CD's: Do u, "Dress to blend so no one notices me." Why?

[docrobbysherry]

Ok, you're just beginning to dress and want to see how going out dressed feels. I think we ALL experiment at first and do that!:thumbsup:

But, if u identify as a CD and a long time dresser? What's the thrill of dressing in plain, homely, clothes u don't feel pretty in when u go out?:daydreaming:

Ok, trans do this because they r women inside and dress as women all the time. I totally get that. But, what about us MIAD's? CD's don't need to dress up all the time.:battingeyelashes:

I dress to look good! So, dressing to blend is like a root canal!:doh:
As I have no compulsion to dress every day I much prefer to visit vanilla venues in drab. No hassles, embarrassing situations, or distractions!:)

Can u CD's who don't identify as females explain why u feel the need to go out dressed everywhere yet don't want anyone to notice u?:eek:

[Sandi Beech]

I guess this thread would not apply to me since I may as well have a neon sign over my head ; )

Sandi

But I am curious about the replies as well.

[GracieRose]

After decades of denial, I have acknowledged that I am trans, a woman that was cursed with a man's body. Although I would love to transition, my wife would be uncomfortable with that. My compromise is to be myself occasionally out in public doing shopping etc. I dress like all the cis-females since that is how I would dress if I transitioned. I am out to be treated like any other woman, and that has been my experience. Would I love to dress up more? Yes, however, I do not have the opportunity to dress up for those special occasions, such as weddings etc., because I am unable to attend those events as a woman.
My goal is to be seen as, and treated as, any other woman, and dressing like the cis females my age seem to be the best way to experience that.

-peace
-Gracie

[Genifer Teal]

You can look good without having to stand out. Unless going to a club, the hooker look is not appropriate. I'm not going to have a skirt barely covering my butt in the supermarket. The dressing down looks are for inbetween times when nothing special is going on. I still love and do the fancy stuff. The rest is instead of drab. It creates its own fun and satisfaction. I still get to be me.

[kimdl93]

Why? As Genifer and other suggests, one is not necessarily going out to stand out. Yes, on an evening out in a friendly, clubbing environment, I may want to ramp up things a notch, but mostly to fit in with the crowd. Granted, these days, I live in a lake country resort and recreational area, so you will often stand out if you are not wearing camo.

Most of the time I just want to put my best foot forward, recognizing that I am most likely going to be perceived as a mature transwoman. I want to give the most positive possible impression.

[Kris Burton]

There are times and opportunities for dresses, skirts, heels and such, as well as slacks and flats. You can dress attractively and appropriately. Blend in with style, that is what I aim to do.

[Taylor Dame]

I also like to blend in with those my age. My goal is to dress in classic style. I love dresses and skirts, but want to dress appropriately for the situation. I want to blend with style and taste.

[alwayshave]

I always fully dress in a dress. I'm not trying to dress like my sisters.

[dalearden]

I have that "MIAD" look but just want to blend in and not be noticed so bad...just want normal middle aged woman look.

[Claire M]

I dress pretty conservatively not because I don't want to be noticed but rather that I want to be noticed as a woman. Maybe I'm truly transfer deep down inside?

[Linda Stockings]

My desires, or goals if you will, are to dress in women's clothes with accessories, makeup, jewelry, etc., and be able to present as an attractive, elegant professional woman. If I get noticed, that's okay. I don't want to be noticed with an appearance that looks ridiculous, which could draw totally unwanted attention. I've had that happen in the past and hated it. What things could get that undesired level of being noticed? A number of things could, most have already been discussed on this forum. Breast forms so large as to be totally disproportionate for one's height and build, ridiculously high heels, hosiery that is so gaudy it's at the level of being extreme or simply inappropriate for the venue. Makeup in shades that are completely mismatched overall and become a poor presentation. Clubbing makeup worn to anyplace other than a club. Gaudy makeup in a grocery store, for example. Any extremely short skirt or overly tight dress that screams "JUMP ME!". A wig that is more representative of an unkempt woman that's never heard of a comb. I could go on and on but I think I've made my thoughts clear enough.

Thanks and hugs,

Linda

[docrobbysherry]

To Gracie and others:
My thread was aimed at CD's who r not compelled to present as women all the time. I could if I wanted to but I don't. But, for those that like to dress up to the 9's like me, it would be way too much work to do that every day!:straightface:

And, it was NOT directed at CD's/trans who would dress as women all the time if they could.:battingeyelashes:


After decades of denial, I have acknowledged that I am trans, a woman that was cursed with a man's body. Although I would love to transition, my wife would be uncomfortable with that. My compromise is to be myself occasionally out in public doing shopping etc. I dress like all the cis-females since that is how I would dress if I transitioned. I am out to be treated like any other woman, and that has been my experience. Would I love to dress up more? Yes, however, I do not have the opportunity to dress up for those special occasions, such as weddings etc., because I am unable to attend those events as a woman.
My goal is to be seen as, and treated as, any other woman, and dressing like the cis females my age seem to be the best way to experience that.

-peace
-Gracie

[abby054]

I dress to enjoy the experience, drab or femme. Doc is right from the point of view of someone who has long passed the point where the thrill of simply being out and about is enough. Just as I usually dress when in drab, I tend to dress when en femme to err on the side of being overdressed. I wear a necktie and sweater or jacket at work when few others do. Mr. Rogers would be proud of me. I wear a jean skirt and tights when en femme when other women are in jeans and a t shirt. Blending gets me into the crowd of women seamlessly but sooner or later, that is not enough. Adding little twists when blending adds just enough spice to keep my interest and often theirs as well. Studying fashion carefully teaches me what those details are. Red heels when in black pants and a gray sweater and gray moto jacket.

It adds fun to what Doc correctly assesses as otherwise either too much work to do daily or vanishing into a sartorially slothful crowd that lowers boredom to a sad nadir indeed. In other words, slightly overdressing adds just enough of a twist to what otherwise would sooner or later degenerate into a disappointing affair when the initial excitement of being out and about en femme wears off. A little folly now and then is treasured by the wisest men.(Willie Wonka). I found a comment by a GG who feels the same way.

Maybe I haven't actually mastered fitting in as much as I think I have, but I haven't completely embraced standing out either. I do know this much, though: being overdressed is fun. You have to pull it off with confidence. You have to walk with your shoulders back, like you planned it. Like you're dressed up because you live a dramatic, impressive life. I mean, why not? Maybe you do. I spend too much time feeling self-conscious about little, unimportant things. Maybe I'll buy a peace sign. Nah. I'm over those. How about a bright red dress? I'll wear it to the grocery store. ? Kate Fidkis, Huffington Post, May 28, 2010

[Debs]

ok then why does a cis woman not go out during the day in her clubbing gear ?, why does she want to blend in and wear the same as everybody else during the day ? Answer because thats what the majority of women do, so to make me feel like a woman I do what a normal woman would do during the day, and yes it works, I do feel part of the female society when I am dressed shopping, because I am doing what any normal woman would do during the day. Then at night time I dress in my more daring in the pubs and clubs, also Im following the trend of what normal women do when they go out at night to pubs and clubs, so I suppose once again you could say I blending in.

[abby054]

The old Talbots advertising slogan from three decades ago may explain the perspective of GGs who have a reputation for dressing well: Standing out but not sticking out. They have their own style and fashion goals. While blending in, they stand out in ways their peers admire. From your post, Debs, it is evident that you have a much better developed style than I do. But I continue to work and improve.

The fashion pros define their style as their ability, carefully learned and practiced, to blend yet still be seen as better at fashion than most. They are normal women yet a cut above. That is what I am learning, studying, practicing to achieve despite being merely an occasional CD. I am improving, as my vacation last month showed. Two simple examples I described in my previous answer, I would not have considered a year ago. Maybe someday I will succeed. More likely, I will develop an improving style but never arrive.

[BrendaPDX]

Doc, Good question. You seem to ask questions that really make me think. Maybe more than I want to, but lets see. Why do I dress like I do? I always like to "present" like the "the girl next door" jeans and top, dresses, but I guess to look good (with out being ****tish, old fashion or prudish), skirts and blouses. Hugh... No answers here, maybe I am a little trans and just haven't faced it yet, hugh. Maybe I dress to look good just not great, or over the top. I don't know, it makes me feel good about myself. Kind of funny and probably not what you were looking for. "Get used to disappointment". I will be watching this thread. Brenda

[ellbee]

Can u CD's who don't identify as females explain why u feel the need to go out dressed everywhere yet don't want anyone to notice u?:eek:

I'll take a stab at this, if I may... :)


And I suppose I'm a good-enough candidate as any, as there have been phases in my life where I would consider myself as a CD'er.


Sometimes, as a CD'er? It's not about other people. It's not about being noticed in *any* kind of way, good or bad. It's not if you can see if you can "fool" someone, or if they end up treating you as a woman in some way.

Nope, it's about you. Wearing what you want. And just going about your daily business, like anyone else would. No one bats an eye. :battingeyelashes:


Maybe it's just something some of us of feel we need to do to really experience life how we want to?



As some of you may now be aware, these days I oftentimes wear a skirt & tights, in guy-mode, in public.

However, here's the catch, if there has to be one: I only do that in my large, multi-building apartment complex that I've lived in for a while now.


Going out like that, to like the grocery store & post office? Yeah, not happening. :laughing:

And why is that? Because I already know from similar prior experience that I'd be drawing way too much attention from way too many people -- when perhaps I just want to be left alone in my own thoughts & little world.


So, I keep it closer to home. Much more enjoyable that way, and it's turning out that it's definitely been the right path for me at this point in my life. :thumbsup:

[GretchenM]

I see in the responses that a lot of them eventually come back to personal preferences of a match between the way they feel and how they look. I am not certain you can actually separate CD from Trans by how they dress. The distinction comes from self concept and sense of self in the context of the environment in which they live. It appears that many do draw a distinction as to whether they are CD or Trans which presumes they do recognize a difference. And that is fine. But how does one tell the difference when you pass on the street? You really can't most of the time because the clothes each wear overlaps in expression so much with the vast diversity in female dressing. Perhaps in their mind there is a distinction but when you see someone there is no way to accurately identify how they conceptualize themselves. So, I think your question, although fundamentally fine, is a bit confusing as to what you mean by CD and Trans and how you separate the two when it comes to expression of each through dressing the part.

Perhaps the problem is where you say that Trans people are women inside which presumes CD's do not sense any femaleness inside. To me that makes no sense. First of all almost everybody's identity contains behavioral characteristics of the opposite sex - pure males and pure females are extremely rare in humans. Some have a lot of the traits of the opposite sex, others less, but almost everybody is a blend in terms of identity even though they are opposites in terms of anatomy. So, that initial motivation factor is critical to the expression in clothing. That motivation is derived from the concepts held in the brain that defines identity and those concepts have little to do with your anatomy. In fact, dressing hides your sexual anatomy to make it parallel with the primary decider which is the brain. It is a bit like trying to distinguish between a Transgender person and a Transexual person - for the most part Transexual has been merged into Transgender because nobody can really tell them apart. Pretty much the same thing is happening on the other end of the scale with CD and Transgender. They all tend to form a spectrum under the Transgender label, but the spectrum also tends to have bumps here and there when some show a bit more clustering than in other areas.

[closets]

Most people, including my guymode self, don't bother w/ how we look in casual settings. Cds don't get out as much and so we tend to over dress. Dressing is something I do for myself and nothing external. So I'm ok w being anonymous. Putting together a look, an outfit is the challenge. No one can deny the appeal of club wear, but if provocative is the goal, it can certainly be had without mini garb. Doc, you simply don't acknowledge casual fashion

[Geena75]

I have wondered at what "blending" really is. I have gone out in leggings and a top that covers my hips and butt, so I suppose that would be my blending look. I really don't do that much. I dress and go out for the experience, for a fun time. I like feeling feminine at such times, and a sweatshirt and jeans just won't do it for me. I prefer to wear nylon or tights with a dress or skirt. Conservative for me is the hemline down around the knee.

It is a strange mix in which I don't want to draw attention to myself, but I do like the concept of being seen and perhaps taken to be a woman at first glance (and maybe second or third). I guess I try to hit the happy medium of dressing pretty, but not so pretty as to get too long a look (I don't fool myself into thinking I pass). However, if I am getting out with other "ladies," I am more willing to wear something a bit more eye-catching. In that regard, I blend in with my companions.

[Genifer Teal]

I get the point that you want the pageant beauty feeling every time you go out. I challenge the fact that you may not feel the same in more typical clothes. You would be surprised how much fun it can be to just be out and about like everyone else. I suppose after a while it can get tiring and boring. Let me tell you from experience that's a long while. I will always respect the Privileges I've been granted regardless of whether I belong there or not. Acceptance never gets old.

[Simple pleasures]

Ive only ventured out a few times under cover of darkness. For decades my choice of outfit was only for wearing in the home and was to some extent controlled by what my wife was prepared to see me wear. In going outside my home en femme, I don’t want to stand out too much - certainly until my confidence grows. I therefore dress to fit in as much as I can with my presentation but that does not mean forgoing hosiery dresses and skirts. It does mean thinking about heel height though which as most on here will know is very different outside to inside.

[NancySue]

Great question. In thinking about it, I?m not really sure. Granted, I seldom go out, but when I do, I definitely dress to blend in which means no heels, hose makeup, etc. or wearing the things I?d really like to wear. Could it be part of the pink fog complex? I do underdress, hose, panties & bra daily, which is nice.

[Krisi]

Not all of us have a desire to be noticed and not all of us are willing to go through the hassle of being noticed as a crossdresser by those who may have an objection to men wearing women's clothes (and wigs and boobs).

For me, being seen by others as a normal woman is the goal. It's not hard to dress outlandishly and be noticed as a crossdresser. All you have to do is buy the clothes, put them on and walk out the door. It's much more of a challenge (for me, anyhow) to walk down the street or through the shopping mall as a woman and have people not notice that I am really a man dressed as a woman.

The bottom line of course is, we all get to do this crossdressing thing the way we want to do it. Your way is fine for you, my way is fine for me and other ways are fine for other crossdressers. As long as we don't do anything illegal or anything that hurts other people we have the freedom to do it our way.

[Majella St Gerard]

I am a part timer, I call it my Hobby. I under dress with panties 24/7 but I only dress on my days off from work. I work in a male dominated department, I work in security for a major time share company. Every other dept. is female dominate. I wear a uniform with a duty belt with radio, flashlight and other things, and I try to project an attitude and appearance that is unmistakably masculine and authoritative. I try to look the part. And I've gotten many compliments on my professional appearance. I use the same approach when cross dressing, I want to look the part. Dressing everyday doesn't fit into my life, it's way too much work to look the way I want on a daily basis. I don't have the time or desire to get up early and get dolled up before work, take it all off go to work and come home and transform again. I don't need that. Anyways, I'm NOT trans, I don't want to be a girl. I am a grown man playing dress up and make believe and I want to be the Princess not the scullery maid. Why anyone playing "dress up" would want to dress up like every other poorly dresses hausfrau is beyond me. The bar is set low so it's easy to stand out. As a man I get very little attention and cross dressing is my outlet. I want to be seen as an attractive middle aged woman that has style and great legs. I put effort into my outfit for the supermarket. I don't care if I'm clocked as long as I'm seen and treated as a woman, as long as I look good and can turn some heads. I like the attention, I'm sure a therapist would have a lot to say. That said, I do not wear club wear to the market but I do wear mini skirts, dresses, shorts, definitely somethings a younger woman might wear, but as long as I can pull it off reasonably well I'm gonna flaunt what I got. Rambling post over. lol.

Peace & Love
Gerri

[Dannigirl]

I guess for the same reason I don't dress elaborately in guy mode when I go out as well. I don't dress in flashy guy clothes so that sort of runs over to my female persona. Although I do find that I dress more "trendy" in female mode to go out than I do in male mode.

[docrobbysherry]

NOW we're getting down to the nitty gritty, ladies!:thumbsup:

Thank u all who responded recently. U helped clear up a lot of missunderstandings about my post. Special thanks those of u that can express themselves so much better than I!:o

I don't consider anyone who goes out dressed conservatively and fashionably to be "dressed to blend". In fact that is how I've tried to dress whenever I've had to go out dressed in Vanillaland during the day. What I consider "dressing to blend" to mean is; long, shapeless, unattractive, granny style clothing.:doh:
Let me emphasize, if you always go out looking and feeling attractive? My post is NOT about u!:battingeyelashes:
It's about those that go out intentionally knowing they look bad. I've personally have met a few T's like that!:sad:

And, I neglected to mention initially that with my ancient, male kisser, I can't pass even dressed like your granny! Thank u for those that pointed out that some CD's like to feel they pass, at least on occasion!:)

[Patience]

I was patiently drafting an elaborate, well-reasoned answer when it occurred to me that the simplest response is that I wear what I like and dress for myself, not others.

The tone and nature of your qustion, Sherry, suggest you're the opposite, in other words, that you apparently can't be bothered to crossdress unless you have an audience. Granted, most of your photo productions are actual productions, whereas I like to practice my crossdressing in public and tailor my outfits toward that goal. Being over 6' tall, I stand out enough already, no pun intended.

BTW, my pretty clothes don't have to be the prettiest in the world. They just have to be prettier than my guy clothes and that, they are. :D

[ellbee]

"BTW, my pretty clothes don't have to be the prettiest in the world. They just have to be prettier than my guy clothes and that, they are. :D "


:clap: :iagree: :clap:

[Jazzmin]

I dress to look good! So, dressing to blend is like a root canal!

Yeah, I dress to look good too, and I'm trans. 24/7.
However, 'dressing good' doesn't mean dressing like a Diva or a drag Queen!
I can look good in a skirt suit, slacks & a blazer, or jeans & a top. I (and no other woman!) needs to dress like a caricature of femininity to exist in the real world.

The problem that a lot of CD-er's have, is a fixation of how women should dress and act, according to the preferences and POV of the CD-er.

I'm NOT trying to be demeaning, it's just that y'all just don't seem to get it. BEING femme, and PLAYING at being femme are two entirely different things!

The OP wonders why anyone would dress to blend in.... WTH, If you were to attend a board meeting of your company, would you show up in an Hawaiian shirt & board shorts, or a 3 piece suit?

Defend your answer.

Women actually dress for other women, as a sign of status, and their place in the pecking order. A woman who shows up ar a black-tie affair in her PJ bottoms and T-shirt, will surely be talked about as much as the woman who shows up at Walmart in an evening gown and heels to do her grocery shopping!

[MonicaPVD]

There are times and situations for all kinds of looks. I frequently enjoy being out in Vanilla Land and just blending in. Other times I want to look flashy or provocative, and know that a lot of eyes will be on me. That's fun, too. My bottom line is that I want to put effort into looking good, whether it's intentionally blending or sticking out like a red flag. It's all good. You do you.

[docrobbysherry]

Patience, you've turned what I said upside down!:sad:

Like u, I dress for me, period. And, I don't like crowds dressed or not! That's why I get too stressed to dress out at vailla venues! I've found the Muggles out at bars and clubs to be MUCH MORE accepting and friendly!:thumbsup:


I dress to look good! So, dressing to blend is like a root canal!

Yeah, I dress to look good too, and I'm trans. 24/7.
However, 'dressing good' doesn't mean dressing like a Diva or a drag Queen!
I can look good in a skirt suit, slacks & a blazer, or jeans & a top. I (and no other woman!) needs to dress like a caricature of femininity to exist in the real world.

The problem that a lot of CD-er's have, is a fixation of how women should dress and act, according to the preferences and POV of the CD-er.

I'm NOT trying to be demeaning, it's just that y'all just don't seem to get it. BEING femme, and PLAYING at being femme are two entirely different things!

The OP wonders why anyone would dress to blend in.... WTH, If you were to attend a board meeting of your company, would you show up in an Hawaiian shirt & board shorts, or a 3 piece suit?

Defend your answer.

Women actually dress for other women, as a sign of status, and their place in the pecking order. A woman who shows up ar a black-tie affair in her PJ bottoms and T-shirt, will surely be talked about as much as the woman who shows up at Walmart in an evening gown and heels to do her grocery shopping!

Wow, Jazzman! I don't know where to start with u because you're all over the map!:eek:

Where have a EVER said I or other CD's should, or want to dress, like DIVA's or drag queens? Neither I nor my T friends do that!:thumbsdn:
For the most part we try to dress like stylish, attractive women. Altho, we usually out glam most of the GG's in the clubs!:daydreaming:

Then, u complain about people having a fixation about how women should dress. Rite after which u expressed your own fixation about CD's!:doh:

Please explain how we can tell who is "playing" fem and who is "being" fem? Or, must we ask u in each case for the correct answer?:straightface:

I must be really dumb. Because your comment about comparing someone who dresses in their boardroom and dressing to blend went over my head.:eek:
But, since I'm involved with surf apparel industry on the West Coast, I can confirm that anyone showing up in a boardroom here in a 3 piece suit would be laffed out of that meeting!:tongueout

U conclude by saying women dress for women. A comment u stated as if it's fact. But which has been disputed on post after post rite here on CD.com!:straightface:

Maybe that means u dress for other trans? There maybe other T's who dress for each other, too. But, as for me and my T friends, we try to present as attractive women to please ourselves first and foremost!:battingeyelashes:

[Debs]

Jazzmin I disagree with this "it's just that y'all just don't seem to get it. BEING femme, and PLAYING at being femme are two entirely different things!". Some of us would love to be femme all the time but have wifes and family to consider, I have to consider my wifes feelings about me dressing, yes I can dress when ever I want, but a couple of rules that I have agreed with my wife stops me being full time. She doesnt want the neighbours to see me dressed and she doesnt want our daughter to see me dressed, so I dress 90% of the time, so I respect these requests. But when I do dress especially when I go out I dont play at being femme I actually feel femme and wish with all my heart I could go full time, and maybe one day I will if my circumstances ever change, I do take it seriously and dont feel in anyway Im playing at it.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sherry,

"Dressing to blend" doesn't mean wearing things that aren't stylish or fashionable. In fact being scruffily dressed is as likely to single you out as killer heels and a micro skirt in a supermarket.

It's wearing what a lot of GG's would feel comfortable wearing.

You've alluded to feeling uncomfortable with your appearance when out in the general population and confine yourself to clubs and bars, which is fine, that's your choice.

As I type this it's getting towards mid morning. The SO is sat in bed knitting, listening to the radio, I've been downstairs tidying the kitchen and making her breakfast in bed. As we sleep separately I can get dressed into my femme attire as soon as I get up. So, hose, knickers, simple patterned skirt, bra, forms, cammi, scoop neck tee and waterfall cardi.

This is the sort of attire so many women will be also wearing and I could not feel more comfortable while dressed this way. It may not be glamorous but if I were to put on a wig, makeup etc. then I wouldn't look out of place shopping for groceries.

It connects me to the other half of the population. It's not just about the clothes, it's also about feeling femme, being part of that girl's club.

I derive a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction from bing able to move around in the big wide world. To do things GG's do and to do it without drawing attention to myself. Doesn't mean to say that what I'm wearing isn't well tailored, smart and well matched. It works for the time and place allowing me to spent all day enfemme so I'll take that.

[Cheryl T]

I never wear "plain homely clothes" be it at home or in public.
As for how I dress myself it's usually to fit the venue and activity. I'm not one to be a WalMartian. I'm not going shopping to Target or Walmart in a short skirt, tight blouse, black seamed hose and 3" strappy sandals. That's not ever how I have wanted to be.
All throughout my decades of dressing I have always just wanted to be seen as another woman doing whatever I'm doing.

[Maid_Marion]

I dress appropriately when I go out. I'll often shave and wear a little lipstick as part of my dressing.
These days it doesn't take much time to get ready unless I'm trying something new.

I usually get noticed, which is the result of four things.
I have an hourglass figure and a BMI of 20, which means I'm on the borderline of being too thin.
I look young for my age, which puts me on the other side of being old enough to be invisible.
I tend to smile a lot. I see no reason to change that.

Well, four things. The most attractive looking people attract attention and fewer and fewer people look better than I do these days.

Marion

[Jazzmin]

Jazzmin I disagree with this "it's just that y'all just don't seem to get it. BEING femme, and PLAYING at being femme are two entirely different things!". Some of us would love to be femme all the time but have wifes and family to consider, I have to consider my wifes feelings about me dressing, yes I can dress when ever I want, but a couple of rules that I have agreed with my wife stops me being full time. She doesnt want the neighbours to see me dressed and she doesnt want our daughter to see me dressed, so I dress 90% of the time, so I respect these requests. But when I do dress especially when I go out I dont play at being femme I actually feel femme and wish with all my heart I could go full time, and maybe one day I will if my circumstances ever change, I do take it seriously and dont feel in anyway Im playing at it.

Debs, believe me, I can fully understand and relate to your situation. When I was married, and trying to be the man everyone thought I was, I realized that it wasn't the clothes that defined me, dressing femme DIDN'T give me any kind of sensual thrill, it just felt right. And I limited my dressing to the times that I was absolutely, positively alone, so as not to disturb my wife or my daughter.

But my feelings about myself went far deeper than just clothes. And it wasn't the physical junk between my legs that defined my gender or identity!

[Jessica Secret]

I'm closeted but I'm with Doc if I did go out I would definitely dress to look good as opposed to simply blending in.

[sara66]

I spend too much time and money looking pretty just to stay home. I am very much an introvert and hate any attention.
Sara

[audreyinalbany]

I guess I like and admire women...not necessarily overly sexualized 'hot' women ( Like them too) but just normal down-to-earth everyday women and in a sense, when I dress I like to emulate the women I see out in the world and the women that I personally know and like. To me, dressing as an overly sexualized female is kind of contrary to the things I admire about women. I don't have any super hot women in my world or on my radar.

[NjJamie]

When I go out, my goal is to be out and about as if I was a woman, to the max extent possible. I usually try for what I'll call "classy casual", a nicer outfit than most of the women are wearing in a mall or supermarket, very femme but not flashy. I choose that because I like wearing the clothing and how it makes me look and feel, if I'm not heading out I'm very likely to look more "over the top", call it sexier but there would be zero chance that I would not attract much more attention than my skills can handle.


If I was headed to a club or other gathering, something more appropriate such as a fancier dress and heels would make sense. I will admit to dressing way over the norm in my earlier days, once wore a hot pink wrap around dress with white stockings and 4" pumps to a mall in the early afternoon, I enjoyed the whole outfit but it was way out of place! Sometime in the past few years I learned that nice pants and a well coordinated top and shoes allowed for incredible freedom, for the most part no one ever really looks twice except if I have a direct and close contact. Even then they have been all friendly, can say I have never had a rude comment or look sent my way and I'm 5'10, 260 or so.

Would I like to be the best dressed or fanciest in a crowd? Not if it would attract enough attention so that those looking would be able to see me as a guy in a dress. I have been lucky enough to have more than a few chances to wait on line to pick up an order at a JCP and have the women next to me start a casual conversation, so I would say I dressed well enough to not cause any bad reaction or have them ignore me.

We should all try to figure out what our goals are and dress for the best result, I think that we AND the general public would be much more at ease with the results.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u, NJ and other recent posters.:hugs:
For getting this thread back on track by discussing in depth your personal dressing and reasons for it!:thumbsup:

Rather than preaching and/or spouting opinions about other dressers!:thumbsdn:

[Melanie Therese]

I wear female shorts 90% of the time in summer but denim or plain short that you wouldn?t consider exclusively female. I wear pantries daily and sometimes a bra when I?m not with my wife although she knows.
As for dresses I don?t have the body or face so I would be instantly identified MAID and don?t really like the look but do have a dress for home, just since Covid there is probably someone else home everyday.
I used to do the occasional interstate road trip on my own (Australia it?s a full day drive) and for this would often be a denim skirt and femme top but just not super obvious.

[Denice]

I definitely prefer to blend. Or at least keep them guessing

[RoxieGrl]

For me, it would depend on where and when I was dressed up. If I was just going shopping, or to the MallWart, I would want more to blend in. If I was going to a club on some night, I would definitely want to stand out a little more. But that's just me.

[Krisi]

I don't consider anyone who goes out dressed conservatively and fashionably to be "dressed to blend". In fact that is how I've tried to dress whenever I've had to go out dressed in Vanillaland during the day. What I consider "dressing to blend" to mean is; long, shapeless, unattractive, granny style clothing.

If we are to have a meaningful discussion on this, we have to agree on terms.

"Dressing to blend" means dressing the way real women dress for the time and place. Nothing more, nothing less. As far as the term "granny style clothing", keep in mind that many women are grandmothers in their forties or even late thirties. They are not all wearing shapeless, unattractive clothing.

Those of us who aren't out trying to call attention to ourselves will dress to blend in with the other women. We are not looking for people to stare at us, call attention to us or snap photos of us. If we spend a few hours out in public as a woman and return home without anyone noticing us, we have met our goal.

[docrobbysherry]

Most of the younger women where I live, Krisi, in SoCal, tend to dress in loose, unflattering, sloppy outfits. I would never enjoy going out dressed like that!:doh:

Can we at least agree that dressing to blend means wearing clothes that don't flatter a woman's, or trans, sexy fem figure?:thumbsdn:

[closets]

No doc, that is wrong. Just because some don't care about how they look on errands, etc. doesn't make all casual wear bad. Poor dressing is just poor dressing.

[docrobbysherry]

Closets, I was hoping to discuss dressing to blend here. NOT badly dressed women or T's!:heehee:

[kimmy p]

Because the few times that I actually make it out in public, I want to be taken as a female. And with VERY few exceptions most of us don't pass under closer observation. I can barely pass when people do their own self absorbed daily routines. But if I dressed to the nines, always wore high heels, stockings,,, etc that helped me to stand out.... then I get tagged and read. Ruins much of the mood for me.

[MonicaPVD]

Most working poor and middle class women in the continental United States of America dress like they rolled out of bed a half hour ago. Fact. Which is why a CD dressed to the nines sticks out like a sore thumb. Go to the mall, to Target, to Walmart and try to find a woman wearing heels. I DARE YOU. GOOD LUCK.


Most of the younger women where I live, Krisi, in SoCal, tend to dress in loose, unflattering, sloppy outfits. I would never enjoy going out dressed like that!:doh:

Can we at least agree that dressing to blend means wearing clothes that don't flatter a woman's, or trans, sexy fem figure?:thumbsdn:

[Jazzmin]

Can we at least agree that dressing to blend means wearing clothes that don't flatter a woman's, or trans, sexy fem figure?:thumbsdn:

No. You are trying to re-define a term that has already been defined.

YOU choose to stand out, above and beyond the norm. Good for you, enjoy! But, despite your opinion, 'dressing to blend', does NOT mean to dress slovenly. Yes, I agree that many folk, both male & female, dress poorly; that is on them, for lacking in any kind of self-respect (IMO).

To each their own.

[Krisi]

Most of the younger women where I live, Krisi, in SoCal, tend to dress in loose, unflattering, sloppy outfits. I would never enjoy going out dressed like that!:doh:

Can we at least agree that dressing to blend means wearing clothes that don't flatter a woman's, or trans, sexy fem figure?:thumbsdn:

No. "Dressing to blend" means dressing as a woman would dress for the time and place. Few women get all dolled up to go to the grocery store or shop. Many women, of course, are working jobs that require practical attire.

If a woman is strutting around in a short, tight fitting dress and high heels at the grocery store, she is not dressing to blend. Same for a crossdresser.

[Joanne108]

I dress to blend in because I love the way women look. I like the day to day look that some women wear at work. I am not trying to blend in it is the style I like.

[ellbee]

"Dressing to blend" means dressing the way real women dress for the time and place. Nothing more, nothing less.

Quick little real-world example?


The other day I decided to go for a walk around my apartment complex & then further out into the surrounding neighborhood. I was already wearing a full women's outfit. As a guy (no wig/makeup/fake boobs/etc.).

Did I mention this was in broad daylight during the afternoon? :wave2:


Anyway, I've kind of found & settled into my cold-weather styles. For my walk? Leggings, running shoes, hoodie, fitted femmy puffer-coat, winter hat.

Yeah, pretty much look like a GG from below the neck, more or less, with no padding or anything, mind you. Hat & hood take care of the rest.

Basic-Bitch, Winter Edition! :laughing:


And during this walk of mine, I saw/passed by a total of 4 GG's smiling, saying hi -- all wearing, guess what? An outfit similar to mine! :GD:

They knew I was a guy. And they knew what I was wearing.


Aside from perhaps a very brief, "Oh, wait... That's a biological male!" look on their face? They truly didn't outwardly care.

Now, whether the pair who was together might have briefly discussed me afterwards, once I was out of ear-shot? Who knows, who cares. Hopefully something positive, anyway? :p



Bottom line? They didn't care. One reason being? I looked "normal." I didn't look out of place. Heck, they were wearing & doing pretty much the same thing! :roflmao:

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u for that excellent example, Elbee. As u explained, u were not dressed very fem and neither do the women where u live. And, pretty much like Krisi does, u seem quite content to dress that way. And, much like most trans, others here appear to also.:thumbsup:

But, that's a big difference between trans and CD's and a point of my thread. Trans r quite happy to simply present in women's clothing because they r complelled to.:battingeyelashes:

While I and many other CDs don't see the point in dressing at all if we can't see an overtly attractive, fem, woman in our mirror!:daydreaming:
Which is why I find "dressing to blend" the way u and Krisi defined it so distasteful!:thumbsdn:

[ellbee]

Well, I suppose sometimes femininity can be in the eye of the beholder? :strugglin

Personally, I consider all 5 of us walkers to have looked feminine that day -- with me coming in last place, obviously. :sad: :laughing:

Still got a participation trophy, though! :D :thumbsup:


Keep in mind, these are real-world GG's (and me! :heehee: ) who are actively doing something physical as part of their regular everyday lives. There are practical & also aesthetic reasons why we wear what we do. The outfit has a specific purpose, assigned to the task at hand.


Remember, femininity comes in many wonderful flavors! :battingeyelashes:

[Krisi]

Thank u for that excellent example, Elbee. As u explained, u were not dressed very fem and neither do the women where u live. And, pretty much like Krisi does, u seem quite content to dress that way. And, much like most trans, others here appear to also.:thumbsup:

But, that's a big difference between trans and CD's and a point of my thread. Trans r quite happy to simply present in women's clothing because they r complelled to.:battingeyelashes:

While I and many other CDs don't see the point in dressing at all if we can't see an overtly attractive, fem, woman in our mirror!:daydreaming:
Which is why I find "dressing to blend" the way u and Krisi defined it so distasteful!:thumbsdn:

I have tried to explain to you that dressing to blend doesn't mean that one is "trans". Please try to understand that.

As for dressing to blend being "distasteful", that's a bit hard for me to understand, but I have no control over your tastes. I do think you should try to be more tolerant of how others do their crossdressing. I would say wearing a full body suit and a mask is in the minority here, but I understand that this is your way of crossdressing and it's OK with me.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u for correcting me, Krisi! Altho, I'm not exactly sure what u think I said wrong?:straightface:

Now, I need to correct u! While I wear a large array of various breast appliances when out, I only wear full suits at home for photos and out to costume events like Halloween!:heehee:

And, I rarely ever wear masks during my regular outings. Except for a few minutes to take photos. Unfortunately, most T's r as mask phobic as Muggles r!:sad:

Altho, I WOULD wear masks everywhere if I could. Because for me they r like make up and wig to regular CD's!:battingeyelashes:

[Jazzmin]

I'm finding it hilariously ironic that someone who is so critical and disdainful of the way that others present in public, gets so very defensive when her choice of dress is called out!

I get that many CD's are flamboyant and extroverted, and I really don't have issue with it, enjoy the rush! What I don't understand is why they get their knickers in a twist, because other folk prefer other forms of presentation.

It's really rather simple: Some CD's just want to experience being women in day-to-day life; and some want to project their idea of the 'perfect woman' or be the center of attention.

It's all good, whatever floats your boat.

[Melanie Sykes]

But, if u identify as a CD and a long time dresser? What's the thrill of dressing in plain, homely, clothes u don't feel pretty in when u go out?:daydreaming:

Ok, trans do this because they r women inside and dress as women all the time. I totally get that. But, what about us MIAD's? CD's don't need to dress up all the time.:battingeyelashes:

I dress to look good! So, dressing to blend is like a root canal!:doh:
As I have no compulsion to dress every day I much prefer to visit vanilla venues in drab. No hassles, embarrassing situations, or distractions!:)

Can u CD's who don't identify as females explain why u feel the need to go out dressed everywhere yet don't want anyone to notice u?:eek:

Good question Doc :-) I dress for the way it makes me *feel*, not the way I look, which is lucky because when dressed I'll always look faintly ridiculous with my height, broad shoulders, big hands and no waist. A big part of my motivation is the tactile and taboo nature of women's clothing: I want to feel what a woman feels in her clothes when she goes about her daily business. As a man, I'll never know how it feels to *be* a woman, but I can feel a skirt blowing around my legs in the breeze, the tight hug of a bra, or the cool around my ankles in a pair of cropped jeans. I happen to be of the opinion that men have the beauty of a cardboard box while, in contrast, women are beautiful in whatever they're wearing (I suppose there are *some* limits). So, whilst I prefer to wear smart, pretty clothes, I don't have to be dressed up like Cinderella to thoroughly enjoy myself when dressed. I'm just as happy to be in a smart pair of flat loafers as I am to be in a pair of black patent heels.

This all means that the majority of the times I venture out in public I enjoy myself for what I'm wearing and feeling, not because of any attention it may bring. I don't like attention when in fem mode, especially these days when attention is closely followed by a smartphone camera. Most of the time I aim for "well put together", but not standing out in any way. At 6'5" this means heels are a no-no unless I'm feeling particularly hedonistic.

In sum, give me femme clothing *any* time rather than drab, even if it is just jeans, flats and a plain top. Being able to have that wonderful feeling while not being stared at is a very good return on my emotional investment.

[Ressie]

I guess I'm somewhere in between. I always wear a blonde wig which gets attention but that isn't my intent. I'll probably wear denim pants this weekend just because it's gonna be too cold to wear a dress or skirt. It's not a matter of blending, yet I'm not trying to get tons of attention either. Some of my friends wear shorter skirts or glam out more than I do. It's a matter of what one is comfortable with IMO.

[docrobbysherry]

Melanie, thanks for explaining so well! Not only does that help me understand why u dress the way u do? That even tho we dress differently, I can relate to much of what u said.
I think we ALL enjoy the very different feel of women's clothes.:battingeyelashes:

And, u and I both dislike the unwanted attention we draw when dressed. Me so much I stopped dressing to vanilla venues altogether!:thumbsdn: