To be or not to be?

[Betty70]

If you had the choice of being a crossdresser or not being one, what would your choice be?

Imagine having such a switch, the desire to dress up on/off. How would you set it?

Without much drama, I accepted the feminine option in myself. I don't feel bad about it, I don't feel inferior to the average man.
However, if I had such a switch I would set it to OFF.😜

[Debs]

What makes you think its a choice ?, have you ever tried stopping, I cant. So that makes me unable to make a choice. But saying that I love it to pieces and could not imagine life without makeup and a dress on, and the click on heels walking down the street.

[Patience]

From a purely economical standpoint, I'd rather not. This habit is fun and harmless enough, but can be terribly expensive.

Good on you for working your way toward acceptance. I know you were struggling with that until very recently.

[docrobbysherry]

If given the choice I wouldn't have started in my 50's, out of the blue!:eek:

It tore at me for over 10 years until I finally accepted my dressing. But, now that I've completely fallen down the Rabbit Hole and been living in Wonderland for 25 years? This old fart is having way too much fun to quit now!:tongueout

[mbmeen12]

I just go with it....The actual concept enlighten me and a better person.

[Bobbi46]

There is no actual choice evidence points to the fact that all of us were born to be the way we are

[Helen_Highwater]

If you turn it to off, unless that also erasers all my memories of times dressed then it would be pointless.

And no, I wouldn't turn it off. Dressing, outandaboutery, has added to my life's experiences. I've gained so much, so many wonderful experiences and memories.

Yes it can rack up a financial bill but so can playing golf. I'd rather spend time looking for a new dress than a lost ball.

[CharlotteCD]

I'd 100% be rid of it, the memories of it, and my wife's memories of it.

[Crissy 107]

I have said before that I love this side of me but as we know it comes with consequences. I thought I had succeeded in suppressing it and for years it worked, 9 years ago this month I came out to my wife after finally accepting this in myself.
If I had to make a keep it or dump it decision I think I would keep it.
Once I accepted this I was happier for sure

[DianeT]

If I had this magic switch, I would definitely keep it set to ON. Dressing in female attire opened up a world of feelings and emotions that enriched my vision of the world, of genders, of myself. I consider it a gift not a curse. And if I had a second magic switch, I would have told my wife early on, since the only thing I regret in the matter is having lied to her and kept her in the dark.

[TheHiddenMe]

IMO, every guy has a "kink". If I wasn't a CD, I would have some sort of alternative interest, like being a furry or something else. There is no way of knowing in this sliding doors world if I would be better off or not.

I'm just lucky I accepted this about me about 50 years ago, and I decided I was OK with it. Over the last 6 years I've managed to overcome my fears, gotten out, made friends and had fun experiences. Yes, it causes some stress in my marriage, but getting pretty and going out gives me pleasure.

I have learned to deal with my crossdressing, which is more useful than any hypothetical "switch".

[GretchenM]

Sadly, there are no or very few choices to be made in the "to be or not be" department. But there are lots of choices along the way with regard to how one handles this state of being. It is now a matter of management. Considering the possible things I Could Do not many are actually viable unless the nature of the rest of my life is shifted about in various ways to alter the balance but leave the foundation in place as that is not very flexible. Who we are today is based to a great deal on who we were and what choices we made in the many yesterdays of Yesterday. History has a way of defining the limits of the future. We can make new choices today but the ability of those to actually have much impact depends on the nature of the foundation we have built and that past is only somewhat changeable. So I feel that now that I am 77, going on 78, flexibility is limited as to altering the future with new choices, not to mention the declining physical flexibility and strength. Recognizing this I pretty much let what is be and keep the changes to a minimum. I came to accept this 11 years ago and on the whole the years since have been good ones, although challenging. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

[alwayshave]

Betty, I have always been a crossdresser, so I don't know any other state. However, given your question with no other variables, I would choose not to be. Life would just be easier.

[SaraLin]

I'll say it. I'd want the switch to go the other way - to where the body matches the clothes, not to where the clothes match the body.

That's as impossible as the first choice.

[sara66]

Given a choice I would chose not to crossdress. Too expensive, I spend too much time thinking about, I think it has affected me dating when I was younger (I didn't want to put anyone else through this).
Sara

[kimdl93]

I seldom engage in the hypotheticals, but this one brought to mind a paraphrasing of Mark Twain: Quitting is easy. I have done it many times.

More seriously, most of us have tried to stop multiple times over the years. Our failures are not proof that it cannot be done, only evidence that we, as individuals, have thus far not been able to permanently abstain. But for all any of us knows, there may well be uncounted others who simply put this behind them, much as some finally quit tobacco or alcohol.

I like to think that I have free will and that if I really want to quit, if I choose not to be, that is within my capacity. So, that forces me to acknowledge that I want to continue. I do not mean to suggest this is due to a character flaw. In this respect, its simply allowing myself to enjoy something I find immensely satisfying.

I suppose the question could be reframed as “would I want to stop wanting”. I find that difficult to answer, because I don’t know any other existence. In this moment, my answer to that question is no. I would miss this part of myself, despite its complications.

[Raychel]

Interesting question, If there were switches that could change thought processes, mannerisms and general feelings
I would change other switches ling before the crossdressing. I get enjoyment and relaxation from the dressing.

If I could only switch one, the crossdressing would not be the one.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

If crossdressing was a choice I would have never started dressing as a Woman

[NancySue]

From the first and everlasting feelings I experienced at age 5-6 when I wore my first pair of hose, I had no choice. The pink fog just made it more a part of me. I guess, if I had my druthers, I?d say no, but maybe it would?ve been something different. Life would?ve been simpler and less expensive, but it is, what it is. Having a supportive wife is all the difference. Telling her was the toughest but best thing I ever did.

[Gillian Gigs]

From the point of view in the society in which I live, the 'off' position. From my personal place, not considering society, the 'on' position, with one exception. That one exception is that my CD'ing had never got caught up in the masturbating/sexual side of things. This was a rabbit hole that I in retrospect, wish I could have avoided. The rabbit hole took me far deeper than I ever should have gone. I fought against that 'ringing bell' (Pavlov) too much and it still occasionally rears its ugly head.

[VickieBonne]

I accept myself as is. I'm fortunate to have a wife that also supports me. I haven't gone out in years. I'm a stay at home dresser and am happy with that. I have self imposed a break from my normal daily dress to be ready to help an elderly neighbor who just had surgery. I'm happy to do it but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to a little anxiety of not being able to be "Vickie". If it was possible to stop these desires and not have the anxiety " not dressing" creates, I'd turn it off and not look back.

[Stephanie47]

Life would have been a lot simpler. Why would any man want to engage in some activity that leads friction with a wife? Lose friends, family, social standing? Too many people feel wearing women's clothing is a conscious choice. It's not. You will never read any post of mine declaring my cross dressing is a "hobby." I collect coins and built military models; That's my hobby. I told my wife when we had "The Talk" that "I do not know, why I do, what I do!" I don't. On a positive note; since I know I am not like the general public, I am definitely more accepting of others and can identify with their angst when there is discrimination,

[Cheryl T]

I tried to shut it off many times over the many decades I've been dressing.
Long ago I thought it was a curse. I've come to realize that this part of me is necessary for me to be me. A girlfriend long ago told me she felt I was the most sensitive, caring and understanding man she had ever met and I attribute that to my feminine side. Maybe I could have never been this way, but then there is so much I would have missed out on in life. So many people I would never have met.
This is me. It's not going away and I'm not denying it.

[Diedre]

For me it started in my early teens. And about ten years ago in a discussion with my wife, came to the conclusion it's just the way I am wired and really nothing I can do about other than not let it consume me.

[Kris Burton]

Definitely the ON position fro me. Since I started actively only about a year and a half ago - at age 69 - I have experienced only positive benefits, most notably to my overall psyche. I have not felt this good in years, maybe ever, so clearly CDing hits on something deep within that needed attention. My only concern is the financial aspect - and I'm trying to keep that under control.

[prene]

I agree with Kris.
I love dressing, my only issue is the cost of feminine attire.
You can spend $40-$50 on a bra, $20 on panties.
I have this other Tadashi dress I love and it is over $500.
Makeup, jewlery, skin care and shoes arg....
I have spent more on my feminine attire by far.
Financially yes turn off.

[Genifer Teal]

It has made me a much more outgoing person and changed my personality for the better. For that reason alone I wouldn't say no. I wonder if I would have come out of my shell as much on my own.

[JulieC]

If it were a choice, then I would say no. I don't for a second believe it is a choice. This was proven to me in most emphatic fashion when I was in my 20s and had stopped dressing for 2 years, only to dress again. The internal, emotional, soul touching, earth shattering experience I had proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't a choice.

The reasons I would choose no are that (1) society's discrimination against us is intense (and just witnessed again by someone local who has been victimized by extreme TG hate), (2) self acceptance has been a very hard journey and remains so, (3) the impact to people around me has generally been negative, and even slightly so with my incredible, accepting wife, and (4) living in constant fear of discovery by people who must not know.

While it is not a choice, what we choose to do about it is a choice. Our options for expressing our true selves might be limited, but it still is a choice. I prefer to think of the free will aspect of this as being that I am me, and I have the free will to stop repressing myself. Easier said than done. I don't think of it from the other direction; free will to not express myself.

[Geena75]

A couple of years ago I would, without hesitation, said turn it off. Today, though, I would say no. The thought of not going out with some of the incredible friends I have made would definitely keep me in, not to mention getting to look nice.

Those that know me, though, know that I am going to throw the switch in a couple of months for a little while. A tough road to follow.

[Heather76]

I don't believe I'd want to turn it off as I really do enjoy wearing these articles of clothing I've never before considered wearing. They hug me, they are soft to the touch, and they feel so nice. Aside from the clothing itself, when I put on the ritz (jewelry, wig, nails makeup), I feel as though I'm in a different world than what I've ever been in before.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Betty, Interesting question, but my answer would be to keep my switch "Off". But I don't have a switch, so here I am with all of you. I don't hate it, it is just what it is.

[Debbie Denier]

The off switch would be easier for loved ones , family or friends and the consequences of being outed.But then a life of no glamour or being pretty(In my minds eye) seems miserable. It all has its pros and cons. Being switched on seems better.

[Elizabeth G]

Over time I have come to not only accept my trans nature but to embrace it. Perhaps if I had been asked this question some years ago I would have said off but now I would unhesitatingly say on.

[Bobbi46]

We are what we are!! but yes here to enjoy and find our place in society at whatever level suits us the best, for some,yes there is a switch but for the majority no, my swtich is superglued" ON" and there to stay, and I am happy with it.

[Krisi]

re: "If you had the choice of being a crossdresser or not being one, what would your choice be?"

We all have the choice to be a crossdresser or not be one. If we are unhappy being a crossdresser, we can just stop putting on women's clothes. Unlike being tall or short, skinny or fat, or black or white, crossdressing is something we choose to do, not something we are. We can make the choice to stop if it causes us problems.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I have a certain amount of stress in my life that's a direct effect of my desire (and willingness) to CD. Little things. I can't tell someone at work that I have a spare charger in my console because I don't want him finding a bra in there. I don't want a friend coming into my office because I can't explain the skirts and bras hanging on the chair. Before going out I stop and consider just how much I can get away with, is that amazingly comfy shirt ok or too feminine? Who's coming over, can I wear leggings or do I have to change to jeans? Nope, can't wear sandals to the whatever, my toenails are blue. Someone's at the door, Nope, can't answer dressed like this. Things like that.

Now it's true what Krisi said above, I do choose to wear what I wear, I could stop. But the desire is strong and even though it causes stress it also helps relieve stress, which then causes more stress, and so on, if that makes any sense. It's also true that I could quit caring what others think, but there would be ramifications that I'd rather avoid.

So to answer the question, life would be much simpler if I could flip that switch off, and I would if I could.

[Fiona_44]

I came to dress fully and go out in public en femme later in life and enjoy it and am very comfortable with it. So for me, the switch stays in the on position 90% of the time.

[Princess Chantal]

“If you had the choice of being a crossdresser or not being one, what would your choice be?”

I haven chosen and continue to be a crossdresser until the fun runs dry or personal health makes the choice for me.

“Imagine having such a switch, the desire to dress up on/off. How would you set it?”

For me there is a switch usually flicked on when I think dressing up for an activity would be fun to do.

[jazmine]

IDK. I think being a "crossdresser" has kept me from being a callus @#$-hole. Expanded my mind beyond myself. Plus putting on nylons & a bra brings the biggest smile to my face. If I wasn't a crossdresser, I would miss out on all those extra smiles that come across my face.
Does that make sense?
...probably not.
Lol.

[CynthiaD]

I've thought about this, I think I?d probably set the switch to off. Then I'd purge all of my male clothing. Yes I said male. I don't feel crossdressed when wearing female clothing. I do feel weird and unnatural when wearing male clothing.

[Kitty Sue]

Would leave it switched to 'ON.' If ONLY crossdressing was the biggest problem I had in life. :)
Nope its part of what makes me who I am. I will keep it.
If society did not shame those who are trans or cross dressing then CDing would not be a problem.

[Maria 60]

I don't think I would want to shut it off, I enjoy my time dressed and of the feelings of pantyhose and women's clothing. I only would wish I could control wanting more, staying in the home and making it private but it's human nature to want more. It started with a dark night drive, then put gas and air in the tires. I want to stay in the closet but I can't seem to control my temptation to want and experience more. That would be the only reason I would love to shut it off.

[JulieC]

Maria, I have the same 'problem' (not sure I want to call it a problem). For so much of my life, if I did anything but underdress, I would be at home. I had the occasional adventure doing something risque, but generally speaking, once I was all dressed, it was stuck in the cage at home. In the last year, I've started venturing out beyond this. With every new adventure, I'm feeling a bit of "well that's not much of an accomplishment now that I've done it. Too easy. On to the next!" and so I keep wanting more. I'm not sure if there is a limit. I'm also not sure how hard I want to find out.

[Erin Lafleur]

I suppose the very nature of a switch is that it has two settings. While at work, the switch is set to off in terms of dressing (although sometimes I will wear panties if the fog is a little thick).
On evenings and weekends, the switch is almost always set to "on." On weekday evenings I change immediately into a bra, panties and 3/4 slip at an absolute minimum. Weekends are reserved for getting fully dolled up with makeup, hair etc. I love the fact that a part of my informal to-do list for today was to "wash tits." That and get a pedicure. Old nail polish off and Kyoto Pearl will be the order of the day!
I wouldn't change that for the world!

[AmeeJo]

If I had a switch, I'd change it out to a rheostat so I could dial up or down as I choose. I am fairly comfortable with where I am right now with my crossdressing but I also like my male mode. I would not want to be one or the other. Both of my personas complement each other.

[Joanne108]

Without hesitating I would still be a cross dresser! I think that this activity has given me a deeper empathy for what my wife goes through on a daily basis.I understand her makeup routine and appreciate how long it takes. I appreciate the effort she makes to stay fit so she looks good. i understand the pain from wearing heels, judging looks from women and men and the assumption that many make about blonde busty women. I also understand not having anything to wear, the frustration of getting a run in her pantyhose. That just without thinking to deeply on the subject.

[sometimes_miss]

Why, not being one, of course. Oh, I fully understand the need for a lot of people to adjust their feelings in order to feel good about themselves but I have no delusions that crossdressing makes my life better or easier. It's just something that gets in the way in my 'pursuit of happiness'. I didn't ask for it, didn't want it, and I'm not going to try to pretend that I'm thrilled that this happened to me. I will just deal with it in the only way that I know how; by dressing as I feel I should, in order to satisfy the never ending desire that I can't make go away.

Perhaps you might interview some non-crossdressing males, and see how many of them would choose to be crossdressers, with the almost constant urge to wear pretty female clothing. I seriously doubt you'd get many positive responses.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

What Sometimes Miss said.
Said it better than I did.

[Jessica Secret]

I would definitely still be one, I absolutely love it (wearing lingerie) and it's made my relationship with my boyfriend that much better and stronger. Wouldn't change it for the world.

[chrissy111]

I would stay the way I am with the only exception being if my wife suddenly decided she wanted me to stop.

[Claire M]

I would probably switch it OFF. I enjoy crossdressing but it consumes so much time and energy (and money) to maintain my current secret crossdressing life.

That said, if there was another switch I could flip that would eliminate the social stigma associated with crossdressing, or maybe even just a switch I could flip that would have my wife totally accept and even celebrate this side of me .....

.... I flip that CD switch ON and it's pedal to the metal!!!

[Suzie Petersen]

Betty: "If you had the choice of being a crossdresser or not being one, what would your choice be?
Imagine having such a switch, the desire to dress up on/off. How would you set it?"

I would set it like a thermostat:
mon,tue,wed,thu,fri: 06:00am - 10:30pm OFF
sat,sun: 06:00am - 06:00am ON

In all seriousness, given the choice back when I first put on a piece of girls clothes, and knowing then what I know now, I would absolutely turn this desire OFF.
Don't get me wrong, for reasons I do not understand, I really enjoy getting all dolled up and spend time presenting as a female, but when I think back on my life, and I remember all the times I missed out on things just because I would rather play with girl clothes and makeup in hiding, I would rather have spent that time with wife and kids, family, colleagues and so on.

Times when my wife would take the kids to the park, just so I could have a few rushed hours to go through a dress-up routine and take a few pictures, when I could have been there in the park with them.
All the time I have spent alone in hotel rooms around the world, where I could have seen the sights or been with friends and colleagues.
Time when I spent less time preparing for meetings, presentations, work in general than I should have, just because I was obsessed with trying some new technique for making nail extensions, or playing with different outfit combinations.

If I had known the actual "cost" of my need/desire to go to extremes to look and present as a woman, I would for sure have turned that imaginary switch to: OFF

But, if the world was fully accepting of crossdressing and there were no negatives in choosing to some days present as a man and some days present as a woman, I would happily set the switch to: ON
I think I would be happy with about 50/50. While I adore being a girl, sometimes it is just too much work!

- Suz

[HollyGreene]

I love being a crossdresser. It gives me something that other men who don't, will never have and never understand.
If there was such a switch, I'd put it to ON and then break it so that it could never be switched off.

[Jeanettew]

Being a crossdresser is an important part of my life I get a feeling when dressed that all men that have not tried crossdressing will ever experience which is a shame as I think these men would be shocked at how they feel in nylons lace and heels