Age and acceptance

[Angela Marie]

As I have noted in previous posts I came to embrace my feminine side as a transgender person about a year ago. I more and more feel like Angela; which leads to my question. I am 68 going on 69 and I have been recently dressing when I go out shopping, to the doctors office, etc. It has been a slow process since I don't dress fully. On my next appointment i'm going to go almost fully femme, sans wigs. Have any of you started your coming out process at a later age and did you feel it was more difficult?

[Victoria1]

I have tended to adopt more of an, I don't really care attitude. I am not out to anyone except my wife and a few sales clerks. I've supressed this desire for my entire life. My thought is, If not now, then when? I'm 69 years old and running out of time to deny myself the things that I really desire. To answer your question, I don't think it ever gets easier I think that you just get tired of trying to work around it.

[Elizabeth G]

Hi Angela,

I'm 58 and I'm actually finding it easier to express myself at this age than when I was younger. To put it rather bluntly I find that I care less about what others think now than I did when I was younger.

[Bobbi46]

I was about 58 when Bobbi decided now is the time to go for it.The only slight difficulty I found before coming out was that of, how many expat friends will cut me off,.If you have lived for any length of time in a foreign country no matter how much you want to integrate, your own country folk are also much needed, so i was hesitant at first and yes I did lose 4 friends as a result. I got over that and began to build the 24/7 life that Bobbi always wanted.
Now I dress every day I go wherever I want to. I go for Dr's and hospital visits as Bobbi and for all of my shopping needs.
In my locality I am well accepted and in town too more so after the local paper did an article about me and the LGBTQ movement as a whole. Yes I stuck my neck out doing that but it worked and did us all a lot of good

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm just the opposite, so I LOVE reading these inspirational posts! Maybe there's hope for me!

[Bobbi46]

Rhonda Jean dressed and looking as delicious as your avatar you will have no problems blending in,!!! you are there already, all you now need is the courage to take those first tentative steps outside of your front door. Keep telling yourself I am OK and wow nobody is actually staring at me!!. Yes daunting at first love but believe me it gets easier and more enjoyable!!
Go for it hon

[Cheryl T]

I feel it's actually become easier to come out and express myself as I have gotten older.
I believe it's because at this point I care less and less about what others think and more and more about how I feel.

[NancySue]

Double ditto Cheryl. Perfectly said. I do what I want/need, when I want/need. My wonderful, supportive wife completes the circle.

[Stephanie47]

I'm 75. It was a rough journey to get to where my mind is right now, although my self acceptance was decades ago. I do admit my comfort zone is still in private mode as being tag as a cross dresser still has negative connotations. Being married to a woman who is not fully onboard, I do not want to "rub it into her face."

How did I get to my self acceptance? When my wife and I had "The Talk" in the early 1980's I told her "I do not know, why I do, what I do." Giving her some bullshit line about connecting to my feminine side just rang hollow to her, and me too. A BS line did not answer the "why."

In 2000 when I was 53 a war injury to my spine had me in agony that forced me into the VA emergency room. My wife was with me. I was babbling incoherently about the occurrence of when the injury occurred. The incident made me reflect back and sort of use the "scale of life," weighing my societal accomplishments vs cross dressing. In my mind it was like the school yard see-saw with cross-dressing me sitting up in the sky by the weight of otherwise maleness. "You asked me to do some shitty things in my journey that you would never do, so cut me some slack." So much for my early morning rant.

[Brenda Freeman]

When I retired I grew my hair out pierced my ears and now wear minimal make up when I go out as Brenda and feel more comfortable. I agree with many getting older (I am 68), I care less what others think, and I do think partly as women get older they lose interest in make up and dressed to the nines so that makes me less noticeable.

[BrendaPDX]

Angela, I don't know about coming out as much as getting out. In the Portland Oregon area presenting as "Brenda" won't bring a bad word or second glance, it just is what it is. We have enough "other" issues to occupy our time. Brenda

[docrobbysherry]

Angela, I am a CD so I don't plan on "comng out". However, it never occurred to me to even try on women's things until I was over 50. I'm 80 now and since then Sherry has turned my life upside down!:eek:

If I had begun dressing in my 20's or 30's I don't know if life would have been easier dressing back then?

But, I DO know the last 50+ years would have been completely different!:heehee:

[Sometimes Steffi]

In case you haven't heard it said before, women of a certain age become invisible to all men and many women.

So, think of "advanced age" at the Klingon cloaking device.

[JackieD]

I am hitting 73. With no major health problem, like I only have X weeks to live. I know I have a short amount of time ,,,good time. ,,left. So ? so what, what other people think? I worked all my life , It?s now my time to do what I want.
I am not hurting anybody. Not causing anyone pain. No causing anyone to lose their job, home, family. I can do what I want

[rachael j.]

I am 63, and started HRT[ in 2016. I'm out to my whole family (2 family reunions as Rachael) but not at work just to make things easier untill I retire. I only wear my (women's) clothes but with that I dress somewhat androgynous for work. It's been a while since I've worn make-up or heels mostly because I haven't had anywhere nice to go. It's much easier now to be myself than years ago, but since I grew up in the '60's I still have some hesitation dressing up nice to go out- that absolute non-acceptance from when I was young and definite danger to life and health. I do overcome those feelings occasionally when I find something fun to do. And by the way, I usually go out wearing a hat because even though I have below the shoulder hair, I don't have a forehead - I have a 5,6,7head and I try to disguise it.

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes, and no. I have known that I was "some kind of transgender" since I was four or five years old. I did not really come to grips with being TS until I was 62, so yeah, definitely later in life. It's easier now, not because of my age, but because society has become more enlightened and accepting. Sure, there still are a few cultural troglodytes, but they are not the norm, as was the case when I was much younger.

[Fiona_44]

I am a few years older than you and only started dressing fully and going out en femme in May 2022. I did not find it particularly difficult and grew very comfortable with it rather quickly.

[Natalie5004]

Age for me does have something to do with dressing, I love it. If I was living alone I probably would start HRT.

My wife wants the man she married not a drag queen. But that being said, for now I get pretty much 5 days a week to dress and I go out fairly often. And I realize that here in CA, nobody really cares what I do and I do not care what they think. Except for my wife whose feelings I have to respect and will respect.

[GracieRose]

A lot of interesting comments here. Being 68 going on 69 myself, it's great to hear from so many that are about my age.
I too care less about what most others think as I get older and closer to meeting the grim reaper. However, my wife does care, a lot! So as long as she's around (and I expect her to outlast me based on standard probabilities) I am unable to 'come out' to anyone but her. So I go across town a few times a week, away from those that know us, and do the grocery shopping (and expand my female wardrobe). Not perfect, but you do what you can with what you have to work with.

[Heather76]

I'm 77 but have only been CDing for a bit over 2 1/2 years. So far as I know, I never had a desire to CD until a comment my wife made to me triggered some childhood memories. I gave in to those memories in June, 2020 and haven't looked back. The only thing that keeps me from dressing totally en femme 24/7 is my wife. While she puts up with me being dressed at home, she would die a thousand deaths of embarrassment if any of our family and friends knew this secret of mine. If I were single, I'd dress most all the time as 1) I don't particularly care what people think of me as I know I'm genuinely a good, loving, and caring person; and 2) I don't have any close friendships to lose. In all honesty, my friends are really just nice acquaintances vs. close friends.

If I were to go out dressed (which I have done on a handful of occasions), I would go out fully dressed as I prefer to present as best as I can. Without a wig but in out feminine garments just doesn't work for me.

[Rhonda Jean]

Rhonda Jean dressed and looking as delicious as your avatar you will have no problems blending in,!!! you are there already, all you now need is the courage to take those first tentative steps outside of your front door. Keep telling yourself I am OK and wow nobody is actually staring at me!!. Yes daunting at first love but believe me it gets easier and more enjoyable!!
Go for it hon

Well, thanks! But that pic is 13 years old. I've just completed (hopefully) a hiatus of a couple of years and it hasn't been easy getting back to it, but other than that I've been going out on a very frequent basis for almost 50 years. Yes, a CDing dinosaur!

[kimdl93]

I thought I began coming out at an older age, but looking back on it from my current perspective, mid-50s seems young!

Having not come out at 15, 30, or 45, I no idea whether it was easier or more difficult than at 50-something. At those times in my life I certainly day dreamed about life as a woman, but at the same time lived in fear of venturing to close to what I imagined was a slippery slope, or to use a different metaphor a forbidden fruit, and that fear kept me confined for decades.

Allowing myself to present fully as a woman was initially nerve-wracking, often exciting, and always fulfilling. I tested the waters first at home, then out in the backyard, and finally I ventured out to experience life out in public. Coming out to on a selective basis to friends, colleagues and family similar, nerve-wracking at times, but ultimately fulfilling.

Of course, there was a downside. My wife, after a decade of tolerance and apparent support, grew increasingly uncomfortable as I became more comfortable. Without rehashing the whole thing, I went farther and faster than she could tolerate, and our marriage came to an abrupt end.

That consequence puts a rather a dark stain on a process that might have otherwise have been far easier than I had ever imagined. It would have been wonderful to salvage the relationship. Yes, I regret how that played out, but I am reasonably satisfied with the life I have now.

[Debbie Denier]

Hi Angela .58 seems to be a crossroads point for many based on previous replies. I came out at support groups in my 20s . Still confused. Knew I wasnt gay and dated women. However I married had children which brought things to a halt.Started again 11 yrs ago. Wife not accepting. So have to take into account her feelings.The desire to go further is stronger than ever . Due to circumstances, I have to resist the temptation which is difficult.

[Helen_Highwater]

One thing I feel it would be easy to overlook is that yes we've aged, gracefully of course, society has altered from when we were younger. It's not that long ago being Gay would get you a prison sentence in the UK but now that's to the efforts of organisations such as Stonewall knowing someone is gay is a non event. Just look at the number of openly Gay celebrities and the growing list of sports people. Does anyone care, seems not.

That has made things easier for us. We're not fighting the same stigmas that were all too pervasive when we were younger. That they haven't gone away totally is true but things are so much more easier in terms of our being able to move far more freely amongst the crowd, shopping, dining, entertainment venues. So many now open to use.

Add to this as others have said the confidence of not really caring about what others think and getting out there is a whole lot easier these days.

[Rhonda Jean]

Helen,

I'm with you, for the most part, on it being far easier now. I'll note one distinct difference that's not so positive. For years, probably decades, when I was out I was probably the only cd/trans girl that anyone had actually seen. I think that did a couple of things. For one, I think people either saw male or female back then, and I presented feminine enough that the default was "girl" or "woman". If they did read me, they didn't have a pre-drawn reaction. I think people now are quicker to see cd/trans, and when they do, they've already decided what they think about it and how they're going to react. That can go either way.

[Glenda58]

I'm 75 just went to my doctor's fully dress.

[Maid_Marion]

I started a transition to a full time feminine appearance about five years ago, in my mid 50s.
I got my teeth fixed and started growing out my hair. I've only trimmed the tips since then.
I was in that uncanny valley between male and female. That made socializing difficult. Moving towards a male presentation was a failure.
Moving towards a female presentation works a lot better because I'm tiny, just 108 lbs.
I'm also lucky to look young for my age. Not so much if you are a guy but a real plus for girls!
My curves are in the right places so size 2 clothes fit really well on me. Having clothes that fit properly is a real benefit as well.
I now wear women's pants that fit without a belt!

Marion

[Denice]

This has been floating around for a while:

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don't care what they think of us. At 60, we discover that they haven't been thinking of us at all."

No idea who first said it.

[Natalie5004]

Very true comment there.

[Bea_]

I started dressing in my mid-fifties. I'm 67 now. My acceptance of myself is very much dependent on my wife's acceptance, which is moderate. She thinks she's been VERY accepting while I feel fairly stifled in my choices, even at home.

I've been reserved in pretty much everything for my whole life. Certain factors in my marriage caused me to embrace the developing tastes when it started. I started looking at what I LIKED rather than what was expected. And what I liked has been much more feminine than I'd have guessed when i started, even though I am thoroughly a bearded man-in-a-dress.

I'm not sure that age is the big driver in any change for me. My reaction to personal drama/trauma has caused the masculine filter to be dismantled in my life.

[JuliannaS]

Im 57 now, and i feel its easier, mostly because i care less about what people think anymore.

[Diane P]

I'm 64 and as far as people who don't know me go I could care less what they think when they see me. However, having just started dressing in Sep of last year, I'm more concerned about what the few people who know me would think if they saw me dressed. I'm in a small town, kind of a wide spot in the road since there is only one stop light, where everyone seems to know everyone else's business. I don't need my CD'ing getting around town. So when I go out it will be quite a ways away from here, where I'm pretty sure no one I know will see me.

[Edelia]

When I turned 30, I thought my aging process would start and therefore my cross-dressing would become less and less attractive and possibly end. I couldn't be more wrong. Today I am 52 and I am convinced that I look better than ever and I am also very happy with how I have learned to live with this in front of my family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. Whenever I have been willing to learn and improve my life as a woman, it has become better and better."

[alwayshave]

Like others have stated, the older I get the less I care about what others think. As such, I'm more comfortable dressing.

[nancy58]

I started dressing up with the intention of passing when I was 47. One day it occurred to me that if I didn't pay much attention to mediocre looking middle aged women, most other people probably don't. That made it easier. More recently, I am finally getting over worrying about what people think of me. It's very liberating.

[RoxieGrl]

You are not dressing to please others, you are there to please yourself. At least, that's how I like to think about it. I wouldn't worry about what others do, so long as they do not get violent. To me it's some self-satisfaction, and a way to see the feminine side of me. It is, in fact, a very liberating feeling for me.

[happybra]

Hi Angela,

I'm 58 and I'm actually finding it easier to express myself at this age than when I was younger. To put it rather bluntly I find that I care less about what others think now than I did when I was younger.

I just turned 48 and I have started to accept the F -it attitude, you don't like seeing me in a skirt or seeing my bra, then don't look..I am living my life, not yours... But I have also seen no one either notices or cares.

[Melinda Jean]

I am 64 now and have been dressing since my teenage years (off and on). I dress because I enjoy the serenity and stress relief that that it brings me. I would certainly never pass out in the wild! Think NFL linebacker in a dress!. That being said, it makes me feel calm inside. I may gain enough courage to venture out at some point, but I don't see it occurring soon as I live in a small town that may not be so accepting. Baby steps!

[RoxieGrl]

I am in a similar situation. I dress up because it satisfies me. If I decide to go out en femme, it really does not matter to me if I am accepted. Of course it makes a difference where you live. I guess that the small town that I used to live in in the States might not be as welcoming to me as the people here in Holland are, although there are more than likely pockets of people here would would not accept my appearance. Big deal. It's my life, and I am not affecting them, so they should just leave me alone.
Of course baby steps are the way to go out. When I first thought about crossdressing, I would do no more than wear panties, panty hose and a bra underneath my drab clothing. As time went on, I did my nails with clear polish, and used some transparent mascara. That was when I actually had to go to work. Now that I am retired, I don't have to live under those constraints. It is quite liberating, and helps me feel much better when going en femme.

[MsEva]

Hi all,
For most of my life I knew that I was "different" and that has had an affect on my self image. It would have been so much easier to be "normal" but I am who I am *thanks Popeye, and I have come to understand that my alter ego has been and will forever be a part of who I actually am. My dear wife has know of my fem side since 1995 and has been a wonderful partner, accepting to a great degree. She seems quite acceptable to my dressing. Most times now I dress like a house frau, dressed to do chores in mom jeans, a womens scoop neck Tshirt and the like (wearing that now as I write this). I have recently retired and just about the date I retired she went back to tutor at one of our schools on Tuesday and Thursday. She has a lot of social engagements during the week as well with her girl friends so my dressing time has multiplied a great deal. I have come to know that I as she has that I feel very comfortable dressing as I do several times a week. I have come to accept that this is a part of me that doesn't seem to be leaving anytime soon. I think that age has been kind to me.
"

[jacques]

hello Angela,
as I get older I just wear what I want and not worry too much about it.
cross dressing at home and mixed dressing in public
Life it good!
luv J