in the future.

[Rhonda Jean]

I have no real experience with anything like this. The closest I've come is when we were very young and living in a new city. I dressed openly around the apartment complex and in public with my wife's approval. We didn't know anybody at the time, but now 40 years later a few of the people we were acquainted with are still friends of hers. Their knowledge of what I was like then has had essentially no effect on my life now, but it could have.

I think this is not coming out to just your SIL. It's be up to her who she tells and when. Unless you're totally out, that could go bad. It sounds like it's inevitable that y'all will tell her, but I don't think that's without potential consequences. I can sort of relate to part of it. I generally felt like if I was doing something that was OK with my wife (or my Mother before that) that it didn't matter what anybody else thought.

As a word of caution as well as encouragement... This won't last forever. It'd be a shame to not live this situation and this time of your life to it's absolute fullest! It'd also be nice to not be so invested that there's no way to back away from it. I don't know if you can do both. I'd like to think I'd choose "all in" if I had the choice.

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Amy,

From reading your posts, it sounds like your SIL knows your little secret and is just playfully messing with you. If you're enjoying the playful banter then by all means have fun with it. If, however, you feel she is trying to verbally harm you then you might want to say something to her. Only you can decide.

Hugs

[kimdl93]

If your wife and you both are enjoying this game, then I guess you might as well continue. It seems all three of you, and likely your wifes other sisters, are all in on the secret, so little harm can come from the shared secret.

As far as a more public exposure is concerned, that really depends on what you (and your wife) want going forward. Going out in public can be very fulfilling. I know it has been for me.

[NancySue]

I totally understand. My sister-in-law is the same way. Id never tell her. She?d call the newspaper and TV. She?s a master of ?baiting?. Part of me agrees, just tell her, but I fear you?ll open up Pandora?s Box. I think you should keep her guessing. Ha! It?ll drive her crazy. Sometimes body language works. A shrug of the shoulders, smiling, rolling eyes, etc. BTW, I?m sure we?d all enjoy your French Maid outfit. 😉

[Amanda James]

Nail on head! Rhonda Jean :)

[AmyJordan]

Hi everyone again thanks for your insights and advice. Please don't think that my SIL has been in anyway nasty or is even capable of being vindictive toward me she is genuinely the sweetest girl you can imagine. The problem is the competitiveness and mischievousness all her sisters have, my wife probably the most and I sometimes wonder what could happen if one says or dos something and then the others want to do something bigger and better I know they wouldn't be able to help themselves. It's really my insecurity that's the issue not their sense of humour.

[SaraLin]

I'm not sure, but maybe there is a third "somewhere in the middle" path.

It's too late now, but when the girls started chanting "put it on", you could have just smiled, and said something like "maybe later", winked at your wife, and continued "in the bedroom?"

I guess what I'm trying to suggest is that you could let them think that you DO dress - but maybe only as a fun addition to you and your wife's private "playtime."

That should take the pressure off you to present "publicly" (in front of them). Maybe it will also cut back on the playful banter, since it will hopefully lose some of its "make him blush" power.


By the way - I've got to ask - since she claimed it was a "mistake," did you get to keep the outfit?

[AmyJordan]

Hi SaraLin in answer to your question yes I did get to keep it and my wife had me dressed in it that very night she had stayed up late that night with her sisters but gently woke me and slipped it on me I have no idea if her sisters knew she had brought it to the bedroom or whether some saucy conversations had preceded it but my wife has found the whole situation very sexy. Thank you for your thoughts x

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I wonder if your SIL just enjoys messing with you, as many close friends do. I wonder if she knows, and if not but she found out then the poking fun wouldn't be fun any more.

I'll go against the majority opinion here and suggest you keep on as you originally suggested. That will keep it fun, and if she finds out she finds out since you don't seem too worried about the backlash. Life should be fun, or what's the point?

As for your insecurity, I call BS. You're leaps and bounds beyond (I suspect) how far the average member on here will or can go. Declining to reveal a secret that could potentially be embarrassing or even devastating is hardly insecure.

Your wife sounds awesome, BTW.