I just asked

[Maria 60]

A few weeks before Christmas we had a family member who had a medical problem and to help them they moved in with us for a few weeks. Thank goodness everything went well and everything went back to normal. But it left me with a little scar of not taking anything for granted and the reality that things can change very quickly and my dressing excelled drastically after that.
I noticed lately my wife hasn't been as affectionate and intemit and I thought maybe it was because of the dressing. I thought to myself of maybe cutting down the dressing and then wondored why cut down the dressing and maybe it doesn't have to do with the dressing and thought I would just ask. Last night during dinner I told her the way I felt and what I have been observeing with her. She asked me where I got that assumption from and the dressing had nothing to do with it. She explained with the scar of our family members medical problem, her parents are living on there own and getting older and she can she there starting to make bad judgment decisions and our grandchildren seem like ther always sick, just a lot on her mind. I asked her if she was sure it doesn't have anything to do with that I've been dressing more, or would she prefer to have me more manly and maybe grow some hair on my legs or chest or something like that. She reinsured it had nothing to do with it and questioned me where I was getting those ideas from.
Sometimes we just don't know how to go about things, I wanted to know what was going on with her and most of all I wanted her to be honest. But on the same note I don't want it to be about me and most of all I don't want to open a can of worms. My first assumption was maybe I was dressing to much and I was about to slow down the dressing and if she is truthful that it had nothing to do with it. I would have slowed down the dressing for nothing. I guess the saying never assume is appropriate at this time but I guess at times we just don't want to open something if not required to.
Thanks for listening, just writing out loud wondering if I should have just asked her without mentioning the dressing or maybe it's my low self esteem with my dressing that made me ask if it was about that.

[JulieC]

A few things;

Assuming it's the dressing I think is part of the self-hate paradigm. There's something wrong, so it must be the thing that's 'wrong' that's causing it! Except, it isn't.

I also think it's wonderful that you took the step of asking her. Sooooo many couples don't have complete communication and honesty, and would never have such a discussion. Instead, they fumble about in the dark trying to figure out why their spouse is unhappy, and try doing various things to make them happy. Then, nothing works and the eventually get to a point of "I don't understand him/her anymore! I do all these nice things, and still I get negativity!" Communication is sooooo key. Yet, the vast majority of couples do not have strong communication. It's sad really.

[bridget thronton]

Well done on talking to your wife instead of guessing. You both seem to have a very special relationship with each other and are very sensitive to each other's needs.

[Stephanie47]

Maria, when you consider the number of posts on this forum when a wife seemed to embrace her husband's cross-dressing and then did a complete 180, there can a logical assumption it's all going to blow up in the husband's face. Enter the lingering self doubt about oneself and wham; The conclusion is she really hates it. Sure, you could have asked without bring up the cross-dressing, but would you have really accepted her answer without mentioning the cross-dressing; Lying by omission?

[Sometimes Steffi]

Some talk is good, but my little talk with my wife didn't go so good. Posted here (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?280836-The-humanity-of-it-all).

I could have lied by omission to my wife and lied about any problems that may have been encountered at the restaurant.

We're often asked why we lie. Sometimes the truth is more hurtful.

[docrobbysherry]

Good for u, Maria!:thumbsup:

Most of the married folk here would rather ask us what's up with their spouce than ask her directly!:doh:

[alwayshave]

Maria, Your wife always seems to support you. I'm glad you made the effort just to ask her and were satisfied with the answer.

[kimdl93]

Its considerate of you to be aware of your wifes moods and to have the good sense to ask. Seems she has more than enough other matters occupying her mind, so her lack of intimacy is understandable.

[DianeT]

Your wife is anxious and may need some love. Take her in your arms, tell her that you love her and let her talk about her concerns, and don't mention the dressing any further unless she does. Like you said, it would be making it all about you while what she needs is probably support, attention and comfort.

[Debbie Denier]

I agree with Diane T. She is spot on with her observation.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

You made the right call to just up and ask her. Glad it wasn't about you.

Women are nuts. But damn I love mine! (My woman, not my....)

[Crissy 107]

Maria, Good you asked your wife and cleared up what was and was not going on. Your wife is exceptional and you two are lucky to have each other.

[nancy58]

I believe it was good to mention the dressing since you were worried that it might be the issue. You have worries and concerns as does she, and it's good to share them while you're also finding out what's on her mind.

[Diane P]

Maria I agree with DianeT your wife has been under a lot of pressure, from the sound of it. Remind her how much you love her, give her a loving hug and just hold her in bed at night, if she'll allow it and DON"T try to turn it sexual. Just be supportive, that's what it sounds like she needs right now.